My Daughter Is a Magnet Wants to Be Held All the Time

My son is 2 & thinks I am his playmate as well. Maybe joining a playgroup will help so she can get used to playing w/ kids & will be better able to entertain herself at times? We go to a playdate almost every day & I know that when we are home all day- he is much more "needy". LOVE being needed, but also want to teach autonomy too!

Try www.meetup.com for one near you

When cooking, I have him "help" or watch if he is like that... either watch in a chair or highchair if I am cooking-

Good luck!

Almost any literature on child growth and development will tell you that kids go through another period of separation anxiety between 18-24 months. Sounds like your daughter is just going through a normal stage of development.

And don't be afraid to use that carrier. If she is having separation anxiety, reassuring her that you can be depended on and won't abandon her will make her a MORE confident person in the coming years, NOT more dependent on you. Kids relax when they realize they can depend on you. They become more confident in trying new things when they know their parents will be there when or if they need them. If you are punitive with her now and refuse to give her this reassurance she will simply continue to seek it until she eventually finds some one that will provide that reassurance. This can effect her confidence levels into adulthood and shape who she seeks as friends and partners.

She is little. You won't harm her by giving her the love she needs right now.

Have her evaluated by an OT for sensory processing issues. When something like this interferes with her everyday life then something is going on. Children of that age want to get down and explore. If they are not trying to get in trouble or hurt at 2, there is something wrong. Check it out.

My daughter will be 2 in a month and does the same thing! I know the day that she comes to my side asking for the car keys instead of me to hold her will be here WAY too soon! I can't believe she is already 2!! So I don't mind holding her, in fact I want to get as much as I can before it's gone. With that said, of course there are times I can't, cooking etc...the sling is great, unfortunately I can't use the one I have anymore because of a shoulder injury. So a trick that works for us, is that I never say "no", I will squatt down to her level and say "ok! I will hold you! After I(for example)open the jar of red sauce, do you want to help stir?" she'll say "yes mommy!" and wait(it's SO cute) or if I need more time, I give her a small snack of her choice, it's always O's and raisins,lol.. and she can sit and watch a video while I cook. I know if I say "no" for any reason, she flips out! So to avoid meltdowns, I have gotten really good at always saying "Ok! I will hold you!(or draw pictures etc..) But mommy has to do this first" and she is usually very cooperative. I get to do what takes 2 hands, and she eventually gets to be held! A great book is "The happiest Toddler on the block" it's easy to read and does wonders at helping us understand our toddlers! Enjoy holding your baby as long as you can! :)

My most stable datua comes from YokaReader.Com- she is brilliant, and I always think- gosh why didn't I think of that.
Also behavior difficulties can be from BCDS- Vit B Complex deficiency syndrome- and it is very common under diagnosed in America- because of our over processed food,
The handling is to find a doc from Standard Process Whole food Supplements-and ask for a referral. Or lots of liver and brewers yeast.
best,k

my daughter will be 1 in nov. and i am having the same problem! she always wants me! i have never had one night without her let alone 1 hr. and i don't know what to do! i am a stay at home mom and would like to start working but don't really know how to transition her. she won't even stay with my husband for that long!! please help us!!!

My little man was starting to get like that too, but i had a friend suggest introducing him to crayons and markers. I put him in the high chair in the kitchen where he can entertain himself with a coloring book and his little race cars. At this point i know he is getting bored with me cause im not entertaining him enough. He is not big on cartoons or TV so i let him look at childrens books alot too. I also have him help me with my chores, it's never too soon to teach children how to clean up after themselves and he thinks it's awesome. We talk and chat while we are doing things. I got him a little broom and dust pan from family dollar from inexpensive. When JC has his little fits i sit close with him on the couch or hold him but you have to put a limit on it at some point or all your doing is holding a child which is also backbreaking for you. Also with laundry she can help you sort it and you practice her colors while you are doing it. Make it a fun educational experience for her, cause dont forget school for her is not that far off.

she is old enough to understand what you tell her, even if she still doesn't like it. My daughter always loved to be held too and stuck close to me. I would set a chair up by where I was cooking and explain that my arms were tired from holding her or too busy cooking and that she could be on the chair and watch or help and I would come put an arm around her from time to time. Also, she is 4 now and still loves to set up a chair and watch me cook (she calls it "cooking show"). Also, at times when you don't need to put your daughter down,, neutral times, talk with her about how she is getting bigger and harder to carry so there will be times you can't carry her, and acknowledge that she may not like that, may be disappointed but you still love her very much. also talk about how she is getting big and can help you now, hopefully she is into helping. So instead of wanting to be held while you fold laundry, have her fold washcloths, hankercheifs, undies, easy stuff. Keep her busy so she doesn't notice she isn't being held. And some days they just are morte clingy or emotional and need to be held, so hold her. And I remember my daughter teething with molars at about 2 years and 2 months, so that will cause clingyness too.

Totally agree with Jennifer S!! If you are comfortable with her in the carrier while you work, then I say that is a perfect solution! She gets the closness she needs and deserves and you can get the things done that you need to do. She has the rest of her life to be independent. If she gets the love and attention she needs now, she won't be begging for it the rest of her life. You are doing a great job! Way to go following your heart and your instincts!

It sounds a bit like separation anxiety to me and it sounds normal. I don't think she should be punished for it either. I do a lot of dinner prep during naptime and finish up during the evening. I see you're a SAHM, is that doable for you? I also use the tv for distraction. It works with my 3.5 year old, but my 1 year old doesn't care. Giving a small healthy snack while you cook might buy you a little time too. When my daughter went through some really needy stages as a toddler I found that 5 minutes or so of very focused attention on her would buy me about 20 minutes or so. I don't believe holding her will make it worse. Holding her will make her secure and in turn it will make her more confident and able to be more independent in the future.

Hi Carrie,

I agree with the previous posters who have said let it be and enjoy the closeness.

What seems intense now will not last forever, and she's doing what she needs to for security and reassurance.

I would agree with your gut instinct, and not put her in time out for not listening. As you know, all kids have their own needs, but developmentally speaking, kids don't develop their desire for independence and autonomy until into their 3rd year. It can happen sooner or later for some kids, but generally speaking, any child younger than that and still wanting that "snuggle" and hold time is normal! Developmentally speaking, they're right on track.

We live in a society that values independence SO much, that so many of us want to start working on that so quickly in a child's life! But, studies show if you give all your time on the front end of parenting (i.e. putting in the hard labor the first 5 years), they'll actually be MORE independent, less dependent on you, when they are older.

Good luck to you! Keep on holding.... do what you can to soothe her and reassure her that you're not going anywhere. And, see if you can get her involved in your activities. She obviously loves having you around! =)