My 3 Year Old Is Waking up in the Middle of the Night Afraid. HELP!

My son is almost 3 and does the same thing, I think that it is growing pains for my son. He acts scared but says owie mommy or daddy and rubs his legs.
Good Luck!

Hi L.,
My daughter, who will be 3 in July, has just started doing the same thing. After going in every time to calm her I finally told her last night that she needed to go back to sleep by herself like she has always done and to stop waking up Mommy and Daddy. Every night when I put her to bed I remind her that we all need to get good rest and that she needs to stop crying at night. When she hasn't cried during the night I make sure to praise her for being a big girl and getting good rest. Luckily she doesn't get out of her crib, if she did I would silently put her back in bed and leave though. We started sleep training from birth so she has always gone to sleep by herself. Well, last night she woke up around 12am crying for me. I have a video monitor so I watched her move around fussing. After a few minutes she laid her head back down and went to sleep. I won't go in unless she doesn't settle down after 5-10 mins of fussing and I still won't pick her up, just lay her back down and rub her back to calm her down. I have asked her why she has been crying for me at night and she said it was because she wanted me to hold her. I told her I would L. to hold her, but not until morning. We shall see!
Sincerely,
L.

Children can have bad dreams or insominia just like us. I have five kids and they all have had their turn at night. I put a sleeping bag next to my bed and they can bring their pillow in and come sleep on my floor. Not my bed. They must start in their own bed at night. Most nights we don't have any children in our room and sometimes we have more than one. My daughter went through a time that she was afraid that someone would brake into the house and take her. She was comforted by sleeping next to my bed and I had a good nights rest. This lasted a long time but eventually she felt safe and dose not come in any more. I personally wanted my children to know that they could come to me anytime and I would be there for them even if it was in the night and inconvenient for me. I know that this is not for everyone but it worked well for my family.
J.

Do you have the book healthy sleep habits, happy child? I read that book like a bible. It talks about your situation. It could be one of two things. Nightmare/fear or just wanting to visit parents/get out of bed.

With nightmare/fear: it says to only go sooth him once at night. For a limited time. Set a kitchen timer so he knows at the end of the time, no more soothing, it's back to sleep. Only allow this once a night.

Visit parent: don't say anything, complete silent, show no emotions, just put him back in his bed and leave. Keep doing it until he stays in bed. He'll stop once he knows you're only going to put him back and there's absolutely no attention given to him.

Good luck!

Hello my name is M.,
I am a Christian, I recomend you to go in your son's room and pray over everything, ask the Lord Jesus Christ to show you anything that is not to be in your son's room and take it out, I don't know if you are a christian or not, but if you are a believer in God, you know that their is spiritual things that can disturb your sons sleep. Kids are very sensitive to see angels and bad angels.
when I was reading your message, God prompt me to reply to you and tell you what I just told you.
Prayer is powerful and it helps in all cituations.
Pray in the name of Jesus and I garantee you, your son will be much at peace in his sleep and so will you.
"I pray in the name of Jesus, to guide you in your prayer and to open you spiritual eyes to see and pray for your son, Lord I thank you in advance for the peace that surpasses all understanding in this family."
God Bless you.

I have a son exactly the same age and he went through (still somewhat goes through) the same thing. Have you asked him what he is thinking about/dreaming about? We found out that our son was worried about monsters so we started reading him books about nice monsters -- where the wild things are, "Nightmare in My Closet" and even talked about Elmo and the muppets being kind monsters. It really helped -- not perfect, but alleviated some of his worries.

Good luck! S.

HI L.,

it sounds like night terrors. My now 5 year old had them between 2 1/2 and 3. she would wake up in the middle of the night and cry for mommy or daddy. it then took a while to help her fall back asleep. I talked with her pediatrician and he told me that they will eventually go away and it has to do with the development of the brain. Since their brain is developing in at a fast rate it causes these terrors. She could not explain why she was scared. where as with a nightmare they can.

good luck.

H.

Try asking him in the day time what he is afraid of at night. If he indicates someone being in his room get an air freshner can and put a label on it that says monster spray and take him in the room before bed and spray the scaries away.

First- three cheers for such a helpful dad. :) Second, it does sound like night terrors, and there isn't much you can do but be there for him. What I do for my daughter is I have a "walkie talkie" (baby monitor) in her room and if she gets scared or needs me I tell her to ask for me and I'll come running. It was a great comfort for her to know that even if she couldn't see me all she had to do was call and I would be there. When we had the monster phase I told her she was allowed to have her "friends" over BUT they had to play nice or they had to go home- no mean or scary behavior was allowed. I also told her no one is allowed in Mommy's bedroom except Serene, baby, Meme (grandma) and Daddy. No friends allowed- she liked to play with saying they were coming in but I was very firm and said "no" and if she persisted I told her she would have to go out too if she tried to bring them in. That way my room was the safe zone if she got scared and sometimes she'd come in but usually it didn't even get that far. Usually just a speed arrival on my part telling the monster to go home and a big hug and kiss had her back in bed in no time. Now when she has a bad dream at the first whimper I'm there to wake her and say "Mommy's here you're safe" hug her, and lay her back down and she's fine. Hope that helps :)

L.,

when my oldest was about 3, she also had nightmares That would wake her up at night. So, we asked her what she was afraid of. then every night we would take the cats and frogs out of her room and flush them down the toilet. She miraculously stayed asleep. We only had to do it for about q month and Then is was just a game.

D.

