My Mom and Daughters Relationship

Hi L.,

Boy, that's a tough one. You don't want to lecture your mom about how to interact w/ her granddaughter and you don't want to tell your daughter that what her grandma is doing is ok. Hmm. Perhaps trying to plan something for just the two of them to do (something that your daughter is particularly interested in) may help your mom to see how great a child she really is. Maybe by spending time with your daughter, she will ease up on her a bit and understand that she is a 9 year old who is learning about the world around her and maybe just maybe, your mom will realize she can teach her a thing or two! Best of luck to you! Keep us posted on how it turns out!

A.~

Hi L., you could try pointing out her behavior. When ever she does get nasty with your daughter, call her on it right there. Dont wait, this lets your daughter know your on her side and maybe your mother doesn't realize what she's doing. You could also try the next time she's really loving to your son asking why she doesn't do that with your daughter.

I would definitely tell your mom that the way she treats her so differently from your son is affecting her self esteem. It's not fair to your daughter to have to walk on eggshells around her grandma. Grandma's are supposed to be fun for kids. I know she is your mom and it's hard to tell her, you want to be sensitive, but in order to stick up for your daughter I think you need to just be blunt and tell her what you feel. Honesty is always the best policy.

delicate shmelicate your mom needs to respect u ur daughter and your house. sorry about being blunt

Hi. I think your daughter needs and deserves you as an ally every time your mom is unkind to her. It sounds as though they see each other often, which makes it even more important to deal with this. Good luck to you!

well firstly i think you should know because your daughter is older your mom expects more from her i am sure she doted over her every giggle and and clap when your daughter was younger (if not then maybe you should find out why your mother is favoring your son)>
secondly you should definatly explain to your mother that if there is a conversation being held around your daughter it shoud be child friendly and that she should be allowed to participate (if she feels otherwise then the conversation needs to b held in private).

i hope you have luck in this situation dealing with parents when it comes to you children can b e rough.

Hi L.,
This hits me on a lot of personal levels, my mom does the same thing, except very opposite, she talks about how my 6 yr old is so perfect, and whatever she wants, she can have, right in front of my 4 yr. old. When I give her "the look" my moms says,"Oh yeah, you too." to my 4 yr. old. But not at all loving. My 4yr old will talk to her, and my mom will look right at me and say,"what is she talking about?" It breaks my heart. I just give my 4yr. lots of hugs and kisses, but I know she's probably wondering why Grandma is like that.

Then there is ME, I am so hard on my 6 yr. old because, I know she knows better, SHE knows right from wrong in a lot of cases, so I talk to her more maturely. But with my 4yr. old I still on some levels easier on her, because she's smaller. But I do find myself just being so stern with my oldest one all the time(you'll see my posting about it soon).

What I have been doing about this is, I tell my mom to stop doing those things and tell her it's not right, and she KNOWS its not, and she says she was just kidding, but she now knows it annoys me and she has stopped to some extent. ME? Well I am still working on it, I try to make extra efforts to just tell my oldest I love her and I am proud of her. Good luck, and I will be paying close attention to your replies, I just wanted to let you know you're not alone!
Thanks, D.

You say you don't want to yell at your mother, which is understandable. You don't need to ever yell to get your point across! In my opinion....when our children are young and we are responsible for them, it means we need to stick up for them and show them that we stand up for what we believe in. How I see it....your child knows that their grandmother is treating them poorly and you are doing nothing about it. Simply put they are your children and if it were my mother I would have absolutely no problem telling her to either treat my children the way they deserve to be treated or stop coming around them! It is harsh but I believe very necessary. Why have people around your children if they aren't going to treat them as though they deserve!

It is one thing for your mother to ask for help from your daughter, certainly there is nothing wrong with that, but why is she snapping like this at your daughter? As a Grandma of 2 I do not think it is ever my place, unless I was baby sitting and my daughters were not there, then if my Grand daughters misbehaved I would of course correct them. I felt the same way with my Mom when my children were young. Once my Mom yelled at my daughter in front of me, and I explained that #1 I will discipline my children, and #2 I do not scream at my children.
I think you should have a nice heart to heart with your Mom , you may be surprised that she did not even realize what was on your mind.