My 5 Year Old Twins Wont Stop 'Crying' and 'Whining' All the Time.

Try to give them as many choices as you can. In the mornings or the night before show them two shirts and two pairs of pants that they can choose from to wear to school. Each girl can rotate who picks first or give each girl two outfits to choose from. Lots or "controlled" choices will help them to learn to make better choices as they get older. Hope this helps some. Also make them think whatever you want them to do is their choice. Like, Do you want to go to bed right now and hear a story, or do you want to go to bed in 10 minutes with no story? Same with the outfits, Do you want to pick between these outfits tonight or in the morning?

Hi M.-
I was meeting resistance from my 4 year old when it was time to get ready in the morning and at bath and bedtime. I created an incentive chart. It listed all the days of the week across the top and down the side it listed all the chores or activities I wanted him to do. (get dressed, feed pets, brush teeth, etc.) I set a timer for 10 minutes, in that 10 minutes he needs to get dressed and brush his teeth. It's a fun game to beat the timer, and if he beats it, he gets a fun sticker on his chart. My two year old loves to beat the timer too, so I've created a simple chart for him as well. Hope this helps.

Hey M.,
I am new to the sight and I hope my advice can help you in some way. I realized the way you talk to your children at the age of 5 is the way they will respond to you. For example; if I talked to them in a cute, baby talk (whinning)- then they continue to talk like that. But if I talk to them like big, school aged kids - then they repsond like that. I hope this will help & good luck!
_ Moni

As an elementary school teacher, I can say you should focus on the positive. Point out all of the *right* things that they are doing and tell them, "Olivia, I really like the way you did that." Or, "I'm so proud of how you put away your toy after you were finished. That's awesome!" When they start whining, tell them that you want them to speak in their "big girl" voices. Then praise them for using big girl voices (especially if you didn't have to tell them to at a time when they normally would have whined). The first few days you do it, think of yourself as a cheerleader for the day. Pretty soon, it'll be natural!

Some type of reward chart will really get the kids excited about all of this positive behavior (whining is negative behavior). Watch a SuperNanny show to get ideas - or Nanny 911. They do a great job of using reward charts. Every time you think they did a wonderful job doing something, say, "I'm so proud of you! You've just earned a star (or whatever) for doing that."

Introduce the reward chart during a calm time of the day. Tell them the very simple rules of the house, like (1) Use big girl voices (no whining), (2) Use loving hands (no hitting), (3) Listen to Mommy, etc..... whatever you think they need. But, keep the rules simple and short. 3 to 5 rules should be enough.

Hi. you could try giving them some incentive to do things. Do they like stickers? My son loves them and it works. I can get him to do anything just so he can have a sticker. When he fills his chart for the week he gets something special on Saturday to show him how much we appreciate his behavior and his helping. Just a suggestion, doesn't work with everyone. Good luck to you I hope you get some great advice.

WOW, hands full, I have twin 3 year olds, they will be 4 in a few
months, I have the same problem with only one, I walk out of the room
before I go to crazy, cause it does drve me nuts, the best thing that
works for me is taking stuff away they love, or teach them how to cream
in a pillow, I know they probly won't want to do that, but bribe's are good too!

How do u do it alone? I hope u have a support system, cause I understand
how hard and frustrating it is, I am a stay at home mom, so I am with
them all day.

Well good luck!!!!!

hi M.,

I have a total of 5 kids yeah!! 4 girls and 1 boy,my son is the cry baby of all the girls when he wants something and I don't give it to him he crys and crys, before I would just give in so I don't have to hear him cry anymore,well not anymore! It's time to put your foot down you have to have alot of patience. I tell my kids no and that's it I dont change my answer at all, he crys and I sit down and ask him why is he crying of course he tells me "because I don't give him what he wants" so I tell why I'm saying no, and if he keeps on crying then I just tell him he hads to earn it I tell him to go clean his room, fix his bed, pick up the toys and everything else that his, and then maybe he could have it! I do this with all of them let them know they have to earn it, by making them do chores around the house and helping you out and by crying is not going to help!! Remember talking with them (not yelling) is a step forward and then you will see the difference. Hope it works out good luck.

I too had my son in a Christian Day Care and found it to be a problem with discipline. Time Out is great, no doubt about it. However, time out is not for everyone. Many children have callous unemotional trait. Meaning, nothing matters, they dont understand why they are getting punished therefore will respond in a way they feel is appropriate. For children like this, the Reward System is a better approach to discipline. If you yell at your children, they yell back. If you raise your voice, they raise theirs, etc. Using a chart as part of the "reward system" they will be able to see what they will receive at the end of the week and look forward to going out with you to get their special surprise. You have a lot on your shoulders as a single mom. You are wearing two hats, your children know this and have found a way to manipulate you. Be firm, but not to the point in yelling it only makes the situation worse.

M., I too am the mother of twin 5 year olds, except boys. I am finding they whine more now than they did when they were much younger. I try to explain things to them, show them how they are acting, but it is HARD. Please let me know if you find an answer or even if you want to swap twin stories. I am new here... :)

I know you have already updated but I wanted to add my two cents. Watch Super Nanny on Wednesday nights! She gives some really good tips on how to handle situations like that. Besides, watching the way some of those kids behave will make you feel SOOO much better about how your kids are ;)

~V

Hi M.,

there is a book I love that has taught me more than anything else how to deal with my now ten-year-old son, who has always been a little more 'demanding' in every way. It is not just helpful in dealing with the issues you have described, but so many more: "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk", by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
My favorite parenting advice book ever!
S.