J.C.
Hi K.,
On one hand you have to remember the time era your mother-in-law is coming from and how she does not see the danger is some of the things she is allowing. Which then leads me to the other hand which is complete disregard to what rules you and your husband have set in your own home. No matter who she is, she is still caring for YOUR children in YOUR home!
Being a grandmother is a privilege and one that can be rightfully taken away. I am all for a little grandma spoiling here and there, but when I say no to something that it is not allowed, that goes for grandma too!!
You and your husband need to sit down with her, without the kids present and discuss with her your concerns. She needs to understand that you are not asking her to, or not to, do these things because you like rules or because you just don’t want them done, but because there are serious health and safety consequences. Putting a baby to bed with a plastic baggie is so scary to me…I would have flipped out on her!! And the fact that she didn’t know how it got there would concern me even more! Spell out to her what the rules are and why you have them in place. Even go so far as to ask her how she would feel if the baby suffocated on the plastic baggie that she felt so important to allow into her bed. Then give her some examples of things that could be allowed…like a snack of gram crackers and milk before brushing teeth and going to bed. Maybe she can be “grandma” and give them the crackers while on the couch…just ask her to then get out the dust buster when they are done. Spoil with an extra bedtime story, or if you normally don’t do juice or sweets, then when grandma comes put out a treat for the kids that grandma gives them after supper. You can even make that a regular thing that they will look forward to, like the sippy cup in the crib, but replace it with a Hershey kiss after dinner.
I hope that makes sense! There is nothing worse than having someone care for your kids who feel they have the right to free passage and no rules. She really needs to know though that these are your kids and no matter what the rules are they are the rules!!!
Good to hear too that your husband is on your side!! Good luck with this!