Thinking of Becoming a Foster Parent but I Have Some Questions

There are TONS of rules about fostering, I know, I did it for 7 years! But the biggest one in the state of Ca that I think would effect you right now is that you may only have two children in the same room. And if the children (either one) is over the age of 5 they must be the same gender. Also, the only child that may share a room with the parents is a biological child under the age of 2.

Feel free to email me if you have more questions :)

Hi S.,

My friend is involved in "mentoring" foster kids. She is around your age and has been doing it for some time. You can mentor small kids all the way up... There is a big benefit to this as you basically keep in contact, do stuff, etc. throughout the childs life. And you are VERY important to their wellbeing. You would be the one stable situation in the fostercare world. It is a very big deal. If you are interested in something like this, send me an email and I'll provide you the information on it.

I was a foster parent of a family of four siblings, who were always considered our own children. We raised them to adulthood. However, I must tell you that foster care departments can have very strict rules about where they sleep, etc. In Orange County, they were required to have separate bedrooms, and we managed it by having our three "little kids" -- our natural children, all share a room while the older "big kids" -- the foster children, each had a separate room. Also, I know they would not approve of a teen girl and boy sharing a room, and adding another child to the mix would not be approved, I'm sure. It's tough because you sound as if you would be a great parent, but foster children do often come with a host of problems. Even if there are no other issues, just losing your parents is traumatic. All the logic in the world does not make it easy for adopted/foster children to accept that their own parents either cannot or will not raise them. They blame themselves and that causes problems. Having a child with problems in such close quarters with two teens just may not work, even if it is allowed.

S. Toji

It is wonderful that you are thinking of doing this. However, you have two teenagers who need your love and attention. If you become a foster parent, you will need to devote most of your time to the foster child. Your own children may not get much of your time if this happens. If you are insistent on doing this, please try to wait a few years until your own children are out of the house. That way, you will know that you gave raising them your all. Your children need you more than you know. I think in the meantime, you can babysit for friends to still be around young children.

I applaud your kindness but I would not even consider this until you've discussed it with your kids. They may not care, but if there is any ambivalence you might want to wait until they move out. This is going to majorly impact their day to day life. Good luck.

Hello S. T-
I am not to sure of the rules of being a foster parent. There is a foster parent agency called Walden Family Services. Their website is www.waldenfamily.org

I hope that this helps answer any of your questions.

S.

S.,

Have you asked yoru two teenage kids how they would feel having to share their home with unfamiliar children who probably had either been abused or who come from unfit homes? The reason I ask is because I was a foster child when I was 13. I am 42 now, with my own son. My foster parents of a week had two kids of their own (a boy and a girl, the same age as your kids) and although they were used to kids of all ages coming and going as foster kids, the little girl stole from me the one thing I had brought with me as a foster child..a small haircomb. Her mother later found it hidden in her drawer. Looking back, I think she was not happy to have to share with other kids. My foster parents were nice people but when you are a foster child you feel so lost and scared being with strangers and not knowing what is going to happen to you or if you will ever see your real family again (or, fearing that you will be back with them). I just think you should really check with your kids and read between the lines of what they say.

Foster children have to have ther own rooms.

There are rules about the size of you home. There is a rule in many states that only two children (people)per room. You can speak more with the company to find out what their criteria is and ask for a copy of their rules and regulations to find out exactly what your home needs for approval.

J.

I'm no expert on fostering children, but i highly doupt that they would let you foster a child when you have no room for him or her. Just because you "want" to foster doesn't mean that your situation would allow it. I'm sure your children have plenty of love to share, but, you need to be able to accomidate another child in the house.
Good luck!

Think again and check into Child Protective Services and Foster Parents. I tried that about 20 years ago so rules may have changed. I was single with a large 2 bedroom home and the rules to become a foster parent was unbelievable. They were not interested in the love and care you could give them - each had to have their own room and taking to doctor was a problem, parental visitation was necessary...paperwork was beyond belief! Foster Care and any other state or government organization is not interested in anything but money....Love and God Bless...Tillie

I was a teen mom of a baby boy. when he was 13 months old we were placed in foster care. the foster parents had a biological son and daughter. I was heartbroken that since my baby was a boy he was required to share a room with the son and i with their daughter. i also think they would have a big problem with your children being in the same room since they are different sexes. i think your best bet is to wait until you have more rooms. i think you might open a huge can of worms for yourself by letting them know that your son and daughter share a room.

Hi S., Becomeing a Foster Parent is very commendable, one problem they will most likely have is the ages of your son and daughter sharing a room, if they were both girls or both boys, not a problem, they re at the age where they need privacy, and then you are talking about putting a younger child in there with them. I don't know all the rules, but I know when we first moved to Navy Housing once a child turned 5 leagaly they could not share a room with the oppesite sex sibling, in the apartment complex where one of my friends were living CPS told her that her to young sons, could not room with her teenage daughter, this is something you may want to look in to, rules/laws change all the time, there's one more thing to think about, is once your teens are grown, then you and your husband have fewer responsibilities and can focuss more on each other. My husband and i used to talk about being foster parents, but we came to the conclusion that after raising our 3 kids, it needed to be our time, your's and your husband's ages can be a consideration depending on how old you are, for us we were looking at the year our daughter ( 3rd child ) turned 18 was the year that I turned 50 and my husband turned 51, and for us we didn't want to be raising kids at those ages, we have so much time for each other now, and were going on 28 years of marriage. I beleive if there is room in the heart there is room in the home, you may want to try and find a 3 bedroom, so you can give your teens their own rooms, being the opposite sex, before looking into the foster parenting, just a suggestion, I'm sure you will get a lot more feed back, I'm just going by what I have learned as a Day Care provider, having some of my families dealing with CPS issues. J. L.

