My Son Is a Bad-tempered Boy

do you mean specific snack or is it because he's hungry? active babies eat often. What would you rather him do than play? does he nap?

My son is 6 and was the same way starting at one. I wish I had not given in to him when he was small and so cute. I had to pay the price later with lots of discipline. Don't do it! Be more of a harda** and do not let him always get his way.Let him cry. He will learn. Trust me, this will be helpful later when he is older and really trying to manipulate you!

You've trained him, this is the routine, he asks for something, you say no, he cries, you say no, he cries more until you say yes. That's his reality that's what you have TAUGHT him to dol You don't have a bad tempered boy, you have a one year old like every other one year old, but you have little tolerance for his yelling and fussing. You've created a difficult sit uation and you need to put some effort into changes. Parenting IS hard work and you need to start now, think what it will be like when he wants to skio school, ignore homework, borrow your car and stay out all night - you think a little crying is bad?? what kind of hell will he put you through as a teenager!! I also agree with those who said redirect, Keep him busy with short trips to playground, playtime inside, playtime in the back yard, etc. Try to make sure he never gets over tired that will trigger tantrums. Put out a water bottle he can assess any time he wants so he's never actually thirsty and then NO MORE juice at all. Give him HEALTHY snacks throughout the day, at one year his tummy is so small I wouldnt waste that space with any cookies or treats, unless it is a special holiday, visit to Grandmom's, long car ride, party etc. Good luck with the new routine it will be hard work for a little while but then you will have a sweetie pie to brag about! So worth the effort !

Your child is not mean tempered he's frustrated that he cannot speak and tell you what he wants or how he feels.
Start talking to him about everything. No silent half hour. Talk to him and his speech will begin. Boys do talk later than girls so it's practice, practice, practice. Repeat what you've asked him several different ways. " Do you want to wear this red hat. Is the red one the one you like?" If he reaches for it you know he likes it and if not present another one with some descriptive words about it.
Play word games with him like rhymes and sing songs and read him Cat in the Hat and other books with lots of words that are repeated. Teach him songs to sing and you will have a well tempered boy.
Also once he is three take him for music lessons and he'll be good in school.

Being lenient when feelings are sad is not a good dynamic. I think you know that. I think your question is what to do.

At 1 yr old, a common tool is redirection. Have something else become fun and inviting. Snacks are fine as long as they are healthy. If he's hungry then have at 'em.

A good book to understand about being too lenient, too strict or in the middle is "Kids are Worth It" by Coloroso. It's not about babies but rather about raising kids in general. For more baby and toddler related info, Dr. Sears is really good. He has a website and there are books of his at the library.

Good luck and keep educating yourself about kids. Maybe there's a community ed class in your area, like ECFE (early childhood family education). Also if there's an API (attachment parenting international) group, they are very helpful as well. They have a lot of free get-togethers and stuff.

There are lots of styles of parenting - including ones that are firm and still kind. There are ways to keep your rules and keep him happy (well almost all the time). But it's not something I can explain in a couple of paragraphs.

The book 1-2-3 Magic helped me. I just searched on the internet and got the info below. I recommend just buying his book from amazon.com or borrowing it from a library.

1-2-3 Magic - Easy-To-Learn Parenting Solutions That Work From Dr. Thomas Phelan

Welcome to 1-2-3 Magic - home of the bestselling parenting books and programs that have delivered effective parenting solutions to millions of families worldwide. This simple, yet powerful approach to disciplining kids has won rave reviews from parents, educators and professionals alike.

Kids are just kids! In addition to being delightful, charming and affectionate, children can also present their adult caretakers with a steady diet of difficult behavior: whining, arguing, teasing, fighting, yelling, tantrums and pouting. For this reason, clinical psychologist, Dr. Thomas W. Phelan designed the
1-2-3 Magic program to bring practical, easy-to-use discipline techniques to families and educators.

Another good book is Raising Your Spirited Child Rev Ed: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic [Paperback] by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, but that's for slighty older children, so start with 1-2-3 Magic.

Good Luck!

You need to give an example of the kinds of things he cries over.

Unfortunately, the way you are handling it is making things worse, and undoing the pattern is going to take work and steely nerves on your part. What you are doing - giving in to his crying, despite having said no - is breeding his tantrums, and making them worse. You have to decide you are the boss and know what is best for him. Then you will need to say no and make it stick. Once you say no, you can't give in. Let him cry, even until he throws up. Ignore it; only intervene if he is going to hurt himself or you. It will not last forever; he will eventually stop. Be careful to not finally give in after an hour of crying; he'll learn that if he cries for an hour, he'll finally get what he wants. This will not be easy, but it will eventually work.
Good luck.

A little about me: Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist in practice 15 years. Mother of two, a 20 yo and 14 yo. We survived childhood relatively happy and well adjusted.

