Teen Girl and Father.

what do you mean "it's in my home when this happens"? Does she do this at his home too?

Are you and dad affectionate towards each other in front of the girls? How long has he been divorced? How often are you around his daughters? Has he brought every woman he has dated, around his girls?

There are lots of things to factor in to this behavior. Otherwise this just sounds like she is "marking her territory".

**Adding this: The National Geographic magazine, had a GREAT article on the Teenage brain and their development.
I HIGHLY recommend reading it.
Here is the link to the article:
http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2011/10/teenage-brains/...
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Well, as an "outsider" and per her age and you being in her Daddy's life now... she is probably behaving that way to perhaps... claim territory on him.
Who knows.
But if you notice it, then others would too.
So I would speak to your Boyfriend about it. But again, this is a new relationship... and he may think that you have no place, in commenting about him and his daughters.

I would hope, that he or his ex-wife, has had the birds and the bees talk with their daughters already. They are Teenagers after all. And they probably have periods and are as you said, developed physically already.
And there does come a time... physically and per age, when bodily interactions with a parent/Dad, is more.... noticed. By outsiders as well.
And it will be commented on.

There is a good book series, for girls, called the "American Girl" books. It has many topics and about a girls' body and its changes and hygiene etc. It is a GOOD book, age appropriate, and meant to be read by the child and her Mom or parent.
I think... your Boyfriend, is probably "dense" about these things, or doesn't want to think about it. I mean, his "little girl" is growing up and changing physically. But a Man/Dad... has to think about that, too. And per interactions with their daughter.
I would highly recommend getting these books... for your Boyfriend. To read. He has, daughters. Thus he needs to, ALSO get informed. About their bodies too and changes etc.
You can find the books at any bookstore or online at Amazon or E-bay.
My daughter is 9, and I have these books already. She loves it.

Your Boyfriend's daughters, is a Tween and a Teen. The 12 year old will be a Teen next year.

And perhaps, the teen daughter feels insecure, about her Dad's relationship with you. She is a child. They get emotions that they don't even understand themselves nor can they even "analyze" their own emotions etc.

But its good you mentioned it to your Boyfriend.
So that he can think about it.
Just don't be "confrontational." Or he may not welcome, any other comments/thoughts from you, about his daughters.

I have a daughter, and my Husband is very involved with her. And my son. As a parent. He comes from a culture, that is very huggy/kissy, and their culture has no issues, with things like affection or nakedness, or about their bodies. But here, in the USA.... people are more.... prone to question, affection between parents and child, at a certain age etc.
But again, as my daughter is getting older, and even if she is 9... and my Husband is thoughtful of things... even he will ask me, if or how he should act with my daughter... in front of others etc. My Husband and daughter are very close. In a healthy way. And she is still a little girl who LOVES to hug and kiss, us. And she loves to cuddle with my Husband while watching tv, etc. But to me, it is not anything more, than just a daughter and Dad, hanging out. My daughter is not endowed or anything... she is 9. She just loves her Dad. But she does not "hang" on him either. It is just regular normal interaction and affection, with her Dad.

Perhaps it seems, that your Boyfriend's daughter... is "overly" hanging on her Dad and cuddling him???? Maybe she doesn't want to lose her Dad, being he is involved with you. But still, a child needs to be guided. And the Man/Dad, also may denote, boundaries. If that is needed, per his daughter's physical development and age and phases.
She does seem clingy with him... and overly demonstrative.... and touchy with him.

Tell your Boyfriend, that any outsider may wonder too. That happens. And what if they tell a Teacher, for example??? That would be weird to some.

If anything, per the daughter's age and development, I would think that a child needs to have "the talk." By now. She is 14. About her body and changes and modesty... and boundaries and the whole thing.

Your Boyfriend's daughters, are growing up. He may still see them as "little girls." But they are not. One is a Tween and the other is a Teenager.
And who knows what their emotional maturity, is.

As you said, your Boyfriend seems like a good man. Has good character. But some Men are just real dense... or they do NOT know how, to fathom the intricacies, with a "daughter." It is hard for them. Unless they grew up with or had, sisters themselves.

As a side note: a family that my friend knows, when their child was young like, I think it was, 5 years old... the child told his Teacher that he sleeps with his parents. It was just an innocent thing. Many parents co-sleep etc. or what not. But so, the Teacher thought it was weird and called CPS on them.
So, outsiders, if a child says things to others, it can be misconstrued.

My father raised my sister and I from the time I was 13 and she 15. We are a huggy, touchy family. I thought nothing of "hanging" on my father, holding his hand, etc. at home or in public. My male cousin and I hug and kiss every time we see each other. He hugs and kisses his mom, my Aunt. My son hugs me all the time, my cousins kids hug freaking everyone ( they are 4 through 11).

To us, it normal to be physically affectionate with family.

You don't say how long the father has been a single dad - or why he is. 14 is a funny age for girls - they are on the cusp of being "grown", but are still very much Daddy's girls. The dynamic of possible jealousy may add to clinginess on her part - a way of saying "he is mine, not yours".

I don't know that you have the right to say anything - the fact that she is really clingy when in your home with her Dad is very telling.

