My Ex Wants to Talk to Our 4 Year Old Everyday. but She Doesn’t Want To.

When my children were 4 they often didn't want to go to bed, they wanted to eat cookies for dinner, and rarely wanted to brush their teeth, but I made them because it is what is best for them. Fostering a positive relationship with her father is what is best for her.

How lucky is your 4 yr old to have a dad that wants to talk to her every day! So many dad's out there want nothing to do with their kids :(

You should be fostering this relationship at every turn and making sure that you are doing everything you can to make this work (as long as he is working hard at connecting with his child, you should be, too). Put him on speaker phone so he can talk to her even if she isn't responding, put Skype or other apparatus on your phone or computer so they can see each other every day for a few minutes.

The days of the "weekend dad" could totally be over with the technology we have today . . . for every willing father who wants to connect with their child, the only true barrier is an angry and resentful mother.

Maybe he can read a story to her and she can listen, and then they can talk about the story.

When my children were 4yo I remember them not always wanting to brush their teeth or go to bed. Some things they have to do. Unless your ex is abusive, I think you should do what you can to foster a healthy relationship between father and daughter. Your daughter will be the one who suffers for a lack of a decent relationship with her father. Sadly, I’ve seen how messed up girls can be when they don’t have a good relationship with their dad regardless of the reason.

Encourage her to talk to him everyday. Make it part of her routine.

What about making it part of her day, as others have mentioned, that doesn't involve you too much (gathering you don't want to be heavily involved).

What about when she eats breakfast - and he's having his morning coffee, or something like that - a quick chat over FaceTime? Set it up so all she has to do is answer the call. Or some other time where you know she'll be available each day and that way, for the most part, it's a routine. Could be end of day, when you're getting her clothes ready for next morning - she tells dad about her day.

People do this all the time - when one parent travels with work, etc.

How often does he see her in person? What is their relationship and interaction like? Is there court-ordered visitation, and do both he and you stick to that schedule? If so, he may have to be content with that.

Does he have any idea what it takes to get a 4 year old to pay attention to anything, let alone a phone? Many parents and grandparents understand that kids don't want to talk every day on the phone, even to people they live with.

Without knowing the situation, I'd suggest that he at least FaceTime or Skype with her so there's a face for her to see. I like the idea below of him reading her a story. He could also read some stories onto a CD and you could play it anytime she asks or a couple of times per week at bedtime, and let him know you are doing this. The problem is, sometimes 4 year olds do better with picture books. Does he sing? He can sing some lullabies you can play at bedtime, or other songs for daytime.

Otherwise, you can consider putting the phone in front of her or putting her in front of the computer, and let him watch her get bored and run away to play. You make the effort to connect them, and then he's on his own.

I wouldn't turn it into a big fight to get her to sit still - that's a sure way to get her to resent him. Which is what you should tell him.

But again, without knowing more of the story, it's hard to say.

Your child doesn't have the ability to have a say in this. It's your job to produce the child for him.

If you don't put her on the phone he's able to take you to court and say you're interfering with his parental rights to his child.

Just put here up there and make her sit down and do it. She is at the age where she should just do what she's told. It's the phone or computer so she should be doing it.

If she doesn't do it then he can also say you're poisoning her against him. It all comes back to looking bad on you and he could play his cards right and get a judge that thinks you're the bad guy. So produce her and tell her she should talk to her daddy.

Often, a four year old isn't able to carry on a normal phone conversation. The voice on the other end is just a voice, and there are so many visual things going on around her, it's easy to get distracted. The child will see a toy, something on tv, and the adult on the other end is trying to ask questions like "what did you do at school today" and the conversation just ends up in frustration.

Would her dad be willing to read her a short story via "face time" at her bedtime? Or say a little nighttime prayer or poem with her just before bed? Or does he want a lengthy "tell me about your day" kind of thing? Any of us who have put our young children on the phone to Grandma, prompting the child to tell Grandma all about the day at the zoo, will probably remember that the phone call just ended up with the child saying something silly and zany and cracking up laughing (a knock knock joke that doesn't have a point, or a silly word that makes them giggle that has NOTHING to do with the zoo), or holding the toy giraffe up to the phone in silence.

Create a child-friendly way for him to connect. Just let him see her eating her cereal in the morning, or create a bedtime routine, or let him be the one she practices reading to or learning her numbers and letters. Let him have a few educational moments with her. You may have to purchase two iPhones or two phones or other electronic devices that allow for 2 way visual communication, if you or your ex don't have electronics with those capabilities, but it could help.

tell him no.
khairete
S.

Its really not up to a 4 yr old to decide anything. Little kids don't understand the phone (they nod instead of talking or look at the picture on the cellphone and are confused when it doesn't show a person's face. You might want to set up a time like before school or before dinner when they can facetime or skype for a minute or two. Fostering that relationship is the best thing to do.

Talk to her how? By visiting? On the phone? by text? by facetime/skype? What does your custody agreement say? There is not enough information here to give advice.

Assuming there is not a specific reason for preventing contact, I think it's great that he wants to maintain a close relationship with his child. And I think that you should do whatever it takes - within reason - to encourage that. And so should he, which means that he can't insist on communicating in the way that's easiest for him, he needs to communicate with her in a way that is easiest for her.

Personally, my kids loved to take silly selfies of themselves and iMessage them to grandmas and grandpas at that age. It wasn't talking, per se, but it was 4-year old friendly communication. Maybe something like that will help bridge the gap.