13 Mo. Starting Definance Behavior -- How to Handle?

Definitely normal behavior for this age range. Sounds like you're doing the best thing possible - redirect. The whining is something that, unfortunately, seems to begin at this age and continue off and on for the next few years. The best thing I've run into is ignoring the whining. If you give in, it will only get worse. Don't reinforce the behavior you're trying to stop by giving in when "you can't take it anymore".

Good luck!

Oh, this age can be so trying since they can't communicate very well. The redirection is a good idea and probably one of the only ways to really get the behavior under control (since he is too young for any kind of punishment i.e. time-outs). The other thing is that he could be teething. They get their molars around this time and that could explain the neediness and whining. That happened to my daughter when she was 16 mos old (2 now) and we were on vacation and she was behaving horribly. It wasn't till the end of the trip that I realized she was getting her molars in and that helped me understand her bad behavior. Just know that whatever it is it will pass eventually as long as you stay consistent in what you do.

Hi N., my name is J. (27 years old) and I have a 2 year old daughter. I also have years of early childhood experience in daycare, etc. Ist of all is he teething? Never underestimate the power of a teething child! Also he is definately in a transition time of baby becoming a toddler- it is normal. Also, Over the years I have seen alot of different children react to their new world in many ways. At around that age they are more aware of the fact that they can use their own body to get where they want to go without completely relying on you, yet at times they are afraid of not having you right there. They don't do things to defy you, rather they do things because this world is big place and they are still new to it. "testing the limits" also serves to expand their brain and conception of the world around them. They do however lack the ability to know what is safe or not and do not understand resoning, not to mention they have no way of communicating in the full english language with you, so they cry and lash out. My daughter was the same way. Basically I have learned that the best thing I could do was literally remove her from situations, distracting her with something right after. If she screamed, I just had to keep my cool til she got through it.
There are also different temprements of children/people. What I have observed is that different personality types will respond different. For example, since my daughter came out the womb, she has been active, curious, a "talker" and interactive with her environment.. Now there are other children who are more introvert and like to observe rather than participate, will cry or go inward rather than scream or cry, and are the babies who sit in the grocery cart the whole time the mother is shopping without a peep.
So basically, I think it is more important to observe what kind of personality your child posseses, now and in the years to come, and then try to realize why he is frustrated or clingy, etc. That has helped me tremendously with my daughter. She is not hyperactive or a terrror by any means, but she is and has always been very independent with a quick mind and an attitude like she can do everything by herself. And she's only now 2! But I love that about her and in time you will see that your son posseses a quick mind and you will love his enthusiasm for the world around him. All the while I think the most challenging thing about parenting is how to keep our cool when their fuse is sooo short and not to 'lose it' when they do. Taking a step out side, a stoller walk or putting music on are also ways I get my daughter ( and me) redirected out of tense situations. Just keep breathing, hope I was of some help! keep in touch if you want, J.

This is typical 1 year old behavior. Some things I did with my son (that worked great with my daughter, but he seems to need more of this) is telling him "no" or "stop" when he is doing something wrong (some people don't like to say no, but it didn't cause me any trouble growing up when my mom said it to me). I grab him by the shoulders and get down to his level when I tell him this. Then I sit him on his bottom, say no again, tell him what I want him to do, "soft" (if he hits) and then walk away. He craves the attention and so when I move away (after sitting him on his bottom...that seems to be a move that made both of my kids stop), then he wanted to do the right thing. I also do a lot of roll play.

You also mentioned that sometimes your child is a bit needy. I have found a "Mommy Recharge" of about 1-5 minutes is all it takes to make my kids happy again. They seem to have a battery that runs and runs, but then needs to be recharged. If I stop what I'm doing, pick him up (or sit on the floor wherever I am) and just cuddle and love them, they usually are bounding up and happy again between 30 seconds to 3 minutes. It's NEVER gone longer than that (unless they really got hurt or are exceptionally emotional). I was one of those overly sensitive kids, that just needed an extra hug from my mom, but she was always too busy. I don't ever want to be too busy (within reason of course...can't quite cuddle with dough on your hands) to give my kids the recharge. I can always give them 3 minutes!

Hope this helps. It may or may not. Sounds like the change in sleep pattern is the culprit, in combination with the phase he's in. Just do your best.

Awww...I believe he is starting his terrible twos. My son is acting the same way and my daughter, now 7 did it too. It is just something they go through and it will pass. I think they get angry at times because they don't know how to tell you what they want, and they are starting to get more independent too. I try to get down on the ground with my son and ask him exactly what he wants. I suggest several things until he finally says "uh huh" and then he seems to be more content. Giving them a drink or a snack seems to help sometimes too. I hope this helps you out : )

Hi,
I had a similar problem with my son when he was about that age. I noticed that it was just his way of seeking for attention. I worked a lot and went to school full time, so as you can see the time with my son became less. I then focused on what was more important on getting done in the first place. I started spending a little more time with him and the clingy, winy behavior went away. Time means, NO phones, NO distractions, just you and your son. Do the things that interest him the most about 30 min. a day or more if you have the time. You will be surprised how much your sons attitude will change with just a little mommy and me time.
E.

This sounds like attention seeking behavior to me. Remember to only give attention to positive behavior, so ignoring the whining is good (although you should not ignore behavior that is down right against the rules).

"catch" him being good, stop what you are doing and give him your full attention for awhile. When he does whine tell him to make a choice--when he stops whining you will listen to him, and always be consistant.

