Hi moms. I'm about at the edge of my rope and need some advice. My 6 month old daughter has it in her hed that I'm the only person on this earth that can care for her. She will not allow anyone else to hold her. Well, if she's rested and fed, she may let someone else hold her for 5 minutes....but that's it. The rest of the time she wants me. And, she wants to be held 80% of the day. I can let her play on the floor first thing in the morning for a bit, but that's it. No exersaucer, no bouncy seat and then she'll stay in the swing for maybe 5 minutes before she starts sqwauking. She wasn't like this in the beginning, but it started when she was about 2 months old. 4 months of this is starting to wear on me!
She also now takes a bottle as I've had to wean her the past few weeks. Yeah, she won't let anyone else give her the bottle either.
I need a break! I need to be get back in the gym, but can't because she won't let anyone else watch her for an hour!!! And, the kicker, I'm going to Italy in 3 weeks. This trip has been planned for months. She will be in VERY good hands with my mom and dad. But I'm trying to get her somewhat adjusted to people other than me before then. I also have 2 other sons...2 and almost 5. I love her, but momma needs to get stuff done around the house and needs to get out without her sometimes.
Yikes! You definitely need a break. My baby girl is like that to a degree, but I've learned that it's only when I'm around. According to my sitters, if I'm completely unavailable to her (as in I've dropped her off somewhere or left the house), she adjusts fairly quickly. Have you tried just leaving? Just a thought...
Lots of kids get separation anxiety at all ages! What I've found is after the initial crying they're just fine!
Of course she is going to cry because when she does you come running. I agree, start putting her down for short periods of time and when she starts crying, let her cry for just a little bit and then pick her up.
If you need someone to watch her for an hour, give them fair warning that she might cry for the entire hour BUT GO ANYWAY! The more you do it the more she'll understand that you'll be coming back and she WILL get over it.
We had many babies at our daycare center that would cry a LOT at the beginning when mommy or daddy left but it never lasted too long and they eventually got over it with no harm!
I know it's hard for you to leave her crying but understand that you're helping her to learn independence by figuring it out on her own. If you start with short periods of time and gradually increase them you'll find when she realizes she's OK you'll come back to lots of smiles!
Hi J.,
I think in order to let your daughter adjust to other people you will have to leave the house for a little while. So go ahead and go to the gym, go shopping, just get out for an hour or two each day, and let someone else watch her. As long as you are not around, I'm sure your daughter will be fine with other people watching her. It might take her a few minutes to adjust, and maybe even a few times, but you need to keep trying. If you don't feel comfortable leaving the house at first, hide in your room, or take a long bath with a good book. Just get away our of sight, and hopefully out of earshot, so that you don't come running every time you hear her cry.
Good luck!
-Z
its just a phase albeit a long one and i understand your need for break. my advice would be to just go to the gym it may take a few times of her crying when you leave but my guess is that she will soon stop. tell the care takers that if she is unconsolable to call you back after 15mins or so but i beth they wont need to. Its like she's most comfortable with you and realizes that she can control the situation. once she is separated from you and sees she is safe things will go better. its hard but you cant cave in. you need the break and youll be a better mom because of it. good luck!
This is normal - you've done such a great job of caring for her so it is natural that she wants you all the time! Give yourself a pat on the back for being such a wonderful mommy :)
But, also give yourself a break. Do this by putting her in that bouncy seat and walking out of the room saying "Mommy will be right back" and go get a drink or take the laundry upstairs or whatever. Make sure she is safe and then let her be. When you return, reassure her with a "Mommy's back! See, I told you I'd come back!". Give her little mini-breaks like this throughout the day, where you put her down for a few minutes or leave her in her crib or strapped safely into a seat just so she can get used to the whole concept of "Wow, it really *will* be okay without mommy holding me". You need to let her build up her confidence that things will be okay if the two of you are not attached 24-7, and you also need a break for your own sanity!
It's like the old Nike commercial - "Just do it". You won't be hurting her, abandoning her, or abusing her by putting her down for a few moments so you can get things done and she can entertain herself.
