Moving - Redmond, WA

We moved in March of this year, and at the time, my kiddos were almost 2, 14 months, and just over 1 month. I took a basket of the kids toys, and set them up in a designated play room in the new house - we had about a week of moving in time. Every time we would go to the new house, they knew they had familiar toys to play with. I also set up the boys' bedroom (the older two children) in the same exact way I set it up in the old house. On the big day of the move, the boys went to my grandma's house so they wouldn't be involoved in the big move. I made their beds with the same sheets and blankets that were on them at the old house, without washing them, so they would have familiar scents in their room. It's amazing what smell does for kids. If they had a new room and freshly washed linens, I think it would have been really hard. My oldest one had a harder time the first couple of nights, but just quietly talking to him in his ear, telling him it's the same bed, same blanket, same pillow etc really helped.

Katherine,
Having moved four times with small children, I'm starting get the hang of it unfortunately. One of my sons was 18 months during one of our moves. The problem was he knew something was going on but was really frustrated with not understanding. He was big enough to know that things were happening but didn't have the vocabulary to tell me he was really angry.

For time outs, it's one minute for every year. Though, at that age, they really don't understand timeouts. It's good for you though. The best thing at that age is to move them from whatever they are doing. If she is throwing a fit over a toy, take her from the toy, go to another room and get her attention shifted to something else. It's tough at times, but it does help. We would move really fast, pick them up (gently yet quickly) and move them to another activity. Most times they would completely forget what they were so mad about and move on.

Unfortunately, you're topping off a move with being pregnant - another change in her life. Kids are adaptable, but anticipating change really is harder than the actual change itself. If it helps, here are a few things that we did at that age:

1) Pack her room last - she's too young to understand that her things will be unpacked once you get to the new house.

2) Have her "help" you decorate with markers a special box or bag that will contain the toys that are most important to her for the move. Then she will know where that box is at all times and know what's in it (It can also be the first thing you unpack).

3) Walk her through the house and show her what you have packed or not packed. She's not going to join the conversation, but I found that our son responded really well to this. Everytime I was going to pack something new, I told him about it and talked to him about where it could go in our new house.

4) I bought a set of Peek-A-Blocks and gave him a new one every morning.

The point to all of it was for me to distract him and keep him from focusing on what we were doing.

I hope this helps in some small way. Congratulations and best of luck!

OMG, I could've written your post this time last year! I was pregnant with twins (two boys) and four weeks before I had them, my husband got transferred to a new town. (I was due in early August, but twins usually arrive at 36 weeks and my little guys were right on schedule!) My son was older than your daughter is - he was two, but it was still tough on him. He started running away from me (once into a parking lot) because he figured out that his waddling Mama couldn't catch him!

We were also not living near our immediately family but our new neighbors turned out to be incredibly wonderful and supportive.

Eighteen months is much worse (in my opinion) than the terrible two's. I think your daughter would be more challenging than normal even without the move and the pregnancy. What I did with my son when he went limp was to stand there and wait for him to get back up. (Encouraging him with an activity was a good technique: "Oh wow! Look at those shopping carts! I'll bet it would be SO much fun to ride in one of those! Would you like to pick out a shopping cart to ride in?") Unfastening his car seat was my biggest challenge with my son. I was advised to immediately take him home if he unsnapped his buckle, but that just wasn't practical for me because we were really only going to things like doctor's appointments. I just had to be VERY consistent about his car seat and would try to give him something to occupy himself while we were riding in the car. With regard to the throwing of food and toys: We have always had a "You chuck it, you lose it" policy. Any toy that gets thrown goes into "toy time-out." (It was remarkable at how quickly the favorite toys stop getting thrown!) And when food was thrown, meal time was over.

Just hang in there and be consistent with her as much as possible! And have a happy healthy pregnancy and enjoy those twins! The first six weeks are REALLY hard but it starts getting much easier at about six months. By the time they hit about ten months, they are actually easier than a singleton because they get so focused on each other. To decrease the jealousy issues with my oldest son, I made a point of sighing and saying things like "I sure wish the babies could put their own socks on the way their big brother does! I wish the babies could ride a trike like their big brother!" My husband would get ready to go on some errand or another and would make a big deal about asking me if the kids could go with him. I would reply, "Oh no. The babies are just too little to do that. Only Alek is a big enough boy to go with you!" We did everything we could to make sure our oldest felt that it was a GOOD thing to be the older child! Also, people on the street are like moths to a flame when they see twins and are more likely to ignore the older sibling. Anytime someone started asking about my twins, I would say something like "Alek is the great big brother of these two" to make sure some attention was drawn to him. (With a little nudge like that, almost everyone remembers to include him in their comments and questions. Most people are really sweet about that - they just need a gentle reminder!)

Good luck with everything!

