Seeking Help with 2 1/2 Year Old Boy

I am a firm believer in not pushing kids into potty training. I found through my experience with both of my boys that when they were ready....they did it. They were both potty trained by their 3rd b-day. I provided them all the tools and on the days they would show interest...I made a big deal about it. The days they weren't I stepped back. It worked for me and my kids!! Good luck!

I hear you on this one sister! My two 1/2 year old boy also has NO interest in going on the potty. He shuts himself in his room and says "Go away" when he is pooping and I tell him I know that he is going poop, we all poop, so why not just poop on the potty. I have a sticker chart there to help reinforce it. I think he prefers squatting to sitting on the potty. I've sent for a DVD on how to train him. Let's hope it helps! I'll be eager to see what others responses are.

I dont know about the potty thing...my son is only 16 months so we haven't seen that stage yet.

As for the pacifier...I LOVE the Supernanny and she dealt with a little boy who was very atttached to his pacifier too...what they did was make a big deal about sending the pacifier to the "Paci Fairy" they decorated an envelop and put it in the mail, and made up a big story about how the paci fairy would take the paci and give it to "babies" who need it...anyway, they put it in the mail box before bed, and in the morning there was little plastic animals (sm toys) from the Paci Fairy. They put glitter and feathers and "fairy like" traces of her being there and the little boy was so excite! Something like that may work for you! Just an idea...worked great on the Supernanny...good luck!

The last thing you want to do is make pottying into a power struggle. It'll surely backfire. This place has a potty training class to give you ideas and help as you prepare for when he is a little more ready:
http://www.bodymindandspiritabq.com
Next one is in Sept.

The one thing I always suggest is getting reusable training pants. Pullups are not effective. A kid needs to FEEL wet and dirty to understand what's going on. You can also do thick kid underwear. Just understand you WILL clean up messes. That's just a part of potty training. Your son will learn a lot from getting dirty and cleaning himself up, with your help. But I would not do anything else than that and keep that casual. Good luck!

Hey A.,

I agree with the others about the potty training. It will go easier for you and for him if you wait until he shows some interest. I disagree about the pacifiers. If you go to the MayoClinic website, they will tell you that kids typically give up pacifiers on their own between the ages of 2 and 4 with no long term detrimental effects. Pacifiers may be unsightly, and you want to keep 'em clean to combat bacteria, but they don't cause any permanent dental issues if your boy gives them up by the age of 4. So, I guess you need to think about why you want him to give them up. If he likes them and they are soothing to him and he's so upset about you taking them away right now, why push it? Try again in a few months. Sure, you could make it a big emotional deal for him, put him in his room alone to cry and scream just to prove you're in charge. However, if you don't have to for any other real practical reason, why bother to put him through that? You know you're in charge, right? My daughter used pacifiers until she was 4. She doesn't use them anymore. We tried to take them away from her earlier because everybody around us told us we should. She balked, we gave in, and she got rid of them when she was ready to do so. Why make something unpleasant if it doesn't have to be?

Whatever you decide, please don't isolate your boy if he becomes upset. Pacifiers are security for the kids that use them. If you decide to take them away, help him through it, don't punish him if he doesn't accept it gracefully. If someone ripped away something you loved, you'd be ticked off, too!

Good luck, girl!

Al

Based on my experience:

We struggled w/potty training our son as well. When people say that "he will do it when he is ready" they are right. He was 3 years and 2 months old and it just came together one day. He literally was trained over night. Be patient w/your little one and it will come.

On the pacifier front we had to go cold turkey. We went on vacation and "forgot" it. We only had to deal with two melt-downs and kept talking about what a big boy he was and when we got home it was a non-issue. Just make sure to search and destroy every last pacifier though b/c if they come across one you are back to where you started.

I think that if he's not interested yet you can't force him. My daughter wasn't interested at that age either. She turned three in May and is just now interested in learning to use the potty.

As for the pacifier, yeah he's not going to be happy about having that taken away. Maybe you should start off gradually, like tell him that he can have it at nap time and bed time and that's it, then only at bedtime, then not at all.

I would make taking the paci away a slow process. Just start with he only gets it at naps/betime. Anytime he is awake and not going to sleep he needs to give it to you. Just tell him that ok you are up and awake now time to give mommy your paci etc.... Then go to just bedtime only no naps and then no bedtime. That way it gives him time to adjust to not having it as much instead of just taking it from him. Whatever works best for you guys though.

For the potty training, just wait. (Dunno about you but I'd much much rather change poopy and wet diapers than clean poopy underpants & legs and mop up wet messes and get us both very frustrated in the process cuz he'll be potty trained when he is ready, regardless of when you start.)

