My 7 Year Old Son Won't Stop Talking- Please Help

Ask the teacher to place him alone in his own space so there is no one to talk to,

I remember being a talker in class, especially 3rd grade for some reason. . It was almost painful to keep my thoughts to myself.

When it would get out of control, the teacher would have me sit at the one desk in the class that was placed next to her desk. Since she was teaching at the front of the class, I had no one to speak with.

It was a good way for me to be out of my normal situation and learn to "just be quiet."

FYI, there was a lot going on at home. My parents did not really speak with me for any period of time. They were going through a lot in their marriage and at work.. And my sister needed a lot of attention all of the time.

How is his behavior otherwise? Not that I am a big fan of "labels" but I wonder if he has issues with impulse control? Sometimes ADHD can be an issue and if there is a school counselor you can talk to? Or discuss this with his pediatrician and see about a behaviorist referral?

What kind of talking issue is it? Does he talk to others in class when he's supposed to be listening or does he burst out the answer when he's supposed to wait his turn?

There are lots of reasons why. He could be bored because he already understands the lesson, or he could be bored because he is so lost that he doesn't understand anything.

You should find the underlying reason.

I've mentioned this before, a talking problem isn't really a talking problem. It's a LISTENING problem. Instead of learning to "shut up" he should be learning how to listen. You can practice this at home. Many kids need help learning how to listen.

My daughter's talking problem is a listening problem. We had to drill her on listening. First she had to learn how to listen and repeat back what she had heard. Then we worked on listening and following directions. We made the games fun. One of the big issues we found is she had trouble translating what she heard into something useful. Part was her very tiny vocabulary. Part was practicing the ability to HEAR and then DO.

After working on her listening skills, her talking issue stopped. Why? She was LISTENING instead of talking :) And she was no longer lost in school, and talking and goofing around as a result.

Punishments will not work, you need to solve the real issue.

Good luck!

I really wish teachers would stop making parents responsible for what happens in their classroom. Maybe your son is just enthusiastic?

Great responses below, esp. from Cheerful, Laurie, Mira and Sarah. There are ways for his teacher to manage him, as these four ladies suggested. And maybe he is bored.

I really don't think you should be punishing him at home. Not related consequences. The teacher needs to come up with a system.

When our oldest did this, it turned out she was just bored in class. The teacher gave her a book and told her that when she was finished doing the assignment she should read. She was also moved away from any other students until she could control her talking. Of course this lead to a reading in class issue, but that was much more manageable and less interfering. Talk to the teacher about giving him more challenging work to keep him occupied and focused.

Does anyone actually LISTEN to him? He is looking for attention, but it's important that he only gets the attention when it's appropriate.

Children with Asperger's are often called "little professors." They'll go on and on about their favorite topics, regardless of whether or not anyone wants to listen. And they don't recognize non-verbal cues, like when people roll their eyes or sigh in exasperation. They'll just keep on going. So that's a possibility.

Regardless, I would sit with him and tell him, okay, DS, I have 15 minutes. We can talk about whatever you want. But once that 15 minutes is done, I have to go cook dinner and you need to go play quietly or read.

Practice with him on when it's appropriate to talk, and REMOVE him from situations where he's prattling on without end. Think of it as homework. You're training him to behave properly.

When he's talking and shouldn't be, simply say "Son, now is NOT the time to talk." and go on with what you're doing. Send him to his room if he continues.

Then, when he starts "getting it" at home, bring the technique to the teacher. Recess is the time to talk. Not during lessons. And if the teacher can give your DS 5-10 minutes and then tell him, okay, now it's time to go _________, you can close the loop at school and at home.

Has the teacher tried giving him a special seat in the front row, where he doesn't have any kids to talk to?

With kids who are dynamic, intense, and have a hard time being quiet, I've also seen good results when teachers make them special helpers -- give them special jobs to help them focus that intensity.

In terms of punishments/rewards, it sounds like your son has a hard time resisting the impulse to talk in the moment. Like he knows he shouldn't, but he just can't help himself. If so, he might need a reward/punishment right away -- not later in the day.

