My 6 Yr Old Son Has a Girlfriend???

S.,
This is a tough one, especially since the daycare seems not to be interested in working with you to figure it out. "Sexual" behavior is sooo taboo, it is hard to remember that this is a very normal part of human development, and to not react negatively. It really puts you in a tough spot, because it sounds like you are doing all the right things to help your son learn about appropriate social behavior, but you are not there all the time to monitor his actions.

I think that it might be beneficial to seek out additional information (and support) about this stage in development, maybe with your pediatrian.

Good luck to you.

S.-
I think that is totally normal at that age and you should be careful with what you say and do. I think it can affect their feelings towards sex into adulthood. I remember play doctor with cousins and friends, my parents were pretty laid back about it for the most part. They would not let us play with the door closed and supervised us. You should let him know what is appropriate and what isn't in a very non-judgemental way. Just remember to not overreact. I think that the daycare wanting you to come pick him up was overreacting. After all they are only kids, it is not like they are 15 or 16! Its not something sexual, its curiousity.
Brekka

I think this is a difficult subject as what is okay with some parents is not okay with others. I definitely think your daycare lady overreacted, kids experiment all the time and considering the kinds of things that are on tv and in magazines its not surprising that your son is trying some of them out! I am not suggesting that he watches XXX rated stuff at home but my 8 year old daughter watches Thats So Raven and Zoe101 on the Disney channel and there are kids kissing and dating so they are exposed to it earlier. And it is perfectly natural to have sexual curiosity from an early age (My 1 year old son was letting the water running into the bathtub run over his privates the other day, which was extremely disconcerting for me to see lol!!). But I would try not to overreact and don't let him feel bad for what he is doing, you are doing the right thing by explaining what is appropriate and what isn't so try not to worry too much. And having a "girlfriend" is okay, as long as he understands that holding hands or kisses on the cheek are the only physical acts he should be engaging in! Good luck, and try not to stress out about this too much,
Shane

I have to say that I totally agree with Bekka. Somethings that should help is telling him that its great he loves his friends, but at his age they should only kiss on the cheek or give hugs. Tell him he can have a girl as a friend, but he needs to wait until he is older (whatever age is decided for dating) before he can have a girlfriend. Kids are curious and learn things at a very early age. Dont be afraid to talk more on relationships and other things that may seem adultish because now is the time to open up communications for teen years. Please dont punish him for being curious, its what helps us all later in life to success. Talk with your daycare provider more about this too, make sure you both are on the same page with this issue because you dont need to be called everyday to pick up your son over something that innocent. The key through all this is communication. Good Luck!

I feel for you. I had this problem as well. I even talked to our peditrician about it. It is normal. As much as we don't like it. My daughter and her friends would play naughty. I talked to her about it more than once. She knew it was wrong, but it still happened. I ended up grounding her from her friends. She was not allowed to play with anyone for a long time. I don't believe it has happened since. She is not allowed to play with her bed room door shut. I told her it is ok to be curious, but we can't show people our private parts (except when mom, dad or dr...etc, need to look).

Good luck!
K.

oh i'm feeling for you.. i don't know what i will do when that time comes with my little ones.
i remember having a boy friend in kindegarten and 3rd grade..holding hands. we may have 'kissed' or pecked.i don't recall..lol
have you talked to your pedi to maybe get some other ideas as well?
i'm surprised that the daycare called and asked you to come get him. is she gonna let him come back?
i haven't looked for them yet. but i'm guessing there are books out there that are age appropriate for this type of conversation.
i think it would be hard to punish him since you know it's what we have all gone thru in our growing up stages. like you said you don't want to punish him... i'm not sure i would or could either.
i hope someone has some good advice for you, i wish i had something better than just talking to a pedi or looking for a book..lol maybe you could call a child psychologist for help.. or just a regular counselor..
good luck... T.

The statistics are much higher for teen pregnancy for kids who start dating and engaging in these activities before 16. You don't have to punish your son, but I think it is great you are teaching him that this is inappropriate and that these things need to be saved for someone he truly loves and is willing to commit to.

We've gone through this with our oldest two, though they were the ones being kissed rather than the other way around. I'm sorry your babysitter was scandalized by this. Unless kids have been abused or misled in some way, what they are doing is displaying a normal curiosity, and it's completely innocent. But so is nose picking, and that's innapropriate, too, so the question is how to curb the behavior. When our children were talking about being boyfriend/girlfriend, it was always with a good friend from school. Neither of them were comfortable with it, and they certainly didn't appreciate the kissing. We talked about how it's so nice to have friends that are boys and friends that are girls, but they are not ready to have boyfriends and girlfriends. We also explained that it's so good to love our friends but that there's a big difference between friend love and mommy/daddy love, and that boyfriends and girlfriends are what we have when we're thinking about finding someone to be mommy and daddy with. We told them not to hurt their friends' feelings by saying "eewww grosss!" or getting angry if a friend gave them a kiss, but to just ask that friend to give high fives instead of kisses from now on.
It sounds like your son has a real curiosity about the human body. Perhaps it would be helpful to both of you to simply ask him if he has questions about his body. That opens the topic in a way that lets him know that you don't think he's a bad boy or dirty for being inquisitive, and that you respect his need to understand himself and others around him. Talk about all of the great things our bodies can do like running, jumping, breathing, growing babies, pumping blood, etc. After all, better that he hear from you what all the bells and whistles are for than from a schoolmate or, worse, an adult who may take advantage of his precocious nature. Maybe that would stem the curiosity, or, at least, channel it in a new direction. Who knows? You may actually have a future doctor in the family after all.
Good luck with this.

I totally agree with Brekka, that it is natural and not to come across to scare them as to affect the rest of their adulthood, sexually speaking. I just wanted to remind everyone that when we were kids, things were handled differently at the school and daycare levels these days- I am sure we have all heard the stories of the kindergarten children getting suspended or expelled for giving each other a kiss...
It is something to address, but how to do it without hampering their curiosity and making it "dirty", I have no idea. I am worried about my boy/girl toddler twins who "see each other" all the time, but when does that stop- how old is privacy supposed to take over? I guess I will be posting those questions in a few years myself.

My son had a girlfriend in his classroom this pass year. He is 7. We brought it up with the teacher and she said she would make sure that they didn't lay together during quite time. He talks about her being his girlfriend and that they are going to hold hands and dance. Stuff he sees on tv mostly. However, they do not know each other outside of school. My six year old has a friend at church and they are best buddies. He shares his food with her, art supplies etc. I've never seen anything cross the line but to prevent it I have started teaching them appropriate ways to show affections. My oldest constantly chases my niece, his cousin, around trying to kiss her. Or sometimes he just hugs or shows affection too much with someone he shouldn't. I read that it should start at home. So I tell him to kiss mommy on the cheek and I give him a hug. When we are around my niece I tell him to give her a small hug or his uncles get small hugs too. At this age they don't know the line between appropriate and not appropriate. For now the small hugs will have to do until he gets older and learns.
Oh and my six year old got into a contest with another child at Bible School...they were showing themselves to each other. They are just at that age where they are learning about themselves and the roles different people play.

Every child wil be curious about sex. It is natural and normal. What I suggest you do is buy an age appropiate book on this topic. I used to know of a good one but have since forgot the title. GO to Hastings and there are many, though. MONITOR HIS PLAY DATES. Do not let him be alone with another child until you feel he is no longer in danger of playing innapropiatly with an another child. You did well by not making a big deal about it. But do not focus on it too much, the more you focus the more curious he will become.