My Daughter - Wellston,OK

Updated on October 21, 2010
S.G. asks from Tecumseh, OK
6 answers

ok so my daughter is having social issues, and problems at her dad's house i've posted before, so if you want to read up on my posts to get a better understanding, feel free.

any way, my mom suggested to me a few years back about good ways of getting rid of stress you can and how to deal with stress you have no control over, or cannot "throw away" so last night i pulled my daughter aside, and talked with her about her social skills, playing skills, and when to and not to bring something up that's bothering her. Of course she told me because i'm mom she has a hard time or afraid to tell me some things-expected. i asked her if i've ever gotten her in trouble of telling me how she just "feels" and she said no (i don't so the communication will stay open) ne way after i did this, i had her write down EVERYTHING that was stressnig her from school to cousin's home life, dad's house. and she saw that she has a lot bothering her. then i had her write down what SHE can do to eliminate what SHE can eliminate, explaining that SHE can ONLY change her and how she responds to peers, home, school, and family. long story short she figured out on her own that she can change how she acts in different senario's but needs to talk to parents or adult figure (grandparents, teacher's, etc) about why she's bothered, mainly sticking with family.

then i typed up a "senario" list of how to responses, to help her evaluate a situation mainly at school, like tattling on different things like pushing. i explained in this "guide" that she'll get to look at on her own time, that sometimes a push can be an accident and she needs to give the other kid(s) a chance to explain if it was an accident or not, and even still apologise to the other kids and tell them that she along with them need to better watch where they are walking, and different things like that turning the neg's into positive's.

in case she wants to take it to school, i did not list any names not even hers so no one gets embarrassed and so she does not get teased if it gets lost an another student finds it.

my question is, i'm beside myself in deciding if i should allow her to take this to school or not-her teacher knows what's going on and is ok with this along as it's not a distraction to her? she is fixing to go to counseling along with my husband and i to further help her and make sure there's nothing else that's going on with her that she's not talking about. because she's starting to show anger signs.

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J.P.

answers from Boise on

I think it depends if she needs the reminders or not, and if it will help her. You may want to try to condense it down to a cheat sheet, so it is a small piece of paper or something else that is easy for her to glance at, but not make a big deal of. You may also want to let the teacher know that she has it and possibly give her a copy of the cheatsheet and full guidelines so that she knows how to help your daughter, and doesn't point her out for reading something that she thinks is a note.

3 moms found this helpful
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B.B.

answers from Charleston on

I read through some of the previous questions. I wouldn't have her take it to school, but just keep up the conversations about what's going on with her on a daily basis. I bhope the bullying ordeal was resolved,if not, are there any extra activities you can get her involved in? Maybe it would be good to get her involved in somethimg that would take her mind off of whatever issues are going on, rather than focusing on them. I'm not there, but if everything going on is as you've described, maybe it would help to lighten up on the focusing of stressors and find some heathy outlets. I don't know how bad her anger signs are either, but everyone has problems in life and anger is a natural emotion, again, unless it is something of catastrophically abnormal proportions, you may just want to reevaluate everything to avoid catastrophizing or encouraging 'victim' type behaviors. Just my two cents, if it doesn't apply let it fly-good luck

1 mom found this helpful

T.N.

answers from Albany on

A daily inspirational note in her lunch box may have the same effect, reinforcing what you two talked about.

A smiley face in her agenda, a slip of paper in her back pack saying something simple a positive, I love you, You're the BEST, Have a Cool Day! Just a heart.

Ask her afterschool whether she got a chance to use any of the guidlines. Who did you sit next to at lunch? What did you play in gym? What was the BEST part of the day, WORST part of the day. Don't push or drill, just show a specific interest.

If you like, consolidate it down to a very small sheet of paper that she can see at a glance. Tape it to the inside of her take home folder etc. Be sure to give her teacher a heads up. Or better still, ASK her teacher this SAME question!

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C.W.

answers from Santa Barbara on

Is there a way to focus on positive points she currently has in her life or make some positive experiences for her? Please try to let her have positive experiences with her Dad in spite of the awful time you are having with him. This little girl needs love, security and support.

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K.P.

answers from New York on

I wouldn't have her bring the whole thing to school b/c if another child comes across it you put her in the position of having to explain and that may not end particularly well. I would see if you could condense the reminders into something the size of a notecard with pictures or short phrases. Laminate it and attach it to her assignment pad or backpack.

Great work, though, Mom!

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

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