Hi N., Wow, take a breath! Sounds like your definitely stressed out. I've never been one for 'TV advice' but I have noticed a lot of friends using the Techniques that 'The Nanny' suggests. They ALWAYS work from what my god child's Mom told me. With children or any other problems in life, Nothing changes on it's own. But sometimes the way we LOOK at things, the things we look at change. Hmm...Yelling helps nobody. Remember, the way we raise our kids does affect them for life. Any of us can look back...It's called the writing on our walls. In fact from birth to 6 or 7, most of the limiting beliefs we have about ourselves are ingrained during that time period. How many parents (our own) said foolish things like "Why can't you be more like your Sister" (or brother, or whoever)
I know 1st hand all that does is tell the child "Your not good enough" Coaches and Teachers at school have said things like "Your Brother was such a good student..." Again, the same thing "Your less than, not good enough" Trust me, to go thru life feeling inferior is horrible. Parents, Teachers etc. I seriously beg of you, when we compare, we are passing judgement. None of us did it intentionally, but never the less it does damage. Now I have probably said this in the wrong forum and maybe it doesn't apply here. If I have offended anyone I do apologize. When the subject of yelling and arguments came up, it was the 1st thing come to mind. Life, it sure ain't easy...N., please know your in my thoughts, eventually things will work out. How about if you approach your daughter before an argument, when she might be more receptive. (My biggey was my own mom did nothing but yell, had more children than she was prepared to deal with,5. She never once took time to do anything with us) How about if you said to your daughter, "Sometimes we both get tired and frustrated. Maybe we could find something we both really like and take a class at the Y or a community center." Even Yoga is good for any age. Its relaxing and would do you both some good. Good luck hon!