My 3.5 Year Old Son Will Not Share....

N.,
He is jealous of his sister first... Second try getting her something that he likes and have her share too... this may help.... and dont just "tell him" you will take his stuff... do it... also, if you can, put him in a daycare a cpl hours a day... or both of them for that... If you cant, I understand really...My kids are 17 15 9 1/2 and 7 so sharing has always been an issue.... I also took the toy that wouldnt be shared... the ones they share they can keep...
I know this doesnt seem like much, but give it a try...
T.

Hi N.,
They all go through this. I think it happened in our household around the same time. Everything is fine until the younger sibling is mobile. I know you worry about "fixing" this before preschool, but your child will learn a lot from his peers there and sharing is one of those things. My kids are a lot better about sharing at school than they are at home.

I just always say that "we share all our toys." That doesn't help all the time and then we go to the "who had it first rule?" If that doesn't work, we take it away for the day. That usually does the trick.

Hi N.,
I have 4 kids, 3 of which are close in age 5 in 2 weeks, 3 1/2 and 2 in 2 1/2 weeks. My near 5 year old and 3 1/2 year old have had a problem when it comes to sharing. What I have found to work is I make sure they both have toys that are just for them and they don't have to share them with anyone. When we have other kids over those toys are put away unless they want to share them. They never have to share with each other when it comes to those toys. The older has the Imaginext castle by fisher price and most of the stuff that goes with it. The 3 1/2 year old has the Go Diego Go rescue center and alot of stuff that goes with that. They know that no matter what it is just thiers and turn to those toys when sharing becomes an issue. The 2 year old is a girl and has her own stuff too, which the boys really don't care for any way. So I guess my suggestion is make sure he has toys that are just for him, it has really saved me alot of stress. Good Luck!

I know it's hard, but he will get the idea. With Kat what worked the best was making her hand the toy back to Toria instead of me taking it from her and giving it to Toria. Sometimes I think kids get confused because we say "don't take that from your sister" at the same time that we are taking it from them. If you make him give it back it is a little less confusing because no one is taking it from him, he is giving instead. Which inturn reinforces the whole 'you need to share' idea. I hope this helps.

Your sons behavior is pretty typical for someone his age. According to many developmental psychology texts and other baby books, both of your children are still in a very self-focuses age where they may not really play together, but play separately near each other. It is a normal part of child development. It is important to still promote caring & sharing behavior, but it may take a while before it really sinks in. I have a six-year old step-son and a 2 year old daughter (about to be 3 in June). My step-son did have a harder time learning to share than my daughter. After all, he was basically an only child for 3.5 years until my daughter was born, and then sharing still wasn't an issue until she was about a year or more. My daughter on the other hand, being the youngest, has always had an older sibling (my step-son) and has never experienced the concept of having things all to herself. I will admit that if one child takes a toy away from the other, I return the toy to the child who originally had the toy, explaining that we do not take things away from each other, we must first ask and receive permission, and then find something else for the other child to play with. It is a long and arduous process. So, time, patience, encouragement and you can expect them to play individually for a while yet.
I hope that at least some part of that was helpful.

Sincerely,
P.

Where do u live ? I am in the Warren Area and I have a 4yo.. btw she is not the best sharer either. It must be the age. He will get it just be patient. Ok I just read a response to your question.. Why would you have to put your son in day care to teach him how to share. I think as your mom you can do it. There is no need to put him in day care where he could well catch sick.. Have your sis and her kids show him and he wil catch on hun. Please get in touch if your close . We Love play dates
C. S