My 3 Year Old Daughter Thinks That She Is the Boss of Entire family...aka Bully

Do you have any sort of routine for the afternoon? We have a 'can be' bossy 3 yr daughter too, so I completely understand!

First thing we do in the afternoon is sit down at the table for an afternoon snack. Then, while everyone is snacking, starting with my son, we talk about any homework, etc. There is no screaming aloud, no interrupting, etc.

Once initial calm is restored and everyone has talked about their day, then they can play. Something that's helped us is to have the kids hang out in seperate rooms if needed. My daughter knows that when brother's door is closed its out of bounds. So when he's really had it, he'll go up there.

We have a rule that the kids are not allowed to yell/scream at each other. Yes it happens, but when it happens, us parents are quick to respond. Everything stops, apologies are given, and then whatever the issue is is sorted out. Something that I try really hard to do, is to scream ONLY when absolutely necessary. Mind you, that isn't to say that I haven't yelled, but I try to do it just long enough to get my kid's attention. Then I go into 'the tone' and 'the look'. My kids have learned that when I reach that point, I am really upset and restrictions are coming. Oddly, all of it together has made family time better.

M.

I don't really have any answers for you, but do want to offer my support to you. This certainly sounds difficult. Sounds to me like she wants more attention. Obviously, positive attention would be more acceptable than negative attention. How about practicing good ol' behavior modification techniques? Reward the positive (praise, time together...) and punish (send to her room where she can't get your attention) or ignore the bad behavior. Can you engage her in some kind of activity to prepare for the arrival of her sisters? Perhaps make a snack together ... she can get the pencils, paper and tabletop ready for homework ... can help you make salad for dinner ... give her "homework" of her own to do while the other girls do theirs?

Good luck!

I'm sorry that the only answer I can come up with is wait until she's 4. That's what I keep telling myself! I have a 3- and 4-year old, well, the 4 year old will be 5 next week and the 3 year old is 3.5 and she is like your description of your 3 year old. Very stubborn - she knows everything and everything has to be her way, but when she's sweet, she's so, so sweet and the comedian of our house. The only thing that keeps me positive is that I vaguely remember my oldest being a terror at this age, too (isn't 3 so much worse than 2?!), but when she turned 4 everything changed for the better. She's not perfect, but she listens to me. I do not let the little one walk all over me even though it's next to impossible to discipline her.....I hope and pray that when she turns 4 she'll be as good as her sister!

Best wishes!

I think she is looking for your attention because you say she is grand when they are in school. One thing about children of that age is that they think the world exists for them .. this is not a joke ... this is a fact ... read up on some child psychology books and you will see. So if you put this in context you may see where she is coming from ... older sisters come in from school, like any good parent you ask them about their day, conversations are held between you and your other children and the attention is drawn from your 3 yr old. So try and include her in the conversations, have her close to you while you sit at the table with your other children after school,include her in the conversations ... ask her questions like "what do you thing"?" isnt that amazing"? "wow did you hear that"? this way she will feel part of the circle. One other thing ... the other 2 need your attention too (mothers are so important to all their children !!!) so maybe the 3 year old could have an earlier bed time than the other 2 which will give you some time out with them when she is asleep to chat and to keep the lines of communication well open. It might help too if you explain to them that their little sister is only 3 and this is what 3 yr olds do. She will of course grow out of it. Try not to rise to the NOs ... its hard but try not to react to them ... reaction is what children are looking for when they say no, reaction also means attention, its their only way to push out the boundary, if they get no reaction they get tired of saying it.
Hope this helps a bit

Hmmmm...difficult to say the least and a bit frustrating I'm sure. Please know that the 3yr old stage you are going through is happening with a lot of parents. It won't be easy but this calls for some training an how you would like her to be when the family is together. Have some games with the three girls involved when you are together....just singing games and greeting games. Another note would be to tell your 3yr old she is your secret helper for when the girls come home, special assistant. She needs to make sure the house is in order and everyone is happy, then must report to you. Have her "help" with the chores to help you with the cleaning. Instead of making her do things ask her for your help because mommy can't handle everything on her own!! Give her stickers for good jobs or other incentives that works for her. Some kids like following charts to see their progress. When she does act out badly, let her know this is not the way to act and show her tools of what is appropriate (lots of patience for this one). Then remind her you need her help and good girl charm! Hopefully this will help a bit. One thing for sure is not to ignore the problem or it may worsen for years to come.
Kids want to help with mommy and be a part of family life.....that's why they sometimes whine or fight or become difficult......it's all wanting to feel a part of something and get attention.
Also, don't forget to breathe.....A LOT! :)

