Motivation

Hi Jenn,
Well i'm gonna give you a couple suggestions and a couple of thoughts.
1) don't sweat the small stuff, life is too short.
2) what doesn't get done today will be waiting for you tomorrow.

I would set up chores for the whole family to do, some everyday and some once a week. And if they don't help out GO ON STRIKE!!!!!
I would start with a list of things that need to be done and start with daily, weekly, monthly and then delegate these chores to each family member. For your 2 year old it could be bringing her dirty clothes to the laundry room or whatever in your case, making her bed (for a 2 y/o), picking up her toys and help putting her clothes away.

Here is what I have found that works...
if you don't want it, don't need it, don't use it, pitch it.

Walk in every room and go by this take a trash bag with you and get rid of stuff, have a garage sale, etc.

As far as the house cleaning I have found that if I do laundry every 2 days i'm able to stay up on it very well (sunday, wednesday) this works out pretty well because I usually have 3 loads on wednesday and 3-5 on sunday. I always start in the kitchen and clean it up first and then move to the dining room, living room and then hallway and then bathroom. My 15 y/o, 6 y/o, 3 y/o are responsible for cleaning their rooms

I have 4 children ages 15 y/o, 6 y/o, 3 y/o and a 7 month old. I have chores for my kids and they don't get a reward for it, they do it because they live here and it takes all of us to makes this house run. A friend of mine commented to me that I need a dishwasher, I told her no I don't I have 4 of them and when 1 leaves I have 3 others that will take over. This doesn't mean my kids do all the work around here while I sit on my butt, it just means that they have to be responsible for what they dirty, drag or use.
As far as your husband and kids go if you allow them to be this way then they will be this way until you put your foot down.
You can't expect them to do something if you don't expect them to do something. I don't know what more advice I could give so I hope something I said helped. W.

First have a heart to heart talk with your husband. Everyone has got to be on the same page and understanding. Your kids are old enough to help pitch in.

Start with one room at a time and declutter your life. If it is something that hasn't been used in a while, get rid of it. If's something that gets used once in awhile, store those items in a storage tub and get it out of the way. Declutter figurines, collectables, they just one more thing to clean.

Toys- This is going to sound harsh but keep one tub of toys out for each age group. Store another tub away and switch them out. Donate the rest of the toys.

Clothes/Closets- Go through them and donante any items you don't wear, fit. Don't have clothes that are "someday I'll wear it" if it hasn't been woren in the past year get rid of it. Don't forget the linen closet and bathroom drawers.
Don't allow junk drawers, get in the mind set of everything has it's place.

Remember tackle one room at a time.
This is how I keep up on my house. Each room has a cleaning day, that's the day it will get a deep clean. I move furniture, clean baseboards, walls get wiped down etc.
I spend 15 minutes a night going through the house and putting things away, doing this keeps that room's deep clean down to maybe 30 minutes.

The bathroom and kitchen are cleaned daily. After I get ready in the morning I do a quick wipe down with those Lyson wipes Once the clothes hampers are full I do laundry- Clothes are folded as soon as they are done.

You might be more motivated to clean when you have the help you need and the room doesn't look like a challenge to clean.

Also as far as the carpet. Maybe you can set up a house rule food/drinks have to stay off the carpet areas.

My son is five and he does the dusting, his room and vacuuming. It's just him and I and we do it together. We have races to see who can finish first.

I try to tackle the garage and basement on a monthly basis.

Best of luck!

I am right there with you, struggling, struggling, struggling.

I can't say I've got a handle on everything, but I am working at it and things are getting better. Here's a few things working for me.

1. I decided that I MUST HAVE THE KITCHEN CLEAN or I will go insane. Because we all live in these houses that connect the kitchen to a living space, the whole space HAS to be generally tidy because I have to look at it so often. I asked my spouse to help me with this ONE SPACE for right now, making an extra effort not to drop his stuff there (bad example for the kids) and not to let them leave stuff all over either. In exchange, I promised him I would be cheerier, less prone to nag, etc. To his credit, he is trying and the room is cleaner because of it. It was also the start of developing better "putting away" habits.

2. I refuse to cook in a dirty kitchen. If they trash the kitchen between meals, they wait for their next meal. This makes an impression because they get hungry and there have been plenty of times I haven't even started dinner yet because I'm still CLEANING THEIR MESSES.

3. One room at a time I am planning better ways to store things so we actually have places to put things away. I'm dumping or giving away things we really don't need, rearranging furniture, buying or scrounging organizers, cabinets, etc. This is a slow process, but it's coming along. I've worked on three mess areas so far, the laundry room, our master closet, and our "office." We actually splurged and put cabinets in the laundry, and I'm still trying to figure out what to put away where.