Does he have strategies in place for what to do to head off outbursts? Things like crossing your fingers, having a rubber band on your wrist to snap... Rewards are too far off, he needs immediate tactics to use in class, and you need to be practicing them at home constantly. Sit down and brainstorm ideas, write a whole list of ideas, then try them out at home. Pretend you are a teacher and he needs to be quiet, have him test out what to do. Practice practice practice.

My son is in 1st grade.
It is FULL of REAL talkative kids. Boys and girls.
I know that (because I help in the classroom) and the Teacher knows that.
The kids are real talkative, but they are not trouble-makers.
But yes, they are REAL talkative and real social.
BUT... it is not a problem in class or with the Teacher.
Why?
Because... the Teacher knows this about the kids. And she handles it fine. She is never at wits end about it.
I even asked her about it... and she just laughs, says she knows they are very expressive, but they are kids and she keeps them in line.
And they respect the Teacher. And she knows how to facilitate them all.

My son, is REAL talkative too. He is the most talkative one in our family. But at school, he knows not to talk out of turn. He is very good in class.
Personally, we don't punish our son for being talkative. Because he is not being "bad." And he knows when to be quieter.

It has never been a "problem."
Nor for my son's Teacher.

My son hummed. Out loud, during class, to himself, while playing, reading, you name it. It was ok when he was playing, but disruptive at other times. All the reminders in the world didn't have any effect.

Finally I wrote a reminder on an index card. It showed a mouth with a finger over it, like "shhhhh". I put the reminder on his desk, at the table, wherever it was important for him to remember to listen and not just hum. Sometimes I just held up the card (I made copies of it) without saying anything to him.

It worked. The visual cue worked where all the verbal cues and other efforts had not. So you might write "Listen. Don't talk until the teacher calls your name" on a card and put it in front of him. Or you might draw a picture of a boy with his mouth closed, hand up to his ear, listening.

H., I have read all the responses and even your update (thanks for that by the way). I have to say, there are a lot of great suggestions here. Now I know I don't have all the info, there is probably so much more going on...but I have to ask...

what is the "TEACHER" doing to accommodate this learning style? I agree with the mamas who said you are not responsible for punishment at home, any teacher who asks you to take things away at home or offer him rewards at home based on school behaviour is quite frankly, a bad teacher. (BTW I am a RETIRED SCHOOL TEACHER!)

Teachers need to have strategies for EVERY student in his/her class. Have you sat down with her and your son and tried to figure it out together? Your son sounds like a very enthusiastic learner. If she squashes that in the 2nd grade, he may never get it back. There are too many kids who were excited, enthusiastic, outgoing in grade school and by the time they hit middle school, were almost comatose...that is the fault of the teachers and the school system they grew up in.

H., this is a FABULOUS situation you have here, your son is excited and willing to participate. He is bright and open to learning. He is friendly and not afraid to express his opinions. He is outgoing and willing to be "out there". Why on earth is that a problem? The teacher needs to accommodate her teaching styles to match his learning styles, that is what school is about. Not him conforming to her classroom mis-management techniques. H., stand up for your son and encourage that teacher to teach to HIS learning styles.

B.
AskBarbilee.com

PS I hope you don't mind, this inspired my blog post today!

Hi, I had a suggestion that I didn't see in the other responses. It may be that your son is borred with the curriculum. He may be intellectually advanced and may need a bigger challenge than he currently gets from his grade level. Consider placing him in a gate program. Ask his teacher for information on how to begin the process. Best wishes to you both

Have you tried both getting up a little earlier in the morning and spending some time really listening to him, giving him lots of attention? We're all so busy with work and activities, we have to stop and spend time giving our kids undivided attention every single day. All kids have different needs, maybe your son needs more attention than others

My 8 y/o is extremely social and will chit-chat with anyone he can! His teacher has learned that he needs his space. Her classroom is set up in groups of desks, 2-4 desks per group. Except my son, he sits by himself. This is not a punishment. He is not embarrassed by this. He knows its for his own good. It has enabled him to learn how to listen better and he can wiggle and shake his leg and fidget all he needs without interrupting other children and his teacher. Is that an option for your son? That sounds like a huge class ~ not sure she'd have room to give him his own space.

