My 9 Year Old Daughter Is Not Miss Popularity

Updated on January 18, 2011
K.M. asks from North Hampton, NH
12 answers

My daughter has always been the little girl who has always been able to entertain herself very well. She is extremely artistic, loves nature and loves all sort of ther things that most of the girly girls do not like. I guess you could say that she is a bit tom-boyish. Although she will wear dresses. She has a brother that is a year younger than her and they for the most part play well together. We are very active outdoors and we ski in the winter. My daughter really only has 1 friend that comes over to play and they do a lot of sleep overs as well. She recently has been mentioning new girls at school that she says she would like to get together with. She seems HAPPY and well rounded. I often wonder and worry that if her freindship fails I don't want her to be alone. She sits with the a few girls at lunch and the teachers say that she plays well with others at recess. I guess I'm worrying a bit that she does not seem to get any other invites from other girls. We also live in a small town, so it's slim pickins. Should I worry...even though she seems happy?

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M.R.

answers from Chicago on

I haven't read the other responses so I don't know if I'm repeating. If I am repeating though, it might be nice to hear it again.

I was an introverted kid. Not shy. Introverted. I had 3-4 close friends all through school and was fine with it. I was involved in sports although none of my friends played nor did I become really close with any of the girls on the team. I was happy then, I was happy in college, and I'm happy now.

I don't have boatloads of friends and I'm okay with that. I've never really been the social butterfly type and prefer a handful of really strong, close friendships. I don't feel like I missed out on anything but, quite frankly, I don't think I would have enjoyed always being on the go, socially.

If she seems happy and the teacher isn't concerned, then I wouldn't worry. Not every kid is an extrovert and that's okay :)

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J.T.

answers from Little Rock on

Please do not take this the wrong way because it is clear I do not know you nor your daughter. I can only speak from experience as a daughter that grew up with a mother that constantly "worried" about her daughter's popularity. Just take my advice with a grain of salt, please.
First let me start by asking what your personal relationships were like in school and now in adulthood? Were you the popular "It" girl? Or were you the girl who always seemed to be out of the loop but tried hard not to be?

Parents who worry about a child's popularity at such an early age, have a hang up. (Im sorry I know that was rude.) If your daughter is well rounded and adjusted-I'm sorry I don't see a problem. Please don't create one for her. If you constantly push her because you worry about her being "alone", then you are creating an even bigger problem for her in her older teens and adulthood. Be proud that she can entertain herself, enjoys hobbies and doesn't depend on someone else to make her happy. So many young girls now days are pushed in the opposite direction of needing approval from society and boys at such an early age, it creates so many issues for them when they get older.
Friendships wax and wane and it's no matter if you live in a big town or small town. There will always be cliques and mean girls. Your daughter just needs to find her place. No amount of prodding and worrying on her mother's part will change that. Good luck to you and your daughter.

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S.D.

answers from Dallas on

I work in a school, and it seems to me that the "popular" girls are the ones who get in the most trouble and make others feel bad about themselves. If your daughter is happy, why worry. She has friends now and she will have them in the future.

5 moms found this helpful
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S.B.

answers from Redding on

Where is it written that your daughter has to be "Miss Popularity" in order to be happy?
She seems like a pretty well rounded child.
You are worrying about a potential friendship failing. Even worse, you are worrying that your child will be alone.
She seems to be interacting with others okay and that's what's important.
Look...many kids make friends that don't always last, but that's kind of part of life. You can't expect every single experience to result in a life long "bestie".
Your daughter is happy. Trust her to find friends that suit her on her own and don't worry about how many other things she gets invited to. Your worry will rub off on her when she really has no reason to worry at this point.

Just my opinion.

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R.M.

answers from Topeka on

I think you have already answered your question....look at all of the positive things you have to say about your daughter....artistic, loves nature, plays well with her brother ( that in itself is a miracle! lol) and has a good friend that she enjoys spending time with. What more does she need?? Sounds to me like you have a well rounded daughter who is loving life.
I have never been one to have a whole gang of friends. I tend to have one or two really good friends and then a larger circle of "acquaintences". Each of us is different in what we need as far as people who are close to us in life. It sounds to me like she may be a little like me and want one or two people that she knows she can count on. The nice thing is that sometimes those friendships last for decades!!! My best friend , whom I met in 7th grade is STILL a friend..and I just turned 62 years young!!!
Relax..it sounds to me like you have a lovely young daughter.

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

She sounds a bit like our daughter. She got along with everyone and had a few friends, but has never had a wide circle of friends.. She is extremely bright and mature and lot of the girls were a bit self centered and immature..

She had just kind of passed them up on the maturity part. Our daughter was and is still very artistic, so she loved very creative play and again many of her friends were not always into that. Our daughter was also very involved in volunteering. In elementary school she was awarded "most outstanding volunteer" on her campus and continued to be awarded the "Presidential Volunteer" all the way through High school just by participating ii the activities she enjoyed most..

As long as she is happy and she knows how to make friends, she is fine..Our daughter is considered a "Geeky Brainiac" and in High school had a quirky group of friends like herself.. Remember being smart is considered a good thing now for girls and women.

But the best part has been College! She LOVES that all of the people there are there because they want to be there and are all into the same types of activities and learning..

Do not worry, she will be fine. Just make sure she is able to be involved in activities she likes.. Mentoring, volunteering and creative activities.. She will be very happy and find friends with the same interest. ..

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S.R.

answers from Kansas City on

Don't worry, I was an outdoorsy tom-girl myself. I had 2 good friends through my school years, to this day we are all 3 still best friends. I have moved out of state they have stayed, but our friendship is still strong as ever, 5 kids, 1 engagement, and 2 marriages later.

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J.K.

answers from Phoenix on

I wouldn't worry. Encourage her when you can but don't push her. It's good that she gets along with kids at school but it's far more important to have a stable home life, which is sounds like she does. She's happy and healthy. That is great!

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B..

answers from Dallas on

No, don't worry. She is happy (the MOST important thing), her teachers say she does well. What is there to worry about?

I only ever had a few friends growing up and I have these friends to this day. I never wanted to have a ton of friends as I was happy with who I knew. I was a happy well-rounded child and teenager. I am a happy adult with a great marriage and wonderful son. As you can see, the amount of friends don't matter. What does matter, is the QUALITY of friends. I have known many people with a huge amount of friends, but no GOOD friends. They weren't happy people. I think your daughter, is fine.

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C.C.

answers from Sacramento on

I have been just the opposite... my daughter is 8, and up until this year she never really had a "best" friend. She had a lot of friends, many of whom would call or want to have play dates or whatever, but she never really had ONE person that she totally connected with. I was so worried that something was wrong with MY child because she had a bunch of superficial friendships! LOL Anyway, I would say that if your daughter is happy, then who cares? Incidentally, this year my daughter met a girl in her class whom she totally clicked with, and they are BFF's at this point - and now my daughter doesn't really want to spend much time with her other friends. So... I think that's just how it goes at this age! =)

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H.W.

answers from Portland on

Please don't worry. Her happiness should be your main indicator. My guess is that things between she and her best buddy should melt away for some reason, she'll be motivated to reach out to other kids. Some kids just thrive on the best friend relationship. You can help her out by reaching out to the other girls too, but this isn't anything to put on your "Fret About" list.

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K.G.

answers from Burlington on

I would leave her alone. If she is happy, then all is good. Better to have 1 or 2 real friends, rather than many superficial ones. Siblings are friends for life (hopefully) so that is a great relationship to keep strong.

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