My Daughter Is Suddenly Refusing to Put Herself to Sleep at Night!

Hi Aisha,

It is just a phase and it could last a while, so buckle your seat belt! I had this exact same problem with my now 4 yr old son. He would scream and cry for up to 2 hrs! He gets his stubbornness from two lines of stubborn. Lol. I tried the Ferber method, the sitting next to his bed method, the patting him in his bed method... none seemed to work. It was very frustrating, but it soon passed. Just continue to reassure her that you are there for her, but don't pick her up. If you pick her up, you will only increase her frustration and it tells her that if she cries enough, she will get her way. Hang in there! You're doing an awesome job!

It sounds to me like she is flexing her muscles. She is seeig how much control she has. She cries; you come.

I would stop picking her up at night. At first this will seem to make matters worse. Pat her, love her with your words and voice and reassure her. Then leave. Let her cry for 15 minutes at a time. If she is still crying, go in, pat her, love her, and make sure she is laying down with her blankie, etc. Then leave again. Repeat as needed.

The stronger willed child will keep you at it for a while. And it might take a few days for her to realize that you are the boss. So give it a week and your problem will probably be over.

V.

It is very common for children your daughter's age (12-16 months) to go through separation anxiety, especially at bedtime. I don't know if you work outside of the home or not, but sometimes it can be more extreme in the case of a working mom. My children all went through this to some degree. For one it may last just a few days and only a few minutes each night, for others, a few weeks, taking hours each night to get them to bed :-(. Just hang it there and continue to reinforce the fact that your little blessing must sleep, alone, in her own bed. It's hard now when you're not getting the rest you need, but she'll outgrow this phase before you know it! Good luck!

They go through stages, but if I understand you correct, this is just the second night of it, so I think something or a tv program etc. scared her. If you put her down for night time. pat her and tell her a story, or read one, or sing to her while patting her, and she will still feel your touch, and comforting voice, and it will sooth her off to sleep, and maybe a night light. As for day time, something could of scared her, just reassure her, givre her hugs etc. but I think it is just a stage.

My daughter just went through this - she is turning 20 months next week. I realized that anytime we were off routine because a visit at grandmas or a vacation it takes her a while to get back to her back to normal. She would also scream at bedtime occassionaly - one time she sreamed for over 30 minutes before I had to go in to calm her down. I realized that by picking her up out of the crib and rocking her it only made things worse even if I let her scream for a long time. The best method that I have found is if she screams after I leave the room to let her fuss; if she still is fussing for quite some time to go in and soothe her by patting her bottom - BUT DO NOT TAKE HER OUT OF THE CRIB!!! It will only make it worse the next night.

I am the mother of 2 with one on the way. What worked best for me and my children was the Ferber Method. Even if a child knows how to put themselves to sleep they might get sick or have a change in routine and that gets them out of the habit, which maybe happened to your daughter. I would put her down after your bedtime ritual, if she crys check on her after 5 min.. soothe her, pat her but don't pick her up. Leave the room again and up your time by 5 min everytime you check on her. Eventually she realizes that you are close but not coming to get her. She will learn to sleep again. It might take a couple nights but I am conviced it works. Good luck.

Pretty sure it must be a phase...we too have a 14 month and are doing the same thing!
I don't know that I would call it "separation anxiety", just a new realization of being alone. We have good days and bad days on the bedtime front and usually if we have a good bedtime process, the naps were bad...I have started not fighting the naps as much so he is more tired at night. He doesn't seem to do it a ton if he is really tired. Bui I can't even walk from the dinner table to the fridge without him wanting to be held. I figure soon enough he will not want me around and so I oblige.
At least it is good to know that we aren't in it alone!!!

Ok i am so glad to hear that others are expereincing the same thing that my husband and I have been dealing with for the last 3 weeks. Two nights ago it finally stopped but before then our 18 month old daughter would scream not cry but scream sometimes for 20 minutes when we would put her down at night. Also she was waking up at least twice a night screaming for me again and she wouldn't be happy if my husband went into her--she just wanted me. We too switched to the one nap a day--maybe that has helped. I am not sure but Aisha--know you are not alone and hopefully it will end soon!

try leaving a light on in her room, and play some music that she like, sing alone with her, teach her to say her prayers, sometimes children are just afraid to be alone. she may have had a bad dream, which might be real to her.
Pray that God will let her relax and have a good night.
She might have a fear of you leaving her.

S. K.

Not sure if it is normal for the age or what but if it helps any we are going through this exact thing right now with our 14 month old boy. Bedtime has become this hour long process now with him screaming and fighting. Not sure if we went wrong or if this is just a season but it is frustrating. I guess our plan is just to be consistent each night and trying not to let him control the situation of when to go to bed and all. It's tough I know...hang in there!

it sounds like seperation anxiety to me. does she cry if you try to leave her with a sitter or at daycare? all kids at some point have this it is normal.... it will pass you just have to stay strong and not let her push you. also if you keep giving in she will know how to get you to cave and she willget her way and it will get worse

hi there, my son has never been too clingy so i cant help with that, he is almost five now but since he was one years i have checked books out of the library every week and read to him at night. not only does it make him sleepy but it also helps him learn shapes colors, etc as well as open his imagination to new things. all kids go thru sleeplessness but it may help just to sit with her and read...i know we love it and it is our "special time", good luck.

Our daughter has gone through a couple of these stages, lasting anywhere from a couple of days to a couple of weeks. What worked for us, was to maintain the same bedtime routine every night. And when she started to cry (scream).....we let her cry herself to sleep. While most of the time it only lasted 10 minutes max, there were a few nights that it was a good 30 or 40 minutes before she fell asleep. I know this doesn't work for all children, but for our daughter it was the only thing that worked. We did try the patting on the back, standing by her crib, etc., but to no avail. Hope this helps, and trust me, it will not last forever! :)

hi Aisha
my son does the same (he is 16 months but was 2 months early)....i think its just that he wants to make sure i'm still here "just in case" ..i dont know....bedtime is far worse for me however....he has been suddenly waking up from a very deep sleep and up for 2-3 hrs at a time. its terrible...my husband i have been SO tired so we attempted the "one nap a day" and last night...he slept through the night!!!!! :) He was up at 6:40 but we didn't get up and i feel very rested this morning! He's been doing this since last month. Anyway, i think its just this age where they are getting so independant but still need re-assurance that we're there for them when they need us! My son has his morning play time alone but still comes to "check on me" then goes back to playing...i may stop what i'm doing to go play with him for a few but i quickly get back up and let him play alone. Also, i try to rotate his toys to keep his interest..he gets bored of the same toys in the same places. On the sleep thing, i did try exactly what you did...sitting next to his crib, standig, let him cry(which he screamed for nearly 40 min)..none of those worked and neither did rocking. I'm hoping this is just a fase?!!! Hope things get better for you, i know i didn't really offer any great advice but wanted you to know "YOU'RE NOT ALONE!!"
S.

Make sure she has a nightlight or a toy that lights up and plays soft music. Then leave the room and don't come back in. She has learned that you will come back if she screams long enough, don't. She will figure out after a few nights that it is bed time and it is time for sleep. I know it sounds mean, but it will work. I learned this in a parenting class called "Growing Kids Gods Way" I can't remember if it was in the Infant class or the toddler class, I think the infant class. The series is by Garry and Ann Marie Ezzo, the website is WWW.GFI.org. I know for a fact that Richland Hills Church of Christ does the series and you do not have to be a member to take the class, they have a secular version called, Becoming Babywise or Childwise. I hope this helps, good luck.