I am currently watching Dr. Phil and there is this lady on there that has been married 10 times and is getting ready to be married again for the 11th time. Really?? Okay, while I couldn't do this personally (I don't think) they are adults but what concerns me is that she has 3 children from her first marriage. I feel for those kids. That's a lot for kids to have to handle. Meaning, they may get close to their new stepdad and then before they know it, he's gone. I just have to wonder what is all that is doing to them or has done to them emotionally. What do ya'll think about that?
What do you think about getting married to someone who has been married several times before? I am in my second marriage and hopefully this will be my last marriage. However, my ex is on his 5th marriage. I actually had one of his ex wifes ask me for a piece of advice and I told her to simply run (but she didn't). BTW, I was my ex's first marriage and we have a dtr together.
Now, I know that there are very good reasons to get a divorce so I'm not knocking or questioning that. I'm just in awe of someone being married 10 different times. Now she did admit that she didn't date a lot of them for very long at all. Got married really quick. She says she has learned to take it slower....I'm sorry, but what a slow learner. LOL....
Anyways, just thought I would ask ya'll to see what ya'll think about this. JFF
Just Added: I just wanted to add, I don't always watch Dr. Phil because he tends to sesationalize a lot of things too much and I have mixed feelings about him. I just thought this subject was kind of interesting. What I find a little surprising is that he didn't touch on the kid's feelings. Focusing all on the mom. There's obviously more to this whole situation.
I'm like a lot of ya'll. I can understand one, two maybe but probably not more than that unless there were some circumstances that were beyond their control. After awhile it becomes a joke. I heard that from so many people regarding my ex's multiple weddings. It was like, oh here we go again. The thing with my ex was always the same, he is a compulsive cheater. All of his marriages failed due to infedility. He's another one that never learns. Our dtr has had to deal with a lot because of him and that's what concerns me about children in these situations. I've seen what it can do to a child first hand. It also put more pressure on me to provide as much stability as I can. To show her what real commitment is. I am not judging others for being married multiple times, I am just saying, that it's not for me. Thank you all for answering. :)
You are so right DVMMOM, I can't tell you how many times I heard, oh this time it's going to be different. We love each other, we're going to be together forever......I was like, okay, good luck with that.
Whoever is dumb enough to marry someone with that kind of track record deserves what they get.
Yikes!
Three strikes and you're out.
I have a SIL that has had 6 kids by 5 husbands. She did it to herself. She always knew best and wouldn't heed any warnings or take any advice or listen to any suggestions. She is now looking for #6.
Good luck to you and years.
My mom has been married to many/several different men. After the 2nd marriage failed I learned not to care what or who my mom was dating - it was her life.
Even to this day she tries to have my kids say "Grandpa X" and I laugh everytime b/c we don't even know this guy!
I think some people are in love with the type of feelings you get when everything is new and exciting. It's Love 101, over and over again.
I'm on my 2nd and last marriage (and we've been married a long time).
Real marriage is holding someone's hand when they throw up. Crying together over a difficulty your child experienced. Coping with the sadness of seeing formerly vital parents slide into constant need of care-taking. Rejoicing over life's victories and sweet moments. Looking back on all the memories.
JMO.
Just my opinion but it seems like the people who keep remarrying, keep divorcing, just don't know themselves/never learned from their mistakes.
Like they keep marrying a slight variation on a common theme and can't seem to figure out why it keeps not working.
Some people have no learning curve.
And then their kids, are getting a real example, of what marriage is not.
I've got a close gf who's about to marry number 3. Thing is, number 3 is just like number 2, who was just like number 1, sigh. It's not the kind of friendship that wouldn't be damaged if I pointed this out to her, so I just feign happiness for her and her husband du jour.
Looking like it might be One And Done for me, can't decide, bad enough having an EX husband but a NEW husband and an EX husband?Bleck.
:(
Hi AKC's mom-
My ex is re married. Initially his 'soon to be wife' and I were friendly...ex put a stop to that RIGHT quick! lol
I had shared with her my concerns with his drinking...she said she had NEVER seen him drink...and that BOTH of her previous ex husbands were alcoholics...
HMMMM...
Last I heard was they are living in SC...and my ex is 'sporadically' employed...and spent a GOOD part of last spring in hospital for 'liver' issues...
