Obsessive Crying and Temper Tantrum for 22 Mos Old..

Of course she wants her freedom...she's an (almost) 2 year old! The fun is just starting :) Your job is to give her room to run when appropriate and strap her butt in that stroller when it's not (and don't give in).

Also, is she getting enough sleep? Kids this age can get EXTREMELY cranky when they're overtired. Remember at 22 months they still need 11-12 hours at night PLUS a 1-2 hour nap during the day. Getting her on a schedule (such as Tori H suggested) would help with this.

As for the screaming...I like Dr. Harvey Karp's 'The Happiest Toddler on the Block'. It tells you not to ignore the crying, but instead miminc their behavior while acknowledging their feelings, but then explaining why they can't have whatever it is they want. Sounds more complicated then it is.

Good luck!

Forget the high chair! My son HATED them!
Put a little table & chair near yours. Let her eat & when she walks away, she's done! Give her veggies, crackers, or yogurt later.
I refused to have dinner time hijacked by a toddler. Not on my "battle list."

As for the store--go alone for awhile.
Then try short trips, explain the game plan on the way & what will happen at the store. If she acts up--leave! Stinks for mom, but makes a point.

And hang in there. It gets better.

I suggest that ignoring her when she cries is perpetuating her need to cry. I suggest that she needs more positive attention. Can you sympathize with her when she's upset? Sounds like the crying causes you to feel stressed which in turn causes her more stress causing her to continue to cry.

First, determine why she's crying. Is she hungry, tired, bored, anxious? What does she need. How can you meet her needs? Even if she's crying because you said no, be sympathetic to how she feels. She's just a baby and hasn't learned how to express her feelings. How do you feel when someone tells you no. Aren't you disappointed or even angry when your wishes are thwarted? Does having that person who told you no, tell you to stop being upset cause you to stop? What would make you feel better? As an adult, you can say, I want to do this and I'm mad you won't let me do it. Crying is her way of saying that. I suggest that what would help is for you to say, "I'm sorry you're upset. It would be fun to run down the grocery aisle." And then hold her hand and point to something interesting for her to look at. Give her things to do while in the store. Look at the situation in the way a baby would look at it.

Of course she doesn't understand the word no. She's only 22 mos old. She's had very little experience with the word. We've found that when we redirect a child's attention instead of just saying no that they are more apt to follow our directions. For example, you can't play with the TV controls but, here, you can play with your toy that has push buttons.

I urge you to get a child development book to learn some skills. Dr. Sears has good ideas. I like Love and Logic books by Foster Cline. 1-2-3 Magic is simple and very helpful.

Later: My granddaughter is 21 mos old and we've noticed that she fusses and cries more often lately. I think it's related to teething and to becoming more aware of how much power she has and doesn't have. She's working at becoming more independent.

With her, just picking her up and holding her for a bit calms her down. Someone immediately picks her up when she starts to get frustrated. We offer her sympathy. A phrase that was told to me by a child therapist when my daughter was a child that we both use often now is "It's tough to be you." said in a sympathetic tone of voice.

My heart goes out to you! Both my kids hit the terrible 2s early, I know it sucks.

It's a long process, but this when they start testing the boundaries and learning what they can get away with. Keep trying to ignore the worst of her behavior, but also try to search out the moments where she does something good, and praise the heck out of those moments!

My daughter is 26 months now, and we're teaching her to say please and thank you. Of course she has no idea what it means, but at least she is starting to understand that being sweet and polite will get her what she wants, and throwing a tantrum will not.

Hang in there, mama!

Hi R.,

My daughter is almost 16 months but exhibits all of these behaviors (already). My suggestion would be the same as the others - Happiest Toddler on the Block for reading material, and ensure she has enough sleep. Sticking to a schedule (not militant or anything) will help too. My daughter seems much more manageable when she's well rested and knows what's coming next in her day. I think unpredictability can be scary. My daughter goes to daycare part time and the nights after daycare are the roughest - screams all the way through dinner and bath time, down for bed by 6:30 PM because she refuses to sleep at daycare. On the days she's at home - she's much more complacent because she's not overtired and knows how the day will progress. Good luck!

I could have written your post myself. My daughter went through the same thing and I was at my wit's end. I would first try to determine why she was crying. If I couldn't figure it out then I would try everything I could think of: holding her, distraction with a toy or book, change of scenery, etc etc etc. it helped to make sure she got plenty of outside running around time and to also spend time just sitting on the floor with her and giving her lots of one on one play time BEFORE her tantrums started. Preventing her crying and trying to help her be generally happier was a lot easier than getting her to snap out of a bad mood once she got started. My husband insisted that it was just a phase and I was convinced she was going to be that way forever. He was right though, it passed and although she is still feisty she has calmed down a lot. As she has gotten older her vocabulary has grown so its easier for her to express what she wants and that also helped tremendously.

Get some support. Hire a parenting coach, go to some love and logic classes, get the book 1-2-3 magic (my highest recommendation), watch the tv series that have nannies that come in and help parents, go to a parenting group, read books on child development, etc.

