7Yr Old Daughter- Trouble in School- Help!

It's good to be social. I really think you are being way too harsh. Especially since it doesn't sound as if she has gotten many red if at all. Maybe you could blow the next one off and see what happens!? Then she may feel less controlled and want to be better!!

I had the same trouble with my 1st grade son at the beginning of this year - he was getting yellow cards at least 2-3 times a week and we were very frustrated - then we started giving him a reward every time he came home with a green card - every day he gets a green, he gets a snack ticket in his lunch the next day. For him this is a big treat - we don't keep many snacks around the house, so this is something really special for him. We also have a goal each week of a green card every day - if he meets this goal, we buy him a pack of pokeman cards on the weekend (again, this is something that is special to him - he looks forward to it each weekend!). This worked a lot better than just taking away the wii or the computer or sending him to bed early. Don't get me wrong, if he comes home with a yellow, there are consequences - he has to write a note to his teacher apologizing for his behavior, and he loses a privilege of some sort (wii/computer, etc), but the daily reward for the green card worked wonders - he gets a yellow card once a month at the most now!

Good luck :)
-T.

http://MamaWorksFromHome.NET
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Try sending her to her room for the rest of the day. When she comes home with a yellow light, have her go to her room, with none of the electronic toys and this also means that if she has an activity planned she cannot do that either. Increase the number of days she has to do this each time she brings one home. Separation from family & friends is the most effective punishment.

I just started to work as a substitute teacher's aid, and have spent quite a bit of time in a first grade class this school year. Honestly, I think you need to back off on punishing this. (You don't get a ticket for going through a yellow light.) I would recommend that you spend some time volunteering in your daughter's class if you can. You'll see how great she is doing compared to others in her class.
First graders are really still learning how to sit still and listen. Kids are ALWAYS shouting out answers without raising their hand. The stoplight system is a great tool for the teacher to keep tabs on who is REALLY getting out of control. It sounds like your daughter is doing really well, especially since she's only getting a yellow card once every couple weeks.
Instead of punishing a yellow light, you would be better off to reward green. For instance, after you greet her at the end of the day, ask her what color. Red, maybe lose something small. Yellow, she gets a handshake. Green, GREAT BIG HUG!! (Take all the hugs you can get, lol!) When she goes all week on green, maybe she gets something extra, like an extra story at bedtime or a small treat from a treasure bag. You'd be amazed how hard kids work for small rewards; it's a symbol that you approve, and that's what they really want.
Your daughter is going to make mistakes; that's how she will learn. If you expect her to behave perfectly all the time, you are setting both you and her up for big disappointments, because it's just not going to happen. "Perfect" children are often tied up in knots on the inside, and I know you don't want that for her. Reward the good behavior, ignore the marginal. Only punish her if she has been bad, and yellow light is not bad.

In my opinion, you're concerning yourself more than you need to be. The teacher's red light system is obviously doing it's job. A 7 year old is just now learning the social rules of the classroom and the yellow light warning is obviously working as intended because she stops the behavior before she receives a red light. If her teacher is not overly concerned then you really shouldn't be either. Your fear is that it might progress to red lights so you're punishing her as if it had. She's not really getting in trouble at school at this point - I would hazard to guess that nearly every child in the class has received yellow light warnings. It's the same as giving a warning at home for behavior you want to stop, the warning comes before the punishment for continued behavior. Talk to her about each occurrence, find out what happened, but don't take action until she comes home with red lights.

it may be time to back off a little...1st grade is a social time and very exciting! if the teacher is not concerned, i would back off the punishments, and only do some reinforcing on days she brings home green lights....or just reinforce positive behavior at home, and let the teacher handle teaching appropriate waiting, raising hands, classroom behavior in school....you dont want to inforce the idea that she is always"in trouble" when really shes showing enthusiasm at school....she will learn proper classroom ettiquette as she goes....first grade teacher is used to his behavior, as kids are only beginning to be socialized as to what is appropriate for a classroom setting....reinforce to your daughter that she will figure it out in time...and she will have to own any consequences at school if she does get a red light....a warning is just her way of learning...pushing perfection can backfire...be her support, and try to avoid ideas of good or bad....instead explain why kids cant scream out answers in class ....cuz its not a natural environment, its a learned one....good luck and enjoy 1st grade!!!!

It is refreshing to hear that you are concerned and taking action! I have been a teacher for 10 years and this isn't always the case. I think you have responded well to the situation. Since the consequences are not working I would look into why your daughter is shouting out and socializing. It shows that she is eager and paying attention (both good things) but she is lacking some self-control which is normal at this age. Is she bright? Have you considered that her socializing is a result of being bored. Maybe she is acting out to show her teacher that the work is too easy...that she has already mastered it. If this is the case, you should look into having her tested for gifted services. If you do not think this applies to your daugther ask the teacher to move her seat away from the group during independent work times. She may be able to focus better if she isn't surrounded by her peers. Good luck!