As for the binky. I have heard that some moms snip off the very end of the binky and the kid then gives it up because "it doesn't work anymore".
My mom said that with me, who refused to give up my binky when I was young (dont remember age), she simply took it from me, walked over to the garbage can with me watching and dropped it in there. That way I knew that was the end of it, and not to ask or cry for where it was. She said that worked for me! (my sister with her thumb was a whole 'nuther story tho!)

I have no idea about potty training, but don't try to do that and take away the pacifier at the same time. Doing both will overwhelm him. I would suggest weaning him of it slowly. Start by only letting him have it at bed time. If he throws a tantrum, he should be punished for the tantrum. You cannot give in, or he will know that if he behaves that way he will get what he wants. It's hard for compassionate mommies to be so stern with such a young child, but you know it will help him and you in the end. And when he does go all morning without his pacifier, praise him. Make a big deal out of it and what a big boy he is. Then when he is okay without the pacifier during the day, give him lots of other lovies, like blankets, stuffed animals, favorite pajamas, etc. and take it away just for nap. It's tough, but he won't even remember this in a few months. Good luck!

I have twin 4 year old boys. Neither one of my boys were ready until they were 3. The oldest caught right on about a month after he turned 3, the other on the other hand didn't catch on until he was about 3.5. You can keep introducing the idea to him but you really can't push him. You just have to look for the signs of when he is ready. I gave my kids a special treat if they went potty in the big potty and that also helped alot.
As for the pacifier, have you tried giving him something else in place of that? That might work.

I wouldn't force him to potty train. You don't have control over his when he poos and pees even if you wanted to force him to go. Every child develops at their own stage for this, but you can introduce the idea and encourage it. My husband and I started making a big deal out of going to the bathroom ourselves. We'd get so excited to go potty on the toilet and he'd come running to watch and we'd tell how fun it was. Within a week he was wanting to try it out himself because of what a big deal we made out of it.

Hi A.,
Only you and your husband can really decide what you want to do. Please, tho, never force potty training or it will invite other problems! Always offer and suggest but let the decision up to him. Talk about potty in very positive terms, mentioning that when he is ready, he will be using it like daddy and mommy. Let him see you using it. Modeling is the best teacher.

There are many beliefs about pacifiers. I for one could never take something away that my child is very attached to. I would work to diminish its use by keeping it out of sight as much as you can. I would also talk about how when he is ready, he wont want to use it, etc. Dont shame him, though. Ultimately, you need to do what you feel comfortable with. There are hundreds of beliefs about it...so whatever you decide is the right one. Some people need the oral stimulation that the pacifier offers. I always think better to have the pacifier than to need a cigarette later! :) Sometimes taking away the pacifier that the child might really need induces thumbsucking, and one cant ever take that away! Search your heart, look at your child, and make your own decision. Blessings to you in doing so.

Hi A.-

You didn't say how old your other children are, but that is sometimes an issue.

What does your Dr. say about the pacifier?

I wouldn't worry about it. I would leave him in diapers until he is ready... he'll get uncomfortable with wet and/or messy. Begin potty training with his own potty chair once or twice a day, on a set schedule. Praise him for any production. Leave him on the potty chair for a set amount of time, then take him off, reward him for any bm or pee in the chair. When you are successful at that, explain to him that he is now a big enough boy to wear training pants, and put him on an extended potty schedule that goes all day. Make sure that there are lots of potty breaks, but don't leave him on the chair forever. Try not to be negative about diapers, messes, etc. Give positive attention for anything he is doing to your liking. Use words like, "Such a big boy!". Read to him. Tell him how much you love him. Turn off the TV. Hubby needs not to compete for your attention or be negative about the child. Sometimes a child will do anything to get attention, even negative attention, if a) he doesn't get enough positive attention, or b) he can provoke an argument in his presence between you and your spouse. That's very entertaining, especially if the child doesn't have enough positive to occupy him.
S.

Hi, not sure what to say to paci other than to just say that it is hard to take away but easier to do earlier rather than later. Now as for the potty training-boys are late bloomers compared to girls. Boys usually are potty trained by age 3. I tried with my son and it got to be where it might have been more of a stress than really accomplishing he being potty trained. I stopped trying and at age 3 he himself just went all by himself with no help from mom. So as much as we'd like to have a badge of saying my son/daughter was potty trained by age such and such, it sometimes is they who decide when they are ready- even with all the stickers, rewards, etc.
My daughter also did it all herself. She was potty trained by 2. She simply did not want poop in her diaper and who can blame her.
Good luck.

