My Little Guy Needs His Naps

Hi S.,
I 100% agree with what the last person said. I just want you to know that you are not doing anything wrong. This is not your fault. You seem to be the only one who understands what a child needs. I have a 1 1/2 year old, and I am just now learning how important it is for a child to have a routine. Children absolutely NEED their naps, eventually it will go down to just one, but however many your son requires, it is what his body needs right now. Don't you wish on the nights that your son wakes up at 3 am you could march him right over to your mom-in-laws and say "here, you did this to him, you fix it!"?? lol I just feel for you and your aggrivation. All I can really say is stick in there and don't let them bully you. You are his mother, not her...she needs to do what you say, regardless of whether or not she thinks it's best. If she still won't, I say it's time to look elsewhere to someone that will do it your way. Stay positive though, stress is not good when you're prego. Good luck.

Well, it's not that lucky for you if your MIL is watching him "for Free" if she's not caring for him the way you want her to! Family or not, YOU are the mother and YOU know best. You tell that MIL that your son NEEDS his naps and you would appreciate it if she would follow your chosen schedule for YOUR child. If that's too harsh, then maybe you should STOP getting up with your son and night and make your husband do it! Maybe then he'll confront his mother and get this thing resolved. That is... if he's not too exhausted from taking over a small percentage of what you ALREADY DO! :-) Good luck, can be difficult dealing with family!
K. F.
Wellness Consultant/Mentor
http://kellyis.stayinhomeandlovinit.com

I know how you feel. My son is almost 4 now, and my daughter is 19 monthes. My mother in law does the same thing. She feels like naps are optional, and that i'm to regimented on my schedule for snacks, naps, ect so she completly ignores them. I've given up saying anything, and just deal with the grouchy kids, because like your husband says, at least shes watching them. I wish i had better advice, but people do, and think what they want. You just have to decide if you can handle it, and if its worth it. Thats what i had to do.

I feel for you, I have a 2 year old son and I'm expecting twins at the end of the year too. What I don't agree with is that your MIL is not neglecting your son, she's just not following the same parenting views as you do. That is a problem yes, but not neglect. I'm sure she loves and adores your child, but doesn't understand the severity of the problem, she doesn't see it first hand. I do agree with a previous writer who said she had made it possible for the MIL to see first hand the problem when mommy and daddy get home. My MIL doesn't live even in the same state, but my mother lives next door (literally) and even though she doesn't watch my son daily she understands when I say I would like it this way bc of X then she respects that and sticks with it. your MIL needs to have a really nice conversation with you and your husband in regards to this problem. Especially since you have another on the way, you shouldn't be dealing with this stress at this point in your pregnancy. But an open discussion is what you guys all need, and it probably wont' be pleasant at first but over time she'll learn to respect it as a grandmother who has had children before. Just will take some time. Good luck and open the communication lines asap, before that new baby comes!!

Hi S.,

I too am going through the same thing you are doing, I have a 2 year old and 5 month old. When my 2 year old is here she takes a 2 hour nap around noon w/ no fussing. At my MIL's house, she fights and cries. Reason is she set the tone for her, she puts her down, 2yo cries and she gets picked up. Here, it's all business, I put her down, she sleeps, end of story! It's been an ongoing struggle since day one to force her to put 2yo down, the reason is she does not like to hear her cry! Well, I don't like her to be a fussy mess when she gets home so my husband and I began doing this about 2 weeks ago (tough love for MIL). He usually gets off around 2pm, gets to her house around 2:30 - 2:40, if she was to put her down this would be more than enough time. She doesn't, so he stays there w/ her until 5 or 6 (i'm at work) saying that he wants to wait for traffic to die down. See, she sends her home not knowing just how awful she is, we live about 30 mis away from my MIL, 2 yo usually falls asleep in the car on the way home and is very upset when she's awakened. Since he's been staying there she has a chance to see just how grumpy 2yo is with no naps, I think this really helped her put it all togther. However, you HAVE to have your husband back you on this, since it's his mom He has to control this, not you (I talked to her until I was blue in the face, it made no difference). You need to talk to him and let him know how much this is affecting you, if you need to talk let me know, i'll be happy to give you my email or phone number. I sooo get what you're going through.

