Sharing and Disobeying

Dear S.,

Well, for one thing I am the grgrandmother to a 4 year old and a 2 year old and your sister's senario sounds familiar. Your sister has got to harden her heart and let the 4 year old vomit! Then wash her face with cool water, put her in a comfortable place, and let her rest - tv or whatever.No scolding, just do this with love and no talking. maybe hum so she won't seem to be angry. That tv isn't such a bad thing as some people suggest. It redirects the child's thinking and gives them a bit of peace and chance to let their body rest.

She also needs to be stopped immediately when she starts being bossy and screaming at anyone, especially mom ! Put her in her room, and have a gate on the door so that she won't be so isolated. Let her scream and throw and whatever, but needs to stay there until she is calm. It might take a while, but it is worth the horror of having to do that to your child.

The two year old deserves to play in peace and be a person too. Have the 4 year old 'read' or teach the 2 year old something or do something for him or her when she is calm and loving. Just do it. It is worth the peace that you will gain.

I am not only telling you to do this, I have done it, several times, after all I am almost 76 years old and have helped many young ones get through the first 5 years. No, I did not do day care. I worked with children that were very close to my heart. As I am sure day care children are to their caregivers, just wanted to show you how bonded I was to my little people.

Sincerely, C. N.

Hi S.. Maybe your sister just needs to be firmer. My step-son is 4 and he is very strong willed too. The other day, I told him to take a nap and he started crying. So I told him he could just stand in the corner if he didn't want a nap. Well, he rolled right on over and went to sleep. Sometimes, you need to find what the kid hates the most. If she won't share her toys, tell her she can't play with the babies toys. Then buy the baby something you KNOW the 4 year old will want to play with. Tell her that she can't play with it until she learns how to share.
DO NOT ALLOW her to take the toys away from the baby. And the hitting thing needs to stop. I do not suggest spanking, I really don't believe in it, but maybe she needs a little firm hand. Only as a last resort. I hope this helps. Good luck and BEst Wishes, T.

My doctor just recently told me that if they have separate rooms then you can tell the 4 year old any toys in her bedroom are for her alone. And then don't let the younger one go in there and share. Same thing visa versa. But if a toy leaves the bedroom, then it's to be shared. If they share a room, then split it down the middle.... I haven't had to try it yet but that's what she told me.... If it's in her room then it's her alone. But outside the bedroom, it's for anyone to play with.

Oh yea, my daughter vomits when she gets really upset too. But I don't stop putting her on thinking time just because she is going to throw up no matter how much i hate to clean it up. She still needs to learn.....

Have you had your niece tested for Autism?
As far as the hitting and not sharing thing.You don't remove the toys from the younger child just the older one. Maybe put the older daughter in pre-school or daycare a few days a week and she'll start to learn appropiate behaviors.

Children want your full attention all the time. It is not uncommon for children to end up vomiting b/c they didnt get the response they were looking for. Reward systems will help. Your sister does need to be firmer and place the child on time out (1 minute per year) when she disobeys, etc. Your sister needs to include herself in playtime and encourage sharing and showing how to share and then immediately congratulate the child for sharing and behaving well.

THis is a jealousy thing she had mom and dad all to her self and now she does't make her a part of bieing the big sister and maybe she will mellow out the longer she waits the harder it is going ot be.