My 20 Mo Oldwill Not Go to Day Care or Any Babysitters???

Does he cry all day at day care? I have twin boys that just turned 4 and never went to day-care until they were 3. They had a really hard time and cried but eventually they were fine. What does the day care provider do to help? Are you going private or is he in a day school? My kids started at the learning tree but they weren't to good in keeping them on projects so we switched to another day school and they have a lot of friends and really like the teachers. I think that they need to give you son time and work with him.

Dear A.
Many children have seperation anxiety and it's very common. Try some exercises at home to help him get used to the idea of you not being there. Put him in a room with a kid gate or a closed door and then tell him that you must go for a little bit. Make sure that you only leave for a minute or 2 then return and tell him mommy's back. This exercise assures him that you will return when you have to leave. When you can leave for 1 or 2 minutes at a time with no crying then extend the time bit by bit until you hit the 10 minute mark. The next step is to go to a friends house for visits and have them help with the same exercise but this time you go outside for 1 or 2 minutes and return. This gets him used to seeing you actually leaving the house and assures him that you will be back. it takes patience but he will be ok. Good luck and remember you are not a bad mommy even when the tears flow this just lets you know how much he loves you! B.

The one bit I would add is don't make a big deal out of departures and returns (even with his dad). When you leave, tell him you're going, give him a quick kiss or pat, tell him how long until you get back and then leave. When you come back say hello, then put down your things, do something else (go to the bathroom, whatever) then give him cuddles and attention. You might try giving him a clock or a timer and showing him when you'll be back though he's a little young for that.

And small slow steps. If he does cry when you come back don't overcomfort him. Distract him with fun things to do, quick pat, quick hug then treat him as if leaving is no big deal.

Try to find one trusted person to really bond him too.

But also understand that some kids are just wired that way and it takes them a really long time to get over it. But you should encourage them as much as possible. Talk about being a big boy and how good he is. Also talk to him about it ahead of time, tell him what he's going to do, what you're going to do (make his sound like more fun) and how long you'll be gone, and what you'll do together when you get back.