4. Hooks and shoe racks. We put up about six hooks per child (we have three kids 11, 8, 6) at levels the kids can reach. Backpacks, jackets, etc, all go on the hooks. I also put a little shoe rack in the hall where the kids come in from the garage (see it here: http://www.amazon.com/Cedar-Shoe-Rack-Set-2/dp/B0009LBV4Y..., and shoe trees in the bottom of their closets (see these here: http://www.amazon.com/Whitney-Design-2131-18-Pair-Revolvi.... The girls seem to think it's fun to load shoes onto the shoe tree, and they all were more or less easily trained to drop their shoes on the hall rack when they come in.

5. Cubbies. I picked up some cute plastic tubs at Lowes and the kids decorated them. When I trip over something, I throw it into their "cubby." When they need to put something away fast and don't want to take it upstairs, they may throw it into their cubby. When cubbies get too full, we dump the contents and put stuff where it belongs.

6. I put piles of stuff to go upstairs on the steps. The kids seem much more willing to grab something and take it up when they are headed that way than to stop what they are playing to take stuff up RIGHT NOW!

7. Kids DO NOT EAT ANYWHERE THERE'S CARPET. Period, end of story. In our house that means we eat ONLY at the kitchen table or out on the patio. If you have to break habits of carrying food to bedrooms, to the TV set, etc, I feel sorry for you, but it's worth it. Our carpet is much happier for it. Not to mention, it really keeps the food clutter in one room. Of course, this rule gets broken by the GROWN-UPS constantly (me included) but that's just a privilege of adulthood.

8. Lastly, in our house, there is an attitude problem. My spouse (a spoiled youngest child) is as bad as the kids. I have to chase him down to get his attention. In fact, he thinks I should chase him down ("just remind me till I do it" is what he says to me)! I have pulled him aside more than once to tell him I do not need a fourth kid, and that I resent that he wants me to nag and nag and nag and nag like I have to do the kids. I have to say, having this conversation calmly (if repeatedly) has made at least some impression, coupled with a question about what he would think if someone had to chase me down to, say, bring groceries into the house!

It helps to laugh, so here is a funny story. The ONE lightbulb over my sink went out, leaving me to do hair and make-up in the dark. Yes, I could have changed it myself, but this is "his job" so I didn't. I told him it was burned out about half a dozen times over the course of a week, but got no action. Finally, I climbed up and unscrewed just slightly both of the bulbs over HIS sink, leaving him in the dark. THAT moved him. By the end of the day, he was in the bathroom with bulbs. I was fortunate to have the pleasure of being in the room when he showed up with the bulbs. He climbed up on my sink first, and changed the bulb. As soon as he did, I climbed up on his and screwed both the bulbs back tight and turned the light on. Even he saw the humor in this.

Keep smiling ladies. A clean house is under that mess just waiting to be discovered!

You've gotten lots of great advice, so I'll try to keep my ideas short and sweet. :)

1) Your kids are all old even to help out, at the very least by picking up their toys. My 2 year old does this twice a day, with help from us. You said it's like pulling teeth to get them to help - any toys they don't pick up, put up out of reach for a certain period of time (day, week, whatever). They'll quickly learn to put away their toys if they want to play with them the next day. There's no yelling involved, just a simple, effective consequence. I bet you it will work.

2) I find that when everything is picked up, it's a lot easier to do the actual cleaning. Choose one room a day to focus on - bathroom, bedrooms, living room, etc. With a rotating schedule, your house will stay clean but you have the overwhelming of cleaning it all on the same day.

3) I second Fly Lady. You don't have to follow her program to a T, but she has tons of helpful hints!

4) I know how hard it is to get the husband on board with helping out. Maybe have a talk with him to see if there's at least one little thing that he would be willing to do on a consistent basis - like cleaning up after dinner - that would help keep things in order better.

I have been reading this book called Why Men Don't Understand and Women Need More Shoes and it talks about communication. (It's really good, I totally recommend it) It says to tell your kids what they need to do and if they don't do it what the consequence is. They gave an example of this mom kept trying to get her son to take out the trash and he would always forget so the house get smelly and she told him that everytime he forgot she was going to put the smelly trash in his room. He forgot and when he got ready to go to bed that night the trash was in his bed. Basically you have to set clear lines about what to do and what will happen when if it is not done. I am sure it will work on your kids, not too about your husband. LOL Be firm and consistent. As for your husband helping, try explaining to him that this is hard on you and it is setting a bad example for the kids. Just sit him and down and explain it to him, don't get mad or upset and have a talk about it. I hope this helped a little. Good luck with everything.