Hi D.. I certainly admire your zeal to make sure your daughter is behaving and learning right behavior from wrong behavior. I do think you are putting too much attention on this, when the teacher isn't even so concerned. It may be a teacher that many of the kids are on yellow with. It may be just learning to have self control and that will come with your consistent input and invovement. However, your daughter is getting a great deal of attention with this, but maybe it needs to be a more positive attention. Instead of taking away things, could you try a reward system? Start slow at first and then expand. Try to make it easy for her to obtain the goals at first, so she can be rewarded and enjoy that type of attention. Something like...If you go 3 days without going to yellow you get....(whatever small reward she may like...McDonalds for dinner, or a dinner at home of her choice, extra time on the DS etc.) Then after she can do that...move it to 5 days...and just slowly advance the amount of time she needs to meet to get the reward. When she gets to a point she misses several rewards in a row...take off a few days and to help her get that reward again. Just a suggestion, but since taking things from her is not working, this may. Best wishes

Hi D., it's been awhile since I've had time to respond on Mamasource, but your subject caught my eye. I'm a Mother of 5 with my 3rd daughter in 2nd grade. While she is very quiet, my oldest is very talkative. After several kids in several grades I'm going to chalk your daughter up to just a phase, especially if the teacher is not that concerned.

It seems like 1st graders are not really able to communicate what they are really thinking so you have to let them sort of get through the year. Last year the notes coming home for my 1st grader implied that she was doing terrible in school and could possibly fail. During p/t conferences though things seemed fine and she's doing great in 2nd grade. So give her a year to muddle through the socialization process and see if it improves in 2nd grade.I like your positive reinforcements. Good luck!

D.,
It sounds like you have a blossoming child, who with your guidance will learn how to control herself. I would suggest a couple of things...1. Try doing a positive chart at home -- put up a chart where you can reward her daily for coming home with all green lights. Set a goal...when she reaches a certain number of days at home on her chart reward her with something like a special movie night at home, going to dinner with just you, getting her nails painted...it doesn't have to be anything huge and I would suggest it be something involving a parent so she is getting quality, "special" time with the parent. I know my kids really feel special when I can find time for one-on-one time. 2.Since the teacher isn't making a big deal out of it, I would be cautious of punishing her too severly at home...you don't want her to get so frustrated and then revert to moving on to red lights because it "doesn't matter anyway..I've already gotten the wii, tv, and ds taken away..why not push it a little more" My 1st grader is also getting into trouble for talking. His teacher assures me he is doing fine otherwise and she too is not overly concerned. She has been teaching 37 years and still truly enjoys her job (not burned out at all) I honor her judgement since she has had a lot more experience with 7 year olds than me. I too emphasize to my son that he is expected to behave in school and follow the rules. Thankfully, his only problem is the talking and his teacher is confident as he matures, this will not be a problem. Hope this helps.

My daughter is only 4, but I have heard of this stoplight system, and I can't say that I like it. As a Montessori teacher of young children, we didn't use reward and punishment systems as such, although we did use time outs. It makes children overly dependent upon on the stoplights, or stickers, or whatever, not behaving correctly for the sake of it being the right thing to do, but only for the reinforcement of the reward, or to avoid the punishment. Also, putting these "grades" up in front of the whole class will inevitably set up some kids as the "good" ones and others as the "bad". The naturally shy, compliant children will be seen in a better light than the more vivacious, talkative, active, questioning child. Yes, we need to learn to wait for our turn to talk, and to not interrupt others. It sounds like your daughter is impulsive, and she can't help shouting out. The school environment may be overstimulating, so you can't compare it with how she behaves at home. The teacher should model correct behavior to the students. When your daughter speaks out of turn, the teacher should quietly approach her, and in a soft voice and at her physical level, remind her to raise her hand and wait to be called on, etc... Your daughter may even be enjoying the attention she gets from the teacher by getting the yellow light. Unfortunately in our society, "bad" behavior get more attention than "good". In Montessori, we believe in "natural consequences". I don't think the punishments you give her really fit her "crime". I agree with your husband that your reaction is a little extreme. Your daughter just needs to be consistently reminded of her teacher's expectations, and her teacher may need to find ways to channel your child's extra energy. Maybe she needs more gross motor activity. I have read things about recess time being in grave danger in elementary schools. Make sure your school provides adequate time outdoors and in gym class, and fight for it if you have to. Rather than setting your daughter up for perfectionism and a feeling of failure, accept her for being her wonderful self, acknowledge that she is trying to do better and that it is hard for her to control her impulses, and give her time and patience to develop these skills. Children need to be honored for their individuality, which in my opinion, school only serves to squash. Talk to the teacher and find out how often she gives these lights out for every little thing. Maybe she is overdoing it. I personally would be annoyed to know that so much time and energy is spent in handing out lights. Too much praise is no better than too little. Our children need to build their self esteem based on being proud of their own accomplishments and abilities, learning to value them for themselves, rather than depending on an outside "authority" to tell them what is the absolutely correct behavior (who decides this anyway?), what they are good at, how pretty their pictures are, how good their stories are, etc... Hope this gives you a different perspective to consider. Be well, R.

If the teacher isn't overly concerned, then the stepdad might be right in being a bit severe with her.

Question: You said she does this at home. How do you handle it when it happens at home? If she's allowed to get away with it at home, then it's reasonable that she would think she can get away with it at school.

