My Girls Wont Go to Sleep ?

I had a similar problem with both of my girls recently. I have a 7yr old and a 4 yr old (I'm also 9 months pregnant). I would wake up exhausted from the night before and I was usually in a terrible mood. I was so tired of scolding them and nothing seemed to work. Finally while I was at work one day I printed out two calendars, which I printed each of their name's on. I had my husband buy some fun stickers from Walmart and explained my plan. When I got home that evening I sat both of my girls down and explained to them how tired I was and how we needed to cooperate with one another. I brought out the calendars and showed them the stickers, explaining that every night they went to bed "hassle free" they would be allowed to place a sticker on their calendar the next morning. The agreement was that if they would be rewarded for a minimum of two consecutive weeks. The reward would be for me to decide on. (That way I wasn't stuck making a trip to Sea World) If they gave us grief on any given night a sticker would be removed. This worked for us, and pretty soon they were knocked out by 9:30pm. We were amazed. I think they were more excited about the stickers than the reward. Regarding the night light situation, I suggest you sit with them and come up with a compromise. Maybe instead of the night light being placed directly in their bedroom, it can be placed in the hallway. Or maybe even a fun flashlight will work. Talk to them and let them be a part of the decision.
Good Luck.

Hi R., YOu hit on the clue to getting your girls to sleep earlier. Get them in to activies that will give them extra exercise. Neverby park or a community center would be a great place for all your kids. Girl/Boy Scouts, gymnasics, dance or sports would be great to. I found that these activities before dinner and bathtime. Then use something relaxing like soft music or have them read a book. Older child reading to the younger helps if they "can't" sleep.
I hope this works for you.

Well how about starting bedtime earlier? Start the 6 yr old at like 7pm maybe by 8 she will be asleep then you can turn the nightlight on for the older one at like 830... maybe seperate bedtimes will sole your problem. Good luck

What I did with mine was I put them to bed at 7pm, to watch TV and relax. At around 9pm I would go in and turn the TV off and leave the door cracked open a bit. It took a while to get used to it, but at the time my step daughter was 6 and she is now almost 9 and she still follows the same routine. If she threw a fit for the TV she would loose the TV the next night. Once she learned that I wouldnt give in and go back to the old way (TV all night), she stopped crying about it and just went to bed.

I HAVE TWO GIRLS 4,5. SAME THING HAPPENS TO ME EVERYNITE. TAKE OUT THE T.V FROM THEIR ROOM. AND LEAVE ONE NITE LITE ON. PUT THEM TO BED AT 8:30. THEY WILL EVENTUALLY FALL ASLEEP ON THEIR OWN. THEY WILL EVENTUALLY BECOME BORED AND FALL ASLEEP.

Sounds like a bad habit that needs to be broken. Tough love will be needed in this as well as Mom and Dad being together in whatever you choose to do.

I, personally, would make the kids go to bed with the nightlight on. If one complains that she can not sleep with it on, just tell her it is not a choice. It is for safety. If one of them need to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night or something, this will aid them. They can always face the wall or something so the light isn't so bad. Or, you can tell them that they have a choice to go to bed even earlier without it so they can get to sleep and then the other will come to bed and it will get turned on. I bet they will choose not to go to bed early.

You will get whining and crying, but if you and your husband are united, which you MUST BE, it will eventually work itself out. You two can not be aiding the children or they will suffer. It sounds like they are already and their education is going to suffer as well. This bad habit is teaching them that they have no boundaries and I know that when I was in my youth, I had no boundaries. It is a very insecure feeling.

I hope you guys can work this out. It is for the children's sake.

Good luck!

I've had similar problems with my two children pretty much running the house. My son is 6 and my daughter just turned 4. My aunt is working towards her child psychology major and recommended a book by the title '1-2-3 Magic'. The author is Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D. I found the book on amazon.com for less than $10.00 (slightly used). While reading the book I kept thinking the system was way to simple to be effective, but once you start using the method life is sooo much easier. I'm even having my son's 1st grade teacher learn the system to use with him at school! Hope this helps and good luck.
J.

R., Wow! Your life sounds out of control. If I could I would send "The Nanny" to you. Do you watch that program on TV. She spends time with a family and helps them learn ways to get back in control. I'm learning things from her.

I think the first problem that you have which is making life so difficult is that your husband doesn't back you. Nothing will work until the two of you make the rules and both of you enforce them. Perhaps you'll need to get some couples counseling or take a parenting class together.

The second thing that will help you is to put yourself first. I used to think that was a selfish thing to do and I had many years of counseling and experience before I got over the guilt even after I realized that life works best, even for the children, when one takes care of one's self first.

If you are frazzled, always trying to please, (which, by the way is how most of us women were taught to be)wanting peace at any price, thinking that giving in to children and side stepping discipline is love, life will be chaotic and children will be spoiled and without self discipline, unable to manage their own lives when it comes time to do so.

At this age it is the parent's job to make the rules and provide the consequences, with input from the kids, but parents have the final say. And parent's have to cooperate with each other. Sounds like your husband sabotages your efforts.

Discipline is a very big part of love. Is it loving to allow your children to stay up and then be too tired in the morning? I bet he sleeps in and maybe doesn't realize how difficult the mornings are for you and the kids. Perhaps you could help your husband understand that and be more helpful. Maybe you could turn the morning over to him for one day.

And so, I recommend counseling and parenting classes. If that doesn't work, get parenting books from the library.

As to where the parks are and what you can do in Redland look up Redland on the computer. You'll find Parks and Recreation under the county's name. They offer low cost dance classes and will tell you where the parks are located.

