Kindergarten Daughter Not Listening at School

I recently saw my own kindergarten report card and was written up for not listening. In my case it was a hearing problem. I simply couldn't hear the teacher. If she was behind me, I had no idea, but if she was in front of me, I could pay closer attention. The hearing issues did eventually resolve themselves and I'm fine now. Just a thought.

K., We went through this with our son in kindergarten and also a bit at the beginning of first grade. He is a very talkative, social child who likes to get attention by being "silly." Both teachers reached out to us and explained that he struggled with listening to directions and paying attention but that it was evident that he didn't have ADHD or other behavioral disorder. For kindergarten, we attributed a lot of the issue to having trouble being in a structured environment. He had been in all day daycare and preschool for years, and while they had a lot of structure to their days, the children were allowed to be self-directed much of the time - picking and choosing what things to play with, etc. Kindergarten was a real shock to our son and he complained that he didn't like being "bossed" around all the time. His teacher first thought that he was trying to determine where the "line" was with her and see how far he could push her. I explained that I didn't think that was it at all - he wasn't trying to see what he could get away with - he was just upset he couldn't do what he wanted to do and when. What ended up working for us was to partner with his teacher and we asked for daily notes home about his behavior that day. He was very concerned about what would be told to us and that got his attention. His teacher was great about pointing out the good things that he was doing as well and we worked to reinforce the positive behaviors. Once he had a certain number of good reports - he was then able to pick a small reward or choose a fun family activity that we could do together. This really turned him around. He needed time to adjust, but we also had to explain that school is different than preschool and it's now about learning and not just having fun. Then, if he's good at the learning part, then he can have more fun at recess or at home, etc. We also explained that being "silly" isn't always viewed positively by his peers and that sometimes they are feeling embarrassed for him because its not appropriate. Sorry for the long reply, but in the end, this is a big transition for children and you just need to be engaged and work with your daughter's teacher as partners. She's been through this before, so ask her what she has seen work before. Also, find ways to reward good behavior and not just focus on giving a "pep talk" to address the negative behavior. She's not intentionally being bad, but give her incentive to intentionally be good. Good luck and know that you're not the first to deal with this!

I think you've done enough "pep talking". It's time for her to have consequences at home. You have to decide what they're going to be. Maybe each day that you get an email from the teacher results in no t.v. or her favorite doll being put up for 2 days.

Also, the teacher should be making sure that your daughter is not sitting next to that certain boy.

On a practical note, has your daughter's hearing been checked lately? You might even be able to have it checked at school for free.

I'm making a lot of presumptions about the size of your daughter's class, etc., but we put 30 five-year-olds in a room all day with one adult, and then expect them to behave and sit for 6 hours. Go figure.

The teacher wants a pep talk which means for you as the parents to step up and make her accountable for her actions and for you as the parents to lecture or even punish her for her behaviors.

That teacher shouldn't put her by that boy if they are distracting eachother though.

My daughter has missed recess time too for behaviors and is overall a really good little girl.

It might just be a developmental thing and needs some time to "learn" school. The teacher should not allow Avery and the boy to sit next to each other if they can't handle it. That is part of her role as teacher and classroom manager. (I'm an elem. teacher btw) Is the teacher using proximity when giving instructions (ie standing next to or near Avery). Maybe Avery is visual and only oral instructions are given. The teacher should be trying to figure out when Avery does and when she doesn't listen. Are there tiems of day that are better or worse. Ay my school, we might look into a simple behavior plan - break the day into 10-15 minute chunks. Have one or two goals that are monitored throughout the day and marked every 10-15 minutes on a piece of paper that is kept in front of Avery (a happy or sad face would work well for this age). The teacher may have done this before or the school counselor can help too. She would bring the slip home each night for you to sign and take back the next day. Depending on the number of time periods she could earn 20 smiley faces a day - her goal for the start might be to get 10 with the number slowly increasing. For each day with a met goal she would earn a link, a star, something, and after x number would earn a reward (simple things like lunch with the teacher, book read by the principal, some sort of special time at home, etc.) Good luck - I see this as something the school and you do together to work on.

I also have a kindergartner. She has an Avery in her class too. I would ask her about her friends in school, what their names are, etc. and then encourage her to make new friends also. Telling her that it's good to talk to everybody in her class. Then I would encourage her to sit closer to the teacher so she can pay closer attention or sit by somebody who "always" listens to the teacher, etc. Maybe a reward system would work also????

First of all you need to meet with the teacher to find out how she handles the situations when they occur and ideally you should observe the class a bit to get a true understanding of what is happening. Personally I don't think a 5yo is going to have a strong connection between her behavior at school and some non logical consequence meted out when she gets home hours later. 5yo generally get squirrely and silly because they lack impulse control and it takes practice to learn how to sit and listen. The teacher needs to be handling the problem as much as possible at school and have you do what you can at home (pep talks, read books about school, find practice situations like church or storytime at a library where you can be by her side).