If her biggest problem is getting overly excited and shouting things out, then begin by working on that. Devise some sort of plan so that when she excitedly, impulsively shouts out stuff at home that she isn't getting "rewarded" for it. And whatever the "punishment" is, needs to be appropriate, consistant and constant - it has to be in place at mom's and at dad's.

Also - if taking "priveleges" away hasn't had the desired effect, then the plan needs to change.

Not that this is the same thing but when we had trouble potty training with our oldest, we tried taking things away and even kept her home from her dance class once. This did NOT work at all. So we had to alter what we were doing. We changed it to: anytime she wants something (a snack) or wants to do something (play on the computer, watch a show) or go somewhere (outside to play), it didn't matter what it was - POTTY FIRST.

The thought being that when she impulsively shouts out like that, if taking things away and pushing back bedtimes isn't working, then maybe whenever she does this, she gets placed in time out for 7 minutes - you tell her, "I'm putting you in time out because you shouted out without raising your hand (might as well do it as it would be done at school) and that isn't acceptable." Remember the concept is she actually has to sit in the time out spot for 7 minutes. If she gets up, the clock resets. Then when she's done, you ask her why she was put in time out - and let her know "You were put in time out because you shouted out without raising your hand, and that's not acceptable. I want an apology and I don't want it to happen again." And it (whatever you guys decide is appropriate) needs to be consistant and happen EVERY time she acts up that way.

Just my thoughts...for what it's worth...

Good luck!

D., I am in your boat! My son has the same problem. He is 7 and in second grade. He is a bit of a wallflower until he gets to know you, then he can't be quieted! Same with friends in class. They too are on a card system...his is yellow-good, green-warning, red-note home, purple-principal. Grey avarages 1 green a week. We have had 2 a couple times. The first month of school, I got upset, took things away and gave punishments. But the following month tried something different. I let him pick a fun activity for the end of the month. Bowling, an all-weekend stay at Grammy's...What ever he want's. And we set up a 3 strike rule. If he gets 3 or more greens he looses the fun activity. If he comes home with a color other than yellow, he tells me what he did, and he writes an apology to the teacher, and we discuss what he can do different next time. I.E. - wait to talk to his friend after morning news, etc. December was the first month he made his goal activity...and he was on green to start off January...so we will see if we make it to bowling at the end of the month!? Good luck to you.

Hi D.,

My daughter has recently gone through this same thing and her teacher and I had a meeting about it. Her teacher was not handling it in a way that worked best for MY child. MY child thought the way the teacher warned her was getting her funny attention in front of the class. I explained this to her teacher and she agreed. So, I asked the teacher to write up an agreement and have my daughter, myself and the teacher sign it. We had her desk moved close to the teacher, the contract the teacher wrote said, " I WILL LOOK UP WHEN THE TEACHER IS TALKING." "I WILL KEEP THE S-H-H-H-H SIGN OUT WHENEVER IT IS WORK TIME." "I WILL WAIT UNTIL I AM CALLED ON TO ANSWER A QUESTION, AS NOT TO DISRUPT THE CLASS." Also, after one verbal warning during class time, I suggested and extra sheet of homework for each disruption. That REALLY worked!!

Anyway, hopefully your daughter will understand that a lot of other people know the answer too, and for her to yell it out is asking for negative attention, and only makes her look insecure. Also, it will make her friends not like her anymore.

My daughter is doing much better now. She understands that what she thought was funny, is really NOT funny. I explained it to her and she decided she did NOT want to look like that in front of the class. She became embarassed for past situations- which was good.

So put your head together with the teacher's and see what you can come up with. What does she NOT like? EXTRA HOMEWORK??

Good luck.
:)
A.

D., I feel like I could have written this request for help for my son last year when he was in 1st grade. He did great at the beginning of school and then in the second month he started coming home with yellow starts. We would talk about why he was getting yellow stars and talked about how he had to try a little harder to not talk while the teacher was talking. He was never "punished" for coming home with a yellow star. A few times he did come home with red stars, and for that he got put in a time-out in his room, but never more than 20 min. Everyday he came home from school, I would watch him get off the bus and ask him what color his star was for that day. On the days that he came home with a green star he would get off the bus and yell "G-R-E-E-N!" with a big grin on his face. On the days that he came off the bus with a yellow star he looked at me and say "Yellow". I would ask him why and he would always say "You know mom - to much of 'this'" and then he would hold up his hands and make the talking motion. There were times when he would have green for a week or so that I would just say 'Hey, you know, you have worked really hard to get all green stars...how about we got out for dinner tonight, you pick". There was never a reward at the end of every day for a green star, but he knew that if he got a red star that he would have to serve a time-out when he got home. I did have a p/t conference to talk about the yellow stars and other things, and shared with her that he thought that the work was easy and that he didn't really have to pay attention becuase he already knew it. The teacher said that she knew that about him but that she had to review for the rest of the class who didn't fully get it. She did agree to give him busy work, harder work, for him to work on that would challenge him, and she moved his seat away from the kids that seemed to prompt him to talk more. Things did get better but it was never perfect. Just hang in there...it does get better, might not be the quite child but there is never a dull moment. Don't be to hard on her about a yellow light....just look at that as a time you get to talk to her about school and how things are going and how she could make them better.