I agree with others about the potty training. . . you really can't "force" him to go, it will probably make things worse, actually. Just keep talking about it, in a no-pressure kind of way, how "big boys use the potty", maybe point out some new undies at the store, talk about other "big boys" he knows. We pushed with our son around 2 years old and then gave up. He decided he was ready a few months later and was trained pretty quickly.

As for the pacifier, I had 2 ideas, the first one we did with our son and I was completely amazed that it worked with him, though every kid is certainly different:
First of all, we had him down to only having it while he was in bed (nighttime and naps), if he screamed about wanting it, that was fine, but then he'd have to go in his bed. A few times he'd go in his bed and suck on it, but then he just got bored, cause he couldn't get out of bed and play. After he was down to just having the nuk in bed, we talked to him about being a big boy and pretty soon we'd be all done with the nuk because he is such a big boy. We talked about that every day for about a week. Then one day we told him that he was going to have it for 3 more days, then 2 more days (even though he barely understood the concept of the number of days) and then "tomorrow" and each day we talked about it very gently a few times, what was going to happen. Then we just put it away. He didn't sleep all that great the first few nights, but that didn't last long. You might have to put up with some whining, but it will be worth it!
Another thought: my sister talked to her son about "grandma having trouble sleeping" and that grandma needed the nuk. He even talked to grandma about it on the phone. Then they put it in an envelope and "sent" it to grandma (but keep it on hand, just in case things get really bad!) She also had him pick out a special stuffed animal at the store to sleep with instead of having a nuk at night.

Good luck!

I agree with almost all the advice you've been given already. Get rid of the pacifier, but do it slowly. Give them a "home" - we had a little bucket in our kids' rooms where they were kept. They used them for sleeping only. When they woke, we'd say "put your dummy away" and they would. They could have it for naps as well. If your son goes through some really upsetting episodes, you could even let him go to his room to calm down and use the dummy while there. But don't let him walk around with it during the day. When my daughter was 3, we did the supernanny idea... put them in a bag and hang them from a tree and the Dummy Fairy took them away to give to babies that needed them and left a gift - a fairy barbie.

If he has absolutely NO interest in the potty, then I'd wait a bit, but keep the potty in the bathroom and let him get used to it. I know many boys train later, but the age of 5 (as mentioned) seems crazy to me. In other countries, people start training their kids way earlier. If your boy is not ready, no big deal, but don't assume he won't/can't be ready just because he's a boy. My daughter trained at 2 yrs 8 months and it required lots of rewards, praise, etc. My son trained at 23 months and it was a breeze. Many people I know say their sons were much easier, so sometimes I think it's a myth that boys are harder - I think we just require less of our boys and let them stay in diapers longer than necessary.

But anyway, 2 and 1/2 is not that old, so wait until he shows some interest and don't force it. But when there is a bit of interest, go for it. Some feel that waiting until he's ready means waiting until he does it himself... which may be 4 or 5! Personally, I don't agree... wait until a child is ready physically and then help them learn. My boy loved being naked, so summer was a great time to get started!

Hi A.,
Take the pacifer away and put him in his room so he can scream and kick all he wants.

You are allowing him to make the choices and well imagine
him weighing 145 lbs with acne making choices and yes
screaming and kicking because he knows in his subconscious mind this works.

On potty training it is all development and ability.
I suggest that you do not add any stress on this..

Furthermore, ask your husband to step up!!
After all he is a big boy and the little guy
just may respond to this quality time.

My baby brothers (twins) were three years old.
My son was close to three when he was ready and
it really is about the developement of internal
messages from brain to bladder, just like the ability
to roll over, push up, crawl, stand, walk, run etc.

Big hugs
C.

I have a 2 1/2 year old and he was potty trained in 2 weeks.....He too was addicted to his paci and that was horrible for 3 days to a week but it is gone now his vocabulary has gone thru the roof. If you want me to go into detail please let me know.

It is hard but can be done, and, with love no anger!!

Dear A.

I have a friend who has written an ebook regarding potty training your son in a few days and it is awsome. Can you please email them at ____@____.com and talk to Chi. She is an awsome lady and I am very confident her ebook can help you. Great luck to you

Farid R., DC

Definitely wait until he is ready. The average age for potty training is 5 and for boys it's even later. Just wait until he is ready or you could cause more harm than good.

Good luck!

