My Older Two Now Share a Room - Cannot Get Them to Settle at Night!

My girls are the same ages and share a room. We've been/are there. Their bedtime is 7:00. One thing we do- especially now in winter is run the hell out of them before bed. They race up and down the hallway and make a game of it. They are so worn out by the end. Good luck- it'll get better. It's just new to them now and they think it's a slumber party.

That is exactly the same problem my Mother-in-law had with my husband and his brothers :) She started putting the younger one down first, and when he was asleep bringing in the older one. I've done it when my 3 and 14 mo. share a room at Grandma and Grandpa's. It works pretty well. We just tell the 3 yr old to ignore little brother if he wakes and tries talking to him because it's time to sleep. Good luck and wish me luck too, as I'm getting ready to combine my 2!

I am laughing because we have the same situation...twice.
Our boys, now 6 and 8 share a room...and 2 of our girls 5 and 17 months share rooms. Before we moved, we had 4 kids all in 1 room (ages: 5,3,1, and newborn). So I have plenty of experience about sharing rooms :)
I used to get upset and try to take stuff away to get them to calm down, then I tried to run them like crazy up and down the stairs (the boys), adjusted their bedtime (which we still send them to bed earlier to give them time to chat, play, horse around...whatever. But then it dawned on me that I just need to chill out. Seriously. How awesome is it that my boys are talking to each other and WANTING to play together for a while. Don't get me wrong, we will still go in and tell them that it's time to be quiet... then we hear them "whisper". What's happening with my little girls now, is that I hear my baby trying to talk to her sister (she's still in a crib), and some nights, my husband and I will just turn the TV off and listen to the little girls giggle and we will listen to what the boys are saying and playing. It's neat to listen to them and see what they're thinking.
My best advice would be: run them like crazy before bed, put them down an hour before, when you tuck them in tell them that it's time to go "night-night" then close the door. Unless someone is in danger, just let them be for a while and just be patient. Go in 1/2 hour later or so and remind them that it's time to calm down and go to sleep like big boys. Eventually 1 is going to fall asleep before the other one, then the other one will get bored and go to sleep too.
We also played the "elf game" the first one to sleep for the night gets a prize in the morning. Usually a small piece of candy like a tootsie roll or sucker :)
Good luck and just be patient :)

C.,

My girls share a room and my boys share a room. I solve the problem by putting the youngest boy and girl to bed, then read a chapter book with the big kids for about 30 minutes so the younger ones have time to go to sleep. I do the bedtime routine for the older ones in the living room, then have them sneak into their beds without waking the younger ones.

Good luck,
S.

My older daughter takes a great nap daily 2.5 hours and that is really important to me in order to get a break but it also makes her not as tired to go to bed at night, I put her in bed by 8:30 at night but some night she doesn't fall asleep until 9-9:30 and she is by herself. The more exercise she gets during the day the faster she falls asleep, it is much easier to accomplish this when it is warm outside it might be more the age rather than the sleeping arrangements.
Maybe try to get them tired out during the day so they are ready to sleep, or you can put them in their room to play while you make dinner so it is not as fun to be confined to their room without your supervision at night. Good luck and welcome to a new stage.

Hi C.,

They definitely are not taking you seriously. You need to figure out some way for them to realize you are serious. Take away something, don't just threaten, when they don't listen. Keep moving their bedtime up...take away toys they like alot, and don't give in. Once they figure out that you aren't going to give in they will do better.

C.

My girls are in the same situation. I do have to worry about a newborn, though. My oldest will be 4 in two weeks and my youngest will be 3 in may. They have been sharing a room for almost a year and we have MANY nights like the ones you describe. I put their beds side-by-side. They like that they can see each other. I would not give the older one a nap and shorten the younger ones nap. That is the only thing I could figure out with my two. Sometimes they are still up until 10 playing and it is really stressful so I really feel for you having a newborn too. I am sorry if this doesn't work for you. Let me know if you get a really good solution-just in case I need another one. Good luck

Don't just threatened to take stuff away, do it! If they believe you won't do anything for punishment they will never learn to listen to you!
I like the idea of putting the younger child to bed first. However, be prepared for the older child to try and wake the younger child up. Eventually they will be going to bed as asked and you'll wonder what happened!

With my two, when they shared a room, they had different bedtimes. I put the younger to bed first and read them a bedtime story to help calm them down enough to actually sleep. One of my kids favorite books was a Dorling/Kindersly Publishing book called, Ten in the Bed. I used this as an interactive book as the boy said the same thing over and over so I would let my kids 'read' this part along with the little noises that the stuffed animals made as they fell to the floor when everyone rolled over. They loved this interaction with me and it kept thier minds busy so they could physically unwind, and falling asleep went much more smoothly...especially due to the kids looking forward to story time with mom. (It makes a good threat too...you don't get ready for bed on time, you won't have time for a story! lol)

For the older child, they could sit in on story time (on weekends only), or have one of their own in another part of the house (week nights) before they went up to bed, which gave the younger one time to fall asleep. The kids loved the one on one time they each got and bedtime was very easy on all of us. Just be sure to keep plenty of books on hand :)

I dont have any advice to give you. I like you, is in the same boat. IM hoping other mommies out there can give you some advice...

I have my 4 yr old girl and 3 yr old son in the same roon together and just like your kids all they do is play around and etc.... I want to move my 4 yr old lil girl to the smaller room but i need to wait til my 2 1/2 month old is a lil bit older so then i can put both boys in a room together..