You are actually creating some of the behavior without even knowing it. Your first two sentences show this. "My daughter cries SOOOO MUCH!! Even when we give her what she wants she STILL cries! " You are giving in to her at some point and this reinforces her behavior. Each time you wait to give it to her she learns she just needs to cry longer or harder to get what she wants. Also, you "offer" her things to get her to stop crying. Again you are actually reinforcing that if she cries she gets a reward.

Educating yourself and gathering lots of information will support you in seeing what is really happening and give you the solutions you really need.

my dughter cried a lot at this age. sometimes.. I think her teeth were hurting.. sometimes if she was really horrible and I had fed her and she didnt need a nap.. I would try infant tylenol drops and she would stop crying and be happy.. I think her 2 year molars hurt alot. also the hylands teething pills helped alot too.

a change in scenery.. could she be bored.. get her out somewhere.. distract her.. to the mall a kids play area like mcdonalds.. sign up for a gymnastics class (mom and tot) a mom and tot swim class. get her busy.. so she doesnt have time to whine.

at this age.. baby gets up.. we ate breakfast.. then we went out to do something.. then back home in time for lunch.. and a 3 hour nap.. then up and play till an early bedtime..

is she gettting enough sleep.. should be 11 hours at night AND a 3 hour nap... it will get better whens he can talk.

First of all she is 22 months so terrible twos have started. Second relax.

The best way to handle this is to NOT give in. Have a talk to the neighbors and explain what's going on. She's two, she has tantrums, we need to break her of it.

She will not understand spoken language for a while and two yr olds think they are the center of the universe. But you need to keep it up. Tell her eat then you can get down if she cries, make sure she is strapped in good and walk away. When she stops crying go back in and talk in a soothing voice to her. Encourage her to finish eating. When she wants something she shouldn't have and you say NO stick to it. Do not give in.
If you give in after a certain amount of time or when her crying hits a cetain pitch, she will hit that pitch sooner. You can put her on time out or in her room (baby gate) and walk out.
I know it feels so mean and it seems like it will go on forever but it won't she is smart and knows right now this is how to get your attention and to get what she wants.

What is she crying about exactly? Does she cry when she isn't getting attention, hungry, not getting what she wants...I don't get it?

I guess my suggestion would be to start having more of a routine. She needs to maybe be engaged more. What do you do during the day? Do you play with her, does she play by herself, does she go outside?

She needs to be doing all that every day. Try coming up with a rough schedule of things you can do during each day. Have the morning be a time to read books and play together. After lunch you can play outside or go on a walk. Some mornings you can do errands or go to the library or some other activity. Make sure she isn't overstimulated or understimulated, I know it's a hard balance sometimes.

Kids need routine, structure and consistency so if you think that might be the problem then try looking into some books you can read to find out some methods that might work for you. I really like the Love and Logic series.

ETA:
I also wanted to add that if she wants her freedom when you're in stores etc., make sure she gets that before you go anywhere! Take her to the park or the mall or someplace first where she can run around so that when it's time to sit in the grocery cart she can do it. Snacks and toys are good, but she's almost 2, it is totally normal that she wants to roam around and explore, make sure she is getting that at other times.

Also, maybe she's ready to be out of the high chair. Get her a booster seat and put her at the table with the rest of you, she doesn't want to be left out, make her part of the group. Start serving her food just like you and your husband. She's getting bigger, it's okay to treat her like a bigger girl, just be consistent with expectations and discipline.

She is a future CEO. She is a normal terrific 2s, she is smart and she knows what she wants, but she doesnt know how to communicate. Very strong will personality a leader and never a follower. Things will only get better, but it's challenging I have two of them :) little gyms and gymnastic classes, and lots of activities have worked wonderful for our family.

Nothing is wrong with her. She's just two. When my daughter was 2.5 to 3.5yo she would have major tantrums about once a day lasting about an hour. She is 6, smart, beautiful, & thoughtful. My son is 3 & his tantrums are for shorter periods but they are more frequent, like 2-4 a day for a few minutes at a time. He told me on Mon that he didn't like me and he was crying hysterically. Then he stood up and hugged me a second later, that's what it's like every day. I came home yesterday from my daughter's many activities and I could hear him crying as I was getting out of the car. I came inside the house and my husband stated he had been tantruming for a little while for reasons no one knew so I tried to comfort him. He didn't want me to touch him so I left him alone for a few minutes, the crying continued so I put him in his room for 3-4 minutes. When I opened the door he immediately hugged me and the crying stopped for the rest of the night. Long point being I had no idea that was going to work but I knew I needed him away so I would keep from getting angry.
When my daughter was 2 she would often have these nights where she would wake up crying and quickly fall back asleep, this was when she was trying not to take a nap so she would be over tired at bedtime & waking in the middle of the night. I can only suggest if your daughter doesn't take a nap put her to bed an hour or more earlier than her usual bedtime. You can't control her you'll just have to ride it out. If you are concerned about the neighbors be apologetic and bribe them with sweet baked treats lol. It's hard but I promise it will get better. Stay strong.
ETA: try to make it a priority to go to the park or anywhere she can run around before you need to shop. That might curb her need to get out of the stroller. I could not shop with my daughter at 2 yo she would have a fit majority of the time. My son is much easier at 2-3 to take out in public as long as he doesn't see toys that I'm not going to buy:)