NO, you did not tell him what you wanted.
>"I said a date planned out" < This is to vague for this man.
You left out exactly what you wanted. You gave him a vague idea. He obviously, cannot come up with an idea on his own. THIS IS WHO HE IS.
SOME men do NOT have ANY idea of what to do in these situations..
Your family sounds like they are very loving and thoughtful. They are used to the way THEY have always celebrated.. Your boyfriend sounds like a person that grew up totally different or he is not wired that way.
If you were to ask a question here on mamapedia, "What is your idea of a date?" You will receive a dozen answers. And I promise, one of the answers will be, Being able to sleep in late and watching a movie without any children.
And so since that is not what you think a date is, and your boyfriend was clueless you need to realize he is probably not going to change.
This is your decision. Do you love this guy, J. the way he is right now?
YOU cannot change him, so this may be the exact way he will always be. Can YOU live with that. Is he over all worth it?
Does he love you enough without all of the bells and whistles of being a romantic planner that you can be with him ?
Is he kind?
Is he honest?
Is he faithful?
Is he good to your children?
Is he inelegant?
Is he funny?
Insert what is the most important to you,.,
On his not so great list
He is not a creative planner of dates
He will always need to have it spelled out as to what you want
He will need to be able to read your mind
He does not take hints
Now either drop this and stand up for him with your family.
Or tell your boyfriend you want a "Do over" for your birthday. This weekend you want a date that includes.. A cake, singing Happy Birthday, flowers, going out to eat at a nice steak place, going dancing and him dressed up.