The girls' school can tell you about girl scouts and any other activities available for the girl's.
The school may also have a counselor with whom you could discuss how to best help your girls succeed in school.

If you live where it's safe to walk, I'd recommend taking the kids for a walk, look at your surroundings and talk about things on a regular basis. My daughter and I could talk about things on a walk that we couldn't sitting down at home.

I highly recommend counseling for you and your husband. If he won't go, you go and learn how to parent without his help and how to put yourself first so that you can parent your kids.

Here is an example of putting yourself first that also helps the kids. My daughter has a 3yo and a 6yo. Their bedtimes are 7 and 8 but she usually gets them both to bed by 7:30 or so. When I was visiting I'd sometimes say, "let them watch this TV program. It's a good one." My daughter would respond with, "Mom, I have to have some time for myself before I go to bed. Sure, it won't hurt for them to stay up once in awhile but I'm feeling anxious and out of sorts." When I was her age I would've told myself that this is a good program and it won't hurt to let them stay up. I would've thought I could find another way to manage my own anxiety. I am so proud of my daughter for learning early on and in spite of my poor example that she first needs to take care of herself so that she can take care of the kids in a more manageable way.

I hope this helps. You must be having a really difficult time. M.

I agree with the other mothers' suggestions about ways to get your kids to bed and asleep. They are excellent ways to manage bedtime. Will your husband back you if you do that? Or at least stay out of it. Using the same routine every night does eventually work. Doing so is difficult at first and so don't get discouraged.

I have a 7 year old son who is ADHD to the extreme. He has been on numerous medications. He is on a medication in the morning and at night to try to help him sleep. That one is not working at all. He sneaks downstairs and eats junk food while we are sleeping. The best thing that we have used to help him sleep and the doctors have also told us to do this, Benadryl. My son takes 50mg capsules. Usually......and I say usually because lately I haven't used anything because of his other medication, he sleeps all night. Try giving your girls 1 25mg capsule and see how they do with that. This is what the doctors gave my son when he was in the Pyschiatric Unit at Providence a year ago to help him sleep at night. You can also talk to your doctor about it and see what they recommend. I have alot of sleepless nights because of my son. I'm exhausted too. Good luck!

I have a bit of the same problem. My 9 and 10 year old girls use to share a room, and would stay up talking all night. I tried making them go to bed earlier as punishement. I tried grounding them, nothing worked. Until... I wrote out this extremely long sentance somthing like this: As I am growing up it is important for me to get plenty of sleep so I will be well rested for school, church and other activities, therefore, I will stay in my bed, and I will not talk to anyone or get off my bed to do other things, for the duration of the night from my bedtime until morning. The first time you give them 3 sentances to write. The second offense you give them 6, then 9. That's all Ive had to give is 9. Now all I have to do is mention the sentances. They don't get out of their bed anymore, they just lay there until they fall asleep. It's important to make the sentances due before bedtime the next day.
As far as the nightlight, it's not that bright. If the one who doesnt' like it just closes their eyes, they wont even notice it. You just have to say "its staying on and that's it" They are just fighting about it because one wants it and the other doesn't. It really has nothing to do with whether or not they can or can't sleep wiht it, but for little ones, it is a bit scary in the dark, so I think a nightlite is ok.
Also, it sounds like your daughters are pretty smart. Wouldn't you rather stay up and watch tv with dad then go to bed, or sneak in bed with your mom istead of sleeping by yourself. By allowing them to do this, they are being rewarded with what they want. If you really wnat them to stay in bed, you can't allow them to keep doing it. Even if that means putting them back in their own bed several times a night. Eventually they will get it that you aren't giving in. Good luck. I have 4 kids: 3 girls, 1 boy. 10, 9, 8 ,6. I'm a big one with long boring sentances. We have them for everything.

i was having a problem with my 2 and 3 yr olds not going to sleep as well. the thing that seemed to help the most was having my husband and i getting on the same page about things. he is more likely to give in because he doesn't get to spend the whole day with them like i do, so we sat down and made a plan. you can start by moving bedtime an hour earlier so they have more time to get ready and calm down. another thing that has worked for me i didn't think would ever work, MY mom told me to give them a glass of warm milk before bed and to my suprise it worked great. as far as the nightlight goes, maybe you could try to get a bed tent for the girl that wants the dark. or just pin up a sheet to help soften the light. the t.v. can be a contributing factor in staying up later. the brightness and action on the screen can cause you to stay awake longer. if all else fails try to remember that you and you hubby are a team and if your kids see that you disagree on something they will use it. mine do and they are only 2 and 3. good luck.

R. your in redlands .Have u ever thought about Joining a moms group off of www.meetup.com .I organize one and I love it .We have park days and chuck e cheese meetsups .Sounds like u need to get out .We also have Moms Night Out.U do have your hands full .My girls have sleeping problems to .Always want to lay down with mommy and daddy to fall asleep and there 2 and 8.

Hello there R.,

I have found that sticking to a routine works wonders. As long as there is nothing unexpected happening, they seem to do well. So, make a routine that starts at the same time every night. (Ours looks like this: bath, jammies, snack, teeth, story, bed) I give them a 20 or 10 minute warning so that they don't feel like bed time is sprung on them suddenly. Sometimes it is hard, but we are sure to stick to it. :)

As far as the night light goes, maybe you could try getting one of the girls a light up doll. We have a glow worm. That way the girl that needs the light, has her doll. The good thing about the glow worm is that the light only stays on for a short period of time and it isn't so bright that it bothers anybody else.

Good luck!
~C.