Practice! Tell him hat you are going to practice at home and then when you decide it's time, tell him he cannot talk for 30 minutes unless he raises his hand and you call on him. Just like in school. It's just a matter of learning self-control. When my GD was in kinder and 1st grade, she thought that every thought she had had to come out of her mouth. We practiced at home learning self-control to NOT have to blurt out every thought.

Practice makes perfect!

Update: I should have said, he does great in school. He is a straight A student, never has a problem finishing homework, reads every night for a minimum of 20 minutes. During the summer he does workbooks that help him prepare for the next school year. and he doesn't fight me when it's homework time or work book time during the summer. He usually asks to do more pages. So I know it's not an issue of being confused by the material he is learning. The teacher has moved him to a desk that is separate from the rest of the class but he only sits there when the talking won't stop. The talking is usually blurting out answers or relating the answer to a story he has. Sometimes it's talking to his friends and not waiting for recess or lunch. He knows not to talk it's a matter of actually stopping himself. I let him talk his heart out at home- he's at the kitchen table talking to me while I make dinner, he sits in my lap after and tells me stories or explains games. I sometimes can't even use the bathroom in peace as he will sit outside the door and keep talking =) lol. I know he has a very active imagination and he is a very out going boy- not shy to jump right into anything. I hope this gives some more back ground into the issue =) Thank you for the responses ladies, and keep them coming, it is greatly appreciated!

Updated

Update 2: Thank you so much ladies for all of your responses! I do agree, that the teacher should have things in place to help with these situations but at the same time she has 35 students in her class (two with strong learning disabilities that require aids) that I know it's hard for her. I'm not saying she has no responsibility in this but I understand her frustration. I love that my child is vocal and out going and eager to learn new things- although sometimes it gives me gray hairs and heart palpitations LOL. I spoke with his teacher this morning and his seat has been moved to the front of the class- she has the desks arranged in groups of 4-6 students and he now sits in the group that is in front. I also taped a note to his desk that says 'No Talking and Raise your Hand'. I have our regular parent/teacher conference next week (this is not because of his talking, this is the one we have every year at the this time to go over how he is doing) and will suggest that we try other ideas as well. I'm hoping the note will work. Yesterday he did have a good day with no talking and that was before we put the note on his desk. So hopefully he will keep the momentum and he was praised heavily for not talking yesterday =). I'm open to more suggestions so please keep them coming and again thank you all for the response I've already received!
Have a great day ladies,
H.

I haven't read your answers but I do feel for you. I look at this from another angle and had a pretty chatty 4 year old at one point (she's now 13). It was my feeling that she needed to learn to talk appropriately (meaning, not talking incessantly). She seemed to do that mostly when we were in the car together and it distracted me terribly. I explained to her that she didn't need to talk all the time and that if we were having a conversation, that meant that I talked a little and then she talked a little. It wasn't just her talking all the time. She understood that even at 4 years old. I told her that her talking about nothing in particular wasn't polite and nobody wanted to listen to that all day long. (call the authorities, because I'm sure someone thinks that was mean and maybe they're right).

I felt it was my job to teach my daughter socially acceptable behavior. I pointed out to her (quietly) when people around us were talking for no reason - it was easy to spot, especially with children who went on and on about nothing. She soon learned how to have a conversation instead of just talking all the time. She has actually thanked me for teaching her this because she sees kids her age STILL talking about nothing or just plain talking too much.

So now to your problem. You're saying that you let your son talk as much as he wants when you're at home. I know the right thing seems to be to let him do that. My opinion is that you need to NOT let him do that. What you're doing by giving the behavior all this undivided attention is teaching him that he can talk all he wants and someone will listen. Yes, we want to listen to our children and encourage them. We also want to teach them socially acceptable behavior. Simply explain to him in a nice way that he is talking too much. Teach him what a conversation is. Explain to him that when he's in school, it's NOT a conversation and it's NOT ok to talk all the time. Explain that his teacher cannot possibly stop to listen to everything he has to say. Point out to him that most (or all) of the other children don't do what he does. As him what would happen if all the children did what he's doing. He should be able to figure out that that wouldn't work.

Call me mean but I have a well-adjusted 13 year old who is a pleasure to be around and doesn't talk all the time. From what I can tell, her self-esteem is well in tact and she's thankful I taught her this. Best of luck with your son.