I have to say that I totally disagree with the person who said to punish them and take things away. Taking everything away from them and punishing them isn't going to help you figure out what is going on and how to work with them to fix it. It's just going to make them feel like there is something wrong with them. This is who are kids are and they are still part of this family. We don't want to change who they are, or who they are to become....we just need to help them to be able to understand the right time to talk and when it's time to listen and learn (even if they already know everything!) I can say that we don't let our kids play with DS, Wii, or other things like that during the school week. Those things are saved for the weekends. There are times where they can lose those things for that weekend (for excessive red stars) but it has to warrent it. This year things are better but his teacher says that sometime she still has to remind him to stop talking and get the things done that he needs to get done.

I'm sorry for the length of this post but I just wanted to say that there are those of us who have been there and we know what you are going through. It's just a growing and learning process. Just be thankful that it's not red!!!!! Good luck with your daughter.

I do think you are overreacting a bit. No child is perfect and you have one who is spontaneous and loves to talk. The key is teaching them the difference between making a mistake and breaking a rule. Suggestion: Do you ever watch Jeopardy with your daughter? Try it (yes, they will watch, my niece did at age 5) Show your daughter that on Jeopardy they don't win if they just shout out the answers. That they have to hit the buzzer first, which is the same as raising her hand. Get her teacher to announce a new rule in class that if you yell out the answer without being chosen, your answer is wrong even if it's right.

She sounds pretty normal to me. What does her teacher say? I'm going to assume that you've been talking to the teacher every week or so - at least whenever she gets a yellow. I also have a 1st grader this year and they have the stoplight system. The teacher hands out several yellows everyday. They also have orange so there's a step between yellow and red (going to principal's office). The teacher is pretty generous with the yellows because while the little incidents (like talking when not supposed to) are pretty much expected at this age (most 1st grade kids aren't developed/mature enough to sit quietly for periods of time) she does want them to know it's not right. And that next year they'll have to do better... it's simply for teaching them what's right/wrong without punishment. Since you say the teacher isn't concerned then maybe you shouldn't be either... your teacher probably knows better than you what "normal" 1st graders do and knows this is totally common and pretty much expected at this age.

If nothing else, your daughter is getting alot of attention from you by the behavior. For a child, negative attention is better than no or little attention. Most parents find behavior improves greatly with a little more one-on-one quality time.

Wow D.-
I'm a Mom of 4 college students with night and day personalities, and believe me your 7 year old is quite healthy, full of joy and very bright. Of course she has to learn to use her gifted personality/intellect properly.

My second oldest (daughter) was similar . She had/has major leadership qualities that her teacher noticed and work on cultivating.

There were times she'd put my daughter in charge of teaching (at the black board) part of the class while she worked with another group (Montessori school/ 2-4th graders. Derri was in the 3rd grade level with advanced reading abilities)

However, if a student said the wrong answer, Derri would yell out the right answer to the student. This of course would annoy the teacher and she would have Derri sit down.
Yet, the teacher understood her personality and would eventually allow Derri to try it again another day. (info from parent/teacher meetings)
And yes, Derri operated this way at home, too, so I throughly understood the happenings in the class room.

Using "good judgement" on "when" and "how" was a lesson we began to see Derri needed and really giving her understanding on "consequences"

Ideas--

Sit in her classroom (Surprise her. If possible, don't let her know when you're coming) so you can see first hand her excitable outburst and those times when she may be sidetracked into neighborly conversations. Stay and have lunch with her in the cafeteria. Bring her a special treat with you (cheese stick, pickle, a small piece of her favorite healthy snack) ~Keeping the visit special.
Be honest with her. Let her know you'll be coming now and then just to observe her in class room settings, so you guys can have better role play at home that will help her control her actions better.
PLUS you really enjoy this special time with her.
Take turns with the Dad's in doing this if possible.

Give her the vision to aim for the reward that come when a student gets "green" for a certain time span. This is not bribery, but helping to build understanding of good consequences and bad consequences for a young heart and mind.

Remember to role play real-life school situations at home.

Allow your daughter to paste a big green light on her book-bag or stick it inside where she can be reminded.

Posted (in her room, the kitchen, family room)- a light with numbers (1 through ??)
Let your daughter record her accomplishment or non-accomplishment of the day.
At the end of the established time period---more green over yellow you can receive a pretty satisfying reward...but a red in the mix can take down the power of the green.
All green can really "make you happy"!

We found that letting Derri choose the consequence she'd like to receive was really helpful.

I do appreciate the fact the the teacher is not majorly concerned---usually they possess a gift of interpreting actions of their classroom children's personalities after spending much time with them. (and years with various types)

I hope some of this is helpful to you and your family.
I love your heart. You are a beautiful Mommy~

Much success.
Kim~

My very social son is in 2nd grade. He also tends to get into trouble for talking. I was standing in the room, talking to the teacher after he had just told the kids that they needed to be quiet. Guess who's kid talked next? We took a different approach. We only remove privileges and toys when he gets a red or too many yellows in a row. His teachers haven't been too concerned about an occasional yellow. In his school, if you get a serious enough yellow, you have to write out a redirect sheet explaning what happened and that you won't do that again. He doesn't bring those home very often. And sometimes even they aren't very serious. To us, serious is disturbing other kids from learning. Sometimes he gets in trouble when the other kids started talking. He has trouble not responding! The teacher lets me know if he's heading towards trouble. Right before vacations or holidays are usually bad. Right before Christmas he got 3 or 4 yellows in a row. We started removing privileges for that because it was a pattern. I felt better when the teacher told me once that he'd rather have a social child than an extremely shy one. Good thing as my daughter will be starting 1st grade next year and she's also very social.