Also, to the people below judging, that is not fair! With prices the way they are nowadays it is just not possible to pay upwards of $2,000 a month for daycare in addition to mortgage/rent, food, etc.. sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and fight your battles. However, I do believe this is one that needs to be fought. Just don't judge her for trusting her most precious gift, her son, to family. This is not he worst thing in the world, naps will be taken when he's tired enough. . atleast he's being well taken care of.

It will all get better. . in time.

Good luck!

Well there's a lot of 'issues' here: your husband's view, your mom-in-law, and your being pregnant, and your son's care..and your husband losing his temper. Okay, well first your son needing a nap. It is VERY important that babies nap... if they are over-tired, they actually do NOT sleep better at night and may wake up more, and get more agitated. Babies usually nap in the morning, and afternoon. What your mom-in-law is doing is negligent and wrong. She is NOT caring for him properly. Forcing a child to stay awake is just plain irresponsible. THAT is why your son acts out and gets wild and cannot calm down at night! He is too over-exhausted by the time night time comes and this is how babies and children get when they are over-tired. Your Husband needs to understand this.... or his son will not be growing up properly. Realize, that during sleep and rest, babies and children are 'growing' during this time, and that is when their body and brain is getting it's needed 'down-time' and growth. Your husband needs to stop his bad temper...his child will become aware of this and get complexes from it. Is this what your husband wants? Psychological problems? Also, it is the PARENTS responsibility to make sure their child is cared for properly.... not going according to whether it is 'free' for not. If your son had tantrums when he is tired... this is your Husbands responsibility too... it is NOT your son's fault. It is because he is being deprived of sleep. You husband should be upset with his Mother, not your son. It is not your son's fault, he is JUST a baby. Babies do not raise themselves... parents do. Which is more important.... your mom-in-laws feelings, or your son's care and well-being???? Your Husband needs to realize this. A child is priority. And babies cry and have tantrums...this is their development and it's NORMAL, unless they are being mis-treated. Your Husband needs to understand this. If your son throws fits... and your Husband does this too, to your son... he is just REINFORCING this behavior to your son... it is NOT providing a good example. Can you have someone else care for your son? If your mom-in-law is not competent enough to do this properly... you need to find someone else. Caring for a child is NOT about just playing with the child...it is about providing a STABLE and NURTURING environment....and being a ROLE MODEL for the child, and making sure they are taken care of. This is the bottom line. Right now, it seems your Son's feelings and needs are being totally IGNORED by his Grandma and your Husband. Realize this. ALSO... they need to be taking care of you too... you are PREGNANT and they should be respecting this and your care as well. And pregnant women need to REST properly...and not having to be worried about other problems. Right now, it seems that your mom-in-law and your Husbands's feelings are first....and your son and you are last. Imagine.... how will it be when you give birth and have your new baby??? This can't be going on... your son will need his naps and be cared for properly. YOU will need rest and sleep too. Who will be taking care of them all? You can't have an out-of-control son having tantrums because he is being deprived of naps... you will have 2 babies to care for. And where will your husband and mom-in-law be in all of this? You and your children's care comes first. And your new baby will cry too... how will your Husband handle it? He needs counseling maybe for his anger problems?
Evaluate all of this wisely. Your children need PROPER care.... not just 'free' care. Will your mom-in-law deprive your new baby of naps too??? Think about this. Your Husband should be looking out for his family...you AND his babies. That is what a parent is. You could research online, about napping for children, print it out... and then have them READ it. Or, tell your Pediatrician about this problem, and then tell your Husband and mom-in-law that is is 'doctor's orders' that he get his naps.
I really feel for you. It's a power struggle sounds like. But your son and new baby, will get the poor effects of improper care. This current situation is NOT to their benefit....and it is not a good example for them to live with. Remember, baby's have no voice... it their Parents or Mommy who has to stand up for them and have a voice for them. Naps are VERY important...for babies and Mommies. Good luck.