9 Year Old Hates His Life.

I would find a child councler outside of school QUICK at some point it goes beyond screaming for attition to screaming for help. I would ask them about depression or bipolar now befor you freak out on that one please understand bipolar is not a bad thing it is a inability to control how happy or sad you get and when. my son was diagnosed at three when he started exhibited the same self harming behavior you are talking about he wasn't comfortable in in own skin and felt very out of control of anything in his life and that is the only way he knew how to react. he is now almost nine and on an anti depressant and doing wonderful please please please don't just assume he is only doing this to get attition in the end that may be it but it is so much better to be safe than sorry. GOOD Luck .

Get him away from the TV and computer and video games. Do some good family activities outside in the fresh air or go swimming at the YMCA, what ever. I think todays society has lost some of the simple things in life that makes it fun and one on one activity or activities with 'real' people can make one feel invigorated and uplifted.

C.,

This is not a normal stage. He is in trouble. A counselor is the best place to go. One thing about counselors--you need to find one that is a good fit. If one doesn't work, find another. I tell this to my clients as well. I won't be insulted if they go somewhere else. But you need to get him help as soon as possible.

L. :)

I think you should take this very seriously and seek more professional counseling. As hard as it is to say and to hear these are suicidal sorts of thoughts. How do I know?
My son did other kinds of things and as he got older he tried drinking himself to death, didn't want a birthday party at 13, tried to be happy but said heaven would be a better place (this he said at age 5). At 14, just shy of his 15th birthday he took his sisters car in the night (when I was out of state) and drove out to the highway and hit a pickup truck. The driver of that truck was drunk, my son might have been fiddlin' with the radio, who knows...but he is gone and he left a note. Alot of anger towards me and felt he was headed down the wrong path. That was 10 years ago and he'd be 25 now but I wish I could've helped him even more. I did get him to counseling but I guess what I'm saying is take him seriously. Best of luck and prayers are coming your way.
A mom who still hurts. Molly

my son is 11 and i go threw this alot with him. he has had some hard times in his short life... his father and i getting divorced, finding out by accident that his "father" isn't his real father, then dad getting married two months after the divorce... he has gone threw alot. with him he says alot of the same things only he takes it out on his little brothers instead of hurting himself, he has even swung at me and his father. but yes talk to a dr and see if meds for depression would help. just remember if he is on them now doesn't mean he has to be on them for life. it could be something at school or he is fighting with friends. we tried counsiling and actually the school counselor worked the best for us. he hated one on one and wouldn't talk. so they put him in group counsiling at school and it has worked wonders! we also have one night a week where we shut off all tv's and video games and have family game night. that has helped alot also. when he really acts up and talks back and i can't take it and just want to scream myself, i will have him go to his room and calm down (usually all that is is alot of screaming on how he hates me and himself and the world and hitting the walls) when i calm down i will ask him to help with the dishes, supper, take the dogs for a walk anything im doing just so we can have the one on one (he will say he doesn't want to, so i have him just stand there by me and he will start in doing it shortly ) and i will ask him if he wants to talk... the answer is usually no so i don't bring up the stuff that just happened and we talk about other things and he calms down and is really good the rest of the night. he likes helping me and he is getting the one on one attention he was looking for in the first place. we still have out bursts atleast once a month. but not focusing on the neg. behavior helps and when he tells me he hates me i grab him (he is trying to push me away) and hug him and tell him that's too bad because i love him and switching it to a positive conversation will sometimes stop anymore of the behavior. i know this is really long, im sorry, but hopefully it will help and you can see some of what we do and go threw and can take some of it and apply it to where it will help with your son. good luck i hope you find the help you and your son need to get threw this bumpy time.

I don't want to scare you, but I suggest you make an appointment ASAP with your sons doctor. His actions may seem an attention getting thing, but it could also be a cry for help. When I was a 3rd grade teacher I had a student with similar behaviors. He saw a school counselor on a regular basis, but never had medical interventions that I'm aware of. When he was in 5th grade he attempted suicide by hanging. Thank God his cousin found him in time. He spent quite a bit of time after that in a child's psych facility. Please don't take your son's comments or actions lightly. Don't take a chance that it is just "a phase".

Sounds like he's trying to get your attention, and that he needs more play time with you and less with t.v. / computer.