Hi A.!
I have advice on the pacifier. When my son was 2 years old he loved his pacifier too. (Although I think we loved it equally as well). I was scolded by our doctor that i needed to get him off that he was too big and too old to still have one and that we would probably have some teeth issues in the future. Wel... I cut the tops off all the pacifier. He hated it!!! screamed, cried, yelled, I would try to redirect his focus on other things such as legos, toys blocks which were big boy toys. but I didn't give in and within 3 days we were done. He knew that I would give in sooner than he would and it was very heart breaking but it needed to be done. Also I now regret not doing it sooner because we did have to have work done tohis teeth which was extremely pricey!! Because it was considered cosmetic. best of luck!!!!
A. M

Boys definitely aren't ready as early as girls. I have two boys, ages 7 & 4. I waited until they were ready, which for both of them was 3 & 1/2. When they were ready it only took about a week and they were done, no pull-ups at night, no bed wetting, nothing. I have a friend who started sort of forcing both her boys when they were 2 yrs old and they both still have nighttime potty problems at ages 6 & 4. I really believe in waiting. As for the pacifier - get rid of it. You'll be glad you did. It will only get harder the older he gets. Good luck on both issues.

A., I love you and all your kids. After watching Cody last night he's awesome! Cody will go through the potty experience when he is ready, no worries! Don't force him it will only make things harder for you and him. As far as the pacifier goes if daddy don't like it let him be the one to deal with the issue, don't us mothers go through enough!?!? As you know I'm still trying to get Noah off the boob, and maybe I should force the issue, but no matter what anyone else has to say, he is mine, and I'll do for him and any other of my kids what I see fit. You have great kis, enjoy that and let Bug move at his own pace. He's too cute!!! Much support, and love, Y.

As a parent educator I help parents with these two subjects all the time.

Please don't force anything at this age. This is a very powerful age and one that can easliy cause tantrums, as you have seen. You may wish a 2 1/2 was showing you older behavior, but he is telling you he is still very young. He is on target, not behind in any way.
He will show you when he has some interest in being potty trained. Boys traditionally take longer than girls to show any interest.

As far the binky goes, if he screams and cries, he still needs it. He is using it to help calm himself internally and help him deal with his need to be powerful at this time.

You can begin to put conditions on when he can use the binky. As long as you are willing to put up with crying. If you do this one step at a time, maybe he can't have binky when he's playing, then he will come to learn that he can do without it. Then when you finally give the binky to the binky fairy, the process will go so much easier than if you just took it away.

Is he allowed to say NO? If not, you may want to consider allowing that so he can grow past this stage.
You don't have to agree with the NO, or give him what he wants, but he needs to be able to say it, and learn what happens when he does say it. That's what being 2 is all about.

And visit my website to see seminar #1, it will help a great deal with hitting and tantrums and learning at this age. We have all new seminars and lower prices, we launched the new seminars yesterday, come see! www.proactiveparenting.net
Good Luck-The Mommie Mentor

Wait on the potty training-get rid of the pacifier! Take the pacifier away one day and say that other babies need it or send all of his pacifiers away attached to balloons to the 'Pacifier Fairy' or tell him Spiderman needs his pacifiers to help other people, etc. etc. etc. With both of my children and one babysitting charge, taking it away cold turkey worked. They had withdrawals for one to two days and it was over. They just dont' need it. It is not good for their teeth. (Two of the kids were 2.5 and one was 2)

My son didn't show interest in potty training until two weeks before he turned three. He started going all on his own and the rest is history. He trained in less than one week, daytime and nighttime.

I would lay off & maybe just ask him every now and again if he wants to use the potty. No pressure - if he doesn't, just say (at least to yourself) OK, maybe next time. He's not going to be 5 in diapers (so maybe there are a few out there, but I think they are the very low majority). My dr. said that children that are trained around 1 - are USUALLY from a 3rd world country where they pee behind a tree & HERE if they're trained early, they usually have more accidents. My daughter had absolutely no interest until she was 3+, but once she started, it was a really quick process & at 4.5 she's had maybe 3 accidents (including night-time). I put her in pull-ups for about a month after she was potty-trained during the day. NO STRESSING! I'm usually shocked when someone has their kids potty-trained before the age of 3. I'm sorry I don't have any advice for the pacifier - my kids wouldn't have anything to do with them, but I like the pacifier fairy idea. Good Luck!

One thing I have heard repeatedly is to not force the potty training. 2 1/2 is still early for most boys. There are some boys that decide they are ready early on but others aren't ready till they are 3 or even older in some cases. I just suggest trying to foster an interest in it without any forcing. Maybe some potty training books to read to him and various other items that might make him interested just having them around may spark an interest. Have a kid over cousin or otherwise that has been trained and is willing to let him observe... Then when he has questions be ready to explain about this is how big boys do it, and if he would like to be a big boy you can get him started with it.

