My Daughter Keeps Biting!

You might do a search on John Rosemond's site (www.rosemond.com) and see what ideas he has. He's my favorite parenting author, and I highly recommend his book Making The Terrible Twos Terrific. It probably addressed that issue in the book, but I don't remember exactly what he said. He is full of common-sense wisdom.

When my son was 2 I watched a little girl for a couple of months. He started biting her most days, and her mother finally took her somewhere else, and I couldn't blame her. He stopped once she was gone, so maybe in part he didn't like her (she was a strange child) and didn't like the competition.

My son had a problem with this so we had a discussion in a calm moment (like over dinner) about how hard it is to handle feelings, like being mad. I then gave my son something called a "chewy tube" necklace. It's special tubing that OT's use to help children with mouth issues, but it's also a great frustration outlet (and cheap). I told him anytime he felt like biting he needed to bite his tube (he called it his tuba) and not his friends until he felt calm. Since it is lightweight, he could wear at school and it was always "there" when "the mood" struck him. It worked really well for us. We roled played common situations...daddy would take his toys while he was playing with it and I'd encourage him to bite his tube and then come tell me what a stinker daddy was. Two is too young to really have empathy developed, so appealing to her sense of "causing pain in others" isn't really effective. Discipline has to be immediate so the children make the connection between the incident and the discipline, so driving over there after an indicident or having a treat at the end of the day is still probably too remote at this age. She probably is genuinely sorry, but in the heat of the moment, with no other skill to handle anger...biting is a pretty effctive way to get your point across :). At any rate, we used the chewy tube...it took about a week for him to get that the tube would work and was more acceptable. We had his caregivers praise him enormously for biting his necklace instead of friends anytime he used it. Problem was resolved within two-ish weeks with few relapses.

Good luck!

Make sure you give her examples of what she should do instead. So many people focus on telling them that they shouldn't bite but don't give them an example of what to do when they get mad. Discussions focus on the bad behavior and don't focus on the right behavior. My son was the repeated victim of a chronic biter when he was around 2. Luckily he never became a biter himself, which is often the case. Now at 4 yrs he is shoving though. We've had to have many talks about how he shouldn't get physical by hitting or shoving when he's mad. I daily quiz him about what he should do. "What do you do when a kid takes a tpy from you?" "What do you do when you want a toy another kid is playing with?" He knows the right behavior now and is getting better at daycare.

my oldest daughter went thru the biting stage as well..it seems that the only way to break the biting is to bite them back. i know it seems mean but its also mean when they walk up to a grandparent or another child or even a smaller child than them and bite. we now take care of our niece,she is just alittle over 2 years old and shes doing this biting thing too..and it is actually working on her when we bite her for biting others also..i know alot of parents who have done the same thing to break the child from biting themself and others.

Delia,
I am a mother of 4 and I had the same problem with two of my boys. EVERYONE will tell you not to but the only thing that worked was biting him back!! I know this is not the popular answet but take it from me-it worked! i truly believe that they don't understand how it feels until you do it(hopefully only once!) to them. Also, as your child gets older she will not be as frustrated and some of this behavior will subside. Most preschools will not allow biters so please take this under consideration....it really did work!
N.

D.,
How are your daughter's verbal skills? Is she able to communicate when she is frustrated? It sounds to me like she's trying to 'cope' with situations in the only way she knows how - including biting herself. Granted, biting is not the answer! But I'm wondering what the catalyst is for the biting ... what causes her to 'go there.' You mention she does it to herself when she's frustrated. That tells you that there are things going on internally that she's trying - in her own very young way - to deal with.
Try being very observant and pay attention to what is frustrating her. It's my bet that she's unable to verbalize her feelings and turns to the biting as a release.
Best of luck!
C.

Please don't take this the wrong way. "We've tried rewarding her when she doesn't bite". I think you may be sending the wrong message here. Why should you be rewarded her for doing what dhe is suppose to do. It's like giving your child a Kit Kat everytime they eat their veggies. "If she doesn't bite she'll have a treat in the car waiting when we come get her." Again bribery for good behavior. I am not perfect myself but this sounds desperate and I bet your little one knows this. I take things away one by one and give them back as the behavior improves. My daughter used to bite too. I finally bit her back!!!

Dear D. P

She might be seeing it on TV and think it is alright to do it. Or maybe she was bitten by a animal like a puppy or something that you did not seen happen. Yes she need to be stop. Just touch her mouth and say no. And then just hold her say you love her. It will take time but I am sure you will succeed. Watch what is around her when you can. She has seen it.

Have a good day today

Vicki W.

Thank goodness, the only exposure to a real biter for me was one of my nephews, and years ago, my youngest sister.
Mom and family tried everything, including time out, denial of privileges, rewards when she didn't bite. Nothing was working.
Then one day her little playmate had had just about enough of my sister's bites and teethmarks. Terri bit Shari and Shari turned around and screamed "STOP IT, IT HURTS!", then proceeded to bite my sister's arm so hard it drew blood!!
My sister stopped biting after that. (Age at time was 3yrs old.)

My son was a biter and the only way we got him to stop was when he bit his sister (who is only 20 months older than him) we had to make her bite him back. When he saw that she bit and it hurt then he quit. I know you cannot do this at daycare but you and your husband could do it at home. One good time will do it! I know with all the laws etc these days it seems cruel but you can't continue to coax her with rewards and talkings. This is serious and some other parent may not take it so well if their child is bitten. You might have a real problem on your hands with a parent from daycare. I hope this helps. My children are now 28 and 30 and they had not mental reprecussions from this event.

I have heard of a creative idea for this. I know a couple of mothers who put apple cider vinegar in a little spray bottle and spray it into the childs mouth as soon as the biting happens. the shocking taste of the vinegar will help them see that it is a very unpleasant thing, and it's actually good for them, not harmful in any way. I don't know if they would be able or willing to do this at a daycare, but it may be worth a try. I know that many daycares are not allowed to be even very firm with a child, so your little girl may not understand how serious it is not to bite. I'm sure she will grow out of it, but in the mean time you want to do whatever you can to not get her kicked out of daycare for a bad habit that will surely pass soon. I hope this idea helps and doesn't sound too crazy. The mothers I've talked to says this worked. I never had this prob with my son though, so how can I really say. I do know that when he was starting to bite (around 17months) one of our friends girls who was a real biter got a hold of his finger and bit him so hard I thought it was damaged. He never bit anyone after that, b/c he understood how painful it was (i think thats why anyway). Not that you should bite her back, but thats why the vinegar might help just to associate unpleasantness with her action.

My friend had this same problem. They had tried EVERYTHING to make her quit biting. She was realy close to being 'expelled' from daycare. She ended up buying a book called Teeth are not for Biting...I dont know who the author is. She read it to her about 15 times over the weekend and she hasnt bit since (for almost two months now) Might want to give that a try! Good luck!

Oh, I completely understand. My 3 year old did the same thing from about 18 months until 2 1/2 years old. It was so frustrating to deal with. I think that just remaining consistent is the key and letting her know how much biting can hurt. It takes time (it felt like forever), but she will quit. Make sure that the daycare is looking to see if she starts to get upset and sits down with her and gives her words to say how she is feeling and tells her ways she can communicate how upset she is. The key is that they have got to talk with her before she bites!! It seemed like as soon as my daughter learned this way to communicate the biting stopped. It can be tough to be 2.