My Child Is Traumatized!

First I would confront the parents and detail every mark, bite, bruise and scratch. I would then advise them that if they are not going to step in to control this child's behavior there are several state agencies that would be more than willing to offer assistance to this bully in the making. As far as getting over the trauma, first bring her around a single child that she has played with before that did not harm her. After several sessions with the single child introduce a second. She will begin to realize (because kids are so incredibly brilliant at this sort of thing) that the threat does not come from the other children but rather that one. It will take time and patience and the worse thing you can do with anything is force her, let her go at her own pace and it will resolve itself.

I agree with the previous post from Kristi. Keep taking her to places so she can play with other kids. I have a little boy that pulls hair and is aggressive and I certainly step in, using the "he's a boy" excuse is not acceptable.

good luck

OMG! Your friend is lucky you are so nice. I would not have been able to keep my cool. I would have caused a scene. I have a boy and a girl. They are different, but his behaviour was not funny at this age and will be even less funny the bigger and older he gets.
It's unanomus, she needs to have as many chances to play with other children as possible. You may need to get down on the floor and play with the children right along side her a few times. Then I picture her pushing you out of the way when she is ready. Give your sweet baby and extra hug from me.

S., something very similar happend to me and my baby girl. She was 9 months at the time when our friends little girl tried to hit her in the head with a purse to stop her from crying. My baby was teething at the time. The parents did nothing. It does make you feel very angry, I totally understand how you feel. If you are good enough friends with her, you can tell her what happend. If you are not that good of friends, I would not spend time with them unless they have a babysitter. As far as your daughter, be with her in the playgroup until she feels comfortable. Also, maybe do some pretend play with her and her stuffed animals. Just so she can remember that playtime is fun:)

I am a mother of 4 little boys and the aggressive behavior is normal. I would not tag this on just boys, there are many girls who behave this way also. However it is the parents resposibility to correct their child not matter what gender they are. My boys have bit, hit, punched and kicked each other since they were able to walk. They have also done like your little girl and shyed away are were scared of other kids. This is also normal. This could be a combination of not wanting to get hurt along with separation anxiety. She will get over it when she is ready. There is no age on how long this will last, but it won't be forever. You should have a talk with the parents of this little boy about his behavior and its affects on her. Although the aggressive behavior may be normal, it is still unacceptable and they need to correct him now before he gets out of control with his behavior. Otherwise he will think it is ok to be this way well into his older years which can be problematic. With your daughter the best advice I can give it to encourage her to play with other kids often. She will eventually get over any anxieties she has. If she is kept away from other kids because of what can potentialy happen she could develpe anti-social behaviors in which she can carry well into adult years. I hope this is helpful. I know its difficult with her being an only child. Your instinct is to protect her from every little thing out there. As I have learned through the years as my oldest has gotten older, you have to let them experience lifes little ups and downs in order for them to learn how to cope on their own. Best wishes.

What a mean little boy. Yes, his parents are responsible for what he did and they should have stepped in immediately. Continue to get her around other children and maybe have her in your lap while another calm child is next to you playing/talking to her. I hope and really think that soon she'll be fine. As long as she is treated well by the other young children around her. I would not allow them to come over any more. Just one of those things you have to do to protect what's most special to you .... our little ones!

I have a 3 yr old boy, a 2yr old girl, and a 3mth baby boy... I am constantly struggling with my oldest hitting on his sister, so i understand the trauma she felt...HOWEVER, the parents of that boy should have never allowed him to hurt your baby, i can't believe they were laughing...i have never just blamed my sons behavior on being a boy, and let it go...that's just ridiculous (SP)
My advice to you is when your daughter is with other children you should sit her in your lap and help her to interact with the other children..if a child goes to take something from her or hit her you stop it and so "oh no we don't play like that" show her that you are her protector and she can count on you...there is no way to keep her from ever getting hurt, even from other kids, but she needs to know that mommy won't let anyone hurt her and get away with it...good luck honey...she'll be fine...

Hi S.-- I definately think you need to keep taking your daughter to her playgroup so she can interact with other children her own age. You may want to sit and play with her and one or two other kids to help her feel safe until she is comfortable playing on her own again. I would also talk to your friend and explain about the bruises and bite marks and that it may be better for any get togethers in the near future are adult only until the children are a little bigger and can play nicely together. Hopefully she will understand and not take it personally and your friendship can stay intact.

My son is almost 3 and anytime I have ever seen him be violent I immediately intervened. That is not okay and if it was me, I would talk to my friend. If they will not discipline the boy, keep him away until he is 21. She will be okay if you keep bringing her around other kids. Trust your instincts next time. Say something, it's your right and duty to protect her. I would understand if someone had to say something to me about my son. She will get used to playing with other kids again. I'm so sorry that you and your husband had to deal with this.

Wow, first let me send my sincerest prayer out to you, bless your hearts -- all 3 of you. I am shocked that your friends think it's funny for their son to be such a bully, sounds like a big cop out on their part... I would not invite them around again unless you have a heart-to-heart about his behavior -- unacceptable!!! I have an 18 month old daughter who is very gentle and very friendly and it hurts my heart when other children don't respond to her in a healthy positive way but unfortunately we can't do anything about someone else's child's behavior. And it is a tough life lesson so early for our dear little ones...

I think all you can do is to continue to reassure her that the world is not made up entirely of bullies and I would let her come out of her own "protection zone" when she is ready. I find that my daughter tends to "teach" me about her readiness for each step we take and it is my responsibility as her mother and caretaker to let her emerge as she feels like it/ready for it.

