My Babies Are Leaving (How Do You Cope?)

My kids are 17 & 15 and this is the second summer they will be spending with their dad. They will be gone for 2 months (to another state). When they left last summer we were in the middle of a custody dispute and the unknown was very difficult.
I want them to spend time with their dad, but I didn't sign up for this. Set-up skype and times to talk to them, but stay positive and encourage them having fun. I talk to them about the fun things they're doing.
I don't think it gets easier. After about two weeks last year, I went through and cleaned their rooms, but it took me time to be able to do that. Allow yourself time to be sad, but don't let it take over or take away from your daughter or step-kids. Be aware that they may get jealous of you going and doing activities without them. To them its new and fun, but they expect everything at home to stay exactly the same.
My son made a list of his favorite dinners that he wanted me to make before they leave. My daughter and I made her list of everything for her to bring with. Last year we painted some picture frames and I printed some photos she wanted.
My kids leave in 8 days and I've stayed positive until now. Every night is scheduled with friends and family they want to see before they leave. I find myself taking a mental picture of the little moments. Last year a few days before they left my daughter came up behind me and put her arms around me and laid her head on my shoulder and said I love you mom. I replied I love you more and she said you couldn't possibly love me more. It makes me appreciate and slow down for those things. Change up your normal routine a little. Know that they miss you and you can never be replaced.

I am so sorry you have to go through this. I have never experienced your side, but I come from divorced parents. I remember staying with my father and his wife at their house for a full month during the summer. Granted I was an only child, so I'm sure my mother missed me, but she had time to focus on herself for a little bit. I am sure you will miss your boys, but this gives you a chance to bond with your step kids for a bit. Do fun things with them over the summer. Trust me, the time will fly by and you will have your boys back with you in no time.

We grew up going to sleep away summer camp for at least a month at a time and had a great time. Our parents enjoyed the time to themselves. Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

my daughter only leaves for short times like a day or two and i get bummed, and being around other kids without her bums M. out more. i worry that when i have another kid that it will make M. miss her more and feel like im cheating on her in a way. i'm curious to how you adapted to a new baby and step kids and if they distract you or make you miss her more?
i hate going to family kids events or parties without her!

In our township, it is common for families to send their kids to summer camp every summer starting the summer between K and 1st...FOR SEVEN WEEKS. We don't do this. I can't imagine spending that much time away from my kids - especially during summer when everyone's happy and laid back and days are long and lazy. I LOVE summer with my kids, so I feel your pain.

I can't speak to divorce or visitation issues, but I think it's one of those things that will simply suck and you get used to it. It'll still be hard, of course. But moms can tolerate a lot of heartache and that's what will probably happen with you. In the meantime, try to enjoy your daughter and step kids as much as possible. And when you're reunited with your boys, it'll be so awesome for all of you!

I know this must be hard for you. I don't have any advice other than, as hard as it is for you, don't put that on your kids. Don't make them feel guilty or sadder than necessary for leaving you and going to their father's house. Kids pick up on our feelings so easily. I'm assuming they'll be safe and well taken care of at their Dad's? If this is the case, then try to relax and treat it as an adventure for THEM. Talk it up and tell them how much fun they're going to have, etc. Best of luck to you.

When you said "extended periods" I thought you were going to say that they would be gone for the entire summer, not less than two weeks.