C.:

The bottom line is that your son needs help - even if he's just acting out to get attention - this obviously isn't how most children act. If nothing else there is something bothering him that he may not have the tools to explain to you. If at all possible, my suggestion is that you take him to a therapist and see what he/she thinks of the situation. Even if your son is only able to meet with the school counselor - see about setting up regular appointments. There was a friend of mine that attempted suicide - all because she was seeking attention - it would be horrible to have your son do the same thing - whatever the reason (needing attention or because that's really how he feels).

God bless and good luck!

Check out a book called "Playful Parenting." It's written by a child psychologist who uses "play" therapy for very troubled children. But the book is written for parents to use with their "not-so troubled" children. Probably the best thing is to find a way for him to feel ok opening up to you or someone else and talk about whatever's going on. This could be just a phase, or it could be something more.

It's kind of trendy (in a counter-culture sort of way) at this point to be depressed and suicidal. It's possible that he's just experimenting with this mindset. Some of the kids who are into this can act in very disturbing ways-cutting, drugs, etc., and other kids aren't *that* into it that they will hurt themselves. I don't know your child, but I think it would be very important for him to feel safe opening up to someone (it might be better if it's not you so that he doesn't have to worry about getting into trouble and whatnot).

It's likely that your 11 year old would have some helpful thoughts about this.

I would get him in some therapy fast to find out what the underline problem is with him, it sounds like he is asking for help but doesn't know how.

God Bless your son and Best Luck to your family
J. W

Have you talked to his pediatrician yet? Your doctor may have some suggestions and may even refer him for an evaluation. I have nothing against school counselors, a lot of them are wonderful, but your son may need more intense therapeutic intervention if he's suffering from depression or something else. I would still see the school counselor, but also call your pediatrician.
Good Luck.

Is there someone in his life that is making his life unbearaable? My older sons said the same thing when about his age. I found the cause was a stepfather. I divorced him. There was no more problem.

I am certain there are some underlying reasons. I think it's good that you are going to talk to the school counselor, but if she says it's not big deal, I think you should take him to someone else.

It sounds like your son might be suffering from depression. Have you taken him to a child psychologist? It might be helpful for him and you to talk this over with someone, a professional but objective third party, to get some insight about what might be going on. Maybe he's experienced some kind of trauma away from home that you don't know about. I don't necessarily agree with the use of psychotropic medicines in children, but I think there are many other ways of treating childhood depression. Psychotherapy can be very helpful, and at his age it would probably be great--by the time they're teens they're not nearly as open. You might want to start him on a few supplements, like Fish Oil and B-Complex vitamins. I'm sure you already do this, but sit him down and ask him why he hates his life and what you can do to make it better for him. Sounds like he really needs some support. I suffer from clinical depression, and did as a child as well, and I wish my parents would have known of the possibility and gotten me some help. It might have made the ensuing years a lot easier. I'm great now, but I'm 40 years old. I wish you the best of luck with your son!

Hi,

I'm a stay-at-home mom, but also a licensed school psychologist. The symptoms you describe sound a lot like childhood depression. You should take them very seriously. Follow through with the counseling and if you don't see improvement or if that person recommends it, you should seek medical attention. Start with your pediatrician and see if they can recommend a child psychologist. I don't mean to alarm you, but this sounds like more than a phase. With intervention, you can really help your son.

T.

I encourage you to see the school counselor and a child psychiatrist. This behavior is not normal but can be indicative of depression or other mental illness. Please do not underestimate your son's behavior. He is trying to ask for help. With professional help, hopefully his behavior can be treated and/or managed and he can enjoy his life and succeed in school.
Realize he is not the only child to experience this but he should get help to get through this.
M.

Hi C.,

I would definitely take this seriously and meet with the school counselor and maybe a child psychologist outside of school that your son feels comfortable talking to. I remember being angry all the time when I was around that age, and while I wasn't trying to choke or cut myself I was definitely telling people I hated my life, never went outside, wished I were dead and though about ways of comitting suicide, and showed other signs of depression. The school counselor back in my day was helpful but only with issues at school, so that's why I suggest also seeing someone outside of school who specializes with children.