It's the age/stage. There is a really great program that is state funded if you live in Michigan and it's called Great Start. Check it out at the Mi.gov website if you live there. They offer a once a month serivce where they come to your home and meet with you, do social/emotional assessments on your child and offer solutions and information for any situation you may be going through. I love it!
They let us know IF Evan is lacking and where and also give us things to help catch him up developmentally if he needs it. This program is for normal children between the ages of 0-5 that have no special needs.
My son loves the assesment games his homevisitor brings and she is full of information on development and particualr things or programs that I may be looking for for Evan.
Let me know if you have problems finding it. I am on the Parent Coalition for it here in my area because I can't say how great great the program is. I wish more parents would utilize it.! It saves a lot of frustration and I have a happy little well behaved boy because of it and Love and Logic.
www.loveandlogic.com
C.

Well my son just turned 15 mo. and we are not totally over the "mommy hold me" phase, but we have recently had success dealing with the whining and the kicking tantrums, which were actually solved with two different "techniques"

The whining we solved by teaching him to say please in sign language, so far its the only one he knows, but he has discovered its power and so have we. I think we have all been grateful that he has the power to ask for something on his own.

The tantrums were solved when I was complaining to my mom about retts Hulkish behavior and she laughed, and kept laughing. Finally she was able to tell me that the only thing that worked on me when I was that age was a quick spritz of the spray bottle in my face. Apparently He got that from my side of the family. I tried it and the little stinker laughed, but I consistently spritzed everytime, and soon just getting the bottle out was enough to make him shake his head no and stop, now I just give him that look, and its like he knows what I am going to get and he stops. I liked that it wasn't hurting him, and it brought an instant reaction, with no hurt feelings afterward.
Good luck

Hi, N.

I'm the mom of an 11 and 8 year old. I remember when they would teeth - especially molars - there would be deviation from their normal behavior. Often we can't see those pesky teeth yet but they are feeling the discomfort. If it's ok with the pediatrician I'd try a little children's tylenol right before nap or bedtime just to get them through. My kids also used to like frozen banana's or frozen yogurts (like gogurts) to naw on during that time.

The other thing I always used to notice is that right before a big developmental leap my children would go through an edgy or cranky period. It seemed like they knew something big was coming and were all out of sorts. For instance, I remember my daughter going through similar behavior as a 10 month old a few weeks before she starting walking.

Even though it's hard just remember that this too shall pass!
Don't worry about carrying him around for a time at 13 months - he's still so little and if he needs that extra human touch with you it might be all it takes. ~Little Mum

What you are describing is normal 13month old behavior.

Have you looked into teaching him sign language to help him communicate? ASL is an invaluable tool during this time when they know what they want but don't yet have the verbal words to express it.

just keep redirecting, redirecting, redirecting. Sometimes it can take dozens of times but eventually it DOES work.

N.,

My son will be 14 months in another week and I definitely understand what you are going through!! However, instead of just whining Titan has now resorted to throwing himself on the floor and kicking his legs :) Not a pretty sight to say the least. We tried just saying "no" at first or not giving in to whatever it was that he wanted, but nothing worked. Just yesterday he started another one of his fits and I simply walked into the other room while saying "Titan, I don't like to be around you when you are throwing a fit." I wasn't intentionally trying to use a "tactic" against him - I was really just that frustrated that I NEEDED to go into the other room :) To my surprise he got up off of the floor and followed me into the next room to see what I was doing - I guess he couldn't believe I didn't care to see him throw a fit. Once he approached me I knelt down and again told him I didn't like it when he threw a fit and yelled at his mommy. I don't know which part of the whole event he understood but he gave me a hug complete with a pat on the back. He did not have any other fits all day and was only a little fussy going to bed but that was it. To me this was different than just ignoring his behavior because rather than continuing about whatever I was doing I just stopped everything and went to sit down in another room - I think by letting him come to me it was his decision to end the fit and not mine and thats what made the difference. Hope you can try to use something similar like this in your case. I know how frustrating this time can be when they can't yet talk to express their feelings but they can sure get it across other ways!! :) Good luck and let me know if you find anything else that worked for you -- this strategy I used may only work for a couple days with my son, we'll see!!

My son is the exact same age and is suddenly doing the same thing. Endless whining. He's also biting me a lot and watching for a reaction. He's not walking yet, and someone told me that this kind of behavior may be him gearing up to walk. Thanks for asking this question. I'll be watching the answers too, because what we're doing now (lots of "no" combined with ignoring when we can) isn't working.

I don't know what the sleep issues are that you mentioned, but it sounds like he might be overtired from not sleeping well. Although behavior problems are part of the "fun" of having a child, lack of sleep makes things worse. Just like with adults, lack of sleep mekes them signifantly more cranky, impatient, and bad-tempered. There is a book that has helped with all my daughter's sleep problems, it's called "healthy sleep habits, happy child" and it has worked WONDERS in our home! I hope this helps!

As my pediatrician put it to me, aren't we all a little cranky if we don't get proper rest?? It's true- things that affect us as adults will affect kids in the same way or more so, in most cases. I would love to say it's a phase....but we hit terrible 2's at 13 months, and still working on getting out of them at 7.

Well, I hadn't thought much about it, but my son is also 13 months old and is doing basically the exact same things. He screams when he doesn't get his way and at night time he wants held which makes it very hard to get anything done...and he weighs 26 pounds!! So I guess it is normal behavoir. Our Dr. had told us to ignore him when he has a temper tantrum, but it is hard to listen to him scream when you know that all you have to do is give him what he is pointing at and it will usually stop. So I guess I don't really have any advice, it sounds like the same things I am going through and I think you are handeling it the way you are "supposed to" Good Luck!

This is totally normal behavior. He's testing you, finding limits, etc. Stay strong, be consistent, make time for him when you can - stop what you are doing and get on the floor with him. Distract, or enlist his help. I'd tell you it will pass, but the phases just continue. He's learning - take advantage of it now and teach him the right things :)