I am having a huge problem with my son who is 3yr being mean. It seems that he is sometimes mean to a child at daycare; but most of the time he is mean to my neighbors little girl. He loves to go play with them but ends up hitting, biting, pinching, spitting on her for no reason. When told by the girls parent to go home because he is being mean, he will tell them that they are mean or a poo poo head, storm out and try to slam the door. This last time, he caught the little girl in the door and it hurt her. He keeps saying that he'll be nice but doesn't. I have been trying to tellhim no one will be his friend if he is mean, he can't go to school if he is mean, and sending him to his room where he slams the door, kicks the walls..and on and on...
Your suggestions.
Thanks for everyones help. Yesterday at daycare I guess he got a taste of his own medicine. One kid was mean to him and he really realy didn't like it. So we went next door to talk to the girls dad, he said he was sorry, won't do it again (yeah right--one could only hope), but then we also reminded him of how it felt to get hit or when the other boy was mean.. and I asked him if he wanted the little girl to be mean to him.. he said no.. we shall see. Last night went good. I guess that is baby steps.
hi there! I also have a 3 year old with agression....I'm always waiting for him to lash out! he is jekyl and hyde though......perfect or horrible!!!!!! the only thing I have to add after reading the other responses is that when Jake is with his older cousins (9 & 7) he becomes very humbled. It's a little taste of what he needs every now and again. They are a good influence on him most of the time!
i have a 4 yr old and he gets quiet time on a chair in the corner.no books no cartoons no nothing for about 10 15 minutes.only lookn at the wall.everytime he turns around i tell him hes gettn 5 more minutes eventhough he doesnt know what minutes are yet.lol. but it works. i usually leave him there for about a good 5 minutes.and if hes being really bad he wont get any sweets or popsicles for the day.i lie a lil but he gets the piont.atleast so far..im sorry if this doesnt help.but it helps me a little.if theres better advice i would really like to know sum.oh and make him apologize.he might not like it but it will make the other person feel a lil better.
He is three and looking for limits. You have to punish him when he acts out like that. Try time outs and taking away toys he likes. You can't leave him alone with that little girl, you will have to go with him when he plays with her and punish him as soon as there is a problem. Put him in a one min time out every time he hits or is sassy and do it instantly. He is probaly better at daycare because they put him in time out
WOW K......my son use to be the same way it all started when he was 3, but his was emotoionally charged. I took him in to therapy right away. he also learned what a spanking was. Now I don't mean beat you child but I am a firm believer in the phrase "Spare the Rod spoil the child". My son is now 11yrs and I still have problems with him, but nothing like it was when he was younger his problems now are pre - teen stuff.
Therapy helps your child and you better understand what is going on inside.
I hope this helps! Keep me posted on how things go.
J. R
It sounds like he needs Immediate consequences every time for every instance. I would invite other kids to come play at your house until he gets it under control and so you can monitor his behavior closely.
Explain to him that naughty behavior will not be tolerated, and explain what you expect (PLAY NICE, SHARE, ETC..). Explain that he will get a time out if he is naughty. If he doesn't listen he needs a warning of time out, and if he still doesn't listen he needs a time out for three minutes. Every time. Yes you may have an uphill battle but it will help him for the rest of his life. Consistency is the key. It is hard at first but once he knows you mean business you'll maybe have less of a 'hellion' on your hands.
Dear K.,
I just don't know what to tell you, but I will encourage you to take hold of this situation now. He needs to do a lot of crying to get this out of his system and to start to realize that he cannot do all of this. Telling him is not really the best way to accomplish his taming. He has to feel the pain of being isolated because of his behavior. You and your family are going to have to just endure a lot of crying and screaming from him - so don't start griping about that.
You can go online at www.drgreene.com, to find some ideas - you can also begin a very simple procedure that will get this problem starting to be stopped.
Read some about 3 year olds and their points of view too, that will help you get into his mind.
Soooo, the next time that you see or hear him being rude you pick him up, carry him to his room, and say that you are not going to be rude anymore, and you have to stay right here until I tell you that you can come out and play again. Scream, cry, and tears and snotty nose later, wash his face with a cool cloth, blow his nose, give him a drink of water, to the bathroom if you can, and then to a normal routine and no talking about how bad his was. THEN be prepared to do the very same routine again and again, never relenting, and never fussing at him. Just tell him he was rude and he can't act that way.
I had to be in a room with a little three year old that was doing the same thing - I did the same thing that I told you to do, but because we were in a school setting, I could not leave him in the room alone, so I had to endure it allllll. You may have to stay in the room to keep him there, I would not leave him alone with the door closed. So you might have to stay there the first or second time - just to keep him safe and in the room. Don't try to talk him out of crying, you don't need to talk at all. He will do plenty of screaming, if he want to sit on your lap for some love - that is great, go along with the love but do not give in, he has to realize that you are in control of him, and he cannot leave the room until you decide.
O.K., that is all I have to say, except that it worked wonders for the little boy that I helped through his hard times with the world. He wanted to come home to be my little boy.
C. N.
All 3 yr olds seem to have a mean streak- that is when TIME OUT comes into play.. 1 min per year.. which is 3 min.. and the timer does not start until he can stop and just sit.
My boys both have learned this, they are both now 8/7 and still have timeouts or now that they are older and they already know the rules, I take things away from them! That works like a charm- I am sure you are doing great, it will take a while for the "bad behavior" to get under control, but with lots of patience and consisteny, he will learn! Good luck!!!
Just want to let you know that my almost 3 year old boy (just a couple days til birthday) is exactly like that. I am just praying for the day that he out grows it. Also I will be checking to see what kind of advice other moms give you.
Good luck and know your not alone
Hopefully this experience will leave an impression on him. But if not, consider Mary B.'s advice about having friends come to your house where you can observe. And imposing a consequence consistently. Be sure he knows what the consequence is ahead of time. And explain it a little, so it doesn't seem like some random response. Logical consequences with consistency is key. (Talk to your preschool/daycare director about coordinating the consequences between home and school.)
And don't forget about giving positive feedback for good behaviors you notice. This also helps him learn what is appropriate. (Imagine if you were learning to drive a car and all you got was negative directions! "Don't step on the brake right now! "Don't signal when you are 10 feet from your turn.")
Also, consider that those who advocate regular spanking may be sharing what genuinely works for their family... but as a general rule children learn better when we also MODEL the behaviors we want to see in them.
Whether it's violence or honesty or hard work... modelling in combination with consistent limits and age appropriate discussion is more effective than "do what I say, not what I do". Kids respect adults who walk their talk.