Hmmm...
I wish them well...he is still alive...probably in need of a transplant from what I gather...
**sigh**
One marriage was enough for me...
Just saying...
Best Luck!
michele/cat
Just simply reminds me of High School days but with a legal paper for the moment stating you are "together".
I lose respect for people married over and over and over and dragging multiple kids along for the ride. It is sad,selfish,self centered and void of self control.
Good luck and best wishes!!
I don't know...seems to me after the 3rd or 4th time you just wouldn't bother anymore. Or maybe like you said, they are slow learners. Or the one who is husband/wife #3 and beyond thinks things will be different and doesn't believe it can happen to them. Or some people are just hell bent on being married for whatever reason. My MIL has been married and divorced 3 times now. Everyone of them has been a complete loser as well as an alcoholic. I think for her it's the idea of security and having a man that she thinks will take of her, but having a man in her life has been more important to her than being a better mom to her kids.
How does that saying go? Something like the definition of insanity is doing something the same way every time but always expecting a different result.
You would think that someone who has been married ONCE would learn their lesson or mistake from the FIRST one...before they move on to the second one...okay - I've been married twice. I have been married to my second husband 14 years....we both learned from our first marriages...
Second marriages? okay. Third? It's possible. If my husband died I don't think I'd stay single forever but I wouldn't be out rushing to the alter...
My ex husband is on his third marriage - but I think this one will stick (leave it to him to make me eat my words!!)...he was VERY young with his first marriage and didn't listen....with me? we were both young and weren't on the same page...we learned...
But after the 5th or 6th time? Sounds like they are repeating the same chapter in their life and not fixing what was wrong...looking for the next spouse because the glimmer has worn off the old one? I don't know...not a life I would personally live but not for me to judge, right?
My mom has been married twice and engaged 3 times. She falls in love fast, but thankfully has not remarried since the last one about 8 years ago because she keeps picking duds. Last I heard anyway her last ex was still married to the 3rd wife...unless he lied about that, too, and there were more.
Being married 11 times...she's broken. She really is. My DH has been married once before and I'm fine with one or *maybe* 2 prior marriages, depending on the situation, but if you strike out three times....maybe, like my mom, you should just stay single.
.
My mother is in her 60's and is currently working on #5. The longest was 10 years - she had my sister and I during that time. The shortest was 3 months. I know she had an affair during marriage #2. She never learns from her mistakes, she never takes responsibility for anything, and she's always looking for someone else to "take care of her". I didn't see the show, but I think the kids feelings are obvious. The mom is the one who needs to wake up and deal with life instead of looking for quick fixes.
I am fairly certain those kids are smart enough to know not to get close to the step dad. I do have to say, she sounds extremely selfish to always be on the lookout and romance for a new man, then to put her kids through her dating, weddings, short marriages and divorces. Poor children, I wonder if any of them have been molested by her 'husbands'... which is fairly common by the way.
As for me, I understand a divorce. Maybe even 2 divorces. But any more than that and I have to wonder, what the heck is wrong with them... they are either weirdos, can't commit, can't compromise, have really bad judgment, bail at the first sign of trouble...?
I'll bet you that the kids stopped "getting close" to their stepfathers at around #'s 4 or 5.
That many (5+) marriages might mean:
•extreme denial
•extreme inability to ever be alone
So, yes, I might think twice about marrying someone with so many failed marriages.
Personally, I love my solitude, and after this husband (a true good guy), I think I could probably live my life perfectly happily on my own. It's a good thing to be at peace with yourself enough to know you might *want* a man, but you don't *need* a man...but I guess you never know til you walk in those shoes, right?
People who have a spiritual void try to stuff it with whatever they view as the best thing, but nothing ever fits where God belongs. It's a case of "Lookin' for love in all the wrong places."
It sounds like she is a serial dater, with paperwork.
I don't really have an opinon but I've gotten some gems from friends. In the psych world in the USA the trend for multiple american marriages seems to be:
1) for love
2) for friendship
3) for money
I nearly married into a middle eastern family when I was younger. I was told
1) for power
2) for friendship
3) for love
I just thought that it was an interesting split. In both concepts a person gets all 3 things, in 3 different people. But in serial monogamy never at the same time.