My daughter is the same way, this is my 3rd sleepless night. I have my husband and my mom to help me get some rest since I have to get up at 5am to go to work. But every time i hand her over and she sees me walk away, she starts crying and screaming real loud. When my husband drops her off at my mother-in laws house shes an angel. I have no clue what to do. I need to sleep! I love her to death but I need to rest. Any ideas?
I found that everything is a phase. And once she get a bit more social...which is only beginning at this age...she will be less anxious about you being away from her. Just take a few opportunities a day to set her up in play time and go out of the room from time to time. My daughter went through this but it didn't last long at all. Another thing that helped was having play dates and getting her used to other people around. She'll be fine, even though it's hard when they are like this.
I know exactly what you mean. My girls were pretty attached to mommy but would on occasion go to someone else, but my son....NO WAY. He's 10 months old now and if I'm in his eyesight, he wants me. If he were attached to my hip, it would be so much easier. He started out letting someone hold him from time to time, but it soon ended.
There is light at the end of the tunnel. Have you tried to leave her with your husband just for an hour or so...leave and don't come back for an hour. He can handle some sqwuaking for that long. She's going to have to cry a bit to get use to others. My son will stay in the church nursery now. After I leave he's fine. It took awhile. He cried so hard on one or two occasions they came into service to get me because they thought something was wrong with him. When I took him he was fine. They were astounded. He just loves his momma.
Now he's 10 months old and since he started crawling he's been doing better and better about playing and occupying himself. I can actually cook dinner without him serenading me the whole time. Some nights my head hurt so bad and my back would just ache.
It will get better, but you will need to hand her over and leave the house for an hour or two. Go to the neighbors house for an hour or two. She will have to cry a little. You will have to leave her on a regular basis because once in awhile is not going to train her. She has to develop a sense that it's okay for you to leave and you will come back. It only develops if you do it on a regular basis. Start this week and leave for an hour or two every night until your trip. Try to go longer and longer periods of time.
If your parents can handle the screaming for a day or two, she will get over it. They may need to take some Tylenol and then give her a dose...because with the screaming she's going to have a headache too.
I feel for you!!!!! My daughter is 2 1/2 and she was the EXACT SAME WAY. I was a walking binky!! She didn't start getting better until about 18 months. Good Luck!!!!
That's just sometimes the way it goes. Yes, you need a guiltless break. And, if you are going to go away for an extended period of time, you need to address this, daily for the next three weeks. Go to the gym for an hour, leave during the day, while she is awake, leave a few times, even if it is for short jaunts (a couple extra 15 minute jaunts, a few times a day is good, too!). I'm sure she will be in good hands with your parents but you need to work on this before you leave so the transition can go as smoothly as possible. Even, daily, having others hold her or visit with her, in or out of your view for a few minutes helps. Your 5 year old can do this too, especially if he, too, is going to be home with grandma and grandpa while you are gone. My sister has 5 adult kids and has been a wonderful role model for me - her mantra when I had babies was "Pass them early, pass them often!" meaning, "let your babies get used to others from a young age. Don't feel guilty about needing some "me-time". Sometimes a short mental-health break lets you reboot and refocus, giving you a little energy boost to effectively handle all of joys and challenges that your family will throw at you.
You can even do all the right things and your child may still experience separation anxiety - now or at a later age. Just keep addressing it.
Enjoy your trip. I'm jealous! It was our goal this year to go to Italy - hopefully 2010 will be the year we take that trip. Is your trip through a tour? Just curious. Do you have any pointers you can throw at me to keep this trip economically feasible - or great locations that I just shouldn't miss? Just personal message me if you want.
Good luck!
Oh my goodness! Just go to the gym! You know your daughter will be safe with whoever is with her. She may fuss when you go, but she'll learn that you will return soon. Just go out lots of times, so she'll know it's no big deal when you leave.
Don't let her control you now, it will only get worse as she gets older (screaming toddler at the store). Don't let her manipulate you. You need space, and you deserve it. You'll feel better about yourself too because you worked out, or went to the store in peace.
OMG! we have the same baby! my 6 month old daughter is exactly what you are describing. I don't have any advice for you, but I need a break too! She won't even let me leave the room! Just thought you might like to know you're not the only one out there! I feel for you.
A.
