My daughter does not get along with her step mom. In fact her step mom is someone I have knows for at 25 years and I have known her to lie and do whatever it takes to get her way. In the past month my daughter now refuses to go to her dad's house because of her step mom. At her step mom's house is my daughters ipod, coats, clothes, video games, nintendo DS, camera, etc, etc. All of these things either my daughter paid for or I paid for or my mom or my sister paid for. Her step mom is refusing to give anything back. For all we know she has given them away. We talked to my daughters dad about it and he says she would never do something like that. Everyone knows what a bad person her step mom is except her father sticks up for her and basically calls my daughter a liar. My daughter is so upset her father does not believe her. My daughter is 16. Is there anything her or I can do to get her things or at least be compensated for the loss of money. My daughter doesn't even have a winter coat to wear. That is also at her fathers house. Can we contact the police to search the house or can we sue. We really need some advice. We are tired of letting her treat my daugter like this.
The police are the best option. They are trained in defusing situations just like this. They are very gentle and diplomatic in a situation like this.
I would contact the police and request that she have an escort go with her to the house to get the items as you have both tried to obtain the items yourself and the step mother refuses to let you have it. Your daughter could even possibly be old enough to make the call herself. No matter who paid for them, if they were bought for the daughter without any intent to have it returned or repaid, they belong to the daughter and she has a right to be able to get her stuff back whether it is at her father's house or your house or a friends house. People can't hold other people's stuff hostage. You could also get a lawyer involved, but the police will arrange to go with you both to the house and observe as you take the stuff that belongs to your daughter and to help avoid conflicts.
Do you still have the receipts for those things?
Have any photos of it and/or with your daughter????
Take her to small claims court???
Charge Step Mom for 'stealing?"
Do you KNOW for a fact, that your daughter is telling the truth??? I am not saying she is not... but just looking at the other side of the fence here. I do assume, your daughter can be and is, trustworthy....
Seems to me, that Step Mom.... will be the type to lie about it... and say she does not know about it, and that your daughter NEVER brought it to their house... and therefore, your Daughter is lying.....
Next: it is real pathetic, her Dad is not looking out for her.
Probably... Step Mom is the real boss around that household....
From now on, even though its not fair... your Daughter should NOT bring ANYTHING to her Dad's house.. that is valuable to her in any way, be that for sentimental reasons or monetary value.
Next, your daughter no longer want to go to her Dad's house. I don't blame her. She is 16.... does she have to go there??
all the best,
Susan
Talk to the dad again. Tell him you want your daughter's things back as they are hers (paid for by you or your relatives) especially her winter coat. If you don't get anywhere with that, call the police and advise them that your daughter's things are at her father's and they refuse to give them back. They should be able to facilate the return of these items...especially when you mention they include her coat and her father nor his wife paid for the items.
I would contact the police and see what they say. Also, did you have an attorney representing you in the divorce and if so, can you still contact them? At 16, your daughter may be able to decide for herself if she wants to visit with Dad or not but will you need an attorney to back you up if it comes down to it? Also, did your daughter accidentally leave those items at her dad's, or were they taken away from her by her stepmom while she was there? How did they end up left at Dad's in the first place?
She can report them as stolen. The police will have to respond (though they reeeaalllly hate getting involved in such family/custody disputes). Warn your daughter's father that you will do this and see if that doesn't get the items returned fast.
you could call the non-emergent line at the police department and ask for advice. I would assume that (sadly) your only recourse is not to let your daughter take anything over there.
Can she take her things back when she is there?
I would first try and get over there while the stepmom is gone and see if you can find them. Send her a e-mail/note and ask for them see if she screws up and acknowledges that they are there. Then you have some proof of them being there and that can be taken to the police to get an escourt over there. Or use if you end up in court.
If you call the police call the non emergency line. You will be able to talk to a cop and kind of set up an appointment to go over there.
I would be so mad if it was me and would want to teach her that it isnt okay to bully my child. I wouldn't care what my ex thought, they should be protection their child also.
We've had the same issue, but the other way around. Things disappear at Mom's house, never to be seen again.
I think you need to talk to her Dad about it, give him a detailed list. If need be, go when Step Mom is not around and talk in person or make an arrangement to meet him somewhere neutral without Step Mom. Your daughter should accompany you and be a part of the conversation. If she wants her things back, she needs to tell Dad right along side of you and the three of you can reach an agreement as to what exactly is "lost." I'm not saying your daughter is a "liar" but she might have misplaced some things or might be exagerating because she doesn't want to visit Step Mom and wants to give a good reason.
If the things cannot be recovered, well in the end they are just THINGS. It's much better to have a good working relationship with her dad than to show up with the police and risk alienating him and making Step Mom worse! I know you want to escalate the issue, but believe me it's NOT worth it! If Dad is understanding, he can compensate you for the cost of the items if they can't be found, but that's something you need to work out with him. He's much more likely to work that out if you don't go running and blaming him or Step Mom (even if you did see her sell the items on the street!) and just agree they disappeared at his house, and could he just help you out in replacing them?
(I've wanted to take the Low Road so many times and believe me, the High Road is tougher at first but much smoother as time goes on! Once you get on that Low Road, things go downhill! They don't call it the Low Road for nothing!)
2.
1) Call dad and set up a time to have those items picked up. Give him as itemized a list as you can.
2) Call the cops and have them escort your daughter in and out to get her things.
I didn't read your prior posts but I have a step daughter and my kids have a step mom. My SD would go to her moms and her mom would keep all our warm jackets, shoes, everything. So finally we just would send her back to her moms house in exactly what she wore to our house. Same undies, bra, shirt, pants, socks, etc. That way everything we buy her stays at our house. Unfortunately, your daughter has learned that she can't take her nice things to her dads house. It will only be for a few years but I know that doesn't really help now. Good luck to you guys...I wish you the best!!!
Definitely call the police and ask them to help you retrieve her items.
P.,
My daughter is 16 and has the same problems with her step mom. I truly feel bad for your daughter and you. If you have this womans email address you could email her nicely asking for specific items back. I would give her a fair amount of time to respond and return the items. Unfortunately the police will not get involved if she chooses to not return the stuff. You could try taking her to small claims court but you may have to have a receipt for the items to show proof of purchase.
If I haven't been going through the same situation I would say that I can't believe that a father would treat his daughter this way. It is such a shame that some men take this stance. After these woman finish destroying they leave and move on to their next victims. What is left is a wonderful young lady that feels abandoned and untrusting and a father that has lost the greatest gift, the love of his daughter. I know you are tired of this woman and her father treating your daughter like this. Please keep in mind that if you say anything negative in front of your daughter will put yourself in the lime light as well. Try to be there as best you can and let her know you understand. I know it doesn't sound like much but at least she will not totally feel abandoned. I wish you two all the luck and hope everything works out.
Peace be with you.
A. K.
Well, sadly you might call the police for your daughter to be escorted in there to find her things. However, lots of people don't like the police coming along so you might advise your ex first. No tongue lashings, just a simple 'daughter needs these things and is coming to get them back and we'd hate to bring the police...' A lot of times that does the trick.