I was interested to see the posts saying that he needs to develope language to solve this issue. While I agree that talking to your child throughout the day is a great, I don't understand how it will solve the problem. It seems to me that when he wants something and you don't give it to him he throws a fit until you give in, then he smiles in triumph! 'I win!'

You don't say what kind of routine you have with him for sleeping, playing, eating. Having a fairly predicable routine will really help both of you. At this age he should be napping once in the morning and once in the afternoon and eating about every 4 hours. The rest is play time, or walks, or whatever. Playing for a long time is not a bad thing. If he's not eating or sleeping, what else is there to do when you are 1? :) So for instance, 7am breakfast, 11am lunch, 3pm snack (but a good sized one!), 7pm dinner. Any other snacking should be very little. A handfull of Cheerios, or a cracker, whatever, but small. At this age I started giving diluted juice. About 1/3 juice (100% juice) and 2/3 water, or plain milk if he's not allergic. I kept a sippy cup on the kitchen table, so it was accessible throughout the day, but only refilled it twice. They were allowed as much drink at meal times as they would like as long as they were eating the food too. Naps with this schedule would be 9am-ish for about 1.5 hours, then again at about 1pm for 1.5 or 2 hours. This is just an example, but you get the idea.

As for the temper tantrums until he get what he wants, you will just have to be more stubborn than he is. Unless you want to create a demanding kid, you have to take steps now. He is young, but that doesn't mean he doesn't get it. Right now he wins everytime just by crying. If he wants something you don't want him to have, just say so. 'Not right now. Let's go outside!' Or whatever. If he cries, he cries. He needs to know that you aren't just going to give him whatever he wants, whenever he wants it. You are his mom and you know what is best for him. Constant snacking all day is not a good plan and you know it, so stick to your guns. I know listening to your little one cry is hard, but the tantrums only get worse as the get older, especially if you give in now. He is not a bad-tempered boy, he just wants what he wants and has learned how to get it.

Be brave!

I think acting like this at 1 yr old is totally different from acting like this at 3 yrs old. Infants need lots of attention. Crying is the only way he can communicate needs right now and at this point I wouldn't really call it bad tempered. It's hard for adults because it feels like one way communication. I'd carry my son around in a sling or sit next to him on the floor while he was on his play mat. Sometimes I'd put on some music and waltz him around the room, or sing to him about any silly old thing. When he was over tired, I'd rock him in our rocking chair and sing. For years (until he was too big to sit in my lap anymore) when ever he was upset he'd want some rocky baby time just for a hug and snuggle. Babies thrive on attention and interaction with adults (mostly Mom and Dad).

At a little over a year old, toddlers do not need juice. I would cut that out now. On RARE occasions, you can give 100% pure juice diluted with water 50/50. As far as snacks, babies will eat when hungry and stop when they are done. As long as he is a healthy weight, don't worry about snacking. If he cries because he wants food or drink (nurse, give formula or milk), then give it to him.

If he cries because he wants toys, then give that to him also. Hello! He is only ONE year old! What else is there to do? Clean house? Study microbiology? His attention span is not very long, so he needs to be engaged. Talk to him about everything you do, see, and hear. Narrate your life! This teaches language, proper sentence structure, speech patterns, and more. Ask questions and wait for an answer, then say the answer you believe he is thinking.

One way you can help communication is to learn sign language and use it with him. The key is consistence, so YOU have to be dilligent if it is going to work. If you dedicate yourself to it, you can learn many signs and do them EVERY TIME you say the word and soon your son will be able to tell you what he wants or needs. Some examples of useful words: Mom, Dad (and brother/sister if applicable), play, book, toy, hungry, eat, thirsty, milk, help, want, wait, bath, bed, tired, excited, happy, sad, yes, and no.

*EDIT*
Choose your battles and REDIRECT, REDIRECT, REDIRECT!!! Instead of saying 'no,' give him something ELSE to do.

Hi B.,

I agree with the others who said be sure you have a consistent schedule, offering plenty of sleep and food at healthy intervals. I also agree that sign language may help sometimes. For those cases where it's just a power struggle, you can win those without tears by distracting him. If he's crying for juice or a toy and you feel that would be unhealthy for him just then, distract him with something else.

For example, if he wants to play with your car keys and won't take "no" for an answer, distract him with a stuffed animal or another suitable substitute. My son was fixated on my keys, perhaps because he sensed I valued them highly, and they were therefore desirable to him. He would fuss and fuss for them, but I was always able to find something else which would distract him (then I would hide my keys). Up until at least three years old, distraction is the best way to settle power struggles. You'll remember what it's about, and he will forget. No more tears!

You are setting yourself up for disaster. If he wants to cry and cry until he gets his way there is nothing wrong with you putting him in a safe place like a crib or playpen and walking away for a little bit. Now I don't think you should starve him if he is hungry then feed him but I don't think it should be what he wants. To help encourage my son to talk we were always told to offer two items to him and let him pick by either pointing and or attempting to say the word. So at snack I would offer a yogurt or diced up fruit if he wanted something else too bad those were his choices if he had a melt down well then he wasn't that hungry.

