My Middle Son Is Melting down Practically Every Single Night ..need Suggestions

Def provide a snack to the kids if dinner is late. If it doesn't help, hire a babysitter for your youngest and oldest child and spend some alone time with your middle son. But, do not present this mommy-child one-on-one time as a reward to your son for his poor behavior as this could reinforce the behavior. Rather, try to spend one-on-one time with all your children, use that time to run necessary errands you have with your son (does he need clothes? shoes? school supplies?). Try to get him to talk about his feelings while you are alone with him. Perhaps he will tell you he is he having difficulty at school, misses his father, etc. If nothing is forthcoming, ask him why he has been melting down in the evenings.

Hi, C.:

Get your children in a circle when something happens like this.

Your daughter is the initiator of this offense.

Have your middle son answer these questions:

1. What did you think when you realized what had happened?
2. What impact has this incident had on you and others?
3. What has been te hardest thing for you?
4. What do you think needs to happen to make things right?

Then ask your oldest son the same questions.

Then you answer these questions.

If your husband is present ask him these questions too.

After you all have answered these questions, then ask your
daughter these questions.

1.What happened?
2. What were you think of at the time?
3. What have you thought about since?
4. Who has been affected by what you have done?
5. In what way?
6. What do you think you need to do to make things right?

Try this every time there is a problem. See what happens.

This is restorative practices www.iirp.org
Good luck.
D.

It sounds to me like you did a GREAT job of handling it. I know you didn't WANT to send him to bed, but he chose to be disrespectful to you. Good for you for not letting it go and standing firm. That is so hard to do when they have been testing your patience for hours...

Honestly, I sometimes think my kids (and I only have 2) get more and more out of hand as the evening wears on PRECISELY because I am worn down and it feels easier to let such things go. You are stressed at that point in the day. Completely understandable. You've been working hard at getting their homework assignments taken care of and preparing dinner and refereeing spats. Everyone is stressed by the time you sit down.

Perhaps you could initiate a "stress free time zone" for 5-10 minutes before dinner is served. All the homework is put away. No TV. No arguing allowed. Just fun stories about everyone's day, and everyone gets a chance to tell a joke (knock knock jokes if need be). That way everyone can relax a bit before sitting down for the meal. I know it sounds impossible... but if you could squeeze a few minutes of "down" time in before you sit to eat, it could make a world of difference. What I like to do with our kids (Dad is often not home for meals at our house either) is have them run around the house once or twice, then wash up and set the table (one does silver/plates, one makes drinks). It reduces stress and everyone feels better.

low blood sugar, or maybe just plain tired, does he get some time by himself to be alone after school?? depending if he is the type that needs to process the day a little bit after being on his best behavior at school, that might help him a bit just to be away from the rest of the family.

Sounds like you did fine. Evening meals can be so hard because they are hungry and tired. We had to ignore my son and put him in time out yesterday because he couldn't stop whining and crying. When he did finally stop he came back to the dinner table and ate with us. You may want to try having dinner earlier so that they aren't starving by that time. You didn't say what time it was. Also, a small healthy snack after school might ward off any temper flares. But it sounds like everyone mom is in your shoes. ;)