For me, it seemed like it would come and go - and finally when I was 14 I was diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). It seemed so fitting in retrospect because I used to cry when it started to snow... Anyways, each case (of SAD or depression for that matter) is different, but especially when young I think it's important to treat it because my symptoms didn't get better until I was old enough to recognize that it was the disease and not me that was a horrible person. Getting the therapy helped a great deal, but for me, medication was the only thing that nipped it in the butt.

Although it's not the most common condition - it is more prevalent in the colder regions of the country and starts to show itself around these ages.

I would definitely see what the school counselor has to say for ways of helping your son. Since this is such a personal issue, it's tough for me or anyone to provide solutions. I do hope solutions come to you soon.

I am sure you have received great suggestions by now (I am going through old digests). In case not... have you tried asking him 'what' it is that he doesn't like? It seems like if he were able to interact with some other kids and find a friend that might help.

My non-professional opinion is that you should get him into see someone asap. Sounds like clinical depression to me and one of these times he could hurt himself for real. If he is "practicing" doing it in front of you, it could be a cry for help.

Good luck and I will keep you and your son in my prayers.

We saw`a social worker named Paul Ousman in Chanhassen last year when my then 9 year old went through a "I wish I'd never been born stage" and found him very helpful. He can and will let you know if your child needs more serious treatment than he can provide. He was really good with my son, gave him some perspective, told us what the warning signs were for real danger, etc...

I had been having the same issues with my 9 year old. He would get upset with tantrums and outbursts on every little thing that did not go his way. These tantrums would get so violent. He would say he is worthless and does not deserve to live. He thinks blood and gore is fasinating and used to draw pictures but has been less now. He would do the same things your son would do and even went so far as tying a rope around his neck and do other things like smash is finger to hurt himself. These actions were not happening all the time. He would experience highs and lows, become irritable and withdrawn. He has been seeing a counselor once a month for 2 years now and just recently seen a psychiatrist for a mood disorder, bipolar or manic depression. He is currently taking medication for this. He loves to play on the computer and video games and we have limit his time on them to 3 hours a day. We also limit the type of content in the games he plays. He also knows that if he becomes destructive, he loses these priveleges of playing on the computer and game boy. He is becoming less facinating with the blood and gore and has less outbursts and tantrums. He also speaks much less of himself being worthless and wanting to die. We also have another son who is 6 years old, but he does not have these outbursts and tantrums. We are also going to get him more involved in other activities, such as art classes and sport-type classes. He is not a sports fanatic like his brother but thought maybe something like swimming, tennis or bowling. It is a relief to know that I am not the only parent with a child with these experiences.

Please seek professional help - psychiatrist preferably. This is serious behavior...he sounds depressed. Don't just rely on a school counselor. And cut out tv, video games and computer...limit those to 1 hour/day.

www.naturalnews.com/022656.html

Read the above article before considering depression meds. (My heart almost stopped when I saw someone mention them.) If the link doesn't work, go to www.naturalnews.com and search for psych meds, medications, and/or violence.

The cutting and similar behavior sound like he's wanting attention. My oldest daughter went through a stage like this, and it was driven mainly by issues at school and wanting people to pay attention to her. When children aren't getting the positive attention they want they will take negative/sympathetic attention. There is certainly something bothering him, hopefully the counselor can help find out what that is so you can help him deal with it.

Have you tried asking him what he thinks a good life/day would be like? Getting him to describe what a "perfect" life would be for him might provide some insight into what's bothering him.

We provided journals for our children as soon as they could write and my oldest son (now 20) found that being able to express his frustrations/anger/disappointments with everything in his journal really helped him deal with his anger issues. He also found it amusing years later to read his thoughts and took a great deal of pride in seeing how much he had grown emotionally over the years. It didn't help us understand him because we promised never to read their journals unless they offered them to us, but my son says it was a good way for him to "get it out of his system" - even at age 10.

I hope you find an answer soon, it must be frustrating to see him so upset and not know how to comfort/reassure him.

L.

I think in a way it IS a cry for attention and/or help - BUT it is not anything to dismiss or take lightly.

Seeing the school counselor is a good step, but I would also get him evaluated by a psychologist for depression (and maybe anxiety as well..I know it can occur along with depression) as soon as you can.

In the meantime, the school counselor can probably help you determine if there is something going on at school that could be triggering or exacerbating the problem (such as bullying or teasing). If you can't find anything at school (or in addition to school, even), maybe there could be something going on at home that is causing problems. Maybe you won't find anything real specific and it's more of a chemical imbalance or something...just some thoughts..

