My Actions Are Being questioned....why?

It sounds like he just doesn't understand what and why you're doing what you're doing. There's been a lot of good suggestions from others, and I'll add my $0.02. A parenting class that both of you go to together (not because I think you don't know what you're doing) will help provide fodder for discussion. Point him to some websites or books he can go through to understand what needs to be done. Sit down together and talk about if he thinks what you're doing is wrong, or why he's asking all these questions. Then explain what you're doing, and why you're doing it. If he disagrees, then talk through it.

It may not be that you need him to leave you alone, but rather that he may want to be more involved! So let him get involved more if that's what he needs and wants! But if he's one of those dads who doesn't want to be involved and just wants to poke and prod and criticize, then tell him if he's not willing to put his money where his mouth is, he doesn't get to criticize :)

I went through the same thing but what it amounted to was that we were raised totally different our selves. My parents were very affectionate but also strict. His parents were NOT affectionate but they were very passive in the discipline dept. There is a happy medium and ya'll need to talk about it. Ask his opinion. It doesn't mean you have to take it but it involves him. Let him try things his way(as long as it isn't going to hurt anything) I know that I was very bad about "my way is the best way" I have experience(babysitting for years) But when I let him try things I realized it took a lot of pressure off of me and our relationship.

Hope this helps!!!!!

Yeah.. I can solve that problem quickly.
Make plans all weekend long and leave him to be with her continuously the entire weekend. When you come back he will see that it isn't a piece of cake and will appreciate what you do and how you get it done.

I know having a kids by 2 men isnt easy. I have 4 and my oldest is someone else's. Me and my other half (lol) have been together 13 years. We to this day argue about how to raise our kids. We were raised 2 totally different ways. We have luckily been able to compromise on the raising of the kids most of the time. I have also learned to pick my battles. And I know there are days that it feels like the child of the one you are with favors his kid(s) more than the previous one. Keep in mind though that more than likely this isn't his intention. Also remember everyone has their own way of raising kids and they always think it is best. Let them say what suggestions they have for you never know when they might have a good one that you could use.

Some men are lost when it comes to raising kids. You might could suggest that you 2 take a parenting class. Tell him that both of you could learn from a class like that.

One thing that needs to be understood is that once the children hit a certain age they will make it to their advantage that you don't agree on how to raise them and will play you against each other to get their way. Me and my hubby have come to understand this so we make sure the kids don't hear the disagreements on this issue when we can't come to a compromise.

Good luck and best wishes with this issue.

J.,

Hi there. I'm so sorry that you are under this stress. I was lucky my husband is not one to ask me why I'm doing something with our daughter. But like the other Mom said you need to take a weekend and go away and let him take care of her all weekend. And when you come back turn the tables on him ask him why is he doing what he is doing with her. You be the one asking the questions. Also you may want to try to talk to him again. You can also try to tell him what your doing and why you doing it the way that your doing it. You see with it been in fist child he wants to be the best father that he can be and he really does not know what he is doing. So he does not think that you know what your doing. Even thaw you know what your doing sometimes we have to explain it to the guys what we are doing and how we are doing it. Also you may want to talk to your child’s Dr about what is going on and see if they can help you talk to him about how its ok if she cries. We have a really good Dr and she will help me talk to my husband about stuff like this. Also you may want to talk to His Mom and Your Mom and see what they have to say. I hope that this has helped you in some way. God Bless.

K.

My ex-husband was like this in a different way. He would downplay taking care of a newborn and say it was too easy and he resented me for not having a 'real' job. I let him have her for a day and I swear he didn't last a couple of hours. But one thing I didn't do is talk down to him, saying he's doing this wrong he's doing that wrong. I just let him tend to her and he started getting more relaxed as time went on. I remember I was that way with the general public when I first had my daughter. If it wasn't my own mother or someone I didn't know personally, I didn't let them hold her. I was just like a mama bear. Show him these responses and tell him all us women are thankful for men like him who actually care right from the start and that he's doing great, but that from day 1 those babies know how to get mama's attention and sometimes you do have to let them cry, especially at night.

Does he spend much time on his own with the baby? Mabe you should go somewhere for a couple of hours leaving him alone with the baby. Let him find out if he can do better. If he is anything like my husband he'll realize quickly that he'd much rather let you do it your way, than have to do it himself. Keep in mind he's going through those 1st time parent fears. You've already realized that a baby won't break and that every cry doesn't mean an emergency. He's alittle behind you in that department.

I read the other responses to your question and I know it is really easy to get offensive when you feel your parenting is in question. The knee-jerk reaction would be to let him "see for himself" and leave the baby with him alone. I know it hurts your feelings to be questioned, but leaving the child with him is not the solution. I agree with the lady who said you should talk to him and explain to him why you are doing what you are doing. He may just want to feel as if he is a part of this process, after all, he did help make the baby, let him learn how to take care of him too. Try to stay calm and not condencending when you tell him your reasons for letting the baby cry. When you are with him, let your boyfriend tend to him. If he is open to learning, ask him to read parenting books or magazines with you. It should be a team effort, please just be thankful you have a boyfriend who is actually interested in being a father.
Men, just like us at times, are nervous and scared about parenthood. We had 9 months to get ready for reality, we actually felt the baby growing and you have already went through tht newborn stages with your oldest child. He is new to this and he is curious, nervous, etc..
Don't fight with him and please try to have an open mind about this. Include him in what you are doing and after he is comfortable with the baby and understands the "why" behind your actions, then let him keep him by himself for a couple of hours. Don't just get mad and leave though.
As you know, having a baby is stressful on us moms, most of us have mother instinct kick in when we have a child, dads don't. They have to learn through watching, reading, and trial and error.
Try to not wear your feelings on your sleeve...communication is the key. It might not hurt for him to read the stuff on this site too. Maybe there needs to be a "Daddy Source" for men. Hmm..good luck.

I completely agree with Melody. Even if it's not a weekend just an entire day, he needs to take care of the baby alone. I really think that would make him stop questioning you.

I had the same problem with my now husband.
My kids are 7 years apart also .
For one thing she is a girl and that makes a difference why ... I cannot tell you But it does , the second is men can not handle a baby's cry.
If this is his first child he wants to be the best daddy in the world and he cannot understand how picking up a child that needs to self sooth or what ever the case may be.
My husband has just figured it out that I know what I am doing and our daughter is 17 months old. ( my son is 8)
Just tell him that Your son is just fine and You have done this before.
there is not much else you can do except when he is home he has the children ( except feedings if your breastfeeding) have him do diaper changes, bed time , nap time and give him a look at the "in side world" so to speak..