I feel you pain. We struggled with naptimes and bedtime for quite awhie. I was able to nurse my daughter to sleep for many months and then it just didn't work anymore and soon I was rocking forever, only to have her wake up screaming when she touched the crib. I also understand the willful child, as my daughter would scream forever - there was just no winding down. The cry it out method just didn't work for us and I really wasn't up for it.
At 9 months we ended up using a method recommended by the Baby Whisperer, Tracy Hogg. This is what we did. We'd do the nighttime routine or naptime routine (shorter version) IE - bath, book, bottle, bed. We'd set her down in her crib and turn around and walk out. She'd immediately get up and cry/scream..but we'd give it a few minutes, at least 2 minutes - up to 5 minutes. Then we'd go back in, pick her up and comfort her - till she was drowsy, just starting to get starey eyed or closing her eyes - and then set her back down again in the crib and walk out. She, of course, would scream but you walk out and give her a few minutes. You might have heard of it, but basically this is the PickUp-PutDown method. You repeat this process until baby falls asleep.
I knew the first night would be rough and it took us 10-12 times of this PUPD before she went to sleep. The book warns you to be ready to do this for several nights in a row. We chose to start it on a Friday and work with it at each naptime/bedtime through the weekend. For us, we got lucky and it really only took a couple days. Baby woke 2 more times during the night, at which we repeated PUPD consistently. Also, just like other methods when you go in - its important to simply tell baby "Its time to sleep" or something like that, but not to talk much - in order to give baby the message its time to sleep.
We did this at naps too. I have to say, after the initial night I saw results the very next day at her naptime. She was much much easier to put down. However, it might take you longer if your baby isn't use to their crib. You also might want to think about incorporating a "lovey" type security blanket or item at this time. Set it next to them each night and you might be surprised how quickly they grab onto it for comfort.
I liked this method as it allowed me to go in and pick up / comfort my chid without just letting her cry it out for however long. I knew instinctively just patting her back but not picking her up wouldn't work for us. I just have a very determined child. So, this let her be comforted in my arms, but not too long and also gave her the message.
I am happy to say its been about six weeks and my daughter has been sleeping through the night consistently and goes down much much easier. We have a few setbacks when she got sick, but we just kept up with PUPD and she was back on track.
You might want to check out the book or google it online for more info, but basically that is what we did. Good Luck. I know its so hard and such a struggle.