My 6 Year Old Daughter Cannot Control Her Screaming Fits/tantrums

I have the same problem with my 3 year old it is my fault. I am working on it but I have to make changes within myself, I need to stop spoiling her and letting her get her way. I am working on it. It is hard. I have been told if I am consistent and never give in.. She will not expect to get her way and not blow up if she dose not get her way... Good Luck..

While this may be typical behavior for 2 and 3 year olds, your daughter is not a toddler. I would take her to a behavioral specialist and find out if there is a diagnosis (such as oppositional defiant disorder) or if she is just a spoiled, badly behaved kid and if you need some retraining in dealing with her. The words "when you finally give in" in your post are very telling. I think you mean when "I" finally give in, and knowing that you will do that, may very well be causing the behavior. Any little thing that she doesn't like or doesn't want to do, she figures she'll just wear you down and get her way. If my school aged kid did that, I'd get her into her jammies, put her in bed, pull down the shades and the day would be over for her. No discussion, no argument, no yelling, no pleading, no time out, no spanking, no giving in.

Have you tried the love and logic approach?

You've tried a lot of things, but for how long have you tried each type of discipline? This type of behavior does not go away overnight. It takes months and months of being firm and consistent.
Personally, I use the "Go to your room until you can act like a human being." approach. This way nobody else is impacted by the tantrum.

We all believe she is smart and outgoing and busy. She also has a disapline problem. You have taught her throwing fits will get your way if you do it long enough.

You are going to tell her that you have made some mistakes in your parenting and from now on things are going to be different. Then proceed to be different.

This behavior is cute at 2, annoying at 3 but intolerable at 6 and crazy making at 17. Ignore the whining. "I can't understand you, use your normal voice." do exactly what you know to be doing. Whining makes it certain you won't get what you want.
You need to be able to put up a finger for 1 min til you can come to a place in your conversation to stop and let her interrupt, she can put her hand on your shoulder but nothing else till you say so or you won't even consider her request.

You need to invest some time into loving her so she will want to please you.
This can't be your only interactions and make it a good relationship.
Invest in parenting books. They can help but only you have the power to say no and mean it.

Let her throw a fit. Don't give in to it. Try to keep yourself calm. Let her make a bad choice to not pick up her things. Then when she asks for something else, tell her "yes, as soon as you pick up your things" or maybe "no, because last time you took out the markers, you weren't able to pick them up nicely" Let her decide when to do her homework. And if it doesn't get done at all, suspend privileges until she does it first. If she throws a fit picking a movie, don't let her watch one at all. Or the next time she asks for a movie, say "no, I'm sorry, the last time you were very rude and demanding about your movie choices so we aren't going to have movies until we can make a decision together nicely. She is going to be really angry when you say no, so don't expect her to discuss it with you rationally when she's shocked and angry. Wait until she calms down, like the next day and say something like would you like to talk to me about how you can earn your movie privileges back?

When my son never got out of the 'threes" as I called it, we took him to a psychologist. I feared he had oppositional defiant disorder. He spent 6 months in treatment and it made a WORLD of difference. She gave him the skills he needed to handle his frustrations and our life is a lot better now.

Does she ask for sweets all day long? In learning to fix my own candida problems, I realized that one of my kids also reacts to candida. When he gets probiotics in him (his fit sometimes make this hard) and yogurt, he is usually more rational and calm. There may be more to his issues that I haven't figured out yet, but this is a connection I have been able to see.

Start with never, ever give in. When you give in once in awhile she's going to try the tantrum to see if this will be the time you give in.

What do you do when she throws a tantrum? I suggest that you need to walk away every time. Do not give her any attention when she's having a fit. It's no fun to scream when no one is paying attention. Or you can send/take her to her room and tell her she can come out when she is calm and ready to do what you asked. It will take many times of her tantruming and you ignoring her before she'll stop. If you send her to her room you will have to take her back to her room many times. It takes twice or even three times as long to change a behavior as it did to form it.

Then give her positive attention every change you get. Kids want their parent's approval. She will gradually learn to work towards getting that hug, that kind word if you're consistent in giving her approval.

And I suggest you pick a couple of things to focus on because it sounds like she's fighting everything. Perhaps start with picking up. Tell her, when you're both calm that she'll have 20 minutes to pick up her toys and if she doesn't you're going to put them away and she'll have to earn them back. Start out helping her to pick up the toys. Make a game and have fun picking up toys. After a couple of successful times doing this tell her you know she can pick them up by herself. Then leave the room. Come back in 20 minutes and if toys are still out, pick them up and put them away. Do not respond to her tantrum. Leave the room with the toys.

When I say do not respond, I mean literally do not talk to her. Do not make a face. Have no reaction whatsoever.

I would let the homework go for now. Let her suffer the natural consequences she'll get at school when she doesn't turn it in. Talk with the teacher and tell her you're having difficulty getting her to mind and that you're starting with other issues. Nearly all parents, even those with well behaved children have some issues with getting homework done. Start being consistent with immediate consequences with simpler tasks.

Never let her see you "sweat." Never argue or try to convince her to do something. If you find yourself needing to yell remove yourself from the room before you yell. I suggest that by picking a couple of behaviors on which to focus and letting others go you'll be less stressed. You cannot change everything at once.

Think of logical consequences for misbehavior. She doesn't get dressed take her in her pjs. No fight there. Give her a choice of two movies, both of which you approve. She throws a tantrum, no movie. That's part of the ignoring. When she interrupts conversation, completely ignore her. Stop talking until she stops talking. You can give her the "eye" but it's also OK to not even look at her.

Whatever you decide to do for consequences you have to always follow thru. You have to be totally consistent with using the same technique every time. Stop trying out various things. Decide what you're going to do and stick with it. Never give in. This will be hard and a lot of work but you can do it.

I also suggest that you read Love and Logic by Foster Cline. And, tho I've not used it, I've heard a lot of good words about 1-2-3 Magic and Back to Basics by Janet Campbell.