As a person who has struggled with depression and anxiety for years, I'd also like to offer a couple of insights that you may or may not find helpful..

Television, video games, and the computer can provide a wonderful escape from "real life", and I think therein can lie a large part of the attraction for someone who is depressed. I swear, my husband lives in front of the computer... I know for myself as well that when I am using the computer or playing video games, it tends to reduce my anxiety somewhat. I think this is partly due to that distraction and partly because I've always loved computers and video games, so it's more in my "comfort zone" as well.

So, a good chunk of the time I spend with my children tends to be them watching me playing some video game. But, seeing as a lot of the games we have are RPGs (role-playing games) there is more of a storyline and often a bit of speech between characters and the like, so it's also an opportunity to read to them so it's not ALL bad...;)

As for the self-injury piece...I think it's at least a small comfort that your son isn't really harming himself as I think that may mean he doesn't really want to do damage to himself (at least not yet). My guess is it would be one of two things prompting this behavior. For me, when I've engaged in self-injuring behavior (digging fingernails into my skin, banging or pressing my head into something, etc), it was when I was in extreme emotional pain. Somehow, I think the physical pain is easier to cope with than the emotional and/or shifts the focus enough to the physical side of things that it seems to ease the emotional pain. Maybe it can even provide some small sense of control over the level of pain you are feeling, whereas you may not be able to control your emotions as well.

On the other side of the spectrum, people often injure themselves because they are feeling numb emotionally and they want to be able to feel SOMETHING. And while my problem usually lies in an overabundance of emotion rather than numbness, from the times I have felt numb, I can certainly understand the sentiment. Somehow even tho pain can be so uncomfortable, it feels better than not feeling anything. And again, there may be some small measure of control that comes into play - while it is difficult to just make yourself feel something (either good or bad), causing physical pain is a relatively easy thing to accomplish.

Last, I'd just like to let you know that you aren't alone (I think my mother and I have probably been suffering from anxiety and/or depression since about 2nd grade and I need to get my own son in to be evaluated for anxiety, and possibly depression and ADD) and there is help available (perhaps you could even find a support group if you need to). Best wishes to you and your family - I hope your son can start enjoying life more soon! :)

No, this is not something that kids go through. I would get him some counseling. Also, cut out the tv, video games and computer. We personally do not allow our children to watch TV on school nights (we don't own video games). Is your son involved in extra curricular activities? Sports? Music? Scouts? Chess club? Art? Anything? You need to help him find something that he enjoys. It sounds like he needs some light hearted, funny books, things that help him have fun and smile! I would try to break him of these habits now, or they may become worse as he gets older! Does he have a lot of friends? Do you know them well? Maybe one of them acts this same way and he is getting ideas from them?

I would do anything I could to get him some help.

Dear C.,
I am so sorry that you are going through this with your son. This as everyone has said is VERY SERIOUS. This sounds like he is depressed and suicidal. Run, don't walk and have him evaluated immediately. You don't want to wait until that plastic knife he is cutting himself with is a real knife. I am guessing that he will need to be under suicide watch inpatient someplace for a while.

Please don't wait...get to the doctor today. Your regular MD can get you checked into a place or just go directly to an ER and they will have to check him out.

Good luck!

My son went through something similar when he was 7 years old. He kept saying "I don't belong in this world" "I wish I would just die". Such heartbreaking things to hear from your child. Outside counseling helped with as she would tell him "dangerous talk". His 2nd grade teacher was not very helpful in that she would badger him every A.M. when it was journal writing time. Although he is an extremely intelligent boy (in the Target program) I knew there was something amiss. Finally, the school tested him and he has dyslexia of the form dysgraphia. He is a new boy now, very happy at 10 years old. He was relieved when he was diagnosed like now people understand me and continues to get straight A's. The teachers make some accomodations. He gets to bring his journal home if he needs to finish his log since it just takes him longer to get on paper what he is thinking. So in some case, this behavior is a symptom of a learning disability. I hope this helps.

