I Haven't Told My Dad's Wife That I Transferred His Social Security Check.

It's your dad's check and you are now the payee. From your stepmother's point of view, you are going to be in big trouble. My husband is on disability and we got a surprise letter last month a week before his check was to be deposited that the insurance company had closed his claim. Panic ensued until we could get the issue resolved. That money had to be used for our mortgage payment as we were in the last month of a loan modification agreement. We would have been foreclosed upon if we hadn't made the payment on time.

On the other hand, the check is for your father's care and needs. I'm new to this stuff, but I get a letter as my husband's payee every year telling me to tell SSA what I have spent his SSDI check on the previous year. It seems ridiculous since we live together and the money is household money.

If your father is able, he should tell his wife. I presume that his approval and signature were necessary for the change in the depository? If the check is provided jointly as payment of both of their benefits, you may need to contact SSA about that to get it separated out.

SSA can tell you, but if he has not been living with her for 2 1/2 years while he has been living with you, Social Security may want to have a talk with her about the situation.

Do you have any legal document placing your dad in your total care? Do you have any evidence from any law enforcement official that your dad is better off with you? In other words, could you go into court and make a more-than-convincing case that step mom is abusing your dad's finances (and therefore your dad) and that you are clearly beneficial to dad being at your house and in your care? The more actual hardcopy documentation you have the better You may have to subpeona step-mom's financial records and prove where this money is going.

But since you are in full-time possession of your dad, you should have full possession of the cash, too.

check with a lawyer!!!

I absolutely agree with what most everyone else here has said that you need legal advice. I'm really surprised that that the social security admin office let this happen in the first place. I would definitely not touch a penny of that money until you have some sort of agreement with her. Let it sit in his bank account until this is resolved.

I think by all rights since you are taking care of your dad that you should have access to his money to help support him. As far as telling his wife, I know it won't be easy but just tell her since you are the one taking care of him and you are his daughter (flesh and blood) that you have taken over his finances. I think it will be easier now than if you told her around the time he receives it. If you harrasses you, call the police.

A., you are doing what many of us may have to do some day, taking care of elderly parents. By the way who is this other senior citizen parent. Is it your mother. This could be part of the problem. I have always found that sitting down with someone, in a calm, sensitive, and caring manner has served me well. I would think that you are planning to take complete care of your Father, not expecting anything from your step mom. Although she may have been spending money unwisely, you need to make sure that she is not lacking. She certainly needs to know as soon as possible. You would not want to put her in a financial situation that she had no time to prepare for. Regardless of how you feel about your step mom, she is your Father's wife and needs to be given that respect, if for no other reason. Putting it off can only make things worse. Take her out for coffee in a public location and let her know and make sure that you have the legal authority to have his check sent to your house. I know that you need your Dad's check to help take care of him and I'm sure that there are expenses that no one can imagine. Hang in there and have that talk. If you are a Christian pray that God will give you wisdom as to what to say and the manner in which you approach the subject with your step mom.
J. W.

logically, you are doing the right thing. but legally, that is another thing. did your dad sign the papers and "ask" for this to be done? if he is not mentally "capable" to take care of his own affairs and his wife has abandoned him but is enjoying the fruits of his labor, you need an attorney. contact an attorney and make sure he specializes in guardianship and or power of attorney. because since they are still married she legally has the right to his money and to do what she wants with it. you and the lawyer will have the burden of proving in court that you are the sole care taker and that you need the money for your dad. you might want to strongly consider cancelling the new route of your dad's money and let it go to her until you know where you legally stand. i know it sucks and it is not right by any means. his wife should already be making sure he gets his money but she is mean and selfish and self centered. cover your back legally and cancel the draft and contact a lawyer. it is for your own good legally--not morally. good luck and keep us posted on your journey and fight for your dad's rights. it sounds like you are his voice.

Just let the direct deposit not go through and let her come to you about it. Then just explain that you are doing what your father wishes. Do you have power of attorney for your dad? You may want to get that, too. Are you on his banking account? Check into that also. Do you have medical power of attorney? I'd check into doing all of that to protect him and you. Good luck and remember-Keep what is in the best interest of your dad through all of this and have him help you through these decisions.