Perhaps you should take a different approach. Many schools are very regimented, and it's hard for children to sit still and not do anything but listen the entire time. Perhaps she needs a more active and hands on environment. Try looking into the magnet schools, imagine schools and montessouri schools in your district.

I don't think it's bad for her to talk in school. I believe school needs to be more interactive. Perhaps try talking to the teacher and see if the teacher can involve your daughter in more activities or helping out with small tasks and projects. I think perhaps your daughter needs more to keep her mind occupied. Since your daughter is so social, she may grow academically by a more hands on activities involving group participation.

If your daughter is speaking to one particular person all the time, perhaps the teacher can separate them by a few desks from each other.

Since your daughter is a good student and doesn't behave badly in other areas, I would not want her to feel bad about being talkative and inspired about the day's activities at school. She's so young that she should have good experiences so she stays active in her studies. Perhaps talking to the teacher about small tasks and group activities for her or looking into a more hands on school would benefit her.

Wow I could have written that myself last year. My daughter is now 8 and continues to be very social.
Like you we take the Yellows very seriously.
We did daily reminders. Remember we only talk at recess or after school. Remember we always raise our hands being a positive as we could.(do not say don't do this or don't do this...instead tell her what positive to do)
The yellows became fewer. when she did get a yellow we had her write a letter of apology to her teacher, as well as to us.
Each child is diff. and what works today may not work tomorrow but you are on the right track. continue with your follow thru and remain positive
(My mother could have written your article X number of years ago too)

have you had her tested for tourets syndrome??i would ask a dr about that.not certain i have the correct spelling but this is what it really sounds like to me.she may not mean to be blurting things out in the class room and may not be able to control it

LMAO!!! I too have a chatty kid, but mine is of the male variety. He is now in third grade, but first grade was sooooo rough. No parent knows what it is like until they are there. There were weeks in K, 1 & 2 that he would get solid yellow cards. We were embarrassed and annoyed. We didn't know what to do. No matter how much talking we did, he would bring home a yellow card. Every year the teachers would say - "He is really a very good kid and very bright, but sometimes he gets excited or a little too social and I give him the card as a reminder to listen and settle down." We as parents were devastated that our child was sooooooo very BAD! We would ground him, take his eletronics away, move his bed time up, make him do cleaning projects talk to him for hours on end. Everything we could do! We were at the end of our rope.

THEN THE LIGHT CAME ON!

Guess what? Your child is bright and very sociable. She is at the beginning of an exciting educational and emotional growth spurt. She is excited and happy! You should shout from the roof tops that you have a great kid!

REALLY! You should be proud that she is active, smart, kind, helpful, and over all wonderful!

My son's "energy" seemed to sputter out at the beginning of this year. He has only received a few yellow cards this year. We are so very proud of him. But we do look back in shame at how over the top we were about his yellow cards. Because in all reality the teacher used those as warnings that the kids needed to settle down. We spent those years punishing him as if he had written on the walls, beat kids up, or flipped over chairs. He has received a couple of red cards and those were taken more seriously. The teacher had just had enough of him those days that he got red cards. Then one day at the end of second grade, I asked how many kids get yellow cards. He told me that there are a few kids that never get yellow cards and someone gets a red card every day. WHAT????? I thought my kid was the only one - the trouble maker - the hooligan! Turns out, most of the kids got yellow cards most of the time and red cards were not as rare as you might think. (This also depends on the teacher, but all of his teachers have been very similar)

I am not saying don't punish her, but let the punishment fit the crime. She will grow out of it. Don't be like me and wish you wouldn't have been so hard oh them. My son is a very good kid, and him being the first born I know we are sometimes super hard on him. And I now realize how much of a good kid he is now that we have had our little girl. haha

Good luck!

D.,

Wow. I think that you need to talk to the teacher more. How does her behavior rate compared to the rest of her class. If she is right in the ball park with the rest of the class then I would say your daughter does not have an issue and that it is a learning curve issue for her and her peers. Also it may be a teacher issue. Perhaps she is lacking some in leadership in the class room. I think that the punishments at home have been too harsh. I would think that receiving a yellow light is enough of a warning/punishment. It seems that this method of correction is not working and you need to work something different out with the teacher. You may have to have your daughter evaluated for ADD/ADHD if she is having trouble learning rules and in school in general
Good Luck