For the pacifier... Until this last week I was doing day care for a 2 year old boy well he was about 2 1/2 now at the age of 2 they decided that he would be done with his pacifiers... that was all it was... an arbitrary decision, he had no choice. Personally seeing how it affected him I am against this route of weening. He would cry so much at nap time because he didn't have another method to sooth himself figured out yet. I am no expert on this by far my daughters are both binky lovers. I decided for now not to stress about it. In fact what has worked really well for me is when my oldest (not quite 2 1/2 yet) drops hers which she has been doing more and more lately when distracted and playing I just scoop it up till she is crying and needing it. This also helps me to keep track of them b4 they get lost under the sofa or something. This seems to be working well for a start at least. I don't want to rush her. I've also been told that most kids when they start getting around enough kids that don't use them they will just gradually give it up on their own. Kind of a casual peer pressure... nobody is really pushing it they just see others fine without it and just gradually let go of it. If you feel you must get it away from him now than I recommend the method of only at bed and nap times and maybe hurt times too. Those tend to be the times they want them the most anyway.

Your his mommy you know him best of all. You will make the right decision for your little one. Trust in your uber mommyness. Don't stress too much because they can sense that and will usually adversely react to it. Good luck and God Bless.

I was watching nanny 911 and she had the funnest game to help break kids off the bink. She said the kid was way too old for a binky (I think the child may have been about 4. When your son is old enough to understand the concept of this, you may want to try it out. She had the child collct all the binks in the house and then they took the binks outside in a cute present bag and hung it on a tree and said that if you leave these out over night, the binks will be picked up by the binky fairy. The binky fairy will then take the binkies to little babies that need them and then leave you a gift. You will have to wait until morning to get the gift though. I thought wow, that is genius! Maybe you can draw a picture diagram too cuz he may be too young to get the whole concept. I don't think he is too young, and I bet if he were a girl your husband would think anything of it..lol men just don't want their boys to grow up to be babies. They think they should toughen up. Just let your husband know that you will work on it in a few more months when you think he is ready, if he doesn't wean himself off first. Abruptly taking it away "may" cause the some problems in many children. The tantruming causes their blood pressure to rise and stress on the brain---if it goes too long and some have been know to pull parts of their hair out (that is a small percentage I am sure) You don't need the added stress. On the potty training, Hang in there. Let him play outside with the diaper off and let him see how the pee comes out, and then let him see a roll model going potty (once or twice) too so his brain will start to connect the two together. Then give the role model a high five and say "good job"! I know it sounds strange but he will see the positive reinforcement you gave the role model and want that for himself. Good Luck A.! You sound like a great mom =)
♥~D.

I would not force a child to give up a preferred object or pacifier! ( We are a culture/society that does not provide lots of physical comforting for our infants and toddlers...so they get attached to objects and pacifiers to self sooth.) Most child psychologists agree. You don't see adults gripping pacifiers, so, yes, it will eventually not be needed. Taking it away prematurely may lead to thumb sucking or choosing another object. It would only be taking away the tool...not the need.
Boys are notorious for later toilet training...be understanding and patient. See the book and or website "diaper Free" for an alternative should you have more children. I do not know how you would force a child to be toilet trained. That would be like forcing them to understand the concept of time. They get it when they are ready. I am a special education teacher...have worked with kids who are profoundly retarded. You can not make kids learn what they are not ready for.

I know what you mean about the potty training. I talked to my sons dr about it and they said do not force it. Wait until he is ready or else it could have the oppsite affect. If you do decide to train remember postitive enforcement. Don't yell at him or make him in trouble for having an accident. As far as the pacifier goes slowly take it away. If you have more then one for him start "losing" them. As he asks about them tell him the Pacifier Fairy or some other thing needs them for babies and that he/she takes them from big boys because they no longer need them. Hope this helps. Good Luck!

M.

Don't push the potty training. It will only frustrate you and your son and push the progress further back. I have a boy who will be 3 in Oct. and he just now potty trained, but the more I pushed the more he refused. I have a nephew who potty trained at three and it only took him like 2 days, and I've talked to other mom's that said they waited until their sons were three and potty training was almost overnight and they had very little to zero bedtime accidents. My oldest son potty trained at 18 months, but we had bedtime accidents until he was 4. So, don't push and I promise he won't be wearing diapers to kindergarten!