My three year old just went through this phase for about a month--and between him and my newborn, I was so exhausted! Here's what we did that seemed to help. We tried to get him more physically active play during the day so that he was more tired, and we tried to start putting him to bed earlier. When he came into our room, one of us would take him immediately back to his own bed, but we would stay with him until he fell asleep. My son said he was afraid of the shadows on the wall, so we tried to minimize those as best we could. And when he slept through the night, we really praised him in the morning. Now he's back to sleeping well again. Hopefully it's just a phase for yours, too. Good luck!

Sometimes it can be due to an image they had seen on t.v. that may seem normal, but to a toddler strange or difficult to understand. By no means am I inferring that you let him watch bad things, I simply mean it could have been a commercial that freaked him out even. With children his age, we have no idea what might have a huge impact on them, they are so impressionable.
Try childrens audio books. My mom has two younger kids with my step father. My little sister when she was a toddler, had bad dreams, and "night frights". My mom just started putting an audio childrens book on very low, with the night light, and the sound is soothing and secure for them during the evening.
If your child is in preschool, or around adults other than you and your husband, I would also highly recommend you ask them if there has been anything going on that would ampt such behavior. Not to scare you or anything, but in this day and age you might want to investigate that. It is odd that this would just start happening, but there could be a very light reason behind it, and that is probably the case. But...just incase always consider all alternatives.
Good luck to you and your husband, and God bless you for doing all you can to console your little man. And I will keep him in my prayers. Please let me know how things turn out.

Love

Auds :)

When we experienced this, we made sure to take our daughter to the bathroom (seems she woke up because she had to go). She was younger, so in the morning we would talk about what was scaring her (monsters). I asked whether Cookie Monster scared her and she said No. I asked whether Big Bird scared her and she said No. I told her she could picture holding Big Bird's hand and walking by and any monster would go away. It helped a lot!

Hi L..

My son did this every night for 3 months straight when he was 4. He didn't whimper, he screamed. In our case, it happened just after they started putting out the Halloween costumes, which scared him. My son would wake up and "see people in his room." Think back and try to remember if there was anything that scared him recently. We also had his daddy working graveyard shift, so he wasn't home during the night. It was also when our youngest son was about the age of your baby. I'm not sure if noises the baby made woke him up (they were in the same room.) What finally happened is that a neighbor got so sick of hearing the screaming every night and called the police. I was the only parent at home and would walk him back to his bed, but it didn't help. He would continue to scream and I was frustrated and yelled at him a couple of times (I wasn't a very tired mom and not so smart about children in those days). When the police came to our door the searched the house and assured him that nobody was in there and told him he needs to be quiet for the neighbors. Believe it or not, that did the trick for the most part. After that, he would occasionally have another episode. By that time I didn't want the police out again, so I allowed him to sleep in my bed when he woke up scared. It didn't happen very often, he grew out of it within a year, and as he grew he learned to get himself back to sleep on his own. I know it is the wrong thing to do to let a child sleep with you, but if it is frustrating you and everyone else in your house, I think it was worth it and wished I had done it months before. I would also have your husband do what the police officer did and check the house for you son to prove there is nobody in the house. That might work. In any case, I feel for you. It is exhausting to go through. I hope he can find comfort soon and that you will all get the rest you need.

Hi L.,
This is normal. scary but normal. Right now your son is more aware of "stuff" and is most liekly re-living part of his day. While his day was not scary some aspects of it when isolated by his thoughts can be overwhelming. Plus his imagination and creativity are starting to soar, this can mainfest in dreams. I have a 4 year old boy and we have gone thru this twice. Ususally it started because there was a large disruption in his daily routine. Like a visitor or guest from out of town or changing daycare.

Don't worry, this is temporary. I suggest that you do not bring him into your bed. Let him find comfort in his room. If he appears to be awake but is actually still asleep keep in mind he may start having night terrors, these too are normal.

Good luck. Try to get some sleep and try not to feel bad because he wants daddy. Daddies are our protectors.

L.
Mom to Zack 4 and Justin 22 mths.

I have had experience with this with my daughter and as someone who has had night terrors (which he may or may not be having).

Fear is very powerful. Children are afraid because they can not distinguish between reality and fantasy. Halloween is *real* to them. All those cute kid shows with monsters are *real* to them. The bad guys are *real*.

Does anyone take care of him during the day? Could he be having bad experiences with someone? Have there been any family changes such as a move, anyone getting badly hurt, the car breaking down, loss of a job, any sort of difference or hardship? Has anything occured that has upset his stable world? Such things have serious effects on children.

Your son needs to know he's safe. "Mommy's here, Daddy's here, you're safe, you're in your room, in your home, with your family who loves you and keeps you safe. There's nothing to be afraid of. You are all right, everything is fine, you are safe." Repeat this stuff over and over and over to him while holding him. Give him a bit of water to drink, as that will help bring him back to reality.

He is very vulnerable right now and needs a lot reassurance. He's not being afraid on purpose, or waking up on purpose. It'll take time and patience and much love and comfort to get through this time.

One thing about this time period to take into account is that their imaginations are growing in leaps and bounds at this point. Often it takes a while for 2-3 year olds to learn to process the new imaginings.

They have realized (on some level) that they are not the absolute center of the universe and that "bad things" might/can affect their world.

Try not to give in to whining, give a bit of comfort, explain that sometimes you have scary thoughts at night but are still ok, then ask him to think of a few fun things to think about when he goes back to sleep. This gives him something positive to focus on and should lighten his mood.