Feedback for Blended Family Issue

I have to say that although I agree with you, unless you and your man agree on this one, you cant really win. I would look at this as the footstool in resolving issues together. Whatever you and he decide together, the kids will abide by, but if the two of you are divided, no one will win. If the two of you cant come to a resolution that you both can easily live with, I would notice the red flags in this relationship. I am not saying it will be easy to find an agreeable answer, but working it out together is essential for the health of your relationship and family. Find a mediator or counselor who can help the two of you work on your communication and relationship. Peace to all of you.

(You might want to consider renting out that space so it is not available! ha)

In my opinion your 15 year old is going to be living (time wise as well as years) in that room for much longer than the other 2. Unfortunately when you blend a family, there has to be comprimise. These children are just using that guilt that he has for not being with them all the time to stir things up. Children, even older ones, will push you just to see how far they can go. Personally they are old enough to understand logic. So let them know that logically the 15 year old should have the room, first of all because they have rooms somewhere else and next year they both will be in college and not staying there much at all. If they want to share a room that is certanly up to them, but they need to understand that they are adults and should start acting like it. There is no reason that they need to shake things up like that. They can have their pick of rooms, but that one has already been chosen.

Honestly his kids are being a little selfish. If they don't live there full time there is no reason for them to have that room. Your fiance needs to understand that too. He needs to realize that the 23 year old will be graduating soon and probably getting married or his own apartment and the 17 year old must be the baby and spoiled but your kids that live there 100% should have the first choice and since its not like they are all sharing one room when everyone is there they need to get over it and stop being brats... i know after my sisters went off to college the kids at home had choices of rooms and they never complained since they still had a room for themselves. This seems like the dad need to speak up and talk to his kids and explain the situation and if they don't like it owell. They are old enough to have there own stuff now and then they can sleep whereever they want.

Your 15 yr. old daughter that lives there full-time deserves the room; not children that are every other month visitors. I agree that his children need to grow up and quit acting so spoiled. They are lucky to have a room(s) to sleep in when they visit seeing as I had to sleep in a sleeping bag on the living room floor when i visited my father every other weekend. If they have unconditional love for their father, they would visit for visiting sake and not care where they sacked out.

Dear M.,

My heart goes out to you because I have a blended family as well. You're correct, it comes down to fareness and logic. I believe no matter whos child it is the one that spends the most time there should get the larger room with the bathroom. We don't have an extra bathroom, however my son who lives with us fulltime has the larger room. It only makes sense as all of their things are in your home. The kids that arn't there fulltime don't have as much there, and it also gives the fifteen year old some independence of her own. I would recommend having a family meeting so that there aren't any hard feelings. First of all you need to get your fiance to be on the same page as you. The kids are the kids and you are the parent's if you two make the decision together it is going to work much better. I believe this is an adult decision not a childs.

As someone who dealt with divorce issues as a child and currently works with children, I applaud you for your sensitivity and willingness to consider all sides of this issue. What seems like the biggest issue to me is that it's not really appropriate for teenage brothers and sisters to share the same room if there are other options available. Could the room perhaps be used as a study or game room for all the kids to enjoy? I would try to come up with a solution where no one feels left out or slighted - your efforts in this area will likely be well-rewarded.

L. C.

At first i agreed with you, it makes sense but... this new room would make a wonderful movie room! that way everyone gets to utilize it. sleepovers, 2 couches that become beds for the older siblings to share when they are both there, plus a few aero beds for the 3 or 4 college friends that come home with them, which does happen. Make everyone feel good. This way you don't even have to hear that disney movie in the room with your 6 year old. The best part is the toys that stay in there and don't get strewn all over the house. if the older kids feel thrown by this, set up one of the extra rooms as a library/study with a daybed and computer in it.

Hold your ground on this issue...keep your daughter in "her bedroom". And then stand by for many more issues to come and be ready to deal with them in a rational and unemotional manner.

Been here done this and so much more for many years. It's only the begining and things like this should not be an issue, it should be automatic.

Tell your fiance to pretend the 15 year old was infact his daughter... take the step child out of the picture. What would he do then? Of course he would give her the bedroom!

Good luck
B.

it would be rather dumb to let this room lay empty except the very few days the older kids are "home"
the 15 y/o should use the room and seeing that the older kids are not sleeping n a couch when they get there I see no problem but if there was then tough
the older child is an adult for all practical purposes he would have had his room turned into a den in his parents home anyhow.
I do believe this is their way of driving the step mom crazy and it seems to be working.
your 15 y/o should have that room and the discussion of the kids having it should be case closed.
this is not a matter of favoritism just pure logic. the older cildren should be happy that Dad is able to provide a bedroom for their visits when they visit so infrequently. they are not sleeping on a couch LOL

make up "their room" somewhat special and possibly for an added bonus lock the door while they are not there so they know the room is actually theirs.that way your kids are not in their room.

The 17y/o & 23y/o, who only visit every 4-6 weeks are up set because they would have thier own rooms instead of sharing a room?!?! Tell them to grow up and stop whinning. Who's house are you living in? If it's is yours or you share it with your him then let the 15 y/o have the room. If it's his house then maybe you could make it a guest room and let none of them have it.