My dd wanted to get her friend a gift that cost $60. I think that's waaaayyyy too much. This friend gave her a PINK (Victoria's secret) jacket that was probably about $45-50 for her birthday. I am old school....I remember when birthdays were low key an gifts were small little things. Am I just cheap, or does everyone spend this much? I don't want to feel obligated to match every gift dollar for dollar, but I feel like we're getting sucked into more than I bargained for. We can afford it, I just have a hard time coughing up that much money! Am I out of whack with the rest of the world?
$20 is the most I'd do.
The kids need to rein in their expectations.
If they want to be more generous than that then they need to get jobs and see how hard money is to earn in order to decide how much they want to give away.
We spent about $15-20 per kid until they hit middle school, then we bumped it up about $10-20 or so (depending on how close of a friend it was, sometimes more) and like someone else said, you can always go in a better present together. Some girls from my daughter's dance class pitched in one year on a really cool embroidered jacket from their studio, it had her name and the class names/motto on it, it was SO sweet and I don't think it cost more than $20 per person.
It really IS the thought that counts, so if you can afford it why do you seem so resentful? I enjoy giving when and where I can but maybe I'm the one out of whack in a stingy and ungenerous world.
I spent what I could afford to spend at the time while getting the kid something s/he would like. Sometimes that was as little as $5, sometimes as much as $50.
There is no right or wrong answer.
My teen's group of friends either make something small related to their interests or spend less than $10. And the teens do this on their own.
My teen turned 16 yesterday. I took her and 5 friends for an overnight at the beach. One friend brought a cheese cake she had made. All of them brought money to pay for their own expenses: meals and snacks when they wanted different than ones brought by my teen. I took them and paid for their room.
This seems like more fun than giving expensive gifts. Certainly more creative.
Our kiddos spend their own money on presents for friends. They earn commission on jobs around the house & they earn tips when they work with me. If they are invited to a party & they want to go then they purchase/make the gift. If the birthday person is a family friend (we have a couple families in particular that we are close with as families) then we'll pitch in and go in together on something. That's just us though & how we decide how much to spend.
Grace & peace in abundance.
My children are free to gift their friends whatever they desire. However, I NEVER provide the financing of it. They have to earn their own money for dating and gifting friends or they save their allowance but I made it very clear to them that they need to figure out how to fund their world with the extras like expensive gifts for friends.
Of course it's all about what you want and can afford to spend. I remember when my son's friends got older (middle school age) and they all played $60 xbox games, and that's pretty much all they wanted to get each other. So it wasn't uncommon for a few of us to pitch in on the presents together. To Josh from Zach and Luke, no big deal.
Also VS Pink has great sales so that $50 jacket could have easily been $25, don't assume anything or keep tabs, just do what YOU can and want to do.
I think the key words here are "teens birthday". I always had my teenage daughters use their own money for gifts for friends.
As far as how much I spend on gifts for people myself, I don't look at the price first. I try to find something that I feel the person would like, and if I need to fit the gift into a certain budget, then I do. I don't feel the need to spend elaboratly to do this, as I have found things that I knew friends wouold love that cost well under $20.00, as well as more expensive gifts.
Keep in mind, the purpose of a gift is to give, not recieve. If the other person gave you an expensive gift, you should not feel like you need to spend an equal amount of money. What if they were just really thrifty shoppers and got your gift on a clearance rack? Would you still feel the need to spend the higher amount? Good luck!
What the child could afford to give their friend.
I vote for that is too much money for a child/teen friend's birthday gift. Your DD may be feeling obligated to reciprocate the overly generous gift her friend gave her. Usually my teens give 20.00 gift cards to Starbucks or another favorite store for their friends' birthdays. I wouldn't spend more than 20-30. Let her come up with something personal and thoughtful that still doesn't exceed reasonable cost.
I contribute $20. Anything above that is on them. $60 is a lot.
Nope. That's too much. We do $30 (including the card)...so $25 max.
We spend around $20, If they want to spend more then that they can earn extra money on their own for gifts. But I will more then likely up that amount when they are teens.
I spend about $20. I think you are right! My niece just had her 15th birthday and I got her a new book that I heard was very good for teens/young adults. I give something like that or I put the same amount of money as their age into a card.
We give $30.- , but for their best friends my boys usually add another 10 or 20 from their allowance. I also think there is gift inflation :-)
I agree it's way too much. It puts tremendous pressure on all the kids (and parents) which is likely what's going on with your daughter. She got a $45-50 gift (also too much) and now has to (in her mind, maybe in her friend's mind), equal or exceed it. I think if kids want to work for minimum wage (babysitting, mowing lawns, scrubbing bathrooms....) to get a sense of how much the average person has to work to clear $60, that's one thing. Most of them won't - which says they don't think it's really worth it. I say, put your foot down or at least put her through her paces to earn $30-35 of it herself. But I'd rather see kids break this cycle and stop "buying" friendship. I know that's not how they see it, but they should. We really do our kids a disservice when we feel pressured to become The First National Bank of Mom and give in to this.
Depends on the teens. Depends on what age you mean by "teens" and it depends upon you and your family.
When you say teen, do you mean 13? Or do you mean 17? A 13 year old kid would be gifted the same as a 10-13 year old from my household. When they hit older years (16, 17) they don't get anything from ME, but if my kiddo wants to gift them, they can do it with their own funds. If they have no job, too bad. The in-between years have been different for the different kids. Son pretty much stopped with the gifts in middle school. Unless it was for a friend who was a girl and he was going to a co-ed actual birthday party. Even then, after about age 14, it was gag type gifts, or small gestures more than actual GIFTS.
For daughter, with her 14/15 year old kids, it's stayed in the $15-20 range, but the nature of the gifts has changed. Now, instead of trying to find something with actual value (a game or toy or whatever) it's fun stuff. A cereal box sized box of gummy bears. A character footed PJ outfit. Or a book for her avid reader friends. (seriously... Books a Million and Barns and Noble are great for reading teens.) Or fandom type gifts. Dr. Who knee-high socks. Supernatural posters. The Hobbit or LOTR T-shirts.
So, it really does depend upon the individuals involved (and their ages, as "teen" is a pretty broad age group).
My 14 year old son received $20, $25 and $30. We usually give in the same range.
I spend between $15 and $20 when my 7 year old gets invited to a party and that seems to be about what other parents spend. For a teen I would spend around $25, maybe $30 if they are good friends or it's just a perfect gift for them. Can you shop this item around and/or use a coupon to get it for less? I would offer to pay 1/2 (as $30 is about my cap for friend birthday gifts) then leave it up to your daughter to decide if it's worth spending her $ on this gift.
Typically $25 gift card or money for my teen boys. That's what the kids ask for - is the norm around here (my friends find the same).
I think her jacket was likely on sale or they used coupons, etc. I used to be really into shopping for bargains years ago when my kids were small and became very good at it. I could get clothing like that at super low prices.
Love Marda's idea of the experience and teens adding to it with gifts they make - like the cheesecake. Lovely.
We contribute $20. If our kid wants to buy their friend a more costly gift, it's up to them to earn the rest.
My kids get and give gifts that are around $25-30. Even that's gets to be a bit much because my kids have a lot of friends 😊
We do $20 to $25 and a card....$60? Um, I don't think so;that's way too much.
If she wanted to work and earn money to spend on her friend then I'd let her. IF she is expecting you to fork over the gift then I'd put a limit on it. If this friend is a great friend, like BFF's material, then I would probably want to go that extra mile but $60 is a lot. I don't even spend that on my girl unless it's something she's been wanting and it's useful.
