My New 8Th Grade Graduate

Perfectly normal. Just keep the lines of communication open. Soon she
will realize how cool you really are!!

Family time is extremely important. I understand that my girls are growing up and need more "me" time and more time with friends, it's normal. However, I try to help them find the right balance. I insist that we eat meals together (there are a few exceptions). Once a week we try to do a family activity, sometimes its just a board game, other times it's a day trip. I take advantage of driving time to talk to them.

Don't remind her about spending time with you, simply plan an activity for the 2 of you - go to a movie & stop for icecream - go out for lunch - do some early back to school shopping. Let her know that it's not optional. After she does the activity with you, she can then go over to a freind's house.

Hmmm. Welcome to teenage years lol. I would suggest that if you haven't done so remove the computer and tv stuff from her room if you have let her have that. Also while its cool to spend time with her friends make it accessible for her friends to come to your house. My kids always brought friends home because we made it a point to have them over a lot when the kids were younger. it went from playtime in grade school to afterschool and sports stuff to just hanging out. my boys are in college now but friends who still live close by stop over all the time. don't "hang with" them but make them feel welcome. keep food and snacks and stuff to do. but you are going to have to do some letting go. i hated that part

Roots and wings. Time for the wings!

normal stage and part of being a teenager!!!

She will be in high school in the fall. You have 4 years to make sure she is a good and responsible person for when she leaves for college or work. . This will take practice. That is what she is doing right now. Practicing out n the world.

You are her mom not her friend. She will always love you and depend on you, but she is not your girlfriend.

I agree to make sure your daughter and her friends know they are welcome in your home at all times. This does not mean you sit there with them and watch a movie.. It means you are in the kitchen making nachos for all of them, you drive them to the video store. You take and pick them up from the movies.. This way you are around and hearing everything, but you are not intruding..

Let you daughter come to you with questions. If you sound too interested or too needy, she will push you away. I used to find funny comics, or interesting articles and tape them to our daughter door. Or I would email her cute outfits, funny stories.. This seemed to open up communication.

Also we moms had a moms group (Moms of '08) that we started freshman year. Some of the moms had boys and also had older kids.All of our children were not all "friends" but classmates. . It was a good group because we were so diverse and our kids were in all sorts of different activities.

We tried to meet once a month to discuss what to expect in High school.. This included class choices, extra curricular activities. Concerns, behaviors, whatever we wanted to talk about.. It was a good way to hear how to handle tough situations with our kids. Other moms could make suggestions about who to speak to at the school with certain concerns.

Maybe you could put together t a group like this. We had about 30 moms, but usually 12 to 15 showed up each meeting..

We met at a different home each month (we did skip some months) with Iced Tea or wine and some snacks.. These are moms that we still try to get together, even though most of our kids are now in college.

Let me know if you want more info.. .

Do not take it personally, she is a teenager and this is what is normal for her age and development level. She is pulling away from you to find out who she is. Just be sure she knows you are there if and when she needs you, and that you do love her and miss spending special time with her. Every so often set up something for just the 2 of you, like a special lunch or shopping trip. She may whine about it at first, but once she gets into it she will enjoy the special dates as much as you do.

Welcome to the world!! This is what is normal.

She'll come around. She's just figuring out her independence, realizing who true friends are and not.

Just keep your lines of communication open and be there to listen when she is ready to talk and visit.

My daughter will be 16 in Dec. We went through a stage similar to that. There are days when she does spend a lot of time in her room and socializing with her texting and computer but she is always comes around. Be patient.

It's NORMAL mom!

Are you serious? You've never heard of teenagers doing this?

It hurts a little when we moms go from being the most important person in our kids' lives to being someone they don't particularly want to hang out with, but it's a normal and necessary part of their journey to adulthood.

She'll come back around. It might be a few years, so stop getting your feelings hurt in the meantime.

Hi N.,
Mine is 15 and going into her sophomore year in HS. Teens don't really want to hang out much with mom. What are you doing during your time together? Keep in mind what her interests are. Mine loves going to Starbucks. It's not my favorite thing, I don't drink coffee, but she's always glad for a Starbucks outing. We also go to museums and theater events when possible. Why are you reminding her that she should spend more time with you? Is that because she needs it, or because YOU need it? The teen years and the separation that happens when they still live at home is preparation for four short years from now, when your daughter goes to college. Moms and teen girls typicallly are not best friends and hanging around together all the time. You may need to change your expectations. This age is all about friends and socialization. You might do the same, spend more time with your adult friends and on your outside interests. If you're looking to hang out at home, give her chores to do that involve taking part in the food preparation and cooking at dinnertime so that you are both in the kitchen together

She's not a "tween" .. She's a TEEN! lol, At age 14 I was never home to be honest with you. I was with my friends all the time. I don't know if it really hurt my parents feelings - I had 2 younger sisters plus we didn't do tons of stuff together. My daugher is almost 8 - and me on the other hand .. I will be in the same boat as you!! I know my feelings will get hurt (I am too sensitive) but I do agree we need to try and let go a little. The more you push her to hang out w/you the more she will want to stay away. (probably)

Maybe plan one Saturday a month as Mom & Daughter day. Go get pedicures, go to lunch, see a movie together, etc..... I think she should be ok compromising dedicating ONE Saturday a month to hang out with mom. lol

Congrats...she's normal lol!
Perhaps you can go on a shopping trip or to the salon or just out to lunch one day---tell her you understand that she's a teen and that she wants to hang out with friends, but it means a lot to you to have mother/daughter time even if for an afternoon. Make the afternoon fun and don't grill her about her friends or why she is "downgrading" your tme together. Good luck.

