My Daughter the Follower

Our son is also a follower by nature.

He's been in day care almost 2 years and will be 4 in June. There are a couple of trouble makers in his class - kids we'd never associate with normally. There's also a little boy across the street who, though being a sweet kid, has no direction from his parents and says/does things we don't accept in our house.

So when he does something he's learned at school, we remind him that we are his parents, and these are our rules. We are very firm and don't bend on most of them, and he knows there are consequences to certain things - for example, calling other kids "Poopyhead". Not something I want my kids being known for. The more he does it, the more consequences come his direction.

As for the kids at school, we regularly talk about the kids in his class, ask who he plays with and comment really positively about certain kids. We've really tried to get to know the teachers and the other kids in the class and have an open dialogue with the teachers in the event there's something that we need to address with them.

Without coming out and calling her friend a bad kid, I think you can talk about behaviors that are good and bad. We're really making a concerted effort to praise and reinforce good behaviors. When a gentleman held the door open for us to walk through at the mall last night, we commented on how nice his manners are and how we'd love for him to do the same things.

Hopefully your daughter will start recognizing that this friend isn't a good example and that the consequences of following her aren't too much fun either.

Good luck - I keep hearing 4 is a little better than 3.

You might try telling your daughter that as a member of your family she is a representative of you family to the world. Then ask her if what "so and so does" is something that she wants to do, remembering that she is telling the world that her family allows it. It seems a bit complex, but you can come up with a way to word it so she understands.

Good luck.

I know what your going through. I have two daughters, 7 1/2 and 4. While my 4 yr old is the most independent little person I have ever met and I don't worry about her and peer pressure; my 7 yr old has had situations like this over time. First, continue to stand firm on your values and expectations of her behavior. You are the constant in her life; the foundation. These friends come and go. I promise you, by next school year, she will move on (unless, of course, this girl is a neighbor and they play outside of school too). Talk about your concerns with the teacher and ask him/her for direction. You may find that your daughter behaves wonderfully at school and "tests" this conduct at home. Occasionally you might point out the other child's actions and ask how she thinks it is making others feel (without making a judgement) i.e. "Hmmm, Johnny seems sad, why do think that is?" I am very careful not to be negative about another child. Focus on the behavior. Sometimes, my husband and I act out little scenarios about behavior. We make it funny, but the girls always get the message. Anyway, this too shall pass and you will both move onto some other life learning opportunity, but these are the ones that prepare you for the next...and so on.

What I have always done is say "well these are OUR FAMILY RULES! Other families have different rules but these are our rules" things like no name calling, not being mean, etc... If she comes with the "so & so does this" - then I do the "well see our family has different rules and you have to follow our rules"

Your daughter will be her own person.She may tend to be a follower, but she will learn whom to follow. When she realizes that "following" this child gets her in trouble, she will stop.
All kids do the "so & so" or "all the other kids" thing. They will keep trying it, hoping it will work. That's life, just like getting in trouble for your choices. She may like the confidence the other girl seems to have. She will develop her confidence as she grows.

Get used to it! LOL Seriously, when you have a quieter-type child, they always seem to gravitate to the overbearing ones/leaders as their buddies! Sigh.
Just keep telling her that it doesn't matter what Suzie does, YOUR family rules are XYZ. She'll get it and soon she will be telling you who the "bad" ones are in school!

She is at the age where she is learning her world around her. She has just found a way of feeling older. Sounding like you. so&so mom does this a way of sharing something with you from her day. If it isn't bad then don't stop it let her talk, because that is all it is. Unless she is asking to go do this things. You can teach your child right from wrong at this age by what they bring up. You just have to keep it at her level of understanding. And say do we do that in this family and why not and let her answer you.

God Bless,
T.

When our daughter went through things like that, and still does at 15, we say it like this............. (little friend's name)'s family may choose to do this but the (your last name) family does not do things like that. We assoiciate it as a Family/team vs just daughter.

Good luck.