Good Luck!!

Have you tried a reward system?
Empty threats never work, but your 4 yr old is definitely age-appropriate for a reward chart and your middle child will probably follow along.
My son loves to get money - so even a penny a night or a nickel or whatever you can afford. At this age, the reward needs to be pretty instant. You can try starting with a babyfood jar and every night he lays quietly in bed, you give him the coin in the am and he puts it in his jar, same with your 2.5 yr old. Then at the end of the week, you can take them to the store to buy something with the money they earned (usually a lollipop or very small toy - go to the dollar store).
If you talk to them about the play for a day or two in advance, it will build up his excitement to start earning the money. They could even decorate the jar so it is really special! I think your 4 year old will lead the way.

Also, if it doesn't work after 2 weeks, consider moving one of them downstairs and use a monitor. We have a 3 bedroom ranch and the 3rd bedroom is actually in the basement. At first, I didn't want to put my daughter (now 20 months) down there because she seemed so far away but, now I'm glad she's down there. She has a nice quiet place to sleep and she doesn't care that it is in the basement (it's a nicely finished basement).

We had the same issues...ours were 4.5 and 2.5 when it was really crazy. Once we left their bedroom, the party would start and it got really wild, really fast and our day ended on a not-so-good note. We started a smile chart...they got a smile if they went to bed nicely. The 4.5 year old understood and really wanted to earn the smiles. She stopped partaking in the wildness and it soon ended. At first we offered a little reward if they got a smile...after a couple of weeks, we stopped and they had forgotten their old, wild ways. We also stayed for a few minutes after stories were finished to make sure that they were both calm and settled before leaving the room. We still do that...the couple extra minutes in the room saves many trips back into the room and gets them a little more sleep.

I think Shellie advice was great. Also, I would not adjust their bedtime, having that eneregy allows them to be that active. After a couple of nights they will become tired and if you put them to bed separately you should have less problems.

Good luck!

When our oldest boys were that age we did a staggered bed time. We put the younger one to bed, let him fall asleep and then tucked the older one in bed. It mostly worked. Then there was no one to play with. Another option is to send one you your bed to fall asleep and then move him after he is asleep.

good luck- keep trying things until something works.

R.- mom to 5

Children’s audio books on CD or cassette tape (free from any library system for 2 to 3 weeks) are a good choice for calming a setting. Help your children to set up a night time ritual. The ritual can go like this; turn off all television’s in the house, bath time, Celestial Seasonings "Sleepy Time" tea (safe for children), lavender sent in the bedroom before going to bed, everyone tucked into bed, tell your children just how long before you will come back to turn off the book, say good night, turn on the book, turn out the lights, and leave the room. Your children will fall to sleep before you return to turn off the book! One more suggestion, after turning the lights out tell your children you will stay in the room with them for 5 or 10 minutes. Staying in the room with them the first few times they listen to a new book will assist in a quiet time habit when going to bed. Leaving the room when beginning this bed time ritual may allow your children to ignore the book and continue with the rowdy ritual they have already put into place. Put in the time to participate with your children (yourself or someone you trust) when beginning this night time ritual. During breakfast the next morning you will have an opportunity to ask your children about the story they heard the night before. Discussing the book will help your children with comprehension and listening skills. I hope this will help with the issue. It is time well spent when it means you will have some peace and quiet after your little ones have been put to bed at night. Children’s CD books work great when in the car too. Please let me know how this works for you. Good Luck

I can understand... my two oldest (6 & 5) have a hard time settling at night and my youngest (14 mths) is also in the room.

Also, when I was a kid I was just like that... my brother is 21 mths younger and we shared a room till I was 8 or so. What my parents did (and I may do with my kids eventually) is that one of us was put to bed in our parent's bed.. and then once we went to sleep or they went to bed they would transfer us from their bed to ours. To make it fair we would take turns (every other night) till we kind of compromised and my brother was usually put in their room. It worked out well.

We just did the same thing a few months ago! I have a 4 1/2 and a 3 year old sharing and it was the same as you describe. My oldest does not take a nap anymore but still needs the extra sleep my 3 year old still takes a nap. So about the third week into this awful transistion:) my 4 year old came down with a cold, so I started putting him to bed before my daughter. I thought for sure he wouldn't want to because he would think he was missing out but he still does without a problem ( He ussually is the best negotiater of them all, so I am still surprised:)) This was over a month ago that he had the cold. He likes to fall asleep before his sister comes in. So I put him to bed at about 6:45 and his sister to bed at 7:15. I cannot tell you what a difference it has made. No stress, no more yelling and everyone gets a good night sleep. Hope this helps!

I couldn't help but laugh at your question because you sounded just like me a couple of years ago. We have a 3 children all spaced 2 years apart. What we did when the oldest were in the same room was put the youngest to bed first then my oldest would go up later after he had fallen asleep. The oldest would be downstairs reading books with us. It did take a bit to get the 2 year old to stay in bed but you need to be very consistent in having then stay in their bed. Since you are a stay at home mom what might work best if your husband does the enforcement of bedtime since they are with you all day and mine always seemed to listen better to dad since he is not home all the time. It does get better. When our kids hit 3 and 5 the staggered bedtime didn't work anymore and we moved the oldest and youngest in a room together until the youngest was out of the crib. Now we have the two oldest together AGAIN and the youngest in her own room. We switch rooms around here ALOT. It seems that when the are 2 1/2 to 3 it is hard to get them to settle down to sleep unless they are alone. Hope this helps a little.