My 13 Year Old Son Wants to Live with Me Full Time

First, I think that therapist is nuts. You are divorced and she tells you it is your responsibility to teach the man how to father??? What a crock. This is your son, he is begging you to get him away from the father, and he is old enough to know what he is asking. Do what you have to in court no matter how much work it is. Your baby needs you to do this for him! The problems with dad are only going to get worse, especially since the new wife does not accept your son at all. She will get even more demading and try to push the boy out over time because she does not want him. I would not hesitate to take this to court, and since your boy is 13, his wishes and testimony will be considered quite a bit. Just make sure you fill him in on what will happen and that it is important that he speaks out when the time comes. I feel really bad for him and for you and I hope you can find the strength to take on this battle for your son's wellbeing.

I totally disagree with the professionals in your post, your son is old enough to know what he wants and what is best for him!! I have four boys ages 15 3/4, 15, 14, and 11 and they are smart enough to tell you what is gonig on! If you feel moving your son to be with you full time, then fight for him!!! You are his mother, as a mom of special needs children, I have come to realize no one can fight for your children like you, his mother!!!!!!!!

Your son, at 13, is old enough to voice to the mediator and the court what he wants and why. I would file paperwork again, but this time I would take my son for an evaluation and report by a pschologist or counselor who can write a report for the court. Those mediators always seem to favor the father, for some reason. I've never known any woman to meet with a mediator and to feel good after! So, you need to take steps to make sure that your son's point of view and his desires are presented to the court in a professional manner. And, if you do have to go to mediation, don't lay down for the mediator's report - fight, fight, fight!

Take him!
Don't ignore the please of a child. My BIL didn't take his oldest 2 girls when they asked him and they resent him for it. Feel like dad didn't want them etc. As parents we are our childrens security and caregivers. He is coming to you saying he doesn't feel secure or happy there, listen to him.

***If he was playing you he would be saying the same thing back and forth like saying i want to live with dad, now with mom and so on.

You are in a difficult situation. How does the Dad treat the younger son? And how does the step-mother treat the younger son? These early pre-teen/teen years can be very difficult for children. And sometimes parents have a hard time dealing with the kids. It is very important for boys to have a positive male role model in their lives. Is Dad being tough on him to make him "grow up"? Is there a step-dad in the picture? I think I would get a different counselor to help you work through this situation. At 13, the court may listen more to your son's request for a change in the custody arrangement. Start (or keep) documenting all the incidents that are brought to your attention. But with your younger son, you may be going through this again. Does he have a better relationship with his dad?

Unless there is some major reason you cannot have him live with you full time then TAKE HIM in. He is your son and has been expressing his unhappiness to you for several years now. If life with Dad is that miserable, he needs to know that he is wanted by at least one of his parents.

Hi!
I agree with Jacqueline about the therapist. Find a new one that can help you talk to your ex about you having full custody. They should also be willing to meet with your son so that any recommendtions come from interactions with your son. Before the age of 12, court does not generally give kids a choice. As your son is 13 his opinion will be heavely considered. Through court you should also be able to get him a representative that is looking out for his interests (I don't know what they are called, sorry) so that your ex cannot manipulate. Your son is looking at you to fight for him because he cannot do so on his own.
Good luck.

He's old enough to make that decision and the courts need to allow him to do so. He sounds like he's not interested in the kids, he hasn't even told him he got married...that's rediculous. You need to file for full custody and fight for it for all your children. They don't need to be in such a toxic environment.

My heart goes out to you. After reading the previous posts, I have nothing more to add on the practical side (documenting, etc.), but I just want to add my two cents: PLEASE fight for your child and take him full time. Kids know where they feel safe and loved and where they don't. Those professionals just didn't want to get in the middle of this and gave you bad advice. I've been through custody w/an abusive ex, and circumstances weren't the same as yours, but your child has been very clear with you, so before you let him down too, please fight for him. If and when he needs to reestablish ties with his father down the road, he always can.

Since a lot of your experience with the mediator turns into "he said - she said", it might help to get your son to help document some of what's going on. Impress on your son that it's important that he tell the truth, then if his dad is spending all of his time away, your son can write down how much time his dad is spending at home when he's there. And if his step-mother is saying inappropriate things, perhaps he can use a cell phone to record what she says. It will help in dealing with the mediator if you have cold, hard facts.

Good luck!