Mutual Giving??

You give what you CAN. They may have a bigger budget that allows them to be more generous. Sometimes I can't even reciprocate. It's not that I don't want to. I avoid social situations like this as much as possible because I've just never had a lot of extra money. Or I should say, I do have it. But I choose to be a giver to ministries that feed the homeless, help bring babies in the world that would otherwise be aborted, help everyday families over hard times, etc. My giving/tithing is simply more important to me than being the big spender with families that are not in need.

$50.00 is a lot to give to a child for their birthday if they are not in your family. Stay within your usual practice and budget.

If you can reciprocate, that would be nice. But, don't blow your budget to keep up with the Jones'.

Never feel obligated to give more than you feel comfortable or inspired to give. No one ever seems to take into account that ostentatious gift-giving also registers on the rudeness meter. If they feel there should be more even reciprocity, then they should lower their own spending budgets. Also, people of different means give according to those means. If your child actually worked and saved and spent their own $5 on a gift, then I would view that as more valuable than the $50 a wealthy family may have found in the couch cushions.

do what you need/like/prefer to do.....you do not have to meet their standards!

& honestly, I don't get the whole gift card thing when it comes to kids!

$20 is more than enough. You don't have to "keep up with the Jones'"

A gift is a gift. The gift you choose should be appropriate for the recipient AND your finances.

I would just 'buy' an actual present for $20 so that the 'amount' of the gift isn't that obvious.

Wow. Apparently I'm cheap because I would NEVER give more than $5 for a child's gift. If my child earned the money they were spending and chose to spend more, I'd still limit it to no more than $10.

For awhile, I actually would only give the amount of money based on how old that child was. 6-year-old gets $6, 7-year-old gets $7, etc., but that was for my 10 nieces and nephews. I could never afford to give them each $20 besides - they'd just blow it on junk anyway!

I save $20-$50 gifts for big things like weddings, baby showers, graduations, etc.

Only spend what you can afford. If you would typically spend $20 then that's what you should spend. But it also depends on how close you are with these friends and if you're typically generous with each other in general. I have certain friends that I just don't keep track of who spent more or even what was spent at all... we just spend what we spend because we've been friends since childhood and all of our children may as well be close cousins.

Spend what you're comfortable with. There's no "should" in this situation. Gifts are gifts and there's no reciprocity expected. Or rather... it shouldn't be. That's a whole other post.

I say give what you can afford. You shouldn't feel bad or feel the need to compete with someone. They should be understanding if you can only spend $20. Maybe if can afford it, spend $30. It shouldn't be the amt of the gift thats important, it should be that you showed up and were able to give something.
Two of my friends have kids that are close in age. It always seems that they are competing with eachother. I don't feel the need to compete because not everyone makes the same amt of money or has the ability to spend a lot.

How much I give often depends on my budget. And if this is my nephew or niece, my godson, my best friend's child that my child is also best friend's with, or a classmate whose mom I don't know that well. Sometimes I can afford to be more generous than at other times and maybe that is the case with your friends. I would not feel like you have to give a $50 gift just because they do, if $20 is what you feel comfortable with and what you think is reasonable. Maybe like someone else suggested, give like $30 or $35 instead, if you can.

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I'd go for something that it's harder to value....like and outing that includes tickets to a minor league baseball game, but you'll also treat their son and yours to dinner out, or a t-shirt at the game, or food at the park, etc.

Or, go for a gift card for $25 and something to go with it that's possibly handmade by your son, or goes with part of a theme, where it's less about the dollar figure and more about the idea.

OR....skip the gift card all together and find something for 50% off that puts what you'd spend more in the $20 range, but is perhaps a nicer item (even if it's less fun, like a cool sweatshirt instead of the hottest new toy).

At the end of the day, the giving should come from a place of joy on the part of the giver....if that is there, then even if the $$ is less than they might spend on people....they'll see your joy and enthusiasm, and they'll also receive permission to spend less...who knows how joyful they are about it...they might like the break.. Good luck...hope all of our answers can help!

I think i would maybe split the difference. well not literaly. like give 35 and a small book.