My mother-in-law is a great lady and she is staying with us for the 2 weeks my son needs for recovery from eye surgery. She cooks and cleans and does make our life easier except for when I try to spend time with him after work. They are always busy which can be good but how do I tell her hey I want to spend time with my son? I don't want to hurt her feelings but I need to spend time with him. In addition, I am also used to a time period of alone time because I'm an introvert at heart. Just 30 minutes is all I ask after I get home. I gather my strength that was to turn around and spend time with my son. Instead she grabs me for going through his toys and other things that we need to get rid of but that is not what I want to do with my time during the week. How do I say nicely that these are the things I need. Especially since I go to PT twice a week and it limits my time.
Well, thanks for the advice I guess it was just me wanting him to want me which is rare with grandma around but I do realize he doesn't see her that much through the year. I was being ungrateful. I didn't have to tell her anything. Last night she took herself out to relax and read a book in her room and gave the time to my husband and I and it worked out great! I almost wonder if she knew we felt that we were missing out with time for Tristan. I mainly wanted him to want me to play with him and he did. Again, thanks for the advice even though some of it was hard to take.
Just clearly state what you want and need. The world would run so much smoother if we all stopped dancing around issues and just say openly and honestly what we feel.
It's just 2 weeks. Let her help while she is there, and you'll have your time back when she's gone. She's just trying to be as helpful as possible.
When you get home and MIL wants you to do something, tell her "That's a great idea! Let's do that once I've had my one-on-one time with my best little guy here!" Then take your boy to another room and be alone with him. THEN spend some time with HER (she's been home all day with a child, she could probably use some grown-up conversation). If that doesn't work, just remember, she's doing you a huge favor, so just for 2 weeks maybe you could let it slide and deal with it?
Since she is only there for 2 weeks, helping your family out, I say suck it up. Its 2 weeks! Besides, think of all the things she's helping you accomplish around your house that otherwise would have remained undone. Lucky you to have such a helpful MIL.
You say she is a great lady, so treat her like one. Just sit down with a cup of coffee (tea or whatever) and explain to her how you feel. She is busting her butt to be helpful, so give her the courtesy of treating her like you would like to be treated.
How do you do it nicely? You don't know how?
Are you really complaining. She is there for 2 weeks.
I would tread lightly. It is only for two weeks and it sounds like she is very helpful. You may offend her if you say anything and next time she may not be there to help.
The best way to "tell" her is to ASK for her help. Tell her how much you appreciate what she's doing for you, that this time has been extra stressful. Ask her if she can help you make a bubble of time for yourself and for both you and your son when you get home to wind down from the day and re-connect. Tell her it'll help you be more energizes so you can work with her to tackle the projects that you want to work on with her together. Hope that helps a little.
I would be gracious, grateful and thankful EVERY second. It is ONLY 2 weeks. Her intentions are clearly to be helpful to you and for your son.
I recommend you take a new look at the alone time you need: you say you work, so driving to and form work (without kids) is alone time in my book. Sit an extra 10 or 15 minutes in the car before going into work or when getting into the car. Excuse yourself for an extra 10 minutes at work in the bathroom or at home to spend alone time, GUYS do it all the time, so can we as women.
Offer your MIL some alone time out one evening. Maybe she is exhausted from working all day too.
And PT, for sure, you can find alone time before or after that appointment while you change and get ready.
I have never in my married, mothering life had help from my either side of our selfish families, so it always baffles me when others take it for granted. Imagine if you can doing this all alone. You would have had to take time off of work, juggle schedules....you would have had plenty of alone time - alone tending to your son's post-op condition.
Please be thankful.
I agree with the other advice you've received. This woman is probably falling all over herself trying to help, but she can't read your mind unless you say what you need.
Remember to use the magic word "AND." It really helps to show that you've considered her effort/good intentions before stating your needs. As in, "Mom, I can't tell you how helpful you've been. What a whirlwind of assistance and good ideas you've brought into my son's recovery. AND I really hope you'll leave me the time and space I need with him when I get home. How about half an hour with my boy, then I'll be able to connect with you on your proposals."
If she doesn't get it on the first try, you can just repeat more briefly, "Mom, I hear what you want to do. AND I need some time with Bobby first." That isn't rude or disrespectful, it's just honoring your own needs. I doubt that it will cause her a problem.
Have your husband take out out to a great dinner a couple times a week. Let him deal with it. She gets rewarded, gets her own son time, and you get your time. I would not bring any of these issues up that you are having. She thinks she is doing everything she can to help you....and who knows she might not wait to get home herself.