One thing I learned the hard way is chilren dont react well to change. I didnt do anything as drastic as moving to a new residence, but we had to change daycares on like a week notice and then he started preschool the next week. Needless to say it did not go well. My son knew something was up when he was meeting new people and going to different houses and boy did he start acting up. When we had to actually make the move from one day care to the next he went from being almost completly potty trained to back into diapers, and we have had to start the potty training process again. Generally for time outs they say to go by the age. So if she is 18 months do a minute and a half. When she turns two do it for two minutes. One thing that might help is start showing her where your moving to. Explain how shes gonna have more room to play, if possible show her her room. Let her pick how she wants it. Let her be in control of as much stuff about her as you can, because this is the reason they act out. They start feeling out of control so they start controling the stuff they can, for example going potty in the toilet. Now I dont mean control how you do things, just her room, maybe let her pick her clothes. Give her choices of what to eat at breakfast or lunch then she thinks she being in control of herself. I hope this long book helps...lol

The only thing I might add to everyone else's wonderful advice is to also purchase one or two books about moving. We just moved last month, on my son's second birthday. Usborne books and other brands have books for that age about moving....Just visit a bookstore and the clerk will direct you right to them. 5 weeks later, we are still reading them, and my son loves the fact that he knows what happened now, and can say, "We moved too, Mommy!" I believe it helped prepare him, and I refered to the characters in the book throughout the trying times just before the big day.
Good luck!

i think, even though she is young, the best thing would be to talk to her and explain what is going on, even if you don't think she'll understand. she's acting out because she knows somethings going on, but she doesnt know what and she feels left out. try to let her help a little. maybe she can help pack or unpack. anything she can do safely. as for timeouts. i'm still trying to perfect that myself, but from what i've seen on supernanny and other like shows, time out should be 1 minute per year of the childs age, regardless of what she did. good luck.

Hi Katherine.

We too, just moved and I just had a new baby too. Our 2 year old daughter definitely started acting out more. She had a difficult time with the packing too. I had to have her stay with Grandma while we packed. What worked best for my daughter was to hold her more. When she would cry and get fussy, I would simply stop to hold her and give her a hug. i know that is difficult to do with a pregnant tummy, but sit down and just hold her and let her know how special she is.

THis is going to be a trying time for you and your husband. Just try to understand that your daughter may be feeling insecure, so just try to focus on trying to make her feel secure. We put our daughter in time out and explained that her behavior was unacceptable. Follow through EVERY time - and as a mommy, I know this can be hard to do... But she needs to know with 100 percent accuracy what will happen if she acts out.

We talked about the big move constantly before we moved and pointed out things she'd like about the new house. After moving, we talked about the new family that lived there now and that they were taking cared of the house... We also drove by the old house a few times too. She just wanted to see it and I couldn't ignore her wants...

What we did when we got to our new house was have our daughter sleep in our room on a portable kids bed for a few nights. Then, when I had her room TOTALLY done, I put her in her room. (we put her room together first so she'd feel more secure and comfortable. WE felt that was SUPER important!) I let her continue to sleep on her portable blow up bed for a few nights in her own room. I let her pick out a new night light too. This seemed to work really well for her. I also left the hall light on for her until she felt secure in her new room and got used to sleeping "upstairs."

Good luck to you guys with your new little babies!! My advice for this is to try to do special things with your daughter after the twins are born; trips to the park,trips to the library, out for ice cream, etc. have your husband take ONLY her to run errands. This gives her some alone time with him -- also, if possible, try to spend alone time just you and her too, even if it is just to sneak away to a different room to read a few books... I know this is going to be super difficult to do with two new little babies, but that is what we did and it seems to have paid off...

Your daughter might be acting out more because of the new babies than from moving. My advise is include her in everything. Show her that she is going to be a big sister. Whe my secound child was born my first was just barely 2 and I took her the ultrasound appointments and bought her a baby. If it is about movin let her help pack some stuff make it into a game. AS for time use a timer tell her to sit down until the timer dings this usually helps a lot.

Whew!! My heart goes out to you. We spent our first night at our new house with our almosdt 2 year old last night. We had been at my aunts gigantic house with pool, horses and lots of room to roam for a month. I was pretty afraid of what would happen last night, but it was great!! to sleep at 8:30 and up at 7:30 in a big boy bed!!
We had posession of the new house for a week as we were getting settled and I brought him over every day for a bit to help get things set up and organized in "his" way. I think that helped a lot. I also had him in care or with my mom as I was unpacking so that he wasn't at my ankles, that helped too. L:ast night, he came to his new room all set up and unpacked and he was so happy.
I think talking about it a lot and letting your daughter choose things and help with what she can is important. We also recently started time outs...partly for my sanity and partly for him. We do a minute and a half and he has to stay in the chair and then apologize. It tooka few times, but now he gets it and I think he appreciates the time and space to compose himself.
Good luck, let me know how it goes!
E.

Hi..to start out breathe!! I just did this the whole month of may we were to be out of our place the end of may and just bought a condo the beginning of may. I have a two year old son and a sixth month old...the baby was a breeze. My two year whole other story. I started out by moving there stuff over into their new room i thought that would be smart seeing as thenm he would have stuff to play with. the problem I didnt forsee was then he would get upset when we left the new place and left all his toy there and went to the old and some what empty apt. He lost it everytime and i made the other mistake of not planning our big move until the second week into the month. So to combat this problem i got him as involved in the "moving process" as i could possibly stand. i let him lay newspaper down in boxes or pretend packing what little i did leave him as toys at the old place. I also let him help carry out small bags to our cars and the moving truck. We also just moved less then a mile from our old house too so i would explain to him inroute to either place what we were doing. He didnt quite get at first but by the time we were totally moved in he was fine. The acting out went away once he realized that i wasnt giving his stuff away. You should try and sway her temper when you see it starting let her know that it is ok to have these feeling but acting out on them it not. Let her know she will have a new room and her own new fun spaces to investigate! I hope this goes well/better for you and Congrats on the twins!! I think women are just so lucky and daring to take on twins! (i know we dont get to choose those things) I wish you a good delivery and safe move!!!!