Hi C.! I do know that 'getting attention' is normal for an 9 year old (I have one too)-but the method by which your son does this (whether he actually hurts himself or not) doesn't appear to be normal. I used to be a medical assistant in a doctor's office and there was a case of a child who displayed these same behaviors. A professional can (1) get to the bottom of WHY your son is displaying this behavior and (2) will be able to tell you and your son how to work through it to change it. This change may entail medication, it may not. The counselor is a good first step and he or she will be able to give you more details on what to do next. The important thing here is that you want to make sure it's NOT a big deal and not just ignore it. Hope it all turns out well for you!

I feel so bad for your son! This is not normal behavior at any age and I appreciate that you are looking for advice. Do seek out the counseling but also do a couple of other things, especially before you go the route of medications. Begin limiting television, computers (no internet) and video game time. Besides questionable content, some people are just ultrasensitive to the electromagnetic "connection" they constantly receive.
Most importantly, take a look at what he is eating. Food allergies and/or poor diet can severly affect people physically and emotionally. My son developed some behavioral issues when he started kindergarten and we discovered that he had allergies to eggs and dairy. When we cleared the eggs, the behaviors diminished significantly. Search out a practitioner of NAET (www.naet.com) and have him treated for allergies. Give him a good multivitamin daily.
I know that the food take may seem off, but I work with people, helping them change their diets and transform their worlds. I've seen it, I've lived it. Diet is more powerful that we give it credit for. Recent studies in prisons and with at-risk youth (NOT that this is where your son is headed)have shown that supplementing their diets with whole foods and multivitamins significantly lowered the rates of violence, anti-social behavior and depression.
My best to you and your family. God Bless!

In health,
A.

Hi, I'm mom of 6; the youngest is 10. I have gone through this with 3 boys. not with my 3 girls, really. I could tell you all kinds of incidents and concerns but for now i'd stick with the counselling idea. The child could be being bullied, picked on etc. With my son, we have tried different approaches. Diet, different discipline, etc. What I had suspected all along was ADHD. I am not fond of medicating anyone, especially children. the more I learned the better I felt. After starting on some medication I almost cried. He lost 3 lbs and was not happy. After the second week, he blossomed into a reader, writer, cooperater etc. His cursive improved, he's not frustrated and his classmates like him.
He has alot to makeup for though, we didn't try meds until his teacher said he wasn't reading @ his level and may need to repeat the grade.

C.,
How sad. Does he have anything that he does, extra curricular activities that he can feel a part of something, a team? Something that he can feel proud of himself for doing. Maybe doing Karate, something that he can use his energy on and learn discipline at the same time. Would be worth trying.

Hi You should turn off the tv , video games for a while sometimes what they are wtching and playing can make them depreessed , give them anxiety and put fear into them , like shooting and killing games and alot of violent shows and movies can have an affect on kids, my 10 yr old daughter was having problems also and me and my husband do not let her watch or play any more violent or shooting shows or games anymore. . we monitor what she sees and plays and that has helped alot she also said she hatd her life . there going through a point in thier life where thier trying to find out who they are . thier not little anymore and there not yet a teenager . C. N

I wouldn't wait to get in to see a school counselor. Get him in to see someone NOW!! Depression can certainly affect children and if he is starting puberty the hormonal changes may play a role. Also, if he is declining in school and isolating himself from people i.e. video games, tv, computer...BIG RED FLAGS!!! I am sure your company has an Employee Assistance Program that you could contact for him if the school can't see him now.

Oh, aren't boys ... complicated some times (sons, fathers, husbands... LOL) But no, this not a laughing matter. We just went through this with our 9 year old. It started when he went back to school this fall. We ended up taking him to see our therapist, who told me that this age, 8,9, and 10, is actually really quite a hard one. They are at that point where they realize that life sucks sometimes, well a lot of the times unfortunately. It's no longer a question of if their super heros were real or if they have the super powers, because they realize that that will never happen and that's kinda hard. It's hard to give those child ideals up. They are not little kids anymore.
My son would say he is too violent (when he really wasn't) but was acting up at school and always sulking, which I don't have patience for. And he hated life too, it was no fair!! He went to 5 sessions with her and now, he is doing great. I realized that I had to be sure that I wasn't putting to many expectations on him, but hold him accountable to what was his responsibilities were. We did make sure that we were not always on a game, tv, etc... but we did not take them away totally. We did however make sure that we were more active with him and doing things that he would enjoy (board games, card games, museums, etc) so that he knew we valued what he did enjoy and set up a good balance of that.