Oh wow, my son is two months from three and is just starting to get crazy!!!!! Today he had total core meltdown to the point we just had to leave the fast food joint we were at. I am wondering what is up! Anyway, I am going to have daddy have a good stern talk with ours today and just continue to be consistent with whatever discipline is appropriate and also with rewarding good behavior. Good luck, I feel you! I guess this three shall pass!lol:)

Your headline made me laugh out loud! Isn't she doing what three year olds do best? My son was adorable at 2, but a terror at 3. I would make sure you have a set of rules and the consequences to the rules. And follow through, follow through, follow through. My son is 11 and I wish I had followed through more often and consistently when he was younger. Now he thinks everything is negotiable or can be earned back. Shame on me for being a big pushover; yea, bat your long lashes, smile, giggle, tell me I'm funny mommy! =oP If you're consistent, you should see positive results fairly quickly.
God bless,
S.

J.,

Sorry to tell you but she is in control, and may be your other 2 children in some way as well. I would say that many moms go through this at some point of motherhood. All of us, moms make different mistakes raising children, but the key is being honest with ourselves and try to solve the issues or problems with our kids. It is easy to get frustrated with the kids and mostly yell at them, and show our negative emotions. So, It would be very helpful to stay calm and don't allow yourself too much yelling...It is NOT easy, but when you feel like it, breath..breath and breath and stay calm, talk to your children in a SOFT tone of voice but FIRM....
Always, always remember that your kids will IMITATE you or will REACT according the way YOU react or behave..always, always.
There is a phase where the little ones imitate us with the "no" answer (it is happening to me right now), because is one of the words they heard from us very often ("Don't climb up there!", "Don't touch the glasses..", "No, that is dangerous!"..etc.. It has helped me a lot for several years now, to talk to my kids softly but very firm, and say something else instead of "no". Ex." "Gabriel, be careful with the lamp, turn around and come to me, please" If I don't see an immediate action from my kid, I just go and take him and then I explain to him what may happen to him if he keeps doing what he is doing.
You are the mom and when you say NO, it means NO, You mean business, and they MUST to know that. You are just in time to correct this problem which all of us, moms, have sometimes, and it shouldn't become an habit or problem lifetime.
Keep the same routine for your kids every day as often as you can. Keep it part of their lives. Schedule their day in a nice but organized day, from the minute they get up til they go to bed (do not exaggerate of course!!). There will be days when it is impossible to keep a routine, but believe me...it works wonders!!! Kids need to know what and when things will happen most of the time. Make some time (I do know is hard and exhausting) to let them play outdoors whenever possible, just an hour and half is enough every day, more is great, but not always possible. All these little things will help them to share their mommy, spend time with you and be relaxed in the house. Keep in the house handy a nice chart with faces showing different feelings and label them with "sad", "angry", "hungry", "happy" etc..
Pay attention to the kids when they talk to you, sometimes we are so busy that we even don't look at them when they speak to us, make eye contact and touch softly their hair, their forehead, etc...and say "OK, aha..aha, I understand, Ohhhh OK" say something.
It is going to take a while because you are changing the motto and the way H. up side down; you will have reactions but YOU do not react, just wait and keep doing what I suggest you. Be patient.
Good luck and feel OK in being a lovely but firm mommy-boss.
I hope this help you a little bit

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best, k

You need to learn new parenting skills. Take back the steering wheel. Watch a few "Super Nanny" episodes to see the dramatic transformations. It usually has to do with a parent's responses and rules. Your other children might follow her ways if they see that she wins most of the time just by wearing you down and being aggressive. If you don't get enough info from those shows, watch more of them and/or read some parenting guides. You can turn this around in a few weeks if you are able to try new approaches to child rearing. It will be tough for a few days and then you'll see the light. Then be consistent.