Don't be scared. You are standing up for what is right. That is your Dad's money, not hers. She has proven that she does not care about your Dad and if he was still in the nursing home, his SS money would be going to that. Be the Woman your Dad raised you to be and do what is right. Call her, tell her and get on down the rode. You are an amazing person for doing what you are doing and right is on your side....J.

I agree with everybody else. You should tell her immediately. I am pretty sure she will be very upset and may also try to seek an attorney for this as well. You mentioned that you have a power of attorney and a medical attorney. You need to find out if your Dad has you listed on any paperwork that states that you are to maintain all funds and other necessary paperwork. You also stated that she receives social security and a pension. Sounds to me like she is doing well for herself but you do need to seek advice from a legal representative as quick as possible.

I just want to add, for those in shock, that Social Security will make a check out to whoever without a whole lot of anything to back it up.

My mom recieves a small SSDI check because she is mentally disabled. Once when living in a boarding home the owner had my moms check switched to her name and was taking everything above and beyond the rent my mom was suppose to pay her.

My mom finally told me, months later and I had her mental health management team make sure the check was switched back into my mom's name.

As for your situation, I would call Social Security and most lawyers have a free consultation. She sounds evil and I have a feeling she WILL be calling someone to see what she can do, I would get that done first so you know you are in the clear. Morally, I think you are doing the right thing. Morals and Laws dont always go hand in hand.

You absolutely have to tell her. She may have bills that she's paying based on that money and she'll end up with unneccessary fees if you don't.

As for being chicken, you already did it, so be a grown up and tell the woman!

Ok, now that you know you have to tell her like TODAY, just explain that with you taking care of him, you felt it was better for you to have all the money. However, I"ll play devil's advocate right now and ask if what she pays covers his expenses? If so, isn't he point of SS to help with a disabled person AND to help the family with bills? I mean, if it was a child and the govt gave SS b/c of a parent's passing, that would be to take care of the child AND to pay the bills that the parent would have paid. I truly think you should have talked to her BEFORE you did this, but you may need to start giving her money to help support her. If she's having repairs, are they necessary or is it things like "I'd really like granite in the kitchen". Because there is a big difference! If the AC is broken, she really needs to get that fixed, if the roof is leaking, same thing. And she may be broke, but she is also paying for the things for your dad. You really need to talk to her and just try to be as open and calm as possible. I'd probably start with "I think I may have jumped the gun, but I had the SS switched. We need to talk about how the money needs to be divided so everyone is ok with this"

I definitely think it is important to tell her. She sounds like she may be one to be counting on money to go into the bank and may spend well in advance of its arrival. I'd tell her that it is your father's money and that the expenses are being incurred by you. Also let her know that she won't be responsible for paying for his stuff anymore, it is only fair that you take on the "full" charge. Whether or not you give her part of it, as she is his wife and though I don't know the background (if he worked and cared for her etc) but if they have a mortgage or loan together paying part of that may be fair. I cannot imagine a wife that doesn't care for her own husband. I can understand if the care is beyond her ability but she should still be visiting and "caring" for him. Tell her directly what your expectations are, why you decided to do this. Also if your father would be considered not of sound mind or unable to make his own decisions a power of attorney would be critical so that she can't take you to court. It is however his money and if he knows that the money is coming to you and is okay with that then just keep track of the expenses you incur so that if she does take you to court you can show just cause (you aren't spending the money on yourself). Unfortunately, she does have the legal position as spouse to make mutual decisions and if she is truly "mean" could take you to court over this so protect yourself by getting a power of attorney for you to make decisions and act as your father's best interest. These aren't terribly hard to get done and not too expensive any lawyer can do it.

YOU NEED A LAWYER NOW! This is a joint property state and your Dad is legally married? You need to establish whether your Dad is able to make his own decisions and if he is, is he the one who had his SS check transferred? DO NOT WAIT...YOU NEED A LAWYER NOW!!!

This could be considered THEFT depending on how your Dad and his wife have agreed on money, etc. Plus the wife has given you money for his care and purchased diapers, etc.
Unless you have guardianship for your Dad, and/or power of attorney, you should not have signed your Dad's name for the transfer of the check.

You also need to consider that she has to continue living in a house (that they own??? or she owns???) YOU MUST SEE A LAWYER IMMEDIATLEY!!!!!!!!