He is doing so awesome now. We have our moments (or I would be more worried!) but he has pretty much stopped the pouting and I have had no calls from the school since before xmas break!! I tell him regularly how great he is doing and how happy it makes me to see him doing so well.

im going through the same thing with my nine year old boy. he has been diagnosed with bi polar disorder and is on medication. he has been for about 3 years now. we have had him in counseling and that really seems to help. i was told that drawing or coloring is a good distraction when they get upset. you might want to try that. definitely get the school counselor involved and talk to your doctor. good luck. i know what you are going through and will say a prayer for you.

Have you ever just sat down with him one on one and asked him what he hates about life? Sometimes kids do things like this because they are calling out to someone to pay attention to something that is really wrong in their life.
Maybe some extra attention and some time spent with him talking and you just listening and asking him what would make it better. Maybe there's someone bullying him at school or maybe he's being abused by someone.
Obviously you're not going to give to every little thing he thinks might make his life better (a Wii :o) but maybe he just needs something more from you or his Dad that he just can't express.
Does he have any ADHD issues? I know that removing artificial colors, flavors and preservatives have helped my kids a ton with behaviors. They are made out of chemicals and some kids are really affected by them behaviorally. www.feingold.com
Other than that I can honestly tell you that I went through some of the same issues when I was in 5th grade. There were kids that were mean to me and I hated school because it was a day of misery - every day. I was so depressed.
Please take it seriously and get outside help if you need it.
Best Wishes,
J.
Mom of 4 and soon one more through another adoption.

i would make sure he sees a counselor or therapist. i wouldn't reach straight for medication. is it possible he's been abused and you don't know or something?

Hi C.. A friend of mine is going through the same thing with her 9 year old but he has been having prolems for a long time with depression because his father is not in his life. If your son is just coming about these problems maybe there is something going on your not aware of. Taking him to a school counselor is a good start but I would look into something a bit more professional and get him all the help you can while he is still young. Good luck to you and your family!

Wow thats heart breaking. If I were you, I would spend more quality time with my 9 yr old. Turn off the t.v./video games and read him a book or play "real" games (cards, board games) and just have conversations together. Take time to talk privately to him about his feelings while making eye contact. Eye contact is very important, it brings you emotionally closer and gives your child a chance to "see" that he is more important to you than he may have been feeling. Ask him if he really knows that he is loved. Ask him to tell you details about why he is feeling this way. Hug and hold him lots. Tell him that it hurts your heart to see him hurting himself and that you love him so much. Is he being bullied in school? There are many changes happening in a 9 yr olds life and body. They are beginning to go through hormonal changes and its emotionally challenging. I have a 9 yr old girl. I wish you and your family the best.

Oh yes, we've gone through this. I would HIGHLY recommend two things right away:

1). Finding a "play therapist" (often LSW- ask your school counselor, pediatrician, etc. for recommendations)
2). Make it a point to spend at least 10 minutes a day, one-on-one with him, even if it's as you're tucking him in at night.

Even if he is doing these things "for attention," he has shown enough red flags that you need to respond. Childhood depression (as well as a host of other childhood issues) is more prominent these days and there are lots of effective approaches. My 4th grader had to learn the hard way that threatening to hurt herself, even if she wouldn't really do it, was crossing a serious line. Fortunately, she's made a ton of progress. In our case, medication was temporarily necessary to help her find joy in life again but that is not always the situation. We have made several changes. But getting good outside help is a must.

Even if he isn't suffering from "depression" or the like, my experience is that there are ways of responding to these kinds of inappropriate behaviors without feeding into them. These aren't the kinds of behaviors to just ignore.

=)
Susan

That is a very serious issue, and should not be taken lightly!i recommend finding out what is causing him to feel this way and see if he will talk to you. Being 9 years old is not easy, and maybe there is some sort of growing up issue he is having.if he will not talk to you, he will definately have to seek counsiling, and/or possibly medication.

I wouldn't say it is just for show--most kids can't comprehend seriously damaging themselves at that age, even if he has a true desire. He sounds dangerously depressed.

You may be in for a rocky ride ahead, but just remember that this is likely a chemical problem (like diabetes, you know?). Love him more than you can, comfort him more than you should, and make sure you and your significant other are getting the support and time YOU need, too.