J.

Hi Jenn, I know it's not funny, but I had to smile because I have been EXACTLY where you are (probably worse!!). Rome wasn't built in a day, & getting your home & life will not either. Sign up for ____@____.com & jump in. Baby Steps!!!It will take a while to start but 15 min. a day with consistancy will work. I finally have most of my house & life organized & under control & still working on it. It has taken a year of starting & stopping but that's OK. My daughter just graduated from K State & has gone off to work & start her life in Dallas, so I'm an empty nester.So,Jenn, some advice....It's OK if things aren't perfect, relax & enjoy your little ones, they grow up TOO fast.Dust & Dishes can wait!! Good Luck & Best Regards, C.

Jenn
I am pretty sure you are having the same struggle that every mom has! I completely understand how you are feeling as I often feel the same way....only I have only 1 child and a husband so I can only imagine your world with 3 kids.
My best advice is to realize that getting frustrated with your husband and kids will only make them irritated also and less likely to WANT to help. You are obviously great at leading by example since you said you were the only one that picks up, so why not give your kids a small incentive. (i.e. make a chore flower for each of your daughters and cut petels with age appropriate chores on them. When they complete that chore they can add a petel and when they have a complete flower they get a reward).If you hold everyone accountable they will become acustomed to helping and you won't have to fight it anymore. As for your husband, just ask! I have spent many evenings cleaning our house just getting more frustrated as I go while my husband sits on the couch...but then I realized instead of waiting until I get so mad it turns into an argument and NOTHING gets done I just say "I need you to take out the trash" or "can you unload the dishwahser while I put away the laundry". It was never that he wasn't willign to help he just didn't know what I needed help with or if I even wanted hius help, since I like everythign done a certian way. Give up your ideal of perfection when it come to this. If your husband doesn't get things done exactly like you would have done them(and he won't) don't get made or frustrated just be happy that it got done at all, otherwise he will have no interest in helping if he knows they result will be negative.
Hope this helps!

You have kids. Messes are a part of life with children. I totally understand how you feel. I often get overwhelmed with my house due to shear size or health reasons. I started FlyLady a several years ago and when we bought our house it clicked all the more.

Once I was through the babysteps to declutter and moved into the zone work it was so much easier to maintain. A couple of rooms a week and I'm constantly amazed about how I can get things accomplished. I went one step farther. She has one night a week that she cleans her house--the usual--dusting, vacuuming, scrubbing and mopping. That's too much for me and well, it's not enough. So I took her zone approach and cranked it up a notch. I do the typical house cleaning one zone at a time,
Monday-Kitchen
Tuesday-Laundry room
Wednesday- one bathroom
Thursday- the other bathroom
Friday- the living room, office, crafting area since they're all in one
Saturday- the bedrooms.

here's where I get lucky-- My husband does the kitchen and gets the boys to help him do their rooms.

We also have clean up time for the livingroom and bedroom floor each night before bath time. Where all toys and dishes return to their rooms.

The only thing that I really can't do on the FlyLady.com system is only a load a day. I have more like 4 since my boys both wet their beds. Plus I don't have a dryer so I have to hang everything out.

This summer, I am hoping to institute zone work in the yard too. Now that my husband and I have healthcare I don't have to worry about the perils of poison ivy or rogue nature.

The key is a little bit at a time. Taking breaks to play between cleaning.

Your kids are young enough that if you institute house rules like no toys in the livingroom or for every toy that comes out one must be put away, they'll catch on quickly. Like Laundry, do you have a space to set out 3-4 buckets marking them Tops, bottoms, whites, and towels? my boys sort their own laundry daily and it never goes on the floor unless I'm looking for something like a t-ball uniform, with the exception of blankets that need washing. Here's an age appropriate chore chart: http://housekeeping.about.com/od/chorechart1/a/ageapprcho...
Get your kids in on the act right now.

I also watch Mission Organization on HGTV. It gives me practical organization tips so there aren't as many hotspots.

As for your husband helping, well that's probably a lost cause unless your willing to institute a reward system. See we do have one here due to my health. He knows that when I'm not so tired then he has more fun "behind closed doors." It also helps that his father taught him about equitiable division of labor way back when and his exes slovenly ways reinforced it.