My daughter is in 1st grade, and I instill natural consequences. It's the same thing you're doing, but I word it differently. Here's an example, and by the way, this was highly recommended by her 1st grade teacher.
When your daughter comes home with a yellow light say something like this
"Oh, I see you chose to not follow directions at school today. Do you know why you chose that?" Then after she answers say "Well, just in case it's because you didn't get enough sleep last night, tonight I'll put you to bed 15 minutes early and we'll see if that helps you tomorrow." Instead of it being a "punishment" it suddenly becomes something that SHE is in control of fixing or continuing. It may take a couple of weeks for her to grasp the idea that SHE is bringing this consequence on by her actions because she'll realize that her actions have a meaning, and her mother thinks that meaning is because she is tired. It's just a natural consequence and it works the best because it leaves the ball in the child's court and therefore teaches them personal responsibility. If she goes the next day without getting in trouble, then say, "Well, I see the extra sleep helped today! Another day of coming home without getting in trouble, and I think you just may be able to stay up until your normal bedtime again!" Then, if she gets another one, add another 15 minutes to the earlier bedtime. She can earn them back by proving to you that she's "getting enough sleep". I do this type of consequence with my son and daughter together at home all the time too. They're only 15 months apart, and when they start fighting, I give them a few minutes to try and solve the argument on their own. If they can't and the fighting escalates, I say "Well, looks like you both need 5 minutes to cool off in your rooms!" It's funny because now I'll hear my daughter say to my son "Come on Brayden! If we keep fighting mom's gonna send us to our rooms!" It's cute. Also, in the car, if they start fighting I will say "oh man, I hope I don't have to instill a no talking rule. Those always make for long drives." If they continue fighting, I say "Well, since you guys have chosen to fight, there is no more talking until we get there." I've been using these consequences now for about 6 months and they work great! Plus, it really takes the excalated frustration out of the parenting too, because natural consequences happen in a much more calm way than lecturing and punishing. Give it shot!

When she's excited and talks loud or shouts when she's at home - take her into another room, put on soft music w/lower lights. Massage her face calmly, work down her arms. I do this with my son while sitting on the couch or a bed and it works. I remove him from the activities into a calmer atmosphere and it does work. Now my son gets a little loud and states his feelings. He's 6 yrs old. We've done spanking and taking away priveleges. What works is removing from situation and taking the time to massage. Calming music works wonders. And it gives them time to express what's really going on. It's relaxing for the both child and parent.

I think it is great that you are so interactive/proactive with your kids. She is testing her limits and learning about the world around her. I would not go overboard on the punishments. She is still young. But be consistent. She needs to learn patience. Maybe teach her to count to 10 before saying anything and rewarding her. Use a sign with her to remind her to wait, maybe a hand signal that she can learn to know okay I need to count to 10. She will not improve overnight this is something that if you reinforce the same overtime her mind will then connect with the action. YOu are lucky she is so young. There is a great book out there called Have a new kid by friday by Kevin Leman. He may have some great ideas in there. Don't be discouraged she is still young and this may be a phase. Remember our kids go to school to learn and thank GOd they give us feedback so that if there is anything serious out there we can address it. Good luck to you.

I have a son the same age who has had much the same problem with getting on yellow or worse even more frequently than yours appears to be. However, he's on a streak of green. If the teacher isn't too concerned about, you shouldn't be. I discovered that the first year of school when he was having trouble with this that after I stopped making a big deal about it, he seemed to stay on green. He has had a few problems since then that his first grade teacher and I helped him get back on a green streak by offering rewards for long term green. Like:If he stayed on green for a whole week the teacher would write a good later to his grandmother - who he absolutely adores.
My son has a problem of getting too excited too. But the more calm we are, the more calm he is. Even when we're not there.
Biggest thing I've noticed is that if I'm always reacting to him getting off of green, he has trouble staying on green. Like you said, yellow is not huge. Always get the short information of how she got on yellow and a quick reminder to not do it again, etc. and then drop it.

We know exactly what you're going through!! We went through the exact same thing last year and this year. Our daughter is 7 1/2 and in second grade. Last year she had the same teacher as she had had for kindergarten so that was part of the problem. The rest was that she was bored. Kaylyn was getting her work done before the rest of the class and would dtart talking especially during reading and math. She was getting great grades but talking, talking, talking.

I finally went and had a talk with her teacher. We came up with the idea that maybe Kaylyn needs a little harder work. Her teacher started giving her second and third grade work and having her help the other students. We never had any more problems the rest of the year.

Now this year we had the same problem accept for this year it went as far as an altercation on the play ground and this was all in the first month of school. She had a field trip coming up that she had already been told she wasn't going to be allowed to go on because of how far it was so that wasn't to bad for her but when we went and talked to her principle with her in the room and we explained to her what the consequences could be or lead up to she fully understood. She wasn't to keen on the idea of spending the whole day including eating lunch in the principles office.

I hope this helps or gives you some ideas. Let me know what happens. Good luck!!

first graders all do this and it is not a bad thing.By shouting out the answer she is trying to get approval that she is brighter than the other children and she is much older than most first graders being 7 already. The teacher should move your daughters sitting area away from whom ever she is talking too to help the problem.And tell her she can talk at Lunch or recess.I tutor first graders in reading and you wouldn't believe some of the behaviors I see. It is hard to be quiet and listen or wait for the teacher to call on you to speak at this age.So do the children that were good all day get a green light to take home ? They are all just learning Social behaviors I really would not be so tough on her, she is just a child.