In my son's K class the teacher spent the first 3 weeks of school figuring out the best combinations of kids sitting next to each other at circle time and at their desks. She has assigned seating for every situation and changed it around until she found the best combos. The kids who had the most trouble keeping their hands to themselves in the beginning sat the closest to her so she could help remind them. When a child gets silly during group/circle time, she respectfully asks them to take a break at their desk. They know to get up quietly, sit at their desk until they feel ready to rejoin (kid chooses that moment). They also have a picture hanging on the wall that shows how good listeners should be sitting, so when the kids get squirmy she just asks the class to check to see if their bodies look like the picture. Recess is never tied to misbehaving in class as that makes NO SENSE to a K student. Kids who have concentration problems need more recess NOT less.

There are a couple kids in my DS class that are struggling more than others with following directions in different situations, so she has set up a point system for those kids where they know she will report home how many listening points they earned for the day. That way it is more of a reward based system than an illogical consequence based system.

I strongly recommend you find some time to volunteer in the classroom so you can see your child and the teacher interact. I volunteer once a week and it has made a huge difference in how my son has adjusted because then I have a true understanding of the classroom dynamics and we can have meaningful conversations at home. Otherwise the conversations would just involve a lot of "I duuno" or "I don't remember" from my son.

Hi. I can empathize with you since I am experiencing the same with my 5-yr old boy in his kindergarten. The transition for these kids is harder than it was for us. More is expected from them, less time is spent "playing" and more is spent being quiet, etc. My son's school also takes away recess minutes for behavior, which I'll never understand, since those children acting "ansy" and "silly" are those needing playtime the most. I talk with my son each day after school. I ask if what he told me is the same thing the teacher would tell me. If the "can't remember" which is frequent, I put him in timeout until he can remember. I've also explained that if he can't follow the rules now, he'll have to repeat kindergarten... that generally does it. Best of luck.

As far as the little boy is concerned I think your daughter may have a little crush. I am not sure how to handle that one.
But the other behavior, have her tested for Autism, and other behavior problems. She may also need to have her diet monitored more carefully. Some kids can not process certain food types. Artificial flavors and colors, MSG, dairy, wheat could be any if the foods that she is sensitive to and this could cause behavior problems. She may also have a hearing problem, can't listen because she can't hear.

The "pep" talk she refers to may include things such as how important it is to respect the teachers and her friends around her and not be talking or being "silly" while you are in class. Recess is the time for that. It may also include things such as...you may want to choose to sit somewhere else if the boy is disturbing you? When an adult is talking, you shouldn't be....you need to be listening.
You didn't mention if she goes 1/2 days, every other day, or all day every day??? Her time frame may need to be what is looked at. If she goes all day, maybe that is your only option, but maybe she's not ready. If she goes all day every day, if you can, make it every other day?
I know our school dist. has these options to try and gear early ed. to the parents/students needs.
If she is only 5, is she an early birthday...maybe she just plain isn't ready for school, and her behavior is a way to show that she doesn't want to be there.
Let them be kids as long as you can. Upper grades just get tougher obviously...but what I did in 8th grade, kids are doing in 5th and 6th grade. So, if you feel it is academic, pull her out now, and wait until next year...it only gets more difficult.
B.

A pep talk is just to let her know how important it is to listen at school, to the teacher etc. It has to do with reinforing the schools rules, etc. Has she been in a structured invironment like that before? It could be she does not have the concentration that is needed for certain things.

I would say it's time for some consequence at home. The next time or if you just got a note yesterday, set up something . . .take away t.v. time, go to bed early (at least 1/2 hour), give her jobs, no play dates. .
whatever you want as a consequence. Increase this every time
she gets 'a note'.
I bets she's a smart girl. She knows she's in trouble. She will have to figure out what is appropriate at school. The teacher needs you to reinforce the consequence at home.
You don't want your daughter to do poorly in school.
Watch her behavior at home. Is she being silly when someone else is talking? Is she interrupting you? If so, stop her at home too.
Good luck.

Instead of emails, make an appointment with her teacher face to face. Maybe have some time alone with the teache and then bring in your daughter and talk about her behavior....come up with solutions together which also need to include rewards and consequences. It is a big transition to kindergarten where kids are expected to sit still and be quiet for big stretches of the day. Help give her some techniques or things to think about so she can calm her body down and listen when she needs to.

My son used to get into trouble all the time and once I switched him to an all natural diet it all went away. He's very sensitive to artificial dyes and they were wiggging him out. He could never remember what he did or why he did it and it would upset him because he felt out of control of his own behavior. Now he's calm, can concentrate, and is always in control of himself. It's tough but it's worth it. Look up feingold.org for lots of info on how to do it.
Best Wishes,
J.
Mom to 4