S.,

I'm asking looking into and thinking about adopting through foster care. I spoke with a lady from the adoption agency that I would go though and because we have a two bedroom house, we would only be able to adopt a girl, since we already have a daughter.

Unfortunately, I think that you would have to have another bedroom, to separate your kids out. I don't know what the age limit is on how older the older kids can be.

I believe that you could have a foster child under the age of two or 18 months be in a crib in your bedroom, but after that age, they would have to more to a bedroom door and a closet.

K.

My cousin and his wife were foster parents. The ended up adopting one of the children they cared for and now no longer do foster care of other children.

So, as best as I can remember without being an expert or having personal experience (in other words, don't take my feedback as gospel) is that you have to be prepared with a bed and/or crib so that if you get a call at a moments notice you are prepared. My cousin purchased a pack-n-play to use as the crib, but it could be stored away when not in use.

My cousin also had a very small 2-bedroom home and they already had a pre-teen son. It was okay that the foster child share the bedroom, however, it had to be with a child of the same gender. In other words, they could not foster a girl because they did not have dedicated, private space for a girl.

This is where I think you might have trouble. Your son and daughter share a room. You would have to be able to seperate the genders.

I commend you for your desire. The world needs more people like you willing to help out others. I wish you all the best!

Hi S.
I think you have gotten a lot of great advice. Becoming a foster parent is a very big step but also it is very rewarding. If you have not already looked into this more after reading your responses; Please feel free to e-mail me or give me a call.
I am a foster care social worker and work for a private agency. I work with Orange County DCFS also. On the bottom is my contact info and here is my organizations e-mail address. Goog Luck to you and hope to talk with you if you have any questions.
About me I am a mother of two younge boys age 9 and 5!
Childnet.net
Dina-Rae D., Social Worker
____@____.com
Foster Family Network
###-###-####

Contact the social services offices in the county you reside in. (Most foster children are legal wards of the county, and must reside within county limits.) Laws also vary from state to state (we're in Nevada) and county to county. But, as you've already learned, there are certain constants, and virtually no agency will approve a placement with a child in a room with a child of the opposite gender, or a placement with a small child in a room with a teen. You also cannot have the child in your room or a living area of the house. (They must have thier own bed, as well, never a shared bed.)

I've been a foster parent, and despite all the problems (and there will be problems!) I recommend it to anyone who feels they have the stamina and flexibility. With both of your own kids being teens, it won't be long until they're off at college. That might be the perfect time to open your house and heart to foster children. Maybe this (very worthwhile) dream needs to wait a few years before it comes true. Good luck!

You sound like such a wonderful person but a few things come to mind. My husband and I were foster parents back in Pennsylvania, but I don't recall any restrictions on the size of your home. But the red flag comes up for me because I do wonder how your teens (who can already be tough customers) will handle the stress. When I say stress I mean that you need to realize that these kids come to you in great need & personal struggle and turmoil. When I first had a 5 year old girl, the first night she wouldn't let anyone near her and sat in the corner of her bedroom and screamed & cried. It was very difficult, and we did not have any kids. All I'm saying is to think about how that is going to fly with your children who are just in the midst of trying to find THEMSELVES. It's great that they are willing to help other less fortunate kids. They ultimately w/b a wonderful help, but it could be a difficult journey. Also, I have found with the kids I had, that because they are used to NOT being able to count on adults, they have huge trust issues. There's just a lot to deal with, so please be ready for that. But love conquers ALL.
M.

There are definitely rules on how many kids per room etc. If you can manage it go for it!! God Bless You.

Yes, you would need to be in a different house. For foster care the max is two children per room, and boys and girls cannot share a room. I think they would frown on a preschooler or toddler sharing a room with a teenager, too. And no one (even your kids) can sleep in a place that isn't really a bedroom, does not have a door, or is used as a pass through to another room. An infant under two years old can sleep in a crib in the parent's bedroom, but must move to their own room when they are two, and have a full sized crib to sleep in. Call 1-800 655-KIDS which is the Riverside County Foster/Adoption Family Resource program to get a packet that will have all the rules and tell you when the next orientation is. It is usually a Saturday, and both husband and wife must attend. I think they are held the first Saturday of each month or every other month. The only exeption to the rule is if the person doesn't really live there, (such as a child who lives at college), and is only home ten days a year or something like that. Good luck. Our little angel has been a blessing. Of course, the occupational hazard is, you won't want to give them up and will end up adopting like we did. But it is worth it.

It really takes a special person to open their home.I think it's wonderful! Keep your eyes open while reading the paper... Often I see ads for informational days schedualed for intrested/potential foster parents to come ask questions and learn. That may be a great place to start. No pressure, meet others that are just starting out with it and find out what you and your family need to do to be able to foster. It's not easy but it's worth it. Best of luck to you and may your blessings multiply to match your huge heart. Take care!

S.,

There are rules about how much room a foster child needs in a home and where he/she may sleep. If you're really considering fostering a child here in Los Angeles County you can contact the Department of Children and Family Services (located in the gov't sectin of your phone book) to find out more. Also, you may contact some of the several dozen Foster Family Agencies that contract with the county to provide foster parents to the foster children supervised by the county. These are generally listed in the yellow pages under Adoption, children, etc. Also, they take out ads all the time in the LA Parent Magazine and in the Penny Saver. Contact one of them and they can tell you more.

Good luck and I hope you're able to extend your love to needy children here in L.A.

B. D.