Ah, the social butterfly! I think I may have to agree with your husband. I volunteer in my 7yr old daughter's class, and have since Kindergarten. It really gives you quite the insight as to how the teacher handle all of those kids! My daughter was the "ideal" student in Kindergarten, but her social side came out as well in first grade. You didn't mention anything about her teacher, but is she a little older or closer to retirement age? I have found with both of my school aged kids that some of the teachers that have been in it for 30 yrs have a hard time dealing with the difference in behavior in the kids nowdays. I dealt with a teacher like that with my oldest son. As long as things are not getting out of control, I would ease up a little and give her the chance to mature. 1st grade was a big maturity turning point for both of mine.

D., We had the same problems with our little girl last year in first grade and were trying to punish at home with no results. All I can really say is watch the teacher a little closer we were blessed when she got to second grade with an old school teacher, she was my husbands teacher when he was in second grade. She is by no means a mean teacher, but she does have structure and rules. Come to find out that is what our little girl needed, strict rules and not this little goodie goodie teacher that gave warnings in three stage steps, and little colored gummy bears for every good thing. Think about it we had firm teachers and parents and wouldn't try half the stuff they do now days. You don't have to scream and hit just have stiff rules and structure. Needless to say our little girl has made a complete turn around loves to go to school and respects her teacher and has been on the A,B role this year, at the end of the year I will be writing a letter to the superintendent about this teacher. Hopefully we will get another good one next year. Good luck and God bless. Oh and by the way we also found out that the reason she was so distracting in the class was because she was bored, we had her tested to find out that she was already above a lot of the class and since they are so young they don't know what else to do. She just needed bigger challenges.

Hello

This sounds exactly like my 7yr old daugther....did things get better and what worked for you?

Thanks

I think that she just sounds like an eager little happy girl!! If the teacher isn't overly concerned, then you should not be either. She may be a bit advanced/gifted and is not being challenged enough in class. Hopefully, as she advances through school, they will recognize this and get her the services that she needs. Now, as an elementary school social worker, I'm glad that you talk with her about her school troubles. So often, parents ignore these things and their children don't understand that they do need to follow the rules. I think that you are doing what is right by communicating with the teacher. I would maybe suggest to set up a rewards system...for every day she gets a green light, she gets a sticker on a chart. AT the end of a week/month, if she has all of her stickers maybe she can get a special treat or do one less chore, etc. This seems to work well with children at that age. Hope that this helps!

Hey D. -- what you have is actually a good problem. She really isn't being bad or "getting into trouble" she is just so activally involved in learning that she gets caught up in the moment. All she needs are a few tools to remind her to wait her turn before talking and to not talk when she is suppose to be working or listening. For example, if she is shouting out answers, doesn't she still raise her hand..but just shouts it out? If so, her "cue" to not talk would be to sit on her hands. That may give her enough time to have to think and hold her tongue. Also you could play a game that she always has to count to 5 before she talks, that way she will control when she talks and will give her enough time to think about if she should be talking. Try it over a weekend, at home. First have her count out loud, then when the habit is more formed, have you count silently. And as you already know, taking "things" away isn't working because she really isn't being "bad" just excited. So just give her the tools to be able to focus her excitement. And who know you might have the next generation motivational speaker on your hands...'cuz that was me at her age. And that is what I do today! :0

On my third grade report card my teacher wrote that I "daydreamed too much" and my parents made a big deal out of this "negative" behavior. Today I am a professional writer and editor, a career which “daydreaming” comes in handy! Your daughter's "weakness" will one day turn into a strength. As she gradually learns the rules (which is why the stop light system is in place) she will learn how to be sociable without being disruptive.

If the teacher’s not concerned, I wouldn’t be. She probably expects the kids to talk and shout out as they get used to the classroom setting. It seems as though you’ve tried punishing her for this behavior and she either can’t help it or does it unconsciously. It would be like my parents trying to punish little 8 year old me for daydreaming – I could hardly stop my mind from wandering off! Likewise, your daughter probably has a hard time controlling her impulse to talk and shout out. I think talking to her about this is good. Emphasize why it is important to not talk or shout out (“I’m excited that you love to talk and that you’re enthusiastic about school, but I’m also concerned that when you shout out you aren’t giving the other children a chance to answer and you’re disrupting Ms. X from being able to teach everyone what they need to know”). Aside from talking about why it’s important to follow the rules of school, I don’t really think there’s much you can do. It sounds like you are a reasonable person and that she will gradually learn the rules of her social setting through time.

I am in the same boat as you with my boys. I have 9 and 7 year old boys and their school use the same green-yellow-red days as yours does. i found that with my boys that the 2nd grade (their 7th year of age) seemed to be the hardest with the yellow days. Both of them had 99% green days in first grade, but have struggled once they hit 2nd grade and were 7 years old. (my 9 year old is in 3rd grade and has yet to have a yellow day). My #2 son is in second grade now and is lucky to come home with a solid week of green days. We discuss what happens at school and why he got a yellow day and we move on. I get upset only when there are 1+ yellows in a weeks time. I only dole out punishment when thee is 2+ yellows or a red (God forbid) in a week. I also dole out a sleep over treat when he gets all greens for the week. (The sleep over means they get to sleep in the living room on the sleeper-sofa and therefore get to stay up later and watch a little more tv - maybe 30 minutes). If they accomplish 6 weeks of all green days they get a $20 shopping spree to the store of their choice.