So, a lot of variable here -
where is mom - divorced, deceased, etc.
how long has mom been out of their lives
how long have you been dating
etc.
etc.

Think this over, and over, before you continue to criticize his relationship with his daughter. Think about the dynamics of the family - how did they get to where they are now, and think about if your critique of his inter-actions with his daughter are valid and/or well placed.

Good Luck

Sounds like she's still a little girl inside. I bet she wont be doing the stroking of dad next year at this time. She is just close to her daddy and he's enjoying his little girl.
I rubbed my dads swollen feet after his hernia surgery last week, I don't think anyone thought that was weird, just a dad and daughter moment.

Tricky situation. How long have you been together? I don't think you have the right to say anything to the daughter. But, I think you did the right thing by saying something to your boyfriend. The way you describe it sounds ... off I guess. Odd, not normal. But maybe they are just way more affectionate than normal? Strange situation.

These kinda issue's always make me feel...odd.

The are DD and father. They may be more touchy then you are comfortable with but does that really make it wrong? IMO, no- it makes it your problem.

I have known plenty of young girls over the years that have that kind of relationship with their dad's. Even as full grown adults, only it isn't as often as adults. Then I have friends that are affectionate but not overly so. Then there are those who HATE their fathers.

What I read in your post is that this father has fostered an amazing relationship with his dd/dd's. Sounds like a good dad to his DD, if he starts to pull away, how is that young girl going to feel?

You can correct some of it when in public in gentle ways, but forcing her to fit into others perception of appropriateness seems a little unfair.

As a parent we're sometimes "blind" to certain things about our children. You're the "outsider", you see things differently, so be careful about how you say things to Dad.

I have to remind myself constantly that my daughter is no longer a baby, she's nearly 6 and starting school soon. In my heart she will always be my baby, but I need to start treating her like a little person so that she'll start behaving more independently and with confidence.

He may not see her as anything other than his baby girl and because he treats her like his baby girl she acts like it as well. It'll be hard, it's always hard to let go and let your kids grow up. Now he knows that it may appear shady to others, give him time to adjust to the idea that his baby is now a young lady and needs to be treated that way.

I still hug and "cuddle" with my parents, that's the type of family we are, but when I started to "develop" the wrestling matches stopped and the affectionate pats moved to the shoulders and knees. Kisses moved to cheeks and tops of the head and forehead.

I don't know if you should say something or not, quite honestly. It does sound like she's a bit over the top and they probably get some funny looks. Maybe just wait to see if it doesn't calm down on it's own after she gets used to you being in the picture. I don't know - that's a hard one!

Since this is new, see if it continues or if he takes your words to heart and it stops.

My SD can be affectionate toward her dad. She can snuggle up to him when she is sick and needs TLC. But it's not something that makes any onlooker feel awkward, nor is he withholding normal affection for his child.

I would also look at the family overall - are they more huggy than you are used to? Is the 12 yr old also like this, only without the figure? Is the 14 yr old maybe not as adjusted as one might think? Does she need constant reassurance in general? She may feel especially displaced as the oldest.

I would preface any concerns with that it's not that you think he's doing anything wrong with being affectionate, just that her affections seem to be awkward for her age. We were talking just the other day with friends about how kids mature so much faster physically - if she wasn't curvy, would you feel the same? In other words, is this at all regular 14 yr old behavior and what the problem really is is that she doesn't look 14?

Honestly, from what you said, I don't think there is reason to be concerned. It sounds annoying, but nothing more.

Tread lightly on this one. If she is not getting the attention she needs from her father she WILL find it elsewhere. We learned in a parenting class how "touch-deprived" teens get because of societal pressure and people like you judging other adults. Leave the parent child bond alone. You don't know what they have gone through together in the past.

Be careful. I don't know how long you have been with the dad, but she has been with him for 14 years. Sounds like he has a wonderful relationship with his daughters. You do not want to be seen as the one who destroyed that relationship because YOU are projecting something that might not be there.

Have a conversation with him. As for the Christian school, believe it or not they do have mainstream ideas. She just might not be exposed to girls dressing like they are 25 and going to the club!

You may feel uncomfortable, but there is nothing wrong with what they are doing. It sounds like they have a very healthy relationship. You have brought up your opinion to him, now you need to be silent on the issue.

I loved cuddling up with my dad well into my teens. My daughter and nieces also cuddled up with him even into their 20's. There is nothing sexual about it and it shows more of your insecurities then it being wrong. My dad was my hero and still is. Raising a teen is really difficult as it is and the closer relationship she has with her dad, again... non sexual, the better. I am not sure how long her parents were divoriced but it sounds like he is her security and she needs that. As you say, he has good character so trust that. If there is inapproprate behavior I would think that she wouldn't cuddle up to him as much and he would not be willing to in front of everyone in fear of being found out. She sounds like a daddy's girl and that isn't bad.

I think that I would take a break from seeing him and tell him that it is clear to you that his daughter is confused and conflicted about her father dating and him having a physical relationship with a woman. (Whether or not you two are actually having one.) He needs to face up to this and handle it. If you stay with him during this, she will blame it on you and you two will be miserable.

If he handles this properly, perhaps there is some hope for you two down the road.

Good luck,
Dawn