Perhaps one of these days when your daughter is ready, the next play date will hug her and she will know not everyone is so horrible. I picked my daughter up from her "school" one day and they told me that they had had a new child in class that day and that my daughter followed her around patting her on the back and "talking" to her all day. I loved hearing that about my sweet baby. You should know, there are others that will be kind to her. And I would just give her the time to heal and find that out...

Best regards to you and your daughter. And I think perhaps next time, tell your friend to get control of her "boy" or you all are leaving.

The first thing that I would do is talk to the parents of the other child. They will either do something about it or they will stay away. Either way...you gotta do what is right for your daughter. If they arent going to make him act differently then you really dont want them around and frankly neither will anyone else.
Sounds to me like the child is either very undisciplined or played extreamly to rough with. My son was really rough. He broke my nose. His father played really rough with him though. You know, the whole "boy" thing. Well, since the divorce he has changed a lot. I still get in the floor and wrestle with him but we don't play as rough. I like the sandwich thing....that is funny...I never thought about it but I bet it works..LOL

I have a 2 yr old daughter...we live in southwest AR...near Hope.

Oh my gosh! How terrible!! I'm shocked that they would refuse ot intervene like that. Most parents would have jumped in even if he was being only slightly rough with her.
I would definately talk with them about. An easy way to avoid anger with people is to "sandwich" the converstaion. For instance, start with a compliment about them or their son, then explain your feelings about what happened and the marks he left on her. Then end it with something else positive about them. If they still react in anger or denial--then to be honest--they really arn't your friends.
Where abouts in AR do you live? My daughter Alysen is also 16 months and is a very calm, quiet, gentle little girl. If you live close to Little Rock we could get our girls together to help your daughter have a positive experience with a baby her own age. :)
Stand tough and don't let bullies win--little or otherwise! hehe ;)
M.

Definitely tell the other parents. It can be approached in a somewhat neutral way. If you say something like "I'm sure this doesn't happen normally, but..." and explain what happened to your daughter. Tell them you would want to know if your daughter had done something like that to someone else. Thankfully, we haven't had to go through this with our kids (we've had other issues, though, and the "I'd want to know" approach worked very well), but I'm sure she is going to rebound. Maybe find some very calm kids to have over one at a time or some life-like dolls that can't hurt her??? I'll be prating for her.

S.,

In my opinion, I would tell the parents of the little boy that you found bite marks on your little girl along with brusies after they had left. It kind of sounds like to me that the little boy might have some anger issues that need to be dealt with some how.

I would also let them know that unless they can control him better than what they did, then he can't come over again.
This might sound harsh, and it might be, but you have to look out for your daughter. I know that boys can be boys, but they can also tend to have more of an anger issue.

I don't know if this will help, but I thought I would voice my opinion anyway.

J.

Just take it slow. Take her to the park when there are no kids there at all and slowly take her when kids are there. I am sure it was traumizing for her to play with such a rough little boy. I do not let me daughter say "no" to other children. I teach her to share and be nice. I am sorry the other parents did not control their boy better I would not let my little boy play that way. He is a boy but he does not have to be a bully. I hope this helps you may even want to ask a professional how to handle this. I would would not let her play with that other little boy, (which I am sure you are not letting that little boy around her anymore)

Hi S..
That is inexcusable. My son is very physical also. He pushes and hits and stuff no matter what we tell him or how we punish. The parents should have been watching their son the whole time. It is never funny when a child is cruel to another child. You should tell the parents what you found on your daughter. I’d show them too. If they are your friends they'll understand and feel bad. Hopefully they'll do something about their son. When you have a child like that you have to go check on them all the time to make sure they are being nice and teach them not to bite or hit. My son's getting the idea, and he's hasn't hit at school for 1 ½ weeks now. They need to work with him.
Your daughter will get over it, just keep her away from the little boy. Just keep encouraging her to play with other kids and she'll be fine. Just show her lots of affection. Good luck.

Well, 1st off, talk to your friend! That's just insane that it got that far out of hand. I have 3 wild and crazy boys, one of which went through TERRIBLE 2's from 18mths-3yrs and beat up kids all of the time, but I most DEFINITELY stepped in every single time and would stop it or sit him in my lap pitching a fit or just leave with him. Your friend needs to realize what it did to your little girl so she knows that it's out of hand. Secondly, keep taking your little girl to play with kids and keep taking her and KEEP taking her. That's the only way she's going to break out of this. It's not normal for kids that little to hold grudges after one incident, so it must have been bad. But, if you let her stop interacting with kids, she's going to only remember that time and become less and less social and cling to you more and more. She's going to have to understand that things happen (yes, even as little as she is), and we move on. I know it breaks your heart. I have 4 little ones, and it always breaks my heart any time any of them are sad or hurt. I'm so sorry this happened to you both, you've just got to teach her to move one. This is the age where she gets the foundation for understanding that.

This is a tough situation because protecting your child is the most important job we have as parents. I never experienced anything this extreme but at a playdate recently there was a 3 yr old girl that kept hitting my 17 month old son. The mom just kept telling her that he's a baby and she can't be mean to him. Well one time I was standing next to them and she swung a tennis racket at him (thank God it didn't hit him or I would have gone balistic). I looked at her in the eyes and I told her that she was not to hit anyone. The mother still did nothing. Needless to say I won't be bringing my child around them again. If these people were truely friends that would not want to see your child harmed (especially not by their own child). What is wrong with parents today that they don't blame his behavior on "being a boy". I am all for spanking and if my son was hitting and biting another child you better believe he'd be switched. It may sound old fashioned but "to spare the rod is to spoil the child". The Bible says that we are harming the child by not giving the correct discipline. I hope that your sweet girl will regain her confidence around other kids soon. I would definitely let the other parents know why you would not be allowing them over any more.