I think any child who gets excited at school should be rewarded. i also think that if you explain that it is disrespectful to shout out she would get it. She sounds intelligent enough to understand that. Also - before dropping her off at school go over daily rules such as - raise your hand before speaking, no shouting out in class, talk when you are asked a question, eat all your vegetables and smile pretty.

Good luck.
L. (working mom of 4 boys 9-7-2-1)

D., if the teacher is not overly concerned then I would step back and reevaluate your own feelings on the situation. Children learn and express themselves differently. You can not punish a child for being a success. She is obviously smart and anxious to answer questions, maybe you have a child who is academically more advanced than her peers, look at it this way, they are not red cards, they are yellow and maybe she is a leader in class. She seems to enjoy school, don't take that love of learning away from her by punishing her for talking, if it gets to red it might be different, but really if that is the worst she does then count your blessings.....listen to your teacher and stop trying to figure out how to punish your child for getting a warning.. it obviously does not work for her or you. She is 7 and 7 year olds like to be social and talk, let her teacher handle it at school, all you should do is remind her that she needs to control herself when it comes to talking at inappropriate times.

D.,

I think you should listen to the teacher. If the teacher is not concerned, than I would not be. It sounds to me like you have a typical kid, but she may just have a tendancy to be impulsive, and that is very expected at this age. She has never been on red, and you may be drawing too much attention to the weakness, and that could become a self fulfilling profecy for her that she might as well go ahead and act out all the way since she seems to draw that punishment from you. It could very well be that you just have an excellent teacher who is setting high behavioral standards, and more importantly, consistent standards, for her class. How wonderful!

Impulisvity is not unexpected at her age, if it does not improve, or if she stars to be more impulsive and gets into actual trouble (red) several times a week or daily, then you should worry and look into what could be causing this specific deficit in development, but now, it does not seem either atypical for her age or a particular problem in her life. Impuslivity is not "not listening" it is the inablity to control the first idea that comes into your head, which is a skill that develops with age and maturity, and if it does not, then you should look into evaluations for attention deficits, but this is not that by a long shot, unless you have left out significant issues or other red flags.

Be dilligent, but you might be a little over the top here.

M.

You have so many responses! And they are probably all good ones. I just want to say that my son was constantly getting yellow lights in first grade. I too was at a loss of what to do. However, I figured out the problem. My son was bored. I asked the teachers (two of them, one young & one older) if they thought that might be the problem - the young one kind of said no, and the older one totally understood. In the second grade, that teacher actually said the words - He has trouble being still in class because I think he is bored because he already knows this stuff. He is now in 4th grade, and he is starting to get the idea of how to not get "a yellow light" (now it's numbers though), and I also think it's because he is starting to learn "new" things & it isn't as boring any more. Just my two cents of "been there".

If she was getting several yellow lights a day I would be worried. This doesn't seem to the case. You mention she does the same thing at home, gets excited and shouts things out. What do you do about it at home? If you aren't stopping her at home with similiar punishments then punishing her for "yellow lights" at school is inconsistancy and she needs to know there will be restrictions at home as well as at school.
You mention there are 7 children between the two of you and it might be she is just making sure she is getting the attention she wants.
I think you are being a little over concerned as well, but I do understand your desire for her to behave properly.

Wow, you sound like me a few years ago with my oldest son. We had along talk with him about respect and how everybody deserves it. We gave examples of how we respected HIM as a human being (paying close attention when it was his turn to talk, taking into account his likes/dislikes, etc.) and discussed how respect is a two-way street and he needs to remember that. We talked about how it was maybe a little mean to not give the other children a chance to answer in class, everybody needs to have a turn. We asked him if there were any times at school when it was okay to talk, and told him that when he needed to talk to try and remember that there is only one more subject to go (or whatever) until the appropriate time to talk arrives, and could what he needs to say wait? Of course this was not a magic fix or anything, but we did notice a marked improvement and so did his teacher. He is in the fifth grade now and still gets 3-4 warnings a year for talking, but that is much better than 3-4 a month! Don't know if this will work for you, as all children/people are different.
Good luck in whatever you decide to try, you sound like a mom who CARES, and that in itself is the most important thing, IMO.
~J.

LOL I remember when I was in elementary school, EVERY SINGLE report card said in the teacher's comments "Talk too much in class." :) I have 4 children of my own now, all boys, and one of them is the "social butterfly." He's in 4th grade, and although they no longer have the card system in 4th grade here, that is the one comment that is always on his report cards or progress reports... "Jordan it too talkative in class." His teachers all love him, he's never ever disrespectful to adults or children... he just loves to "help" ~ even when it might not be appropriate. Since his teachers have never been too upset by it, I never got too upset about it. Of course I would talk to him about it, but that's about it. Now I can say, it has gotten better each year. It really is just a phase. She'll probably always be a talker (I still am!) it's just part of who she is. Keep reminding her of appropriate times to talk to her friends and inappropriate time...but I have to agree with the stepdad ~ you're being a little too harsh.