Try www.flylady.net. She sends out daily e-mails that inspire you to set up simple daily routines to get you going on your housework. She'll tell you where to start and help you change your whole attitude about keeping a clean home. She also sends positive messages about being a strong, loving person. It helps me.

if someone gives you some good advice please pass it along to me i have the same exact problem.i hate looking at my messy house but i just cant get motivated to do anything about it. my husband works and goes to school so its just me and my 3 kids most of the time and the kids make a mess faster than i can keep it clean. my mother in law is a housekeeper and im about to break down and either pay her to clean my house or pay her to keep the kids while i clean the house but that brings it back to motiviation.i look forward to hearing from you A. armstrong

Dear Jenn, Here are some tips that worked for me.

First, give your kids chore lists...(Even your toddler can be helpful...my kids liked to empty the small trash cans into the big one every morning. Chore lists usually work until they're in highschool). Feed the animals, clean litter pans, empty trash, sweep kitchen, empty dishwasher, etc.) Things that are little enough that you can trust them with, and would help YOU get another task done. If a child empties the dishwasher, it's easier for you to load it back up.
Establish rewards & consequences. Rewards can be no only monetary, but also a whole week's worth of doing their chores & they get to have a friend over, go to the movies, go swimming, etc.

Second, DECLUTTER! Sound simple? I'm sure you have nick-knacks & things you enjoy, but if it's in the way, doesn't get used, takes up space, etc., time to either pack it away til your family is more responsible, or yardsale it. This way you can more easily organize...everything has a place, and everything in it's place.

Third, make one day a week the day the kids have to clean their rooms. No TV, etc., until they're done. Be firm, don't back down. Some days it takes my kids until dinner time to get their rooms clean. I make every Saturday their room cleaning day. Nothing fun happens until everyone has their rooms clean. Also, declutter their rooms. If they have a ton of toys, get rid of a bunch of them. Kids are actually happier with a few things, and there are fewer fights (ever been to an orphanage? We have..100 kids and less than one toy per kid...no fighting in 10 days! We came home and got rid of a bunch of our kids' things and...wow! fewer fights!)

Third, you may never get your husband to help you, BUT you can ask him to do things for you that will keep you on track, such as backing you up with the kids, helping you get rid of things that aren't necessary, maybe cooking dinner once a week to give you a break from the monotony.

I hope these suggestions help. I've been married 15 years and have three kids, it's a process, but you'll get it worked out eventually. I know, too, that having the right frame of mind is also helpful...rememinding myself that I don't have to be perfect, that my kids are happy, that even if my house is messy, my kids are healthy. :)

S.

flylady.net

This site really helps with how to get clutter free and keep it that way...Good Luck...hope this helps!

B.

Lots of great advice here. Per the stains, not only does eating on the carpet need to stop, look for stain removers or cleaners that have enzymes in them. A cheap alternative is vinegar. I keep a spray bottle full of plain white distilled vinegar for just this kind of thing. Mixing some Borax with it can help on the tougher stains.

As for your husband, mine is just as bad and just like another lady here, he's a spoiled youngest one. I am too but being a Mom made me get over it. He seemed to have some kind of strong objection to putting his dirty clothes in the hamper - the socks were the worst, he just left them on the floor. Sometimes he would start his own laundry, only to leave it in the dryer for me to fold or put away. If he was feeling especially industrious he would take it out of the dryer and put it in a basket. Then there were the late night snacks that left dirty dishes on the computer desk or coffee table. I tried all kinds of mature ways to communicate and a few funny ones too. What finally worked was the following immature behavior: The socks and boxers he was determined to leave on the floor got super glued into a pile that I (obviously) refused to take to the washer. His discovery was hysterical but I managed to tell him that since he seemed to think they were either floor art or a floor cushion, I thought they needed better cohesion. For the t-shirts he kept leaving in the dryer I turned them pink one day when I tossed in a wet, red tie-dyed dress I'd bought at a local fair. Oops, I was in a hurry. To stop him from just leaving laundered clothes in a basket I just started putting them back into the dirty clothes hamper. A few instances of hunting for clothes only to find them under all the dirty ones convinced him I meant business. For the dishes? I started serving his evening meal on the same salsa smeared plate he'd eaten his burrito off of the night before. He got the message REAL quick after all that.

Now I did not do all those things in one week, I wanted us to stay together after all. I just learned that at least with my man you need to give them very real very tangible reasons to obey you.