Unfortunately this is part of growing up. Explain to your daughter that you miss the times you've had together. Tell her you understand that she wants to socialize with her friends. Tell her you would like so time with her, together the two of you should sit down and pick some activities the two of you can do together. Pick some things like a mani/pedicusre at the local salon, I would take her out to a different type of resturant i.e. Taco Bell or some such eatery, even just a picnic. Good Luck

Teenagers are trying to 'find' themselves and need to be with friends and have alone times to get lost in their thoughts. No it isnt cool to spend time with mom and its also not particularly healthy. Not that its bad, but forcing her to will only drive her farther away. Talk to her at meal time when she should be with the family, but be careful you arent quizzing her. Instead of asking about her day and friends, talk about your day, your friends, your work or even something on TV. For instance right now you could mention Lindsy Lohan and how she made mistakes and now is paying for them etc. I found discussing other people in front of my teens was much more effective than telling them what not to do.
My 20 y/o had gone to a club last weekend and I was not happy about it. Then I read in the paper there had been a stabbing in the same club and a kid lost his eye. I didnt mention the name of the club, but went on about stupid kids, getting in fights, blah blah. My son said where did this happen and I told him and he said oh wow that could have been me. Im not going there again. I let it go at that, but I think he was a bit shocked and wont go back any time soon.
The good news is, when she hits about 22 YOU will have gotten way smarter and way more interesting and she will want to have more of your time and wisdom.

it all about 14 years ols it normal it dont get any better let it be but keep lines of communication open and keep asking question and listening to her while she is hanging with friends relax

Hi N.
Your daughter is getting older and likes to spend time with her friends and that is understandable. Now is the time to be sure that you are an interesting person that your daughter wants to become friends with you while you remain her mom. Be sure you are interested in the things she is interested in. Allow her to try out different things. Explore the world which is just opening up to her, and you want to see that happen
Every family does that differently. All my children are out of the house now.
They know I want to be included in the "news" so even the ones out of state let me know what is happening. And when they call I always let them know how much I appreciate that.
How do I know that is important? Because I heard that from my parents and my in-laws, and appreciated them saying they were glad to hear from me. I can only remember hearing "I will call you back" once. That was when I happened to call when the ambulance was bringing my dad to the hospital. Never from my in-laws.
I remember asking my mom when I was about 12 about the generation gap which we were actually talking about in school. My mom's response was "any generation gap you see, I will close", and I could see on her face it was not something she was going to allow. It must have been then that she started asking me questions about goals and things and that is exactly what I did with my own. When I heard the "not cool" stuff. I said "you heard that at school because their parents may not be cool, but here I better be cool because without me you go no where and see no one" We live in the sticks and walking 6-8 miles to get anywhere was not cool either. No they knew they were not allowed to ride in vehicles without permission. I went to sports events and cheered the loudest for their whole team. I went to recitals, and ... my kids and their friends expected me to be there. We let our children explore the things they were interested in. With the girls at 12 all I had to say was things like who wants to bake cookies and they would come running because they knew that one batch was never enough, and each of us made a different kind. So they had 3 choices instead of just mom's sugar cookies. They made the kind of their choice. Why? one day they didn't come and I made "plain old sugar cookies". I didn't plan it that way but it worked when I said next time come and help, you can make what you want. What fun we had in the kitchen. Their dad loved those days. How did I prevent them from staying out past their scheduled time of arrival? By going out and saying we would be back in an hour, and staying out 2. They were pacing the floor wondering where we were. Oh I had showed that to them for years by getting upset when their dad didn't arrive on time, but they thought it was not a problem, so we did it. They never stayed late without calling. Today they are 39,34, and the twins are 20 and if they tell me they are going to be later than expected.
Close the gap, or it will be too late

"Tweens" are from 9-12 years old... your daughter is on the cusp of that.

Do a Google search on "tween development" and many good articles will come up. Read it for your and her benefit.

Also, keep communication open, and 2-ways. Talk story with her... so you can keep in the loop and know what is going on in her life etc.

One thing, this age especially, is they don't like 'nagging' and this makes them get standoffish even more.
Its a fine line.
And they are still young kids, so they do need parenting! Despite....

A good book series for Tweens, is the "American Girl" series of books. Both for the child and the child, and to read it together.
I already have some, that I got for my daughter even if she is 7.