I don't see why you don't want him to play for along time. Don't you play with him. I tried to balance how much he played alone so I could get stuff done around the house with more time spent playing and interacting w/ him. If he was fresh with something and I took it away and he cried oh well....he cried.

We never offered juice and we water it down for even my 9 year old but I'll tell you my kids are milk and water drinkers because that's all they had when they were small. At 3 and 9 they will occassionally have oj in the morning but that is about it for juice.

that's just it B., he knows if he cries long enough he'll get what he wants. redirect him but DON'T GIVE IN you giving in is teaching him that the bahaviour he is doing is rewardable and acceptable. and avoid "no"

for ex: if he's doing an outdoor activity indoor's such as bouncing a ball, get an excited look in your face and tell him "o you want to go outside and play with the ball, help mommy do...then we'll take the ball outside" and give him something to help you with, then take him outside (will be a chore then the reward is boucing the ball outside)

it will really help if you have a schedule, so he knows every day, my tummy is getting hungry, play time is almost over

1 min per age for time out and it starts when he sits still and fullfills the time outs if he gets up from it, it starts over

watch nanny 911, jo is her name she is WONDERFUL!

consistancy is your key, give him that snack or "what he wants to get him to hush" you are rewarding him for screaming until he gets it and HE sets the rules, NOT mom

omg B., i thought i was the only one. pls msg me to tell me more.

you 'have to'? why? has he got a gun to your head?
girl, you had better develop a 'no' and learn how to use it.
if you think it's hard to cope with when he's small, wait until he's big and still bawling and demanding while you fall all over yourself to comply.
i sure won't want to be around the kind of person you're creating.
khairete
S.

B., as the mother of 5 and having raised many foster children I just have to respond to your statement with my 2 cents worth of thought. BadBoy? I think not!! Your son is being taught by you to be this way. He is a baby and children actually do not come preprogramed to want junk food or demand toys in fact I have proven time and again that a empty box with crayons to draw on it is much more entertaining than anything else. He is learning what you are teaching by your own example. You have neverhad to give in because he would have never known it was there if you had not introduced it in the first place. You are the adult and the family leader not this baby! I have grandchildren ages newborn to 15 with 2 that are just over 1 year and they have een taught that they can cry and demand because that is what a child does to see who is in charge but that does not mean they will get it! So since you know he is still a little one you have to show him other things and not let him see and have the tings you don't want him to. You have to be responsible and set the rules and now that it has been a year of his being in charge it will take a while to undo that raining and get new habits going. But be angry with yourself not the baby, he is only doing what comes naturally.

he may be small, but he's extremely bright and he's got you figured out. He absolutely knows that if he cries, you are going to give him what he wants so he will cry until he gets it. It's no problem for him to continue to cry and carry on for quite a while, because he knows his reward is coming. You need to put your foot down and when you say no, you need to mean it and stick to it, no matter how long he cries. If you do anything else, you will just be reinforcing what he already knows - that you will give in if he keeps it up long enough. you have to be strong and show him that you are not going to cave and after a few times, he will get the message and this will stop. Actually, it will probably take several times, but eventually he will get it.

I agree with the previous posts. Since he's only one, I would try to distract him. For example, he wants a treat. You say, "Sorry, you can't have a cookie but oh look! I got these apples at the store yesterday. Lets cut one up and have a snack". Hopefully he's forgotten the cookie by then. If not, offer another appropriate choice.

My wise mother in law told me I had to "out-stubborn" my kids. If they can cry and fuss over something for 5 minutes, I had to be ready to stand strong for 6 minutes. The good news is the kids figure out pretty quickly what works and what doesn't- and who it works on. You'll see they behave differently with different people. Try watching your son's reaction to another adult who is willing to "out-stubborn" him. He'll give in quicker.

Little love that he is, you are being manipulated. He has learned that crying will get him what he wants, so that is what he does. Once you break that habit, it should stop for the most part.

Not of course that it will be easy. Basically, after you tell him no just let him cry. Make sure he is safe, you can cuddle him if you want, tell him you love him, but the answer is still no. Once he learns that crying doe not work to get what he wants he will stop.

All good advice. It is REALLY important that what ever battle you are choosing you are prepared to win. If you decide to hold your ground and not give him what he wants and then he escalates from crying to throwing things or hitting himself or you and THEN you give in, you have just taught him how bad he needs to be to get what he wants and he'll do that again the next time. He's only 1, you can pick him up, redirect him, read him a story, distract him, any number of strategies to not give in to his demand. REmember YOU are the mom, and his most important teacher. It is not your job to make him happy. It is your job to set boundaries and limits and be prepared to enforce them. Kids need that. It is reassuring to know that there are consistent rules and limits. It is the kids job to test them and for us to push back. Parenting is an amazing, rewarding and exhausting job. It requires effort and intention and planning, not just reaction to your childs every whim. Best of luck to you