I am right there with you, but I have found a system that works for me - finally! First of all, I have a son who is almost 4 and a 2 1/2 year old daughter. My husband owns his own business, so is working many late hours. I had to realize that the reason why my kids kept strewing their toys about is that they have too many....... they could never seem to make up their mind on what they wanted to play with, so they would just get everything out. I had to train my kids (and myself) to let go of some of their toys, so 3 times a year (before b-days and christmas) we go through the toys and books and gather up gently used items for donations. That way other kids can enjoy the toys and I get to use the donations towards a tax write-off. I also have baskets that the toys go into and every night before bathtime, the kids have to help me pick the toys up. If they do not help, then I get to keep the toys for myself for a few days before they are willing to help again. This is also a good way to gauge what toys they really are no longer interested in for when it is time to do donations.
I have also had my kids help me clean their rooms and bathroom. every Saturday morning after breakfast, they have to help me clean, or no cartoons. It doesn't take long to do it too. I spray down the toilet, tub, and bathroom counter/sink. The kids race to see who can get their area dry fastest. While they are wiping, I vacuum. Then the kids do the same sort of thing dusting their furniture, while I sort their laundry. All the time I can monitor their worj and help them where needed.
Training the husband is another task and much harder than the kids........ but if my husband wants his laundry done, he helps me with the dishes and picking things up.

On the carpet stains, have you tried Spot Shot? I love this product. I have found that even if it cannot get all of the stains out, then I have a carpet cleaning company come in and after they have tried their treatments, while the carpet is still wet, I use the Spot Shot again. It has helped save me from having to replace my carpets in our house that we sold 7 months ago.

I feel your pain! Some days our house seems so messy but one thing that really helps me is to try to pick things up every single day either after dinner during the week or first thing on a weekend morning. I tell everyone we're going to need to do a "10 second tidy". We obviously spend more than 10 seconds but it's sort of a quick clean up. We all just run around the house putting things back where they belong, throwing away any junk or trash, straitening up bedrooms and maybe even throwing a load of wash in and making beds. The kids help and my husband will sort through the mail and I'll wipe down counter tops. It really only takes about 15 minutes but you wouldn't believe how much gets done when 3 or 4 people are all doing it at once. Even the six year old helps. And if everyone knows they're not going to have to spend hours cleaning their going to be more apt to help. Other quick tips to keep things organized is a magazine or catalog basket but the trick is you have to throw something away before you can put anything in the basket so it doesn't pile up. Same goes for an incoming mail basket. Also buy some of those windex or clorox wipes containers and keep them in the bathroom an kitchen and encourage your family to wipe the counters down every morning. And lastly, I know this is an expensive option but if you can find a cleaning service that is affordable for you and have them just come once or twice a month it makes such a HUGE difference in the general upkeep of the house. They will clean things like the ceiling fans and blinds and other detail work most people don't have time to do. Also remember, it's not worth the stress to worry too much about the house always being perfect and don't worry what the neighbors think because EVERYONE's house is messy sometimes. Take care and good luck!

Something that has really worked for me, is to thoroughly clean one room or two a day. Like Monday I clean the entry and living room by vacuuming, mopping, dusting, etc., Tuesday the bathrroms get done, and so on. The rest of the house is "picked-up" (toys put away, clothes in the laundry, etc.)once in the morning and then a again about an hour before my husband gets home everyday. Get some small colored laundry baskets or milk crates, one for each kid or person in the family, put their things in them when you're picking up and ask them to put those items away. Set a specific time for them to do this as well and reward the good behavior. It just gives you a since of accomplishment everyday and by the weekend you don't feel like you have to spend all day Saturday cleaning! Plus, I'll bet your husband would be more willing to help out (and more often)if he came home to a house that was at least somewhat in order. My husband is a perfectionist and when he comes home to a cluttered house he can't relax and that isn't good for anyone!

Be firm with your kids and your husband. Let them know exactly what you expect and lay out the consequences of not complying. You don't mess up the house all by yourself, you shouldn't have to clean it up all by yourself!

I would suggest the flylady book called Sink Reflections, it is very helpful and helps to break things down. Good Luck!

When I was growing up my parents had a huge dry erase board in the kitchen with a monthly calendar on it. Each day we alternated turns cleaning the kitchen after dinner, so I had to clean up dinner every 4th day. There were also specific chores assigned to each person (and I remember my dad's name being up there too!) for certain days of the week. For example, my dad had to mow the lawn each Saturday, my brother was assigned to take out the trash each Monday and feed the pets each morning, and I was in charge of folding the laundry one day and vacuuming another. My mom did most of the rest. But when we didn't do our chores for that day we weren't allowed privileges until they were done, whether it meant no playing outside or no TV, etc... I think it worked well because we saw that everyone was responsible for something and no one got away with being lazy. Maybe something like this could work for your family. Even your youngest could be assigned a chore such as picking up her toys and putting them in the toybox, my daughter is that age and she knows what I mean when I say "it's time to pick up!" Make sure to congratulate them when they do what they've been told and make a big deal out of how much they helped mom, kids like to feel like they've made a difference.