I would be very concerned. I dont believe this is normal at all, especially at this age. The fact that he hurts himself (cutting etc. is disturbing). It also sounds like he may be watching too much tv. videos etc. this perpeptuates violence, he may be confusing reality with fantasy. I would seek out a therapist asap. I have 2 boys ages 10 and 12. I have used a therapist for my oldest, when i discovered he has anxiety, the therapy has really helped, he barely suffers from it anymore. You NEED to get to the root of why he is so unhappy and wants to hurt himself! the sooner the better. I wish you luck.
I am a full-time art teacher; elementary, with 2 boys 10 and 12, married to a school psychologist.

This does not sound like normal behavior. A 9 year old should be enjoying his/her life and have pretty much nothing to overly worry about. Children sometimes mimic what they see. What is he viewing on T.V., computer, video games? You said you work full time. Do you work full time just while he is in school or does he have a babysitter? In a nutshell take an objective look at his surroundings and see if that could be a cause. It sounds like he needs alot of positive surroundings! Maybe that can change somthing?!

This doesn't sound normal to me. Please, talk to his doctor and see if he or she has any advice. This sounds like clinical depression and the sooner you're able to get it checked out, the better for your son.

I wish you a quick resolution to this situation - it sounds scary!

Hi C.
I Agree with Patina you need to have him see a doctor. He sounds severly depressed and you need to take him seriously. When he say he wants to hurt himself. Good Luck :) T.

Hi C.,

You're doing the right thing by letting him know this is serious and you need to speak with a professional. In addition to the school counselor there are local professional psychologists who will help your family deal with this problem.

I went through something similar with my youngest son. Even though he has so many things going for him, he likes to complain. It's extremely important to take his words seriously - even if it appears to be just for show.

Best wishes to you,
K. C
PS Check out www.healingwaters-mn.com page on Group Coaching for Parents, I offer the group along with excellent resources

I had a son who was struggling in school and his self-esteem was much to be desired. I tried the school counselor but she had some ideas but my son could not confide with her. Also, I didn't realize that there were issues happening within the school from 5th to 10th grade, with teacher conflicts and peer conflicts my son would not express to the counselor or to my husband and I. ( I confess I didn't support my son at first thought it attention and regretted it later) Also, if he uses the computer a 'friend' on line or material could be challenging him to question himself. (hope you monitor his computer and check his history sites visited.)

You may need to go to an outside child phychologist to see if they have any ideas. I also have heard some children can have severe neurological imbalance causing depression which if treated properly could help. Expressions of suicide or self mutilization is a cry for help and don't take it lightly. My son is now 17 and thanks to my husband and I not giving up on him he is again doing well in another school for his situation has bi-weekly counseling and his self esteem is at a high.

Remember you are your sons only supporter, let him know you are in this battle with him.
Your in my prayers,
Gina W.

Pray and get involved in a good church where they have awana or a good youth program.

Please start by getting him into counseling asap, in addition to the school counselor. Based on my experience and what we have heard from our son's counselor, you need to limit his tv & computer time. No more than an hour a day. Get him involved in activities that make him feel good about himself. Sports, Boy Scouts, 4-h, etc, anything that he likes and will have fun with. Good luck!

C.,
I think you need to take everything your son is saying very seriously. I have a 9 year old daughter and she is loving life. I would seek professional help immediately!

Good to see that you are seeking help for him at school. It;s hard to seek help isn't it? I have before & we have this parent self pride to get over, & do what is best for your child. Hurting him self or others at any point is not something to take lightly. It may be just something he is going threw, but he needs attention for it no matter what because it could be more then just him trying to get attention. How long has he been doing it? Any home changes before it began? Do other family members have mental disorders to watch for? Good luck & GOOD job Mom!!! =o)

I have a son who has gone through rough patches of depression and it's a horrible thing to see. I'd strongly recommend suspending "screens". No television, no computer, no video games. Take time to do active things with him, even if it's one-on-one basketball in the driveway for ten minutes. Moving is so important for the body to produce positive endorphins. In this weather it can be tough, but sledding or even a walk or shoveling can do a lot of good. I also strongly recommend adding essential fatty acids, like omega 3, to his diet. In Whole Foods or Wild Oats you can find a variety. For the first couple of months I'd give him a larger dose than recommended so his body can get sufficient sooner. There are several good scandinavian studies on the benefits of omega 3s